It wasn't cloudy, so it was sunny. Beaufort Swan had just finished his sonic cup of cherry limeade, but it wasn't cherry limeade. It was blood. He was heavily pregnant with Edythe Cullen's mutant vampire spawn. His period cramps had ended 5 months ago, and so his period had ended, and his pregnancy had begun. He was convinced the spawn was female, and decided upon the trash name of Eju (pronounced like E-Jew), a combination of Edythe and Julie, his two true loves. Edythe, his wife, and Julie, his werewolf gal pal. He had just come back from hot yoga with Alex, when he slipped a disk and his back went out. This has nothing to do with his scoliosis or spinal cancer, but because he was carrying a 6 pound love child who was trying to claw out of his abs turned beer belly. Beau let out a wild scream of terror, pain, and a little bit of pleasure (he was into BDSM). He could feel his penis hole begin to widen for the birth. "Beau?!" Called Edythe as she ran towards his now crippled body. She grabbed hold of Beau's soft shitty body and carried him to a table, you know, one of those ones where the kids sit at at thanksgiving. He started to scream out in pain as Edythe dropped him into the table. His belly started to contract as

Edythe quickly raced to her iPhone to put on the spice girls on low to help her concentrate.

All of a sudden, Julie appeared in the corner. "What's wrong with Beau?!" She asked nervously. "CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S IN LABOR!" yelled back Edythe in a half vampire hiss.

Edythe grabbed ahold of Beau's shirt and ripped it off, revealing his disgusting quivering abdomen. Julie watched in horror as Edythe grabbed a syringe full of morphine and stabbed Beau directly in the neck. Beau yelped and Julie cringed, cursing Edythe for doing this to her beloved. As Edythe stabbed him, Julie grabbed her phone and went to snap the horror to show everybody that she was having a rough day. She wasn't able to send it, however, because the phone had slipped out of her sweaty palms and she watched in horror as it fell into the pool of blood beneath the penis opening. It then started to vibrate as Carine began to call. Edythe picked up the blood soaked phone and answered it. "Carine, he's dying! What do I do?" Edythe yelled into the phone. The only sounds filling the room were Beau's moans of pain as his child began clawing his way out of the penis hole. "SHE'S COMING!" Yelled Beau. Everyone turned to look as a small clawed fist inched it's way out of Beau's genitals. Edythe looked in shock at the horror in front of her. Slowly, she reached towards Beau's penis, grasping the tiny hand. The baby wrapped it's fingers around her thumb. "SHE CAN'T BREATHE IN THERE GET HER OUT!" Screamed Beau as his eyes started to roll into the back of his head. He was losing too much blood, and if Edythe didn't get the baby out soon, she knew they would both die. She clutched the tiny hand as hard as she could and pulled, releasing the infant from Beau's clutches. She heard the umbilical cord snap as she heard a hiss come from his down under. It was hideous. Edythe had to close her eyes to escape the horror that they had created. When she opened them back up she found Beau white as paper and breathing very slowly. He was losing consciousness. Edythe bent forward and picked up the baby. "Charnest," she whispered, "After our dads." Then she put the baby down and turned to Beau. "YOU NEED TO SAVE HIM!" yelled Julie. Julie knew what those words meant. Her beloved Beau would become what she hated most, a vampire. She ran outside, weeping freely. Edythe didn't care, now wasn't the time for tears. She began biting Beau as often as she could, all over his disgusting body. She gagged at the sight of him, all torn up and broken. But it's okay, she would fix him, she thought to herself.

Outside, the sun began to set. Julie sat on the front steps of the house, continuing to cry deeply into the sleeve of her shirt. Edythe came outside and sat next to Julie. She rested her blood soaked hand on Julie's shoulder. "I've saved him, he'll turn soon."

"He looked so...broken," Julie whispered.

"I know. But I've fixed him. He's a fixed sunset."

The pair stared into the deep orange sky. "A fixed sunset" they exclaimed in unison, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.