A.N.: If anyone knows the artist who made the picture that I used for this one-shot, please let me know. I want to give the proper credit, but when I tried to search for the source and the artist, it lead to a dead end. :/
FYI, I don't ship AkuSai, but I've always wondered what a reconciliation between Isa and Lea would be like, post-all the stuff in Kingdom Hearts...plus I'm a sucker for angst, so...I wrote this. You're welcome and enjoy.
It was over. Finally. Over.
He inhaled until his lungs were full; then exhaled-a brief ache in his chest caused a hitch in his breath. Overcome with unbearable relief-his muscles trembled, and he could hardly still his shaking. The freedom was unbelievable. Freedom from the darkness. Freedom from Xehanort's control.
His heart, newly returned to him, raced. It pounded so hard that when he stilled himself, it rocked his entire body rhythmithically.
His mind was his own again, and it was strange to taste the refreshing mist, feel the playful tickle of rain on his skin-with his own senses, instead of living a half-life with someone else's mind lodged into his.
Yet...
"You gonna say somethin' or what?"
There it was. That all-too familiar voice. Filled with expectation...and maybe a bit of disappointment? Isa was too exhausted to differentiate the tone.
He raised his head to acknowledge the fact that he'd heard the other man, but averted his eyes; opening his mouth to say something. Yet whatever meaningless, formless thoughts he'd conjured died before they reached his lips.
Trembling, he brought one knee up to push himself to standing, blue locks cascaded over his shoulders. He took a deep breath, trying to rid himself of the spinning feeling in his head, which threatened to shove him down onto the earth again, like an intense, magnetic pull.
Because of his weakened state, he couldn't bring himself to look at the other man, who had the intense, burning, reddish-orange hair. The color reminded Isa that Lea could choose to end him with that fiery vengeance-the same one represented in the style and hue of his hair-at any moment-yet those shining, blue-green eyes were unmoving, not betraying any emotion. It was the brightest color against the mute, monochrome, silvery-gray clouds looming above, shedding tears at the sight of their reunion. Whether they were joyful or sorrowed...Isa couldn't distinguish it.
A huff escaped the other's lips, "What, so after all this fighting...all this chasing, you're just going to say nothing? Not even a 'hey I'm sorry about all the trouble I've caused'?"
"What does it matter." Isa spat, apathy lacing his tongue. He noticed a sensation of something something tight and warm behind his eyes-one he didn't recognize from being numbed by nothingness for so long.
"What does it matter?!" The other demanded, reaching an abnormal pitch of anguish and anger-one that made Isa's chest clench. "It matters because you're back! You're not under Xehanort's control anymore, and that means you can be yourself again."
"No. I'm not. I...can't. Xehanort, he..." He found himself losing his balance as he stood-and fought to stay standing. He noticed that the other resisted a sudden urge to launch forward, hands in front of his body-as if Lea would have dashed toward him and caught him if he fainted.
I have to stay strong until I say what I have to say...
"I know. He...changed you." Lea took a small step back, averting his eyes and softly brought his brow together.
Now that Lea wasn't looking directly at him, a rush of bravery and boldness surged through Isa's heart, and with shoulder squared and chest out, he pronounced, "It wasn't just him. I also hated you for...what happened. How I...I," Right then, Isa could say no more, and just as quickly as his bravado had manifested; it vanished.
Memories of his intense jealousy, the times they met in the halls of the castle-both of them always carrying the regret and hurt of the past on their shoulders. Both feeling equally responsible and regret, but neither ever apologized for it. There was too much pride between them and neither was willing to admit to the mistakes they'd made. Isa remembered how much he hated Lea-and he was sure Lea hated him just as much. Every interaction was thick with bitterness, a rotted bond, toxic to the touch.
Of course, it didn't help matters in which Isa had the essence of one of the most evil men in all of history inside of his heart-threatening to take over and to become one of the thirteen vessels.
Yet deep down, past the darkness that Xehanort had injected into Isa, his younger self cried out.
His younger self was the boy who desired to reach out to Lea and tell him how sorry he was...for everything; and that he just wanted to be friends again.
He wanted to tell Lea how he missed the warmth, light, and laughter that his old friend brought to his life, and that the reason why he was so cross with Lea was because that light and warmth was being spent on those he deemed unworthy to bask in it.
It was childish thinking, but in his non-existent heart, Isa was still a young boy with hopes and dreams. Maybe that was the part that hurt the most-unfulfilled wishes and desires; snatched away by the Heartless and the darkness.
Now here he was-a Somebody: completed and whole again-and he had the opportunity to tell Lea exactly all of that, and yet...
Nothing came. It was too painful to speak about. Otherwise...that would be like admitting that he was wrong.
"Isa," Lea murmured. Isa still didn't look at him. "We...don't need to keep revisiting this. I mean...I dunno about you, but...I'm tired of living in the past. I just...I want..."
Apparently the words escaped Lea, too.
One of them had to say exactly how they felt-and Isa decided that it would be himself.
"I don't know if I can, Lea. Not after everything. Not after how I treated you, and...your other friends."
He couldn't help but smile to himself as he finally got up the courage to look into the face of Lea, "It was just like you, even when we weren't human. You...always picked up stray puppies. You were always like that, and I...I..." Dammit, not now!
Isa brought a wrist up to his eyes and quickly rubbed at them, remembering how this felt-and he wasn't going to start breaking down now. Not with all the momentum he'd gained so far.
"I just...missed you. You were spending all that time with those two, and I was...jealous, of how much you were smiling and laughing with them. I wanted to have that with you, but...I was blinded by the Organization's cause. Blinded by Xehanort."
It was all he could do not to start laughing and crying at once. He felt so stupid and vulnerable. Despite it all, he was unsure if Lea was going to accept his apology...if he could ever form the right words past the emotional rambling.
He cleared his throat, "I missed you," repeating the phrase, and attempted be stronger, but his strength was ebbing, "and I don't know...if you'll ever be able to forgive me."
A chuckle escaped his lungs-and he couldn't stop rubbing his eyes, which were now warm and wet, "I know that I used you. I mistreated you. I hated you."
He kept noticing his old friend opening his mouth to say something between every one of Isa's pauses, but Isa wouldn't let him say anything until he was done, "And...if you can't forgive me, then I would know that, once and for all, I made another mistake when it comes to you...to our...friendship." The word tasted cheap on his tongue, he almost felt like gagging. What kind of friend was he? He had no right to say such a tender word.
There was a brief silence, and in that silence, Isa attempted to regain his crumbling composure, yet he was losing the battle with his warring emotions ever so slowly.
"...Isa." Lea finally spoke, and Isa swore he could see something gleaming at the edges of the other's eyes as he offered him a bright smile, laced with understanding, "Ya know...you weren't the only one who was wrong."
Daring to look the other in the eyes, Isa narrowed his gaze, "What do you mean?" The question was honest-because he didn't know what Lea had done wrong. If anything, Isa was ready to accept all of the blame. After all, until now, he'd been on the wrong side.
Lea placed his hands in his pockets, and tapped his toes against the ground, turning a bit away from Isa as he replied softly, as if divulging a secret, "...After what happened, I...I figured you were gone for good. After we became Nobodies, you...changed." A hand met the back of his neck and he rubbed it gently as he continued, furrowing his brow, "And, to be honest, I gave up. I didn't want to see what you would become."
Isa couldn't reply. He was too stunned to hear Lea-who was normally too filled with pride to admit to anything-confess to being wrong. Especially regarding their broken bond, which-Isa realized, they both had contributed to.
Finally, Lea faced Isa more fully, taking his hands out of his pockets and raising them up in a slightly dramatic fashion; as he always did, and offered Isa the warmest smile that had ever crossed his lips; in these 10 or more years of struggling and fighting, "You always teased me about finding stray puppies, but, Isa..." He stared at him right in the eyes, which seemed to be searching for Isa's soul, "even the most stray of puppies can find their home again."
"...What?" Confused by the phrase for only a moment, then realizing it's weight and signficance, Isa's breath hitched in his throat, and his heart came to a screeching halt.
That's right...I'm the most lost of them all.
Before he realized it, Lea had brought Isa, the blue haired, once dark, stray puppy, into his arms.
Isa froze, unable to register the fact that the one who he'd hated and loved in equal measure was now embracing and accepting him. Despite all of their hardships and heartaches-he could feel that something had changed between them.
"I forgive you, Isa." Lea's breath was warm against Isa's neck, which made Isa tremble. He'd forgotten what it was like to touch someone you were fond of-especially one you had held so close to your heart for so long.
He couldn't stop himself as his eyes filled past the brim of his eyelids with warm, salty, heartaching tears, and he threw his arms around his old friend, burying his face into the other's shoulder. The response from Lea was only to hold Isa tighter to himself-and if Isa listened, he thought he heard a few sniffles that weren't his own.
Regardless, Isa's returned heart was filling with all of the fondness he'd forgotten, and mustered itself back into its rightful place within himself for Lea.
While they embraced, the sun had emerged through the clouds and warmed their bodies, the rain had slowed to a stop, and a small breeze had picked up.
Like the thawing of the ice and the promise of a fresh spring, the warmth and light that Isa had been aching for had finally returned to his life.
And he swore to never let Lea go again.
