A/N: Please review, I know this is different than what I usually read/ write, but I hope It'll work out!
Also, Slytherdor, as in should've been in slytherin but was a Griffindor...
I apologize for any misspellings!
Regrets, Reflections and Wishes
Remus L's POV
The rumors are true. Everything you've ever heard, I can tell you it's true.
Peter was a close friend.
Peter rode our tails in academics, (well, Sirius and James rode mine also, except in DADA and Transfiguration) fame and pranks.
The other two taught him how to become an amangus.
Yes, it took him a month longer than the other two.
Yes, he became a rat. In fact, none of us were especially surprised, because he sort of did look like one.
Yes, he came with us every full moon.
Confusingly, yes, he was a Gryffindor. However, I'd be at a loss as to why. Should have been in Slytherin.
No, he was never really up to the Marauder standards, if I do say so, myself.
Yes, he betrayed us to Voldemort.
What else has been said? What hasn't is this…
It's the worst part.
We never suspected anything. A person's soul was supposed to come out in an animal for your amangus, and we never suspected a thing.
After James and Lily died, Peter supposedly died, and Sirius was in Azkaban, I thought I'd lost all my friends.
Only when Sirius broke out of Azkaban and I saw the map in Harry's third year, with Peter's name on it I realized everything… and I began to blame myself for it all.
How could I ever have thought Sirius would betray James and Lily?
A million other things, too, but the worst was so cruel.
How could I have never realized? All the clues were there. He was a rat, he never did really fit with us, and he always rode our tails and did whatever we told him. There was even the fact that 7th year, he started disappearing for hours on end and no one knew where he was.
I guess it was the Gryffindor pride in me. I never caught on because I was too wrapped up in the kindness of my friends to become amangus's, and the naivety of Gryffindor's good legacy.
When Nymphadora Tonks told me she loved me, I lied. I told her that I was too poor, too dangerous and too old for her. While those things were true, that was not the real reason I turned her away.
It was because I knew that while I was beating myself up over not realizing Peter was, quite literally and figuratively, a rat, I could never love someone.
She knew I didn't really care about my age, my wealth or my werewolf disposition, really, though they weren't helpful.
She always came at me, and somehow, after all the late-night parties she and Sirius threw, she started braking down all my defenses.
When Sirius died, I was over come with grief.
But at the same time, I was relieved.
Because when Sirius died, I realized not everything is my fault.
I realized what happened is the past, and there's no point in agonizing over mistakes.
When I started living in the present, with myself and by default, Tonks, for she was always somewhere nearby, I started to fall in love.
Pretty soon, my love overcame the other pathetic excuses I'd had to put her off, and I became victim of emotions. For me, it was never really a problem that I was too old if she didn't care. It was never a problem that I couldn't support her, because she made enough for both of us and she didn't care. It was never a problem that I was too dangerous, because if she didn't care that I was gone for one day a month, it was only one day a month anyway.
Now, as I watch her sleep and hear Teddy's breaths beside her's, I am at peace with the memories.
Peter's fear will be the death of him.
Hanging with Voldemort never served anyone well…
