A little late, I know, but the New Year inspired me to write down this story that's been in my head in some form for awhile now. Hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: all characters belong to Mikiyo Tsuda; I'm just borrowing them for awhile.
New Year's Wish
Despite the smoothness of the ride and the plush interior upholstery, Kiriya couldn't quite get comfortable in the back seat of the large luxury vehicle. It was the 27th of December, and not twenty minutes ago, at precisely 9:00 am, the black sedan had pulled up in front of the shabby apartment building where Kiriya and his siblings lived. Satou-san, the Izumi family's chauffeur, had courteously greeted him, calling him "Matsuoka-sama," as he held open the car door, and deftly placed the boy's small overnight bag into the spacious trunk. Kiriya rested his chin in his palm as he looked out at the passing scenery. It was about a hour's drive in total to the Izumi residence, Satou-san had informed him, which meant they should arrive in about forty-five minutes' time. When Tomoe had invited him for this two-day visit over winter break, Kiriya had said he'd be fine with taking the train. Tomoe, however, had insisted that Satou-san was more than happy to pick him up, and was, in fact, quite bored with sitting around since Tomoe's parents were out of the country, and there was no one else to ferry around. Kiriya's older brother Makito had agreed, feeling it would be safer this way too.
Kiriya was really looking forward to seeing his friend — not that it had been very many days since school let out — but the thought of Tomoe being alone in that huge house, especially at this time of year, made Kiriya sad. Apparently, Tomoe's mother had been vacationing in the south of France for the past month, and his father had decided to surprise his wife with a Christmas visit. The fact that Tomoe's father had not thought to bring along their only son spoke volumes to Kiriya. Kiriya recalled how Tomoe had cast his eyes downward when he had explained these circumstances and invited him for a visit, quickly adding that his parents had promised to be home for New Year's Eve. Kiriya stiffened a little as he remembered the blond boy's brave insistence that he would be fine at home alone for a few days, and silently wished that the ride would go faster.
"We're just approaching the house now, Matsuoka-sama," the elderly chauffeur announced. Kiriya recognized the entrance to the driveway, the gates of which were silently swinging open as they approached. The vehicle stopped near the front door, and Kiriya, unused to people waiting on him, opened the car door himself, gazing up at the formidable exterior of the Izumi household. He'd been here once before and clearly recalled the cold splendor of the place, which didn't feel like a home at all, despite, or perhaps because of, its size. That visit had convinced Kiriya that his friend had not meant to be at all patronizing when he insisted that the Matsuoka's tiny apartment felt much more welcoming to him than his own house.
"I'll bring your things, so please go inside, Matsuoka-sama. I'm sure the young master is eagerly awaiting you," Satou-san said, smiling kindly to Kiriya as he appeared beside him. "He's been talking about nothing but your visit since he arrived home."
Kiriya hadn't even had a chance to ring the bell when the front door was flung wide and Tomoe appeared, looking more than a little cheerful. He bounded outside like some large dog and engulfed the smaller boy in an enthusiastic hug. Kiriya, long since used to his friend's exuberance, returned the embrace readily.
"I'm so happy you came!" Tomoe greeted him. Kiriya, blushing a bit, added "Thank you for having me."
Kiriya once again took in the immaculately decorated western-style house, as he followed Tomoe up the wide, hard-wood staircase to the upper floor. His impression from his previous visit had not changed: the place really did feel more like a museum or an art gallery than a home. Tomoe, who had insisted on carrying Kiriya's bag, led him to a door at the end of a long hallway.
"There are several guest rooms," Tomoe said as he opened the door, "but I thought maybe you could stay in my room with me. I've laid out a futon on the floor for me — you can have my bed," he hastily added, looking to Kiriya a bit hesitantly for approval.
"Okay," the dark-haired boy answered, feeling that he might get a bit lonely sleeping alone in some guest room anyway.
"We can have lunch here, but I thought later on we could go out and do some fun things," Tomoe said. "There's a big arcade and games complex not too far away, and there are some really delicious restaurants right by it. Oh, and a movie theatre too, so I thought maybe you'd like to do that."
"Uh..." said Kiriya, already mentally adding up the costs.
"Don't worry," the blond boy quickly added, looking only slightly sheepish. "It'll be my treat. You wouldn't let me buy you a Christmas present or anything, but please let me do this. It makes me so happy that you came to see me, so please..."
Kiriya took one look at his friend's pleading expression and broke into a rueful smile: "Okay. Sounds like fun."
***
As soon as they had arrived at the arcade, Tomoe had quickly exchanged a good number of Yen notes for coins, and he and Kiriya had begun an afternoon of fun. Kiriya had, of course, been to smaller arcades before near his own home, but they were nothing like this. Nor had he ever not had to worry about how much money he was spending, a concern that quickly evaporated once Tomoe began excitedly pulling him around to try game after game. He had never been that good at any of the "shoot 'em up" games, but he had a surprising amount of fun in the rally cross simulator. The two of them had just spent a good hour at "Drum Master," a game where players have to follow complicated rhythms to popular songs, when Tomoe looked off to their right, his eyes glowing with enthusiasm.
"Come on, it's free!" the blond boy suddenly exclaimed as he pulled the slightly bewildered Kiriya along by the hand.
"Where are we going?" Kiriya asked, but his question was answered soon enough as Tomoe pushed him onto a platform labeled with four large arrows. "Oh no, this isn't..."
"Dance Dance Revolution!" Tomoe exclaimed. "Come on, we've got to play this one, Kiriya, it's so much fun. Don't worry, we'll play as a team!"
Kiriya could think of plenty of reasons why this was not a good idea, the foremost being the fact that he was sure that this game required a lot of coordination and skill, and he was doubtful that he possessed a sufficient quantity of either. However, one look at Tomoe's beaming face and he couldn't bear to refuse him. Tomoe's smile was infectious, and very hard to resist.
Of course, DDR was not entirely new to Kiriya. The game had been around since he was in elementary school, and Kiriya had watched others play it many times — in fact, crowds often gathered around really talented players. Tomoe, sensitive to his friend's newbie skill level, set the game on beginner and let Kiriya choose the first song. Plus, the fact that they were playing as a team meant that any missteps Kiriya might make didn't really matter that much, and soon the two of them were following the increasingly complex movements with ease.
Kiriya found himself smiling widely as he wiped the sweat from his brow and looked over at his friend, who was removing his zip up hoodie in favor of just the striped, short-sleeved T-shirt he wore beneath it. Tomoe's long, blond hair looked a bit wild now from all the exertion, and Kiriya had to admit that the other boy was much better at this than he would ever be, and in fact seemed to possess a natural grace and coordination that was only further set off by his long limbs and beautiful face, thrown back in happiness as he danced. There really was no wonder, Kiriya thought, that a sizable group of onlookers had started to gather, most of whom, he was sure, would be captivated by Tomoe. With that thought in mind, Kiriya missed the final few steps of the song — perhaps he was a bit captivated too.
With that, they ended their session and relinquished the platform to the next dancers, both smiling and breathing heavily as they cooled down from the workout. Just then, a pair of teenaged boys probably about their own age, who had been casually observing for the past twenty minutes or so, approached them.
"We've been watching you," the taller of the two suddenly said to the two friends. "You girls are pretty good. You want to go get some food with us?"
Kiriya and Tomoe looked at each other once before simultaneously offering their best Princess smiles to their would-be suitors. "We'll pass," they replied in unison as they walked off together, arms around each other's shoulders, still laughing.
***
It was late now, and they were back at Tomoe's house making a cup of tea before bed. After the arcade, they had ravenously consumed dinner at a Chinese buffet restaurant, followed by a movie at the theatre multiplex down the road. Tomoe had paid for everything, and Kiriya had let him, knowing how much fun his friend was having, and acknowledging that he himself was enjoying it just as much.
"You'd think we'd be used to it by now, but can you believe those guys?" Tomoe asked for the third time, as the two of them laughed again over the incident. He set the kettle to boil and placed some loose-leaf green tea into the teapot on the counter. Just then, the phone rang.
"It's kind of late. I wonder who that could be," Tomoe said, as he reached for the cordless phone on the counter.
"Otousan!" Kiriya could here Tomoe saying as he got up from the table and walked over to look out the large kitchen window overlooking the back garden, illuminated with a few security lights. He didn't mean to eavesdrop on the conversation, but he could hear Tomoe answering "hai" softly several times, before hanging up again. It appeared to have been a short conversation.
"Tomoe, is everything alright?" Kiriya asked, turning to look at the blond boy.
His friend's face looked pensive for a moment before he forced a quick smile. "It's fine. My dad was just calling to say that they won't be back for New Year's after all. I guess they've been invited to a special ball that night at the Louvre in Paris, and it would really be rude to turn down the invitation."
"Tomoe..."
"Anyway, it's no big deal," Tomoe replied, but his hands shook as he poured the tea.
***
Kiriya rinsed the last of the soap from his body, then lingered under the shower head, letting the warm water wash over him just a little longer. While the hot shower did relax him somewhat, he was in a pensive mood. They had had so much fun today, but all he could think of was that phone call, and the forced smile on his friend's face when he had told him that his parents would not be returning for New Year's after all. The Izumis had plenty of money, it was true, but the more Kiriya saw of his home life, the less he envied Tomoe's situation. It was funny: Tomoe was the taller one, the more out-going, the one who spoke more easily with others, and yet...Kiriya felt very protective of him right now. He hurried to dry himself and change into his pajamas.
As he entered the bedroom, he saw Tomoe adjusting the blankets on the futon he'd laid out for himself on the floor earlier.
Tomoe looked up at him. "Did you find everything you needed in the guest bathroom?"
"Yes," Kiriya answered. He wondered if Tomoe wanted to talk about it, but the other boy only suggested that they'd better get to sleep. As Kiriya pulled the feather duvet up over his shoulders, he heard his friend wish him goodnight.
"Oyasumi, Tomoe," he answered.
***
Kiriya woke in the darkness to a strange sound, and sat up in bed. He was a bit disoriented in the unfamiliar room, but soon remembered where he was. I'm at Tomoe's house, in Tomoe's bed, he thought. He was rubbing his eyes, his vision a little blurry without his glasses, when he heard it again: a faint whimpering sound, almost like the cry a small animal would make, but growing more distressed. Kiriya turned towards the sound and realized it was coming from Tomoe. Was he dreaming? A nightmare? Without stopping to think, Kiriya went to Tomoe's side and shook him gently, calling his name. Whatever he was seeing in his dreams held on to him, and it was a moment before Tomoe opened his eyes and looked up at him.
"Kiriya, what's wrong?" Tomoe asked, sleepily.
"You were making strange sounds in your sleep. I thought you were having a nightmare," the other boy answered.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Tomoe apologized. "It's just a dream I get sometimes. It shouldn't happen again tonight though, so don't worry. I'm sorry I disturbed you."
"What kind of dream?" Kiriya asked, not taking his hand from the other boy's shoulder.
"It's just a dream I've had since I was little. I'm not really sure if it is a dream, really, since I never remember any events in particular. It's just a sad feeling, a really lonely feeling. But I'm okay now, really. Thanks for waking me up."
Kiriya was not entirely convinced by Tomoe's attempt to reassure him, and made a quick decision.
"Come up here in the bed with me."
Tomoe protested that he didn't wish to disturb his friend any further, but was overcome by Kiriya's insistence. Nestled under the covers of the bed, Tomoe was soon asleep again, but Kiriya lay awake beside him, just looking at the other's face and listening to his deep, steady breathing. A lock of Tomoe's fair hair had fallen over his cheek, and Kiriya reached out hesitantly to brush it back. The other boy made a small sound at the touch, but did not wake. How could Tomoe's parents not want to be with their son, especially when he was so caring, and so beautiful? Kiriya continued to stroke the other boy's hair gently for some time, before falling into peaceful sleep himself.
***
When Kiriya awoke again, albeit a bit late, Tomoe was already downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast: warm muffins and croissants with fresh fruit. Kiriya was happy to see him in a cheerful mood.
"I guess this isn't really a Japanese breakfast," Tomoe said, "but I hope you like it."
"It looks delicious, thank you," the dark-haired boy responded, sitting down at the kitchen table where a place had been laid out for him.
"Tomoe," Kiriya said then, coming to a decision.
"Hmm?" the other replied, reaching over to top up Kiriya's tea.
"Come to my place...for New Year's Eve."
Tomoe looked surprised, and paused a moment before answering. "Thank you, really, but New Year's is a time to be with family, and I know how important it is for you to spend time alone with your brother and sister. You don't get to see them that often during school, and I already stole you away from them for this visit. I wouldn't want to intrude."
Kiriya thought about that for a minute. "But I'm going home today, right?" he reminded Tomoe. "My brother is off work starting today, and I'll have lots of time to spend with my family between now and then. Please...say you'll come for New Year's. I know my brother and sister would say the same thing."
Tomoe's face broke into a wide grin, and he wrapped his arms impulsively around his friend. "Then I'll come!"
Kiriya hugged him back just as tightly.
***
Although only late afternoon, it was getting dark already as the black sedan pulled onto the highway, on its way back to the Matsuoka's apartment. Kiriya, forehead leaning on the cool glass of the window, watched the lights of passing vehicles, lulled into a bit of a trance by the warm heat in the car and its smooth motion. The two friends had spent a relaxing day, just talking, and going for a long walk in the park near Tomoe's house. The weather had been cold but sunny, the light sparkling off the dusting of snow on the ground. Tomoe had seemed happy, and very excited about his own upcoming visit when he had hugged Kiriya goodbye in his usual enthusiastic manner. His hair had smelled fresh, with a faint citrusy scent...maybe vervain? Kiriya could still smell it now on himself...he must have used the same kind of shampoo last night. Kiriya closed his eyes.
He had slept so well with Tomoe next to him. Fortunately, Tomoe seemed to have done the same — Kiriya remembered the other boy's peaceful face, the gentle sound of his breathing, his warm breath on Kiriya's hand when he brought it close to his cheek. He remembered again the soft hair under his fingers, the smooth skin, the full lips, parted slightly. In his mind's eye, Kiriya brought his own face close to Tomoe's, breathed in the lemony scent of him, brushed lightly along his cheek, then pressed their lips together. He imagined the kiss, soft and warm and wonderful...imagined Tomoe stirring slightly, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him back. A fluttering sensation in his chest worked its way through Kiriya's body, to the tips of his fingers, the pit of his stomach, and lower...
"...nearly there now."
Kiriya jerked awake at the sound of a voice. "I'm sorry, Satou-san," he stuttered, "What did you say?"
"I said we'll be arriving at your home in just a few minutes, Matsuoka-sama," the driver answered, kindly. Kiriya merely nodded his head, still quite shocked at his own thoughts and the feelings they had stirred within him.
***
It was the 30th of December, and tomorrow Tomoe would arrive for New Year's Eve. Kiriya was in the small bedroom he shared with his older brother Makito, sorting through some school notes from junior high. It was a tradition to clean the home in preparation for the new year, which really didn't take that long for such a small apartment, but space was at a premium, and he was sure he'd never need most of this stuff again. Plus, he was happy to do something mindless like organizing to get his mind off the thing that had been plaguing him the past few days: the thoughts he had had about Tomoe. At first he had told himself that he had just been tired from the visit, or that he'd simply been worried about Tomoe, who was, after all, his best friend. A few times he had replayed the scene in his head, hoping that it would just feel silly this time, but the same butterflies and excitement still came when he thought about the imaginary kiss. He really, really wished he could talk to someone about this.
Just then, his older brother poked his head into the room.
"Hey, Kiriya. How's the sorting going? Want any help?" Makito asked.
Kiriya looked up from the pile of notebooks and binders in his lap. "Uh, it's going fine, I guess."
"Is everything okay?" Makito pressed. "It's just that you've been a little bit strange since you got back the other day. Did you have a fight with Tomoe or something?"
"No," Kiriya replied, setting the pile aside. "We didn't fight, but Nii-san, can...can I talk to you about something?"
"Of course you can," Makito said warmly. "Why don't you come out to the main room and I'll make you a cup of tea. Kaede's still playing over at Yuriko's house, so we can talk, just the two of us."
Kiriya nodded and came out of his room, sitting cross-legged on the living room floor by the low table. A moment later, Makito came over, two steaming mugs of jasmine tea in hand. He sat down close by his younger brother, and nudged him playfully with his shoulder.
"So, what's up?" he asked, kindly.
"Well," Kiriya wondered where to begin. "When I was at Tomoe's house, we both stayed in his room. He set up a futon on the floor," he hastened to add.
"But then Tomoe had this bad dream, and he looked upset, even though he said he was fine. And his parents had called earlier to tell him they weren't coming home, and I knew he was really hurt by that," he rambled, "and anyway, we ended up sleeping together."
Makito nearly choked on the sip of tea he had just taken. "Sorry, what did you say?" he asked, coughing.
"I mean we slept in the same bed together," Kiriya clarified.
"Oh, well that's not a big deal is it? Is that all that happened?" Makito asked.
"Yeah...well, no." Kiriya admitted. "You see, on the car ride home, I was half-asleep and I was thinking about it, and I kind of thought about...kissing him." Kiriya looked down awkwardly, swirling the tea in his cup.
"But that's not normal, right? I mean we're both guys! Why did I think of that?" he said, looking up at his brother again. "Why do I keep thinking about that? Nii-san, is there something wrong with me?"
Makito gave a big sigh, reaching out to ruffle his younger brother's hair affectionately.
"No, Kiriya, there's nothing wrong with you," he assured him. "He's your best friend, isn't he, and you care a lot about him. There's nothing wrong with that," he said again.
"But Nii-san, he's a guy and I'm a guy. What if this means that I like him more than a friend? What am I going to do?" Kiriya asked, looking increasingly upset.
"Kiriya," Makito said, smiling sadly, "I'm going to tell you something. Something that maybe I should have told you a long time ago."
Kiriya looked at his brother questioningly.
"You know my friend from work, Atsushi-san?"
Kiriya nodded, not entirely sure what Atsushi-san had to do with this.
"Atsushi-san's not just my friend. He's my boyfriend," Makito said. "I'm sorry I didn't explain it to you before."
Kiriya thought about that for a few moments, and Makito did nothing to interrupt the silence.
"But...Nii-san..." Kiriya whispered, a puzzled look on his face. "Does that mean you're gay?"
"Yes," Makito answered. "We love each other, and are very happy together. We started off as friends too. Atsushi-san had already realized he was gay, but it took me awhile to figure that out about myself." Makito smiled, as if remembering something.
"I'm not saying that's the case with you," Makito added, "but if you and Tomoe are as close to each other as I think you are, you should tell him what you're feeling. If your friendship is strong enough, you'll get through this no matter what, right? And besides, maybe there's something he's been wanting to tell you too."
Makito gave Kiriya a quick, one-armed hug and winked at him.
"Okay, back to work now. We've got a guest coming tomorrow."
***
Tomoe arrived in the early evening on the 31st, with a small overnight bag and a few other items. All three Matsuoka siblings greeted him at the door with "kotoshi mo yoroshiku onegai shimasu," formal good wishes for the new year, and welcomed him into their small home. Tomoe had brought a bottle of sweet sake and a packet of spices to make the traditional New Year's o-toso, or mulled sake, usually served warm. He had also brought a box of mochi rice cakes for dessert. Makito, as head of the household, accepted the gifts gratefully.
"I'm really glad you came," Kiriya told him.
"Thank you all for having me," Tomoe replied.
There were still a number of preparations to be made. Kiriya was in charge of cooking the New Year's soba in the kitchen, while Makito was hanging a garland of pine boughs over the door. Kaede's task was to set the table, which Tomoe was only too happy to help with. Soon they were all sitting happily around the kotatsu, eating and talking, and watching the annual song competition on the small TV.
Makito poured out four small cups of o-toso and handed them around to the others. He proposed a toast, and each of them sipped the warmed, spiced drink. Kaede, by far the youngest, took only the smallest of sips from her half-full glass and made a face. Everyone laughed.
"Shall we head to the shrine now?" Makito suggested, clearing the last of the dishes from the table. Everyone agreed and began bundling up in their winter coats.
"It's just a small neighborhood shrine that we go to. Nothing spectacular," Kiriya told Tomoe, who just smiled.
"If it's where you go every year, then I want to go too," Tomoe answered warmly, putting his arm around his friend. Kiriya tensed a little at the gesture, but the warmth of his friend's smile and the sake in his belly seemed to override any further nervousness it might have caused.
"Let's go!" Kaede exclaimed.
***
After paying their respects at the shrine and saying their prayers, Makito wished the others goodnight, and headed off to meet Atsushi-san. The other boys returned home to put the sleepy Kaede to bed — somehow she never managed to stay up much past eleven o'clock, even on such a special night.
"Well, Makito is gone for the night, and Kaede's asleep," Kiriya said to Tomoe. "What would you like to do now?"
"Well, it'll be midnight soon. Would you like to go for a walk?" Tomoe asked. "That is, if it's okay to leave Kaede alone."
"She'll be fine, as long as we don't go too far," Kiriya answered. "We'll just lock up the house."
So with that, the two bundled up again and headed out, the streets still bustling with people.
"The shrine is back that way," Kiriya gestured, his breath making white puffs in the winter air. "But up this way there's a little traditional Japanese garden," he told Tomoe. "It's winter, but the gates aren't locked. Wanna go there for a bit?"
Tomoe nodded in reply, hands stuffed deep in his pockets against the cold.
About fifteen minutes later they arrived at the small garden and went inside. The limbs of the intricately bent pine trees were lit up with floodlights, and the snow on their branches glittered. Stark rocks in artistic arrangement reared up from the ground as they followed the winding path. The boys saw a few other people, whom they greeted courteously and wished a happy new year. Soon, they passed over an arched wooden bridge, and Tomoe gestured towards a low bench in one corner of the garden.
"Want to go sit down?" he asked. Kiriya nodded.
"Kiriya, thank you for having me," Tomoe said, sitting down beside the other boy. "I'm really happy that I could be here with you tonight."
Kiriya smiled a bit, but didn't look at Tomoe. "I'm happy that you could be here too."
Kiriya knew he should say something else, knew he should tell Tomoe what he'd been feeling, just like Makito had suggested, but somehow the words didn't come. What if Tomoe rejected him? What if he said he couldn't be his friend anymore? Would it be worth it to say something, even if that happened? The silence stretched on until, unexpectedly, Tomoe broke it.
"Kiriya, in a few minutes it'll be midnight," Tomoe spoke in an uncharacteristically somber tone. "The old year is almost over, and a new one is going to begin. Right now, it's almost like we're in between the two years." Tomoe paused a moment before continuing.
"Maybe that's why I feel I can say this to you," he said, looking up at the night sky. "Kiriya, I'm so glad I met you. This year I've been happier than I ever have been. You became friends with me, even though I'm an idiot sometimes and did lots of stupid things. You're my best friend." Tomoe turned now to look directly at the other boy.
"But I like you. I like you as a friend and...as more than a friend. But if that makes you uncomfortable, I'll never mention it again, and I promise I'll never act as anything but your friend. I've felt this way for awhile now, and I thought that maybe tonight I might be able to tell you," Tomoe finished, his voice tapering off.
Kiriya could hardly believe what he'd just heard, and stood up abruptly. Had Tomoe just said that he liked him? Had Tomoe just said the very things that Kiriya had been unable to? Had he beat him to it?
Tomoe stood up too, and reached out for Kiriya's arm. "Are you mad? Kiriya, are you mad at me?" he asked, a bit of panic in his raised voice. Just then the bells from the shrine began to toll, their deep tones resounding in the cold night air.
Kiriya turned around. "No, I'm not mad," he said, looking straight into the other boy's eyes. "Tomoe..." he said, and with that, he pulled the taller boy close and kissed him. The kiss was warm and wonderful like he'd imagined, but at the same time, infinitely sweeter than he could ever have thought when Tomoe's real lips began to kiss him back.
"Tomoe, Happy New Year."
END
