He was my savior. My safe harbor. My protector. But what was I to him? Nothing more than a friend …I suppose. Nothing in me made me doubt that I loved Jacob. But I was not in love with him. Or was I?
From our day spent at the movie, on that bench, when he told me how he really felt. I don't know its just that I feel like I haven't been able to give him back what he has given to me. I never want to hurt Jake, but I feel like I cant let him keep living like this. I have to do something. My heart aches when I'm too close to him and it aches when I'm too far from him. But as I can see we will never be able to be just friends…there has to be something more.
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At the spur of the moment I decided to just go to Jacob and tell him everything. Its not fair that he only has part of my heart and no say in on how to get the rest.
When I arrived at the Blacks house, Billy was gone, and only Jacob was there, I could tell from the empty driveway--now I've been alone with Jake before but this time it made me feel really uncomfortable, like although I wanted to keep my mind clear and business-like he was going to change that.
I stepped out of my car, thought for a while then ran to his porch. But just my luck the rain had soaked me. I rapped on the door and there he stood. No shirt, muscles tense and chiseled, his hair was disheveled but his warm brown eyes joyful and surprised. I stared into this brown abyss and forget exactly what I was doing on his doorstep.
"Hi Bella," he said
"Hey Jake...uhmm can we t-talk," I stumbled on my words because like I said Jacob had a way of making your mind cloudy and forgetful.
"Sure come in," he stepped pass to let me through the door then when I was in he said, "You look like you just went swimming! Are you cold? Here let me get you some clothes your drenched!"
He had asked so many questions that I hadn't been able to respond to any of them. As I listened to him open and slam drawers from his bedroom i realized I was shaking because I was so cold. When he got back he had a big gray t-shirt in his hand and some baggy blue shorts.
"Sorry. I know these aren't going to fit you but its all I got,".
"O-Oh its f-fine," my teeth chattered helplessly as I tried to get the words out.
"Jeez ,Bella, how long have you been standing out there?", he walked over to where I stood and placed the clothes on the couch. "oh my gosh, your shaking," he placed his right hand on my shoulder, then his left hand on my chin to hold my face up to his. His hand was burning on my chin, part of me wanted to push him back but the other wanted him to wrap me in one of those famous bear hugs.
"N-n-not that long but I guess its really p-pouring out there," I lied. I'd been standing outside his house trying to debate what I should say--my helplessly chattering teeth didn't help my lie.
His eyes had captivated me once more. I guess the moment was so overwhelming because the next thing that happened-- my knees started to buckle and he caught me swiftly in those massively built arms.
"Bella!? Are you okay?," his voice sounded really far away. But the warmth from his arms as we sank to the floor together made me realize he was close. Too close for comfort.
We just sat there a moment. Staring at each other. I search for the right words but came up with nothing. "Jake," I croaked.
"Yeah, Bells," he sounded anxious
"You like me a lot…don't you?"
"More than you know Bella." he laid down on the floor right next to me and sighed.
I got up and sat on the couch not caring that my clothes were soaking right through it. "What if I told you I was damaged…like I want to give you my all but you would just have to be patient."
He answered slowly as he stood up in front of me, "I'd say that I will wait for you no matter how long its gonna take. But Bella could you tell me where you're going with this?"
I couldn't stop my lip from trembling. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Oh Jacob!" I pulled him close to me and wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his bare chest. When I made an attempt to pull back he held me tighter. It was when he leaned in and kissed me that I felt the tears streaming down my now hot face.
Although I felt stupid for crying I was just so overwhelmed with emotions, it felt nice to be accepted for once. I'd been broken and left in a battlefield to die but my Jake was the one that nursed me back to life.
He pulled back and used his thumbs to wipe the tears from my face and I held my hands up to his face and kept his lips pressed to mine. His fingers were running through my hair. He sat down on the couch and rolled backward so I was on top of him. We continued to kiss in this position. but then Jake pulled away staring at me. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears away from my face, again, and whispered "its alright bells I'm here,".
Then I realized that my wet shirt was starting to pull me down so I sat up--still on Jacob--and pulled my shirt off. All I had on was my bra. Jacob's eyes slowly widened. he picked me up and laid me on the couch slowly adjusting himself on top of me. We kissed some more but this time more passionately. The heat radiating from his body was pulsating through me my head was whirling. But then he stopped.
"Is this what you really want ,Bella?". I hugged onto his waist and just shook my head yes. This was the kind of thing that happened between people that love each other. No doubt in my mind told me that I didn't love Jacob.
"I love you, Jacob Black," I said
"I love you too, Bella Swan," he began nibbling on my ear.
"ahh…Jake" I moaned. He moved down from my ear to my neck then he reached my chest. He paused and looked up at me. I nodded in approval. He pushed my pink hearted bra down exposing my breasts. Because my bra was still strapped on it caused my breasts to look perky. Jake seemed to like that. He used his tongue to circle my right nipple. With his other hand he began squeezing my left one.
"ohh..ohh…Jake" I kicked my legs, I'd never felt anything like this before. Jacob was now sucking on my breast like a little baby would suck to get milk. The teasing was driving me crazy.
"sit up bells," he said. I obliged and wrapped my legs around his waist, while he struggled to unclasp my bra. Being unsuccessful he groaned and said, "Maybe we shouldn--". He stopped when I put my hands over his and guided them to my bra hook. I helped him undo it and he slid my bra down and threw it onto the floor. I kissed him some more and this time using my tongue, swirling around his.
He kissed each of my breast gently but eagerly and slid his tongue all the way down to my stomach, over my belly button and then to the cold, wet--from the rain-- beginning of my jeans.
Before I knew it I was pulling the belt off of Jake's shorts and he was slowly sliding my jeans off of me. He picked me up off of the couch and started walking. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I just wasn't ready to let go of him yet. I didn't know where he was going but it just felt good to be in his arms. he slumped to the floor halfway to his room when my kisses along with his became more eager which equally measured or passion. But then he got up and it seemed like he was determined to get to his destination.
When we got to his room he gently laid me down on my back. He let go of me as I pulled off his plaid boxers. The last piece of clothing that had to be taken care of were my panties. He slid them down my legs using his teeth as I raked my hands through his hair. I don't think I have to tell you what happened next.
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The rain pattered slowly on his window as I traced the deep contours of his well- developed chest. He kissed my head lightly and when I looked up, and met his eyes he asked, "Bella what just happened?"
"I don't know?…oh gosh Jake…what did just happen?"
"Well...I think we just did it after you came wanting to talk…".he trailed off. I guess he wanted me to finish his sentence.
All of reality was coming back to me as I fell down off my erotic high. "I was going to say that I was willing to give this boyfriend thing a shot if you were" a gleaming smile spread across him sexy face.
"So I guess were a couple. Right? Oh man you think we took it to far?" he smile was slowly fading
" I don't know Jake… its not like we can take it back. But--" I was cut off by the sound of a car pulling up in his driveway. Billy was home and me and Jake were naked in his sons room. This was bad--
