Merry couldn't sleep.
He missed his friends. He missed Pippin. There was nothing worse than the dreadful, depressing feeling that he would never see his precious little cousin again. The quest had hurt everyone in some way, either physically or mentally, and even though Merry had gained several painful injuries the worse hurt of all was the torture of not knowing whether he would ever lay eyes on Pippin again.
The past few days had been a nightmare. He had no idea where Pippin was in the world, what he was doing or who he was with. For all Merry knew he could be in grave danger. Something terrible could have happened to him. He could be in excruciating pain right now, or worse.
Merry closed his eyes tightly and shook his head, trying to get rid of the terrifying thoughts that entered his mind. The images of Pippin suffering were replaced with visions of the young hobbit smiling and laughing. Thinking about Pippin's cheerful, innocent smile made Merry's heart melt and he couldn't help letting out a quiet whimper.
He sighed as he remembered Pippin's earthy, green eyes, his little pointed nose and those perfect, pink lips. Oh, how he longed to press his lips against Pippin's, run his hand through his cousin's golden-brown curls, wrap his arms around his slight frame and whisper softly into his ear…
The thoughts weren't normal. They weren't right or acceptable in the slightest, yet Merry couldn't stop them from flooding his mind. He couldn't remember exactly when he started thinking about Pippin in this way, though it had got worse since they were parted. The agony of worrying about his poor little cousin's welfare mixed with the torment of Merry's forbidden thoughts was almost unbearable for the hobbit.
Almost.
The thoughts were endurable as long as Merry focused on keeping the positive images vividly in his mind. More pictures of a jolly young hobbit entered his head – Pippin dancing and giggling, his cheeks turning scarlet as he grinned mischievously, the young hobbit biting his lip and sheepishly looking down at the floor…
Merry stifled a groan.
He imagined Pippin standing so close to him that he could feel his hot breath on his neck. He imagined leaning in and kissing Pippin senseless. He heard Pippin's soft moans in his head as he fantasized about his young cousin, knowing that it was so, so wrong even though it felt so good.
He tried to stop the thoughts but he couldn't help but wonder what Pippin would look like in a number of obscene situations. He clenched his fists and swallowed, beads of hot sweat forming on his forehead.
Damn the curiosity of Brandybucks, he thought to himself as more images invaded his mind, cursing aloud when he realised just how much he wanted Pippin – how much he needed Pippin here with him now.
It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, and Merry didn't know what to do. Giving into temptation felt like betrayal to Pippin. His cousin was still technically a child, for goodness sake! But the need inside him was so great that he found himself in tears, trying to hold on for as long as he could but eventually it got too much for him.
He had to give in.
Oh, Meriadoc, you are a bad, bad hobbit.
