Many of the greatest tales he could remember had started in a tavern or bar, and this one, he mused, would fit in just well if the divinations were correct about the lad. However, with the lack of ale and mead, a this "ramen" bar would have to do to begin it.

The old man was highly amused at the antics of the boy he had encountered in this village, a quick and able learner that managed to pick up the basics of his craft, though he was still somewhat confused by the young blond calling spells jutsu.

However, he felt the call of wanderlust once more and would be leaving Konoha to travel once more, leaving a few trinkets for the budding spellcaster that had managed to entertain him as well as a special spellbook beside a large collection of spells for the boy to study until they met again.

The ring of sending was left as well, a way for the golden haired brat to contact him and the reverse if necessary, though it wasn't something that would be best for everyday conversations.

He chuckled at the thought of what would happen when the boy learned the first spell he had ever created.

As he walked out of the village gates he hoped the boy, Naruto, would make a name for himself, just as he, Evan, had done with a spell that was infamous across the multiverse.


Sarutobi was starting to become concerned.

Well, actually he was far past concerned and edging into terrified after Naruto somehow made all of his Anbu guards believe they were strippers when they tried to refuse him entry to his office.

The people had evacuated the surrounding buildings before he'd noticed anything else, though on occasion he wondered if the visitors were slowly losing their grip on reality after babbling about a cat like creature with a birds head, talons, and wings that seemed to delight in questioning intruders.

And then there were the rumors of devils and angels arriving there (Though Ichiraku was starting to swear that his second best customer was a dog headed creature that glowed and wore shining armor). The Inuzuka avoided the area after claiming there were "Invisible, ghost Dogs" guarding the place.

One of the patrolmen had ended up in the mental ward of the hospital ranting about dragons.

A small part of him wondered if ignorance was bliss now as he felt a cold shiver in his spine after reading the memo that Naruto failed the exams again.

He held the boys paper in front of him and tried to decipher the language it was written in with no such luck.


Naruto Uzumaki was a wizard, and a mighty one if he could say so himself.

And his one disappointment with his chosen path was that he barely had any time to do any of the cool ninja tricks he'd watched others perform on occasion.

Now he had to think about which spells to prepare for this test that Mizuki said would allow him to graduate.


Sarutobi's eyes widened as the door swung open, and he heard footsteps but saw nothing moving. It wasn't until the forbidden scroll seemed to float up into the air and fly away that he decided to act on this.

He started to get up and reached out only to watch Naruto slowly become visible.

"Sorry Old Man," he heard the boy whisper, "But not tonight, how about a nice, long nap...Sleep."

And then he started nodding off, his grip relaxing as he entered dreamland only to wake back up when he hit the floor.

"NARUTO!"

"Lets try..." he paused a moment as the now annoyed Hokage seemed rather angry, "...Silent Image..."

He'd used that particular spell when figuring out one of the few jutsu he could actually perform.

Sarutobi paused to stare with drool dripping from his mouth and blood trickling from his nose.

"I guess that works..."

And he was out the door.

"I guess the old man was a pervert after all."


It had been rather easy to copy the text of the massive scroll for his own archives after realizing that it wasn't magical.

However, what came next confused him to some extent.

Mizuki had lied and betrayed him, not to mention the village, and that was something he found very irritating to say the least.

Naruto was going over the more painful spells he had prepared while weighing the pro's and cons of each before deciding on the ones to use and two quickly came to mind as he cast his Protection from Arrows on himself to start the games.

"You know," he stated slowly in a calm, casual tone while walking towards the traitor, "It isn't wise or smart to get a wizard angry."

Mizuki blinked and threw his shuriken at the boy only for it to seemingly shatter on contact with his hand.

"I believe that was my second spell during this little game Mizuki-sensei," Naruto continued, "A nice little one called Shatter."

A brief pause, "I have one more that will let me repay you for your 'kindness'."

The audible sarcasm in the last word had little effect on the fool.

"Do your worst Nine-Tailed Fox!"

"While I may not be a demon," Naruto responded with a terrifying grin, "I will gladly do my 'worst' as you so requested."

A brief pause, "A little spell created by the man who was my first real teacher, the very one that made him either famous or infamous depending upon who you talk to."

The grin widened as he intoned the spells name while triggering it.

"Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion!"

And then the screams began.

"I can't watch," Iruka babbled almost incoherently and with a sickened look as he pulled his forehead protector down around his eyes.


Elsewhere Sarutobi stared in shocked awe.

"Who the hell is teaching the kid?" he muttered while trying to cleanse the image from his eyes.


Naruto had been sitting for an hour musing on just what he ought to do to improve the forehead protector. He couldn't think of any specific spells or other similar effects that would be useful for the time being.

He'd already tampered with his old goggles a while ago with the true seeing spell, but he'd decided to pass that pair on to Konahamaru. Part of that was because the pair was beginning to get uncomfortably tight and had a new pair waiting for a similar, if not identical, upgrade.

For the moment he had already imbued it with a couple dozen contingent spells that he figured could save his life someday.

But he was still waiting for one of his extradimensional clients to show up to pick up a package.

"Squeak," the young wizard heard a second after the distinctive noise of interdimensional travel.

"You're late."

"Squeak squeak."

"No, with him I assume it was yet another bang to the head."

"Squeak..." an apparent hamster retorted, "Squeak squeak squeak."

"Well, you did want me to modify that mug of yours."

"Sque-eak."

Naruto paused for a moment.

"Well, you'd best be going, something tripped the wards."

"Squeak."

"Good doing business with you to Boo."


Naruto found it wonderfully amusing how late his new teacher was, but at the same time he could work on reading some of the books while musing on how to pass the time.

He'd been finalizing some of his plans to move to a more sturdy location, and the profits of his more recent sales of trinkets to some of his otherworldly friends gave him enough coin to purchase a rather large plot of land.

After all, every wizard needed a tower to play with.

Plus after Tammy showed up his apartment was starting to become unstable, and she may end up being a regular visitor/customer.

His other contacts had agreed to build the thing for him in exchange for some of his creations, and he had two weeks before the dwarves would show up to start on the underground sections to support the tower itself. Others would work in building the structure itself.

Kakashi was amusing for the time being, but at the same time having the rank of genin would let him travel for a bit and find more information for his library.

It took another half-hour before Naruto began to get annoyed and decided to intervene.

Two quick uses of his favorite traveling spell and the stunned Jounin was at the meeting place.


Kakakashi was still trying to figure out just what the hell the blond was up to.

Then he realized just what the kid was planning as he was blasted up into the air by flashes of barely visible bursts of energy.

He staggered back to his feet blinking as he heard the boy cackling and energy gathering.

"Dimensional Anchor ought to keep you still," Naruto mused as he prepared his next spell.

"Fireball!"

Kakashi paused as the smoke cleared amidst the smou8ldering grass wondering just what the hell he had gotten himself into.

Then he saw the grass begin to move and a low moan call to him.

"Huh?"

And then decomposing hands seemed to lunge from the dirt to grab at him and the jounin started panicking.

The rising undead abominations rose from their seeming graves beneath the training field and he blinked twice, even revealing his Sharingan to make sure it wasn't the genjutsu he knew it had to be.

"Kai!" he yelled and paused after it had no effect, not noticing the small fact that the pair of bells was missing from his belt.

An instant later as cold, clammy, and decomposing flesh brushed his skin he ran for his life with an almost girlish shriek that could be heard through the entire village.

"ZOMBIES!"


Elsewhere the Hokage shivered for an instant wondering who could scream so shrilly.


Naruto calmly juggled the two bells while grinning like a fool.

"I just love Illusions."


Naruto had decided that he absolutely hated house cats after the fifth so called mission that sent his team after that thrice damned cat.

It took three more days for him to find a spell that would stop the stupid, flee ridden furball from running away, which was barely enough to stop his own plotting to eliminate the cat.

Of course, he didn't want the spell to be painless for the hellspawn in fur.

Geas was perfect, and linking it to a proximity of the crazed felines owner so that it had the effect of a shock collar if it got to far from her would do the trick quite nicely, if he could say so himself.


AN: This is fic will include bits and pieces of multiple DnD universes. I have yet to play 4th Edition and so it is and will probably remain with a 3.5 flavor to it, though a bit different. And taking a cue from Order of the Stick, I'm using a setup where the characters and abilities are based on what would have the most amusing use rather than any set level.

So far, Argent and Dirge are both my creations in the campaign world I've been running games in for a while now.