~~~Chapter 1~~~

I wake up from a nightmare, where muttations try to eat Prim. Prim is dead I remember. She has been gone for a while now. I wish Peeta were here to comfort me but I know I'm not allowed to ask for that. I do not deserve 'happiness'. A lot of people died because of me. Rue, Glimmer, Marvel, Cato, Beete, Finnick, and many others all because of me. My sister Prim is dead, my best friend Gale abandoned me, and my mother left. I don't deserve anything especially, happiness.

I try to fall back asleep, as tears run down my cheek. I try to remember the things that happened earlier this week; it changed my life a lot.

Peeta had returned to District Twelve. He had brought Primroses and planted them along side of my house in Victor's Village. He came back, but for what? Does he still believe there's a chance for, us? Why would he return, his whole family died in the bombing, while we were in the Quarter Quell. He has nothing left, except for me and Haymitch. He only has us left, of course he would come, does he think we might become something. I admit I liked some of the kisses that we shared. I remember the feeling I felt when we kissed in the beach during the Quarter Quell. Does he still love me? I don't know why I would care; I'm never going to get married anyways. Why would he anyways, I've caused him so much pain I can't even bare to look at him for longer than a minute. He's not the Peeta I loved, he's now hijacked. He'll probably want to kill me now. And it's my fault as well. I can't stop feeling guilty for all I've done to him.

I admit I have missed him. I have many questions to ask him but don't know what to ask him when I see him. I have been ignoring him, for some reason. After hours of thinking I drift off to sleep.

I wake up and see bright blue eyes staring at me. "Peeta", I say. His eyes have lost the cloudiness they had when he was hijacked back in the capitol. His blonde hair is in curls. A smile creeps on my face. "Good morning, Katniss, I made breakfast", he tells me. "Thanks", is all I tell him. I want to ask him a lot of questions but I don't know where to start. I walk into the bathroom to take a shower instead.

He's really here! I don't know why but I feel happy. He's been waking me up all week, it's the only reason I get up. I get out of the shower and change into an orange shirt and blue jeans. I brush my hair and place it in to a braid. Plutartch had sent me some type of cream that would help get rid of my burnt scars. I apply the sweet smelling cream on my face, arms and legs. I walk down stairs to the kitchen and find Peeta taking cheese buns out of the oven.

"Hey", I tell Peeta, getting his attention. "Hey", he replies with a grin. We eat and I can't ask him anything. We're quiet, until he breaks the silence. "Katniss", he says wanting me to assure him I'm listening. "Yes", I reply. "You have nightmares every night. Real or not real?", he asks. "Real", I reply with a sigh. "I would sleep with you to help your nightmares go away? Real or not real?", he asks. "Real", I say, feeling guilty, I've been so selfish all these years. He always thought of me before himself, while I always thought about no one but myself. I feel shame, I don't know what to say, I stare at my food, not bothering to eat it.

"Why did you come back?", I ask defensively. "District Twelve is my home, and I wanted to see if it was really bombed", he says, the pain visible in his tone. His parents died in the bombing because of me, he lost his family. I burst into tears, "I'm sorry", I choke. "For what?", he asks, trying to comfort me. "For everything! Your hijacking, and all the pain I gave you! You gave me everything, while I didn't give you anything in return I can't even stand seeing you like this!", I say half crying, half yelling. I can't stand to look at him any longer so I run to my room. I shut the door and hide under the covers of my bed.

Tears run down my face. I want to be left alone. It's all my fault, I think. I start to cry again. It's a miracle I'm even alive, I wish I had died with Prim. Prim, why did she have to leave me. I remember how a couple of days ago I was crying with her cat, Buttercup. Sometimes I lock myself in Prim's old room just to remember her. Sometimes I can't stand being in her room with all her memories, I don't dare to throw any of her things away. I would never want to forget her, maybe if I just kill myself I will see her again.

There's nothing left for me here. Greasy Sae and her granddaughter visit me every day to make sure I eat. Why can't they just let me be, it would be better for everyone if I just died. Everything I once loved is gone. Peeta, I think. He will probably never be the same again anyways, he will probably try to kill me anyways.

I hear a knock on my door, it's probably Peeta. I don't want to see him, he's a reminder of the pain I have caused. "Go away Peeta", I scream. "It's Haymitch", I hear Haymitch say. I crawl out of bed and open the door. Haymitch walks in, "what happened?", he asks angrily. "I can't stand seeing him like this! I've destroyed him and it's all my fault", I shout crying. I start to cry harder now. " You screwed up this time, he thought you hated him and he's packing his things to leave the district", says Haymitch.