A/N: The first half of this was originally under a different fandom but I just re-watched the Brittana break up scene and I couldn't help myself. Deleted it and added to it to fit my main otp.
Enjoy.
You had left again.
Brittany knew she should've been used to it by now, your consistent coming and going, and she was, but it still hurt each time you snuck out the door without even saying goodbye.
But what could she do about it? Nothing. Brittany couldn't make you stay if you didn't want to. Besides, if she tried too hard to make you stay, she thought you might never come back. And that's the last thing Brittany wanted.
You knew that you would always find your way back to her though, no matter what kind of trouble you got yourself into.
And it's not that you didn't want to be with her, but your lifestyle wasn't a good one, and you certainly didn't want her to get hurt. You'd never forgive yourself if anything happened to her.
You knew that she got pissed whenever you took off but you also knew that she would always forgive you. Because, Brittany? She was hooked on you. All you had to do was flash Brittany a dimpled grin and her heart melted a little. You were just her type of poison.
You hated to worry her each time you left but you always came back. That was something, right? Well at least you thought it was.
You also hated that Brittany forgave you so easily; as if you didn't split the blonde girl's heart in two each time you left. Maybe if she yelled at you once in a while, you wouldn't feel so guilty.
Instead, she would speak to you as if you were a child. More often than not, she sounded like a broken record. Because in the beginning, when you first started leaving without warning two years ago, she did yell at you. Brittany would scream and cry and tell you that she couldn't keep living like this. Everytime you went out without telling her, she prepared herself for you never coming back. She feared for your safety above her own and you feared for hers, and it was never a good combination, all things considered.
But, now she would calmly scold you like a five-year-old and you'd get pissed, even though you had no real reason to be, since the entire thing was really your fault.
So you would start yelling and nowadays she would just sit there and take it because she's come to realize that fighting with you while you're like this is a losing battle for the both of you. As a result, it was usually a one sided argument, which annoyed the shit out of you. Because at least if she yelled back, that would mean she was angry with you. Instead, she was simply sad and frustrated. And saddness is worse than anger.
Not that you would know, since you had never been in a real relationship before, but you didn't think your relationship with Brittany was healthy. Between the sex, the fighting and your constant coming and going, you knew it was only a matter of time between the whole thing collapsed around both of you.
But you had never cared about that in the past. You were always the kind of girl to live completely in the moment. You lived for today. You knew that what you had today could be gone tomorrow. That was one thing you had learned from your twenty-two years on this planet.
But it was different with Brittany. You geninuely cared about the other girl. That's why you always ended up coming back.
You had been with her for nearly eight years, so of course this meant a lot to you both. You wished you had stayed in college. You wished you had never broken up with her when you were ninteen and in Kentucky. You wished you would've tried harder in that long distance relationship because maybe if you had, you wouldn't have gotten mixed up in the wrong crowd. She had always been the one to keep you out of trouble.
And even though she took you back six months after, it was a bit too late because in those six months that you were apart, you let your reckless ways get the best of you. And now three years later, you can't escape. Maybe if you changed even one little thing about your past, things would've been different right now.
This is the way it is though.
And you can't put her through this anymore.
"Britt, I can't do this anymore. We can't do this anymore." You felt tears threatening to fall but you held them back.
Brittany's eyes went wide and wasn't sure if she heard you correctly. "Santana, what-"
"Just listen, Brittany."
Hearing you use her full first name instead of a nickname, Brittany stopped talking.
You reached up and cupped the side of Brittany's cheek. You could tell that she wanted to pull back but maybe your touch felt too familiar.
"I've screwed you over so many times and you keep...forgiving me. I don't deserve it." You dropped your hand and stepped back, a small, watery smile on your face. "I don't deserve you. Shit, I've lost track of how many fights we've had over the past few years. You deserve someone better. Someone perfect... And that's not me. Never will be."
You stared straight into the eyes you had fallen in love with. Those bright blue eyes that normally sparkled. The eyes that made Brittany wear her heart on her sleeve.
"But.. But I love you." Brittany said in a small voice, dropping her gaze to stare at the hardwood floor.
"You know I love you too B, with all my heart, but-"
"But? But what?" Brittany's voice was higher than normal and she looked as if she was about to shatter.
"But, sometimes, I guess love isn't enough." You said softly. It hurt your heart to tell her that. Why couldn't love be enough?
That was when the tears came for the blonde.
You felt like beating yourself to death, because that was probably the worst possible thing you could've said to her
You took a couple hesitant steps towards her.
"Stay away from me." Brittany said shakily, anger bubbling to the surface as she took a few steps back.
"Brittany-"
"No. I don't wanna hear it. Just leave." She turned from you, wrapping her arms around her torso and hugging herself tightly.
It took every single ounce of self control in your entire body to not start sobbing and telling her that you're sorry and that you could never leave her.
You walked the rest of the way towards Brittany and wrapped your arms tightly around the taller blonde's waist.
"I can't leave it like this, B." You whispered some-what hoarsely.
Brittany half-heartedly tried to break away from you but you held on. "Let me go," She weakly protested.
"You know this relationship won't work out in the end, B. It wasn't meant to be."
That made Brittany cry harder and you tighten your grip.
"I need you." Brittany whispered so softly, that your hearing barely picked up on it. Your heart broke at those three little words. You buried your face into Brittany's neck for a moment.
"I'll be around Brittany. It's not like we'll never see each other. We just won't... Sleep together."
Brittany turned in your arms, roughly rubbing at her puffy red eyes.
"But I like sleeping with you," She said innocently. "I love the feeling of your skin on mine. I don't know if I could be around you without touching you." Brittany reached out her hand and stroked your cheek with the pad of her thumb.
You let out a very quiet chuckle, covering Brittany's hand with your own and stepping out of the embrace, dropping the arm that was around Brittany's waist.
"You deserve better than a screw up like me, Britt-Britt."
You lowered Brittany's hand to your lips and softly pressed a kiss to the top of it. You then leaned in and placed a gentle, bittersweet kiss on Brittany's lips.
You didn't want to do this. You didn't want to hurt the one person you actually loved in the world.
But you had to.
So there you were, silently sitting in front of what used to be both yours and Brittany's apartment door.
A box of things that made up your relationship was the only thing separating you two on the floor.
Old pictures of the two of you and crinkled love notes were among the many small items crammed away into the cardboard box that you would be taking with you when you left.
Neither of you spoke. There wasn't really anything left to say.
Then, she looked over at you. You raised your eyes from the hardwood floor to meet hers, because you could feel her intense gaze burning holes into the side of your head. Bright blue eyes were filled to the brim with tears, but she smiled at you like the first time she told you her name.
If someone had told you three years ago that you were going to end up this way, you probably would've gone Lima Heights on their ass.
But they would've been right.
So, there was the box. Part of your life together was in this box, and the other part was still in pieces, scattered across the apartment.
You were so in love, weren't you? You still are though, right? Because feelings like this can't just disappear, even if you haven't been getting along that well lately. Maybe this is only temporary.
Brittany was the first to speak.
"Are we ever going to see each other again?" Her voice sounds quiet and broken. You don't quite know how to answer her, so you don't. Instead, you push the box out of the way and pull her into your arms.
Your decision to split ended up being mutual after a long discussion, but you knew that she wanted hold on to whatever you had left between the two of you. But you didn't want that.
Britt slumps against your chest, holding onto you as if you're her life support. You're doing the same though and you never want to let her go.
Because you know that if you do, you might never see her beautiful face again. You might never hear her adorable laugh or kiss those perfect lips.
But it's for the best, or at least that's what you keep telling yourself.
"I will always love you the most," You whisper into her golden hair. That's when you start to feel her tears drip onto your collarbone. You haven't cried yet, but now that she is, you can't stop the tears that begin cascading down your cheeks.
"Promise?" She asks. You hate the way that her voice cracks. It sounds like she's trying to control her sobs and her words come out in soft hiccups.
You always had a problem with talking about your feelings and the only one you had fully mastered was anger. But Brittany loved you through all of that and you were grateful for it. You'll always be grateful for the way she loved you, especially those countless times when you didn't really deserve it.
She pulled away from you and offered you her right pinky.
Years of old memories flashed through you mind at that one simple gesture.
You gave her a bittersweet, watery smile and linked your pinky with hers. "Promise," You said and fully meant it.
Brittany gave you a barely-there smile in return and lightly squeezed your pinky with her own before you simutainiously pull your hands away.
You want the best for Brittany. And you can't be that.
The next chapter will continue with the break up, and will explain the reason for Santana always having to abrupedly leave.
Tumblr: fate-has-laid-a-hand
And take note that none of my other fics are abandoned, I just have a bad habit of starting new ones.
