Before the Sunlight Faded
1
..:::.. Now
I touch his warm body beneath the covers, the rigidness I'm so used to clinging onto at night is softened by the bandages around his waist, my fingers careful not to upset his wounds. I touch my lips to the smooth muscle of his shoulder blade, a promise to return.
I want so badly to tell him I love him.
I need so badly to tell him how dearly I do love him.
I wait until the cold of the blue-black dawn snatches me out of bed before throwing on the hood-cape. Cloaked in the darkness of the cape, I wrap a black scarf around my mouth and hair before pulling up the hood and head to the window.
I wrap my fingers around the frame and swing my body out onto the balcony. I know my duty: avenge Shikamaru Nara. The sharp wind of the night is my song as I rush down the stairs, slide between alleys, and travel beneath the sleeping streets of Konoha.
I know my promise: kill Sasuke Uchiha.
I have miles to go before I sleep. I have miles to go before I sleep.
..::..
Then
I have to sit down before I faint. The realization that I'm pregnant hadn't registered at all, until this very moment. Breaths swoop in, stolen from the stale air, and are quickly rejected by my body. Sasuke shifts aggressively onto his side, grunting something incomprehensible as I sit back down on the bed. He shifts on more time, towards me now, before noticing I got out of bed.
I wonder, stupidly, if he can smell the pregnancy on me. Is there a smell? Besides sweaty anxiety and sick fear, my face and body tell him nothing, but then again, I don't have to.
His eyes pop open and settle on me.
A bloated silences passes between us, until he decides to break it with, "Aren't you cold?"
I can breathe again, though I don't want to. Hotly ashamed, I remember my nakedness, but I know my clothes are past this room crumpled somewhere close by the front door, discarded in my need to be full. His wolfish smirk unsettles me and I try meekly to cover myself with the edge of the bed sheet.
He laughs, half cynical, half genuine: "You were good, what are you so nervous for now?"
"Nervous?" I whisper back, no more than a fading echo.
He leans over the bed, away from me, to light a cigarette—a terrible habit anyone who works with Shikamaru learns to pick up. He takes in a drag, knowing full well my sharp nose hates that smell.
"What? Cat got your tongue?" he teases mercilessly, adding: "You're acting like a deer in head lights, Yamanaka."
Deer.
Shikamaru.
I swallow the bitter words because I deserve the pain. I betrayed Shikamaru the moment my lips touched Sasuke's cold ones, seeking warmth of the soul and body. My body tingles remembering his touch, how deliberate and fulfilling they were to each and every need of mine by filling his own. How the door wasn't even locked, but shut only when my back was pushed against it, his readiness swelling from his pants and nudging my inner thigh.
Knowing he wanted what I wanted, I deepened the kiss with my tongue. My clothes were shed an instant before his and within minutes I was beneath him on his bed, his body pumping into mine without pause.
I throw off the covers, not being able to stand remembering what I did last night.
Sasuke's eyes aren't even on me as he says: "Don't go to him. He'll smell me all over you, and there will be blood between the two of us."
He read my thoughts before I even had them.
"What do you want me to do then?" I try to sound indignant, but my rage had shrunk to meekness. I needed desperately to know what I should do.
"Stay with me. Not just for the morning, but for good. It'll be easier that way," he takes another drag, unbelievably calm; "You know I won't mind sharing you with him, but he'll want my head for it. So stay with me, he won't forgive you for sleeping with me anyway."
No. I wanted to say no, I promise. But my mouth, my traitor of a body part, said instead: "You're right."
Because he was.
So I stayed.
I went back into bed, up close to him where his masculine scent turned me on again as he got rid of the cigarette and kissed the curve of my neck, his hand on my lower waist pulling me close. I looked up into his onyx eyes and only found hard desires ignite when our lips touched.
His hands wandered south and I was a victim to his touch, having to bite down hard to keep sounds from escaping. In moments, I was no better than I had been last night.
…
….
…
I couldn't focus on my work, and Sakura could tell instantly.
"So," she began in her all-knowing voice, "where did you go last night?"
"Where?"
"Isn't that what I asked?"
"Where what, I'm busy." I say, pretending to be infinitely intrigued with some patient's records. I shift papers, mixing the important ones with the throw-away so I can resort them.
She clicks her tongue at me, leaning against the cabinet. "You drank too much, didn't you?"
"So? Shikamaru and I got into a fight, remember? Am I not allowed to drink some of the low-blows away, just for one night?"
She sighs, "Sasuke, you slept with him, didn't you?"
The question sneaks at me like a heart attack and my mind runs a marathon before I can say, "Really? Really, Sakura that's what you thought I did with my night?"
"Shikamaru says you didn't go home. I saw you two together last night."
"I visited him at his house, doesn't equal sleeping together."
"Sleep over?"
"Try venting session and mind-your-own business, yeah?"
Sakura gives me a sharp look. "You know how good Shikamaru is for you…right?"
"Yes, yes, everyone seems to know but me." I can't stand talking to her anymore and even that juvenile pink mob of a hairstyle she wears makes me want to mop the floor with it. I feel like throwing up again, but I keep it down, bottled in with my rage.
I storm out of the room, only to run into the last person I wanted to see.
I breathe helplessly: "Sasuke."
"Yamanaka," he acknowledges calmly. He easily blows my cover because not in his entire life has Sasuke stepped into this hospital without being a patient.
I try to shrug it off as pure coincident, and walk past him, but he takes my elbow, then slides his fingers down to my wrist.
I slip my hand out of his before Sakura can rear her pinkness out of the door.
"Yeah, I could restock your medicine for you," I say, making up the lie on the spot. Before he can say anything, I jerk my head to the medicine room and say "Come on."
He doesn't buy it, not for a second. Instead, he enjoys torturing me by saying, "Actually, I came to take you to lunch. I don't take medicine."
I can tell Sakura is watching us so I snap my head to her, "Yes?"
"Sasuke," she nods and turns down the hallway and walks away.
I still can't breathe, even with her gone, paranoid she'll run straight to Shikamaru and say something.
"Yamanaka."
"Hmm?"
"Lunch."
"Oh, I'm not hungry."
He looks condescendingly at me, "I never asked you. Your hunger—or the lack of it—has nothing to do with it."
My eyes narrow at him, "I'm not just going to say 'Right' and walk off with you. I have to stay here."
"Your work can be finished later."
"Is it an emergency to go to lunch?"
"When the Head of ANBU comes personally to take you to lunch, you should know it's equivalent to an emergency."
I close my eyes tight, trying to say the words to refuse him, but instead I open them and agree. When we arrive at lunch, a table is waiting for us, the food already prepared.
"I've never eaten here," I begin to eat after him. Something about the place seems off, like I'm somehow familiar with it, but at the same time…
I see the spikes of Shikamaru's ponytail from the back and nearly collapse out of my seat. Sasuke knows that I know and a smirk shifts up his lips. Shikamaru is eating with Naruto and Kiba, laughing about something Naruto gestured.
I sink low in my chair, no longer touching my food. You terrible bastard I want to say, but I'm a coward to say anything more than try and hide my embarrassment.
"Don't make your food grow cold, Yamanaka."
I glare up at him, wanting to get out of the chair, throw my food at his face and storm out, but instead to keep his voice away from Shikamaru's attention, I begin to eat.
He leans in close, so close I can smell the alcohol on his breath.
Why is he drinking in the middle of the day?
"Know that there is no place I can't take you, even if he's right here, I don't fear him." I can see the thrill of danger molest his eyes as he begins to laugh, looking handsomely rogue. I touch his hand only to quiet him from being noticed.
"Fine," I spit, "You made your point."
"Have I?" he says, itchy for mischief.
I don't see it coming.
His hand is in the back of my hair, bringing me in close for a kiss that makes my toes curl from shock and the amount of alcohol he's drank that I hadn't noticed before. I try to tear my head away, but he holds me firm, tilting hi head for a kiss and surging his tongue in my mouth, knocking over an empty bowl to get closer.
I pound my fist on the table and yank my head back so hard I fall straight out of the chair. I scramble onto the floor, looking up only to find Kiba's eyes meeting mine, then slowly….Shikamaru's.
I don't doubt my red lipstick is a mess on my mouth and evident on Sasuke's. I wipe my mouth, and crawl around to grab the things that fell out of my pocket. Sasuke is smiling erratically to himself while Shikamaru is connecting the scene faster than I want him to.
I try to take off, but Sasuke stands in my way. My hand twitches to slap him, but he just licks his teeth, wiping off my lipstick with the back of his wrist.
"Ino?" Naruto says, innocent in what he's witnessing.
I stare down Sasuke Uchiha with as much anger I can take.
The silence in the room is strangely deafening, until Naruto touches my wrist that I yank away, "What?"
"What are you doing here with teme?" he tries to laugh, but even he can't miss this, "Ino?" he asks when I don't answer him, still glaring at Sasuke.
"It's not so strange to take your woman to lunch, is it?" Sasuke responds for me.
"I am not your woman!" I yell at him, a second before I realize I walked right into what he wanted. He opens his mouth to reveal why I would be his when I say, like it's all just friendly behavior, "We're putting on a play for the children in the hospital as a surprise for them. Sasuke agreed to help out as the hero in the romantic comedy. I just wasn't…expecting the kiss practice."
Shikamaru visibly resumes breathing. He looks straight to Sasuke for confirmation, which he receives when Sasuke responds: "It must be convincing, shouldn't it though?"
"So by 'woman' Sasuke meant for the play." I say lightly, hoping he won't contradict me.
"I want to help the children too," Naruto chimes.
"Akimaru and I can help too," Kiba offers, looking to Shikamaru expectantly.
Shikamaru shrugs, "Anything beats ANBU work."
"The spots are all filled." Sasuke says sharply to them.
"We can make more," I say smiling.
"How, it's only a duet, remember Ino? You told me so last night."
I bite my tongue, pretending to have forgotten, "Right, sorry guys."
"But the boys will be sure to attend, won't they?" Sasuke says to his subordinates.
"Yes, sir," they are forced to respond.
I feel sick, even though I narrowly avoided disaster.
…
….
…
Sasuke.
The silence is turning me slowly insane, I'm sure of it. I frown at my shattered reflection, pieces of the glass lodged deep in the side of my hand and stuck in my fist. I grip the shards until my pain distract the first feelings and whispers of loneliness.
It's eating me alive, toying with my mind whispering words that aren't there, mocking me with the emptiness I'm surrounded by, tormenting me with the left over smell of her that won't leave my bed.
I open my bloodied fist into the trash and pop open another bottle to drown in when the doorbell rings. I jump to my feet, but try not to seem desperate to get to the door quickly before whoever changes their mind. I nearly forget to about my bloody hand and take a hand towel to wrap it in and hurry to the door.
Here she is.
"I know I should've never shown up here again," she says more for herself than me, "but I'm here to tell you that you cannot threaten me anymore," she takes in a deep breath, "If I've learned anything as a teenager, it's to end blackmail quickly."
"That's all?" I say.
That can't be all. That shouldn't be all.
She looks at me as silence runs back and forth between us before she turns on her heels to walk away.
I force myself to smirk. "He won't take you back."
"Who says I need a man?"
"You tore my shirt off," I spit at her, angry she would even consider refusing me and revert to nothing. I can't stand my only thoughts being of revenge and murder, staring at a still clock that moves so slowly there are times I'm sure time reverses.
"I don't believe in mistakes, so I won't call it a mistake. I knew what I was doing."
"Do you know what you're doing now?"
"Making a fool of myself by showing up here, but I can't do this to Shikamaru, no matter what he said that night."
I feel disgusted with myself for even still imagining her underneath me, calling out my name and digging her nails into my flesh. Her wonton words—that do exist melting into my ears as breathless moans and gasps as the loneliness runs away chased by my companion.
I didn't even know I kissed her until she bites me. Still, I kiss her harder, pulling her inside by the waist and shutting the door behind her.
She tears her lips from mine, no longer lured by the same tactic that got rid of her clothes. "I can't."
"You've done it before, haven't you?"
"If I betray him there's no going back, and I-?"
"Is there anything to go back to?" I say against her lips, trying to hide my pleasure at her kisses she offers back. Her tongue touches my bottom lip, assumedly by accident or of its own free will, but I run with it, teasing her back until it's a war.
Her knees give way, but my arms are ready. I pull my lips from her to hear her voice, to prove that my loneliness hasn't exaggerated my desperation for someone else.
"We can't—we shouldn't be doing this," she says. I expect that, but ignore it for a kiss and bite beneath her ear that she leans into, a moan escaping.
"I can forge new memories for you," I breathe against her ear, seizing my chance to make her mine. I slip my fingers beneath her blouse, careful to remember my bloody right hand. "Think of me as your future."
She looks into my eyes, her cerulean orbs misty with want, with the need for me to take over and tell her what she needs to do. For her lost wandering, I'm her guide until she's in my lap, our lips smashing together and our clothes traded for a blanket I left on the couch.
Then I remember my hand a second before she can get a good look at it. I slither from beneath her body and stand up, my hand behind my back.
She wipes her mouth with the back of her wrist, "What is it?"
"Nothing." I say, pulling my hand behind my back.
"You sure?" she stands up now, moving closer to me, so I move back. Her face deflates, "I knew this was a bad idea."
"It's not, I just need to use the bathroom, is all."
"Really?"
I nod at her and move quickly to the bathroom to clean and bandage my wounds. My blood swirls down the sink as I wash my hand, enjoying the pain of hot water scathing the live wounds, losing myself in the pain. The room is steamy with heat by the time she knocks on the door to check on me. I snap into reality and bend over to pick up fresh bandages. Wrapping my hand carefully, I open the door-but she's gone.
I check the entire living room and walk the halls of Uchiha Manor, thinking she took her chance to leave. The tingling of disappointment nearly suffocates me then: "It's beautiful..."
I find her in the garden sanctuary, her nose deep in a flower bed of a kind I'm not familiar with. The garden is rustic and aging, some parts left to decay after years of being left untouched, but the flowers are healthy enough naturally by the open roof that lets in rain and sunshine. It's then that I realize that I've got her, my only incentive to keep her as mine.
Not once did I think it was wrong to steal her from Shikamaru. And I still don't regret walking over to her and promising it to be hers if she would say yes to me.
And she did.
I thought that was my last lonely night and the first night of being full again with the replenishment of my clan just around spring's corner.
I should have thought harder.
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