Between heaven and hell

Chapter 1: Heaven

Amanda's gaze trailed over the bookcase, taking nothing in. She could not stop thinking about Sidney in nothing but a towel. Whenever she was alone – and sometimes in company – the memory popped into her mind. It was unconscionable. She'd always liked that word. Unconscionable. It was such a forbidding word. Lovely in its stuffy austerity.

It had been a memorable sight, but to be thinking of it quite this much struck her as slightly ridiculous. After all, she did not love Sidney because of how he looked. She loved him because of who he was. Because he was kind and good and witty and so different from other people. His physical attractiveness was simply a nice perk.

Yet, didn't the two - personality and appearance - reinforce one another? She had often noticed that beauty lost some of its lustre if the person behind it proved to be absolutely ghastly. Cruelty or banality had the habit of tainting a person's looks in her eyes. Their inner ugliness was transferred to the outside. Whereas Sidney was wonderful, which somehow made him even more handsome.

Truly, it was unfair! With a face like that, Sidney hardly needed a personality. His face was so interesting. Sometimes it appeared almost sculpted in the true sense of the word. Hard. Cold. Solemn. Until he smiled and then it softened and you couldn't help – she couldn't, at least – imagining running your fingertips over it. Touching that nose. Feeling those lashes against your hand. Tracing that sharp jaw line. Caressing that strong chin. And then that mouth. Such a magnificent mouth. Impossible to picture it uttering cruel words. Yes, Sidney's face was intoxicating, but she loved it because it was his.

Yet, here she was, again reliving the moment when he'd looked down at her. The way he'd looked… Perhaps that had been the most fantastic part. Not his wet hair and his glistening torso. Not his glorious body. Not the fact that he had looked undeniably, incredibly beautiful. Perfect. Not her desire to rush upstairs and tumble into bed with him.

No, the fantastic part had been the way he'd looked at her. With a heady combination of love and need and agony. As if he had hoped that she would rush upstairs.

She was being silly. Why would she not think of that gorgeous moment? Let it tide her over. Let the dream of them keep her warm whenever her life seemed empty.