Disclaimer: I don't own JLU or anything from DC.
Author's note: For all of you who have been waiting for me to update my other stories, don't worry. I finish my summer class in a week and then I go home. I'll finally be able to update then. This story, however irrelevant it might be, is a much needed break for what's left of my sanity. I fear that ten weeks of intensive Japanese has nearly destroyed my mind.
We Laid War
A parody of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe told by Terry McGinnis's point of view. Krypto the Superdog makes a few enemies in the future.
Once upon a midnight
dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a huge and
unfortunately large volume of Bruce's lore,
While I nodded,
successfully napping, suddenly there came a slamming,
As of
someone loudly slamming, slamming at my bedroom door.
" It's
only Matt," I muttered, "slamming at my bedroom door;
Only
this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I
remember, it was in the Justice League Watchtower,
That by fate
and loud barking that my most vexing rival scratched upon my door.
Eagerly I wished the
morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my dreams of ways to
make Rex suffer, suffer for his threat of war
However, it was me in
rage who had uttered, 'This means war."
Nameless the
half-Thanagarian shall be, here forevermore.
And the scritch and
scratch of the Watchtower floor
Thrilled me---filled me
with fantastic fury never felt before;
So that now, to still the
beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
" It's only Matt
and his Teen Titans friends, entreating entrance at my bedroom door,
My stupid brother and
his stupid friends, entreating entrance at my bedroom door.
This
it is, and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew
stronger; hesitating in ignorance then no longer,
"You stupid
dog," screamed I, "You CRAZY MUTT, Your death I do
implore;
Innocently, I was napping, and so loudly you came
barking,
And so loudly you came scratching, slamming at my bedroom
door,
Warhawk's death will have to wait." Here I opened
wide the door;---
Silence there, and nothing more.
Deep into the corridor
glaring, long I stood there, raging, plotting
Scheming, dreaming
dreams the other Batman had never dared to dream before;
But the
silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the
only word there spoken was the thundered word,
"This means war',
This I screamed, and my echo thundered down the Watchtower
hall,
"This means war!" Merely this, and nothing more.
Back into the bedroom
turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a
yapping, considerably louder than before,
"Bruce,"
complained I into my radiolink, "Surely, that mutt deserves to
die.
Let me see, then, what way shall it be, perhaps Kryptonite
kibble I should find.
Silent the mutt shall be, and finally have
sleep in silence, Krypto-free it shall be.
" Let it be,"
Bruce said, "Let it be and nothing more."
Here I let fly some
curses, with a smirk, and many an evil glint
Did the elderly Bat
finally speak, speak to calm my shaking nerves.
Not the least
ruthlessness made he; not a drop of mercy stopped or stayed he;
But
the two Bats, planned did they, against the vexing problem outside
the bedroom door.
Barked, it did, increasingly loud, just outside
my bedroom door.
Barked, and sat, and
nothing more.
Then that damned
white dog, beguiling was he, continued barking,
By the happy and
dumb decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy master
be the Man of Steel," I warned, "Your end is sure,
Unholy,
vexing dog, haunting the Watchtower from nightly sleep
Tell me
where you master is, tell him this means war."
Quoth the
Superdog, "Arff! (This means war!)"
Much I glowered
at this unholy mutt as he took off speedily
Know, did I, that he
would return, returning it would forever more;
Bruce and I cannot
help agreeing that no sane sentient being
Ever yet was blessed
with encountering that dog outside their bedroom door,
Even
Shining Knight once threatened to impale his sword upon that
beast
Now barking once again outside my bedroom door.
But the
Kryptonian dog, sitting lonely in the Watchtower corridor, barked
only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did
outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; but my blood pressure,
it grew higher;
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Surely
other Leaguers will join me;
Join me against this creature, this
creature who barks endlessly outside my door."
Quoth the
Superdog, "Arff! (This means war!)"
Startled at the
stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless,"
said I, "Clark Kent is soundly sleeping,
Unaware of this
creature's barking, who's disaster is swiftly creeping
Unto
whom even Bruce has sworn revenge, revenge for some past
offense,---
Till even he has joined me, with me against that furry
whore
Again I cry, "This means war!"
But the Krypto
the dog kept barking, barking and his tail wagging
Straight I flew
out the door, my temper couldn't take it anymore
Batarangs went
from my hands a flying, missing the damnable dog
Cursing turned
into more cursing, until a red flash zipped next to I,
"Let me
guess," quoth the female Flash, daughter of a one Wallace West,
"The Anti-Krypto Club, you have joined."
Thus the Flash
and I engaged in plotting, with my visible rage expressing
my
outrage at the dog, whose beady eyes now peered around the hallway
corner;
A plan and more we stood divining, with Old Man Wayne
curiously listening
Suddenly the dog went a flying, flying down
the hallway wild,
Krypto the Superdog went a flying, flying from
the danger coming
Thus Wonder Woman also cried, "This means
war!"
Then, methought,
the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen cancer
A swift arrow
flew down the corridor, it's point embedding in far wall
hither,
"Wretch," the Green Arrow cried, "thy
Master you run to – whose help you will
Not give thee
respite---respite and assistance from our threats of war!
Die, die
you wretched villain, die before Diana lets loose her idea of
war!
Quoth the Superdog, "Arrf! (Nevermore!)"
"Stupid
Mutt!" cried I, "You thing of evil!—a dog still, if
Kryptonian or devil!
Whether Clark sent, or whether Hell tossed
thee here ,
Death, we all agree, on this Watchtower night
swiftly--
Why are we cursed by your horror haunted--tell me truly,
I implore:
Is there no way you can shut up?—tell me—tell me I
implore!"
Quoth the Superdog, "Arrf! (Nevermore!)"
"Stupid
Mutt!" cried I, "You thing of evil!—a dog still, if
Kryptonian or devil!
By the earth that rotates below us--by that
planet we both adore--
We all shall silence thee, if Clark can't
take it, then its war
Diana's whip is ready to fly, the Flash is
still screaming "War!"---
Even Bruce and I, we both agree,
your barking shall be no more.
Quoth the Superdog, "Arrf!
(This means war!)"
"Be that
word our sign of parting, yee Hound of Hell!" Green Arrow
shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back to yee Master and a
night's sleeping we implore!
The archer's speech was left
unheard, unheard it was by his comrades-in-arms
By the Amazon's
golden lasso, the Kryptonian hound was tied, with the Flash a
running,
Running with deadly scheme a foot—followed I in
expressive glee
Quoth Old Man Wayne, "I'm not involved."
And the morrow
morning, with Clark's face a reddening, yes, a reddening
For
outside the entrance of his bedroom door, his bedroom door
untouched
The Kryptonian Hound of Hell sat a whimpering, his paws
his head hiding.
A barking collar fuelled by magic encircled his
neck, his voice it kept from barking
His fur had been dyed bright
red, bright red to match the Flash's suit
And beside him lay a
card, a card saying, "We laid War."
