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Nightmares
With a sudden scream Miroku woke from the hellish nightmare hunting him. The recurrence of these nightmares had been bothering him for some time. At first he had tried to dismiss them, but they would not go away. This one had been dreadful enough to make him choke and he tumbled from his bed, cleaving for air from the outside world to make him escape reality. Instead, he found himself paralyzed; holding in his mind the images of destruction conjured by his volatile mind. As he realized he could not move he decided to let his body regain his composure, taking deep breaths to gain some stability. When he finally did and after regaining his senses he looked around and found himself alone in his room. As he looked at his surroundings, he realized he was safe, yet the feeling of uneasiness was still haunting him, not because of the horrid dream, but because he found himself alone again.
He took another deep breath; drops of sweat rapidly forming on his face and neck. He was exhausted, the lack of sleep finally catching up to him, a burden he was all too familiar lately. Something was haunting him, like a stalker in the middle of the night, waiting for his prey to feel secure, and then taking its chances to destroy him mercilessly.
But this time he had asked to be Alone. Fearing for the safety on the group, he had decided to spare some coin and found a room for them to stay. It has come as a shocker when he finally announce over the course of dinner that he was taking a room for himself, and when questioned by his friends, he only offered his desires to pray undisturbed, at least for the night. The real reason was out of concern, or that was what he had reasoned so far. He really was afraid that they would discover he was not well at all.
In the end, they had respected his decision, with some reluctance. He retired and that was the moment in which all these madness truly began. He was afraid that he finally was alone, exiled from the world due to his curse, his burden to bear. But he knew his friends would never leave him alone; that they would stand with him on the face of every trial, every difficulty and every danger.
Deep inside he knew there would never be reason enough to shun their friends and that they would finally confront him.
He also knew that she, above everyone, was more concerned about him that the rest. She, the person he cherished more was in pain, not only for his evasive and half-truths but also for her, and her inability to help, to reach out for him and pull him out of this despair. That caused him more pain than any nightmare or freakish encounter. He knew that silently and slowly he was breaking her heart.
In the middle of this commotion, felt an indistinct sound of footsteps approaching his room which snapped him from his turmoil and brought him back to reality. He took a deep breath, focused and expected a knock anytime, or a voice or whisper, inviting him to finally let go of the past. For several minutes he waited impatiently, but after some time, the knock never came.
"I must be loosing my mind." He muttered silently while grabbing a towel to wipe away the sweat on his face. For some time, he remained there, unmoved, contemplating the piece of cloth resting in his battered hands, the hands of a Holy Man drowning in despair. He decided that a quick stroll outside would help him clear his mind, to hell with sleep and all that. It was outside, after discovering the reflection of the full moon in the small pond that he finally discerned the identity that had almost stopped in his room.
She was there, sitting on a rock next to the lake, the reflection of the full moon striking her features more fully than any other time. She looked so beautiful in the twilight, so precious, so innocent and so pure. Looking at her made him realize he did not deserve her, not because of what he had done before, but for his attitude now. She was truly a magnificent woman, one that worked with her hands into every hardship she encountered. Her life, like his had been full of obstacles; that was the reason they were so good together. One lifted the other every time. Her presence there, so serene gave Miroku reassurance that this encounter was fated, for at this point each one was unable to escape. She was striking lovingly the fur of her pet and best friend, Kirara, sound asleep in her lap. Apparently she had not noticed him, for if she did, she gave no indication of his presence as she remained focused on the dark horizon, with the moon as her lantern. After several minutes and finally gathering the necessary strength, he realized it was time to face her, to finally talk, to reassure each other about their feelings and their predicament. If this was not a good time, there might not be another chance.
His sudden movement alerted her of his presence and their eyes met. He noticed she had been crying, maybe for some time. Her image, torn apart, devastated him more than he cared to admit. He cursed himself and longed for a time when circumstances would allow them to finally be together.
He allowed her to find him. As much as he has been looking for a purpose to his existence, it was her that had been giving him the change of finding himself. And in that process she found him. Not caring anymore to hide the tears, she let them go freely. Miroku seemed to be hearing his own heart stopping.
"Houshi-sama?" her voice was like a whisper, trying to hide her anguish. That was the moment when he finally realized he had been a fool. How could he let these nightmares come between himself and what he cherished most? How could these nightmares rent apart what he had tried so hard to achieve? He felt like running towards her, hold her in his embrace and never let go.
"I have something I'll like to talk to you about." Miroku felt guilty as he spoke. He wanted to reassure her of his feelings, of how he had always loved her, and how much he needed her in his life. He wanted to tell her of his nightmares; horrible nightmares that were slowly destroying him. He wanted to tell her that he was a broken man, a man with no destiny, no future.
But seeing her willingness to talk removed the guilt out of him. He was in love with this woman; his beautiful Sango, and enduring any sickness, any pain or any death for her was something he was willing to try.
With this renewed determination he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was finally time to face these nightmares that had poisoned his mind for such a long time now. And with Sango at his side, he knew they would succeed. This time he knew he was not alone anymore.
"I think my time is up."
