The Spy Named Bob and How I Found Out What My Dad Kept In His Drawer

The Spy Named Bob and How I Found Out What My Dad Kept In His Drawer

Once upon a time I was walking in the forest. It was very dark, so I was just a little bit worried. It was about 12:00 midnight, I think, since my watch was a little off track. How was I able to see my watch? Well, it glows in the dark, which is really cool. But anyway. . . where was I? Oh yeah.

So I'm walking in the forest and all of a sudden a tree starts to glow. Like the idiot I am, I walk towards it. Then an alien popped out. Well, at least I think it was an alien. It looked like my grandmama. Except really fat… Well, my grandmama isn't Jenny Craig or anything, but she's reasonably thin. For a grandmama.

I am getting off the subject. So anyway, there I was, with a glowing tree and an alien!!! I said to the alien, "Um, klaatu barada niktu!" (Don't ask.)

To my surprise it said, "Janawash? Handenoog Flia gettia Smith Willie Dasu Pawincey?"

I guess it thought I was some ghetto Will Smith. Now that's stupid, because I am not ghetto, and there is no way I can ever pass for Will Smith. So I said, "Sorry, um, me no speeka Alienish. Me no, um, Smith Willie. Me Johnson Robbie."

"Aaaah, chie hunsa me no cara nothin. No importantissimus." Its' English was getting better! (Well, kind of.) I said, "Speak English already!"

So the alien said, "Geez, it's hard to get good help these days. Listen, Johnson, do you want to come with me on my ship?"

I said, "Whoa. Um, um, um, okay sure!" I stepped into the glowing tree.

But inside it was just a desk, a chair and a light-bulb. The alien punched a button and its skin melted. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled fearfully.

Then a secret agent stepped out of the remains. He had the whole MIB thing going. I wondered if he ever heard of the word, colors.

He said, "Listen Joynson. Your father's in the government. He has some very important information. So you need to get it. It is hidden in the drawer below his underwear drawer."

"But my dad told me never to go there!!"

"Your father covered the documents with rubber circles enclosed in plastic pink containers. They may have dust gathering on them. Praise whatever God you worship that your father has never used them. Sift through them. Go now."

"Who are you?"

"You may call me…hmm…Bob Jones."

"Okay Bobbie."

I was suddenly at my house. I went to the drawer, sifted through some…um…well, it begins with a c and that's all I'm saying. I found a bunch of papers covered in doodles of spaceships and junk. I guess there was some ultra-important governmental stuff beneath all the doodles. It had stuff like "SUPER ULTRA AMAZINGLY TOP SECRET DON'T READ STOP NOW TOTALLY CLASSIFIED" printed all over it.

I returned to the forest and gave Bob the papers. He said, "Aaah, the master plans!" pointing to the spaceship doodles instead of the top secret government info on the papers.

"Um, okay Bob, I gotta go."

"So be it. I have what I want."

The next day, I head tell in the newspapers of a huge spaceship that took off from Russia. I saw the picture. It looked like the doodle.

But was it?

THE END

P.S. At least I found out what my Dad kept in that drawer. The important stuff wasn't the government papers…