The first few times it happens Tamsin doesn't mind, because it feels promising in a way, like maybe if they fuck enough Tamsin can convince Bo to love her. And that's really all it is; fucking. It's never without passion of course, because Bo is a succubus and when it comes to sex she doesn't cut corners, but Tamsin can tell that Bo is just going through the motions. Tamsin knows that if Bo closes her eyes tight enough she can pretend that it's Lauren on top of her, panting in her ear, grasping so tightly to the back of her neck; it's such an easy part to play. When it's over Bo cries and Tamsin just holds her and whispers, "It's okay, I've got you", over and over again; it's not enough, it never will be.
Tamsin knows that Bo is using her in one way or another, but she tells herself that she has already risked so much for Bo, so why not risk her heart two? She tries not to notice the little things; like how Bo never looks her in the eye, and only kisses her to take her chi, and Tamsin gives it all to her, she likes the feeling afterward of being drained, exhausted for all the right (wrong) reasons. She likes reducing Bo to a gasping, shaking mess, she likes to watch it; a train wreck set to a symphony, she can't think of anything more beautiful.
And so she says it, "You're so beautiful", and Bo finally looks straight at her, and Tamsin thinks maybe she has finally broken through because there are tears in Bo's eyes.
But Bo just shakes her head, "Please don't talk".
And so Tamsin is left to wonder how she can still feel so empty even with Bo inside of her. She comes silently, her head in the crook of Bo's neck; she won't let her see her cry.
It goes on for too long, this meaningless, careless fucking. Tamsin always tells herself next time she will say no, she will put an end to it. But then she sees Bo, and even at her most disheveled Tamsin can only see this woman that was never supposed to be real, and after hundreds of years of looking for someone she never thought existed, she still has to do a double take every time Bo walks into a room. She didn't plan for any of this; and sometimes she has to remind herself that she isn't special. Because is there a single person in the world that, given the chance, would not fall in love with this walking contradiction of a woman?
Tamsin wants to be brave; she wants to live up to her Valkyrie name and take Bo for herself the way she took down armies in the Trojan War. But Bo doesn't want to be taken, at least not by her. Tamsin wonders if being brave and doing the right thing are the same, but even if they're not, why should is stop her?
So Tamsin does the wrong thing, (or maybe it's the brave thing, or maybe it's both), and while she's knuckle deep in Bo she catches her off guard with a deep, slow, passionate kiss and she takes her free hand, cups the side of Bo's face and says, "I love you".
Tamsin is expecting to be slapped and pushed away, she's expecting to be in trouble for making this about feelings, but instead, Bo pulls Tamsin against her so tightly that there isn't an inch of their naked bodies that isn't touching. Tamsin can feel Bo's tears, "Say it again", she's pleading.
Tamsin kisses Bo's cheek, "I love you", her eyes, "I love you", her forehead, "I love you", her lips, "I love you", and again, "I love you", until only echoes remain, and they lay their holding each other in an empty silence.
Tamsin knows she is still just filling a roll, just feeding Bo the medicine she needs, because Bo didn't say it back.
All of those 'I love you's' and Bo never says a single one back.
It's not enough, it never will be.
