You Don't Miss Your Water ('Til the Well Runs Dry)

Summary: Addison leaves Derek. AdDek.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. Only the plot is mine.

AN: Thanks to my lovely beta. You rock on so many levels! hugs

There is a part two, its nearly finished. However,I found out two days ago that a close friend of mine passed away and I need some time to deal with that. So, part two of this will be delayed for a little bit.


The alarm went off at 7 am. Yawning, Derek rubbed the sleep from his eyes and tried to figure out why it felt like something was wrong, or maybe even missing.

He shot straight up in bed as he called out "Addison?"

Not hearing a reply, he got out of bed, dressed quickly and ran outside. He came to a stop when he saw Addison trying to fit the last of her suitcases and boxes into her car. She was really leaving him, and it wasn't in a fit off anger or jealousy. She had made this decision after spending months in his arms and not seeing any fruits brought to labor of his declarations of 'working on it.' Derek had no idea what prompted her decision other than the fact that she was tired of him not seeing or thinking of her. Ironically, since she had told him off her decision the day before, she had been the only thing on his mind.

"Addie?" Derek called.

Addison turned and smiled sadly at him, "Yeah?"

"Are you really going to do this?" Derek said as he made his way over to her, "Seriously?"

Derek saw shiny tears in her red rimmed eyes as she answered, "I have to, Derek. One of us had to make a move. I've been patient and I've been waiting for you to actually see me again. And I found out that I want you to see me all the time, not just once in awhile. But I can't just stay here forever, hoping that the day will come when you'll finally see me full time."

'Oh, Addie," Derek said sadly as he pulled his wife into one last hug.

"God, Derek. I love you so much and I want you to be happy," Addison whispered in his ear as his arms tightened around her.

"Just so we're clear. You leaving me does not make me happy, Addie," Derek whispered back fiercely, "But you staying would make me deliriously happy."

Addison laughed softly through her tears, "But I couldn't be happy if I wasn't the most vital part of your life. And we both know that I wouldn't be."

"Will you at least keep in touch?" Derek said as he buried his nose in his wife's hair as the lump in his throat threatened to choke him.

"I don't think I can," Addison whispered as her tears cascaded down her cheeks, "How can we both move on if we're holding on to the past?"

Derek cupped his wife's face, his thumbs wiping away her tears, "Just so you know. You are the love of my life, and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier. Now go before I throw you over my shoulder and keep you, willing or not."

"Ok," Addison whispered before pressing a long hard kiss to her soon to be former husband's lips, "Be happy!" before she turned and ran to her car. Addison opened the car door and turned one last time to Derek, giving him a sad smile and half-hearted wave.

"Be happy," Derek whispered waving as he watched the tail lights get further and further away. He stood outside for another fifteen minutes, hoping against all hope that Addison would come back. When it became clear that she wouldn't change her mind he headed back inside. He grabbed his cell phone and called Richard.

"Hello? Richard? This is Derek."

"Hello Derek," Richard yawned.

"I can't come in today," Derek said quietly as he crawled back into their bed. The sheets still smelled slightly of his wife's perfume and a last night of passion.

"I know. Addison cleared it with me last night that Dr. Greene would be covering for you for a few days," Richard said in between yawns.

Derek took a shakily breath as he listened to Richard's words. "She left me, Richard. She said she was tired of waiting for me to notice her," Derek managed to mumble around the big lump in his throat, "What am I going to do now?"

"Derek" Richard started to say, "do you need me to come over?'

Derek swallowed hard several times before answering, "No. I just need to get away. I'll call you in a few days," before disconnecting the call.

Derek angrily wiped at the tears that had started to fall as he grabbed a bag out of the closet and started randomly shoving stuff into it. He paused when he saw Addison's wedding rings on the kitchen table before he gathered them and shoved them in his pocket. He locked the trailer before he threw the bag in the back of his jeep. As he settled down into the seat he noticed a paper bad on the passenger seat. Puzzled, he reached for it and peered inside. His eyes widened as he saw a snack items and a note in Addison's handwriting. He stifled a sob as he read, ' So, you don't fall asleep at the wheel.'
--

With one last look at Derek in the rearview mirror, Addison tried to keep her tears at bay as she drove to the ferry. Finally, when she sat in her car waiting for it to dock, she leaned her head against the steering wheel and just bawled. A car honk behind her pulled her out of her heartache, alerting her that she needed to move her car onto the ferry. Addison just sat in her car wiping futilely at her tears before getting out and grabbed an old leather coat of Derek's out of the backseat. She pulled it on as she walked to the railing of the ferry boat. She stared out over the water, as she gathered the soft worn coat tighter around her, inhaling its smell. She took a tissue out of her pocket and wiped her eyes before she grabbed on to the railing with one hand, while her other was resting lightly on her stomach.

"We can do this, its better this way. Good bye, beloved," Addison whispered out over the water as she rubbed her achingly bare ring finger.

After Derek had gotten his emotions back under control he drove for many hours, only stopping for gas and bathroom breaks. The sun had just gone down when the day's troubles and heartaches finally caught up to Derek. He tiredly rubbed his eyes when he saw double for a second, realizing that he needed to stop. He took the next exit and pulled up at the nearest motel. After checking in and finding his room, he finally allowed himself to open again the bag of snacks his wife had packed him. Derek frowned as he saw that a few of the items were wet. It took a moment for him to realize that it was the tears running down his face that was making them wet. He collapsed on the bed exhausted, finally allowing himself to grief for what he had lost, for the mistakes made.

The shrill ring of his cell phone ripped Derek out of a lovely dream about Addison. It took a second for him to realize what had woken him. He frantically, reached for his cell phone, hoping that it was Addison.

"Hello?" Derek asked hopeful.

"Derek?" a woman's voice asked.

"Mom?" Derek replied.

"What's going on, honey? We came home to find a message from Addison asking us to call you," Derek's mother replied as Derek heard his father in the background.

Derek closed his eyes as he admitted, "She's gone. She left me."

"Oh! Honey!" His mother exclaimed, "Are you okay? Of course you're not okay….Do you want to come down for a visit?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed sadly as he realized that Addison thought enough of him to have arranged for him to have someone to talk to, "I'll be there in a few days, okay?"

As Derek ended his call, he realized that the only thing that even vaguely helped when he missed his wife was liquor. He called the front desk and was informed that there was a bar just a few doors down.

Derek paused as the smell of the cigar smoke reached him, taking in the shabby looking bar. The air was a thick fog smelling of alcohol and cigar and cigarette smoke that clung to him as he took a seat at the bar. Many shots of tequila later, Derek made his way back to his room, alone but not for the lack of offers. As he collapsed in bed to sleep off the alcohol, his last thoughts were of a smiling red head.

A depressingly sober Derek lay on his bed, hands folded on his chest, staring unseeing at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise. The idea of sleep had long fled in the early hours of pre-dawn, even all alcohol he had consumed the night before had not been enough to knock him out long. He closed his eyes, remembering the way she felt, the way she tasted, her warmth surrounding him as they made love. And it had been making love. Derek had given everything he had to her that during their last time together. At the thought of never being with her again, he had been unable to keep his tightly controlled emotions in check. He hoped she had felt his love in every touch, caress and whispered word. For the first time in a very long time, he had felt complete with her, and he wished that they could have stayed that way forever.

--

Her suitcases were at her feet, as an anxious Addison looked around the baggage claim as she waited for her ride. A smile lit up her face as she saw a flash of red hair making their way over to her.

"Addison," a tall redhead called before she threw her arms around Addison, "It's been so long."

Addison had tears in her eyes when they parted, "Allister! How are you? I've missed so much you."

Allister grinned as she teased, "Well, you wouldn't miss me so much if you visited your favorite sister more."

Addison laughed as she hugged her sister again.

"Is this everything?" Allister said picking up Addison's two suitcases, "How was your flight?"

The sun was setting. Derek barely acknowledged the fading light as he sat in his parents' backyard. He hadn't even noticed when the water from the sprinklers started to drench the bottom of his pants. Every once in a while Derek would lift the glass of scotch to his lips, while his other hand Derek absently caressed Addison's wedding rings. His attention was riveted on the photo laying on the table next to a nearly empty bottle of scotch. Tears obstructed his sight as he gazed at his favorite photo of them together. It had been taken nearly thirteen years ago, at the beach. Sav had snapped a photo of Derek giving Addison a piggy back ride. Addison's hair had been longer, her head was thrown back, laughing when Derek had started to kiss up her left arm. He was so lost in his memories and heartache, that he hadn't even realized when his mother had taken him by the hand and guided him to bed.

Later that week, Derek's eyes were narrowed as he beheld his foe. He had been glaring at his opponent for the past hour. He just couldn't even bring himself to look through the divorce papers, let alone make himself sign them. They had arrived by Fed Ex at his parents house three days after he had stumbled home heartbroken. That had been a week ago.

He had spent the first few days after receiving the divorce papers wobbling between anger and despair. He allowed his parents' presence to soothe his hurt and angry ego, their cryptic advice of 'You already know what to do' sounded eerily like Dr. Bailey.

It took a while but he had finally admitted to himself what his heart already knew to be true. Derek had his moment of clarity when he found himself with his head bowed because he had been unable to look himself in the eye. His eyes were squeezed shut trying to stop the tears, hands braced upon the bathroom counter, his chin trembling from holding in his sobs. The tears fell anyway as he acknowledged that he was in love with Addison and it took her leaving him for him to realize that waking up next to Addison, even when they were fighting, was what made his life worth living. He wanted to grow old and wrinkly with her.

Sighing, Derek flipped open the divorce papers to the page that he needed to sign. His tiny shred of hope that Addison would change her mind grew when he noticed that she had yet to sign the divorce papers. For the first time in days, Derek smiled faintly.

"Hello, its Derek. I need a favor," Derek said when the phone was picked up.
The following conversation was short.

A week later, after many bribes, calling in of favors, and even some begging Derek found out that Addison was not employed at any of the major hospitals in the USA. He even went as far as to call a few of his colleagues in Canada. She hadn't taken a job there either. Puzzled, Derek sat on the couch contemplating his next move.

His father settled down next to him as he suggested, "What about trying her lawyer? He has to know where she is. If you contest a part of the divorce papers wouldn't you both have to meet to discuss it?"

"Dad, you're a genius," Derek said reaching for his cell phone.

--

"Are you ready?" Allister asked Addison as they paused outside the Care Home.

Addison nodded as she followed her little sister down the corridors. She took as deep breath before entering the room after Allister. Tears sprang to her eyes as she took in the pale, thin figure in the bed.

"Hello, Mum," Addison said dropping a kiss in her mother's forehead, "I'm sorry I haven't visited you more often in the past few years."

Allister smiled as she interrupted, "I'm going to check in on some patients. I'll be back in about two hours, okay?"

Addison nodded before taking her comatose mother's hand. She spent the next two hours just telling her mother about her life and about the recent occurrences.

When Allister came back just over two hours later, she found Addison's tear streaked face laying next to their mother's hand on the bed. She smiled at the sight before waking her sister.

When they finally made it home, it was nearly dark.

"This is nice," Addison said as she paused to admire her sister's flat, "Which one is Evander's?"

Allister pointed to a flat on the left, "That's Evander's. The flat on the other side just went on sale two days ago."

When they entered the flat Addison was surprised to see a flash heading towards Allister. Her sister just laughed as she scooped up the child throwing itself into her arms. A tall dark haired man followed.

Addison dropped her stuff as she threw herself into his arms, "Evander!" before bursting into tears.

"Addison, don't cry," Evander whispered as he tried to console his sister, "Want me to go and beat him up?"

Addison laughed weakly as her brother handed her some tissues. After wiping her eyes she turned to look at her nephew.

"Addison, you remember my son, Emerson, don't you?" Allister said smiling softly as she dropped a kiss on her son's forehead, "Emerson, this is your Aunt Addie."

After Derek had finally spoken with his lawyer, he decided it was time to head back to Seattle. He left his parents' house in better shape than when he arrived. For the first time since watching Addison leave, Derek had hope that a better ending was in store for the Addison & Derek story.

Derek paused as he entered their trailer, he swallowed hard before continuing. His eyes glazed over as various memories of Addison doing the most mundane things flashed through his mind. He nearly broke down when he saw that their bed was still unmade, his wife's perfume faintly clinging to the rumpled sheets. Remnants of that one last night of passion. Derek closed his eyes as his hand dug into his pocket to briefly touch Addison's wedding rings, before he grabbed his bag and left to go stay in a hotel.

Three weeks after watching his wife leave him, a tired looking Dr. Derek Shepherd walked into Seattle Grace Hospital. The gossip mills worked overtime speculating on the absence of the She-Shepherd, McDreamy's haggard appearance, and the shiny gold ring that gleamed on his left hand.

Derek was amazed at how many people at the hospital came up to ask him where Addison was, from scrub nurses to Burke, even his 'friend' Meredith. He fended off all queries by saying that Addison was off visiting family for the unforeseen future.

It was a Wednesday afternoon, Derek had just finished a surgery and he was checking his voice mail, hoping for a message from Addison. Instead he had a message from his lawyer informing him that Addison and her lawyer would agree to meeting to discuss and finalize the divorce papers. And would Friday at 9 am be a good time for him?