Author's note: This is the flip side of Atolm2000's "Call to Return" – it's Hakkai's side of the event. This takes place mere hours before we first see Hakkai and Hakuryuu driving through the fog in the first episode of Saiyuki. Yes, I know Hakuryuu's male, but I was convinced the little dragon was female for the first six DVDs, so I've decided to just go with that.
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and its characters are not mine, but I'd keep Hakuryuu if they'd let me.
Knocking in the door. Who the-? All the locals know that Gojyo will be in the tavern all night. I would have opened the door anyway out of courtesy, but now curiosity guides my hand.
"Cho G- er, Hakkai?"
The voice winces away from my name. The speaker is one of the highest-ranking priests from the temple, and his companions are of similar rank.
"Honored sirs!" I exclaim in surprise. "To what do I owe this unexpected visit?"
The speaker grimaces. "The Honored Genjo Sanzo has holed himself up in some run-down inn, and has been there for just over two weeks. He won't accept our messages or even speak with us. Perhaps we could persuade you to-"
I interrupt him with my raised hand. I don't know what may have set Sanzo off, or why these high-ranking visitors want him back at the temple, but I know Sanzo well enough to guess what he's been doing to his health these last two weeks.
"I will go," I say. My visitors sigh with relief and excuse themselves.
I close the door and find some paper. First, a note to my friend and roommate.
Gojyo – Sanzo's holed himself up somewhere again. I should return by tomorrow night, but I may be a few days. - Hakkai
Next, I jot down two lists of simple dishes that have worked before, in preparation for re-introducing Sanzo to food. I pack a change of clothes and some other items, and Hakuryuu and I are on the road within ten minutes.
When Hakuryuu and I arrive at Sanzo's current favorite inn, I spend a moment trying to identify which of the curtained windows may be his. Hakuryuu has driven through the night, so I leave her parked so she can rest and go inside.
I enter the common room, and a pretty young woman comes to greet me. It's early morning, and there are scattered guests eating breakfast.
"Welcome! Can I help you?"
I smile charmingly. "Good morning! I do hope you can help me. I'm looking for a friend, and I heard he was staying here."
The lady nods. "If you give me your friend's name, I'll go tell him you're here,"
"Ah, that would not be the best idea. He's not very cheerful in the mornings." I do my best to look apologetic.
The lady's face clouds with doubt. "I can't let you up without your friend's permission."
"You look to be a very kind person, miss," I say gently. "I'm sure you've seen the way my friend has been, and are concerned for him. Let me describe him. He's my age, about my height, blond hair, violet eyes, and has probably been drinking heavily for several days and eating sparingly, if at all."
Her face brightens in recognition, but the hesitation remains. "I still can't let you...he said..."
Part of me winces, wondering what sort of 'do not disturb' orders Sanzo came up with this time. "Please," I hold one hand up and gently interrupt her. "I'm very worried about his health."
She looks like she's about to protest again, when a familiar voice bemoans the lack of pancakes.
"Miss..." Goku wanders over. "Could I get some—Hey, Hakkai! When did you get here?"
"Just now," I tell him, smiling in greeting. "The temple sent me to check on Sanzo. Is he...?" I let the question trail off delicately.
Goku grimaces. "He's been in his room for three days. He won't talk to me at all!" There's more than just simple frustration in his voice; Goku's concerned, and that means this is not going to be pleasant.
The lady's face clears at Goku's acknowledgement of me. "My apologies, sir," she bows to me. "Is there anything I can do to help you with your friend?"
I smile my thanks at her and pull out the first list and a handful of coins. "Could you please prepare the foods on the first half of this list for me, and put them on a tray with a cover? Oh, and some more pancakes for Goku?"
"Wah! Hakkai, you're the best!" Goku beams at me.
The lady bobs her head in acknowledgement. "This will take a little bit of time to cook," she says.
"That's perfectly fine," I assure her. "Goku, while she's cooking, could you help me with some things?"
Goku nods, and the lady retreats to the kitchen. I direct Goku, and as quietly as possible we set up and fill the bathing tub in Sanzo's room. This is not a quiet task, and I'm certain Sanzo must have woken up, but he makes no motion or sound and I'm too distracted to check. He is sprawled under the covers, an unhealthy tinge and a week's worth of growth on his face. When we're done, I suggest to Goku that the nice lady might need some more firewood to do her cooking, and that by now I'm sure his pancakes are done. Goku looks hesitantly at Sanzo's still form, and I can almost see the protest forming on his lips.
"Oh, and Goku – it would be much appreciated if you could find what's on this list for me in town." The words are a sham; I don't need any supplies and Goku knows it. The list is all food items – some of them are things that I know Sanzo will eat, and the rest are for Goku.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll get it, dunno how long it'll take." Goku looks broodingly at Sanzo for a few more seconds, then fixes me with a pleading look. Please do something about this, his eyes beg.
I give him a reassuring smile and a handful of coins, making sure my fingers brush his for a second so that he knows that I'm not leaving until Sanzo has been restored to what passes for his normal state of health. Goku flashes me a grateful smile and dashes out of the room and down the stairs. Under cover of that racket I make sure Sanzo is actually asleep, then follow more quietly.
Sanzo's special breakfast is ready when I get down to the common room, and I bring the large, covered tray back up with me. It goes on a small table near the bed, and I seat myself in a straight-backed wooden chair to wait. I probably should have eaten something; I haven't eaten since dinner last night. Oh well, purging a body of alcohol and its residue is easy compared to even the simplest healing.
The chi I used to keep Sanzo unconscious has mostly worn off and although no visible sign betrays him, I know he is awake. I make a private bet with myself as to when Sanzo will give in, and then do my best to radiate patience and forgiveness, smiling as though I haven't a care in the world. I don't know specifically why Sanzo is abusing himself this time, but I know well enough what he's feeling. Right now, he wants to separate himself from the rest of the world, as though it would separate him from the tearing fear of being hurt, of harming where he wanted to help, of having hope dashed. Sanzo is running away from life.
The reason I am here, right now, is to beat Sanzo over the head with a reminder that these things he fears go both ways – that while he seeks to distance himself from those he fears to lose and thus prevent the possibility of being hurt . . . he is in fact hurting those who care about him as he pulls away from them. His actions have consequences; his life is not entirely his own. I am taking shameless advantage of the fact that he does not want to cause me any trouble, and reminding him that his well-being is a part of my own well-being. This little bit of emotional blackmail wouldn't work quite so well with anyone else but me, because it hinges on something very specific that once happened between us.
Sanzo dislikes most of his responsibilities, shirking Temple duties and those of his rank as often as possible, but there is one which he embraces and pursues with diligence. He knows that without his digging reminders that he is watching, I would abuse myself through starvation and self-mutilation, and I am using this knowledge and the accompanying guilt to pry Sanzo out of bed.
It should only take a few hours.
