Note: This is a one shot that I had been thinking about for a while and never finished until tonight. We are well past this point with the adoption and what not on the show, but I just love when Sharon goes all mama lion. It's pretty long, but as always enjoy!
Sharon had been sitting at her desk in the living room, doing paperwork. She came home early today because she couldn't handle the office for one more minute. Their case had been horrible, and she was tired. All of sudden she heard keys jingle in the hallway. She looked at her watch, and thought that it was too early for Rusty to be home. He had been working late hours lately on the set of Badge of Justice, and that morning he said he would be late. She closed the file, and switched off the music. She wanted to talk to him about setting the date for the adoption, but their schedules hadn't meshed lately; no time like the present she thought. He still hadn't opened the door, and she wondered if maybe she was just hearing things.
She went to the door and opened it. She immediately gasped. "Rusty…Rusty, what happened?" He was sitting there on the floor of the hallway crying. She grabbed his bag tossing it in the door, and she knelt down beside him. He never looked up. She laid her hand on his arm very carefully. That got his attention. He looked at her with emptiness in his eyes. It shook her to her core, this was the boy that she loved like a son and someone had done something to him. She would kill them if they had hurt her son physically too. She urged him to stand up tugging on his arm, and he started to move but he winced. He was in some sort of pain, but she couldn't see any cuts or blood. He was wearing a jacket though and that would cover anything major. She stood and helped him up. Once she had him inside and on the couch she sat next to him. He was staring at his lap. It broke her heart, and she didn't know what to say for the first time in a long time. She had no idea if something had happened at work, or with a friend, or even his mother. She was at a loss and she needed him to talk.
"Rusty, please tell me are you hurt?"
He just nodded ever so slightly. "Where are you hurt?" But he didn't respond.
Through everything they had been through he had never been like this. They had a lot of tough times, but never something to bring him to the floor crying, nothing to ever make him not speak at all. She wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulder. The fact that he didn't pull away told her all she needed to know. 'It's bad.' They sat there for what seemed like an eternity to her. She wanted to say things and she wanted to ask questions, but she knew it wasn't the time; he wasn't ready. Finally, he looked at her. She tilted her head and smiled what she hoped would be an encouraging smile.
"Sharon why do you want to adopt me?"
Not what she was expecting at all. They had had this conversation more times than she could count, but this time something was different. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or the tone of his voice. "I love you, and somehow we managed to find each other. Maybe we saved each other a little bit. Nothing in the world would make me happier than to let everyone know that legally you are my son." She was starting to choke up, but she continued on, "You know how I feel about you Rusty. You know why I want to adopt you. Are you having second thoughts?"
This was not the conversation that she wanted to be having. She wanted to know what had happened today, and she wanted to know what was hurt on him and if he needed a doctor.
She was still looking at him and she thought he looked like he was weighing her words. "But what I've done. How can you just accept that?"
"Rusty can you please tell me what happened? I don't understand what is going on?" She was scared that she had done something and didn't realize it. Then, when he turned his glance down she knew this was about his mother. 'What the hell did she do this time?' At least the adoption part was about his mother. She would've been behind glass when they spoke she couldn't have attacked him. That wasn't her style anyway.
"I went to see my mom, but that isn't the bad part. When I left I saw someone I used to know."
"From before?" she encouraged. He was talking about his time on the street. Rusty didn't like to talk about that time with her; she would have to tread very carefully.
"Yeah he had a friend with him, and they were saying things to me. They were making gestures, and I swear I was just ignoring them. I was trying to get to the car, and one of them tried to grab me. I hit him, but the other guy was big. They were trying to put me in a van or something. I know how to fight though. You know that." She did know that, and she just nodded hoping he would continue. "I got away, and I ran. I just kept running. I took a taxi home. I'm sorry I left the car Sharon. I am so sorry for everything."
She wrapped him in her arms, and when he winced she loosened her grip but he gripped her tighter. 'I will kill them myself,' she thought.
"Honey, are you ok?"
"How can you want me when you know what I did? That's what they will always think that I am Sharon."
He was making her go crazy. He needed to tell her if he was ok. A boy his age should not have the burdens that he does. She squeezed him tight and leaned back against the sofa. She said, "It doesn't matter. I know who you are. I know who you will be." He was back to crying. He had seen people from his past before, and it didn't affect him like this. Given, none of them had attacked him, but chalk it up to mother's intuition; something else had happened. She could tell. "What else happened?" she asked.
"I told her about the adoption. It didn't feel right if I didn't tell her." Sharon nodded. She had hoped that he would tell his mother. She would want to know. "My mom told me that you could have me." So there it was. Sharon Beck told him she didn't want him yet again. "She said that I would always belong to her, but you could have me. Obviously she doesn't need me in jail." That was not how she expected the conversation to go. She had expected a fight of some sort, and maybe some manipulation but not straight up I don't need you.
"I am so sorry Rusty," she said. She rubbed his shoulder and said, "I need to know do you need to go to the doctor?"
He shrugged and said, "I don't know." He didn't like doctors.
"Ok go take a look in the bathroom, and let me know please and we will go from there."
As he walked down the hall she grabbed her phone and sent Lieutenant Provenza a message. I may need you to come to my condo. Something happened with Rusty. She walked down the hall hovering by the bathroom door. If he was ok then she needed to find out who these men were. There would be camera footage from outside the jail she hoped. Her phone buzzed with Provenza's response, I am about 10 minutes away.
"Everything ok?" she asked while trying to keep her voice calm and steady. He was taking forever. She was proud of herself for keeping it together thus far, but he was pushing her limits by not letting her know
"I think I have a broken rib…or a few broken ribs," he said. She gasped a little bit, and tears came to her eyes. She blinked them away quickly. He opened the door, and her blood went hot. He was bruised on his whole left side. It hadn't happened that long ago, but the bruises were already dark. She was definitely going to take him to the doctor. "Sharon, it's not that bad. I have had worse. My mom's boyfriends used to give me worse."
"Oh my god Rusty it is bad. Ok put on your shirt we are going to the doctor, and then you are going to tell me what you know about these people. I am going to arrest them personally."
Rusty was giving her a look like he didn't want to tell her. He had a thing about not "narking" on people. She wouldn't let that be the case this time. She returned it with the "don't argue" look. There was a knock on the door. Rusty jumped and said, "Who's that?"
"It's Lieutenant Provenza."
"Sharon!" he yelled. She wasn't going to argue. This was going to happen. She opened the door, and Provenza walked in. She said, "We need a ride to the doctor, I need to pick up my other car, and then we need to go to the office. We can call Julio in once we are headed there." She could tell that he was lost, but he nodded. She gathered up her purse and grabbed the extra keys to the car. Rusty still hadn't moved from the couch. She walked over to him and said, "Let's go."
When they arrived at the clinic and they had taken Rusty back to get an x-ray she filled in Lieutenant Provenza. "Good God," he said.
"I know. I thought we had moved past this part of his life. This is not ok, and we will be pressing charges."
"Of course," he said with a nod. "I will call Buzz and have him get the footage from outside county, and I'll get Sanchez and Sykes to meet us in the murder room."
Sharon was pacing and looking down the hall. She didn't want to miss when they brought him back to the exam room. She could feel Provenza watching her, and she wanted to tell him to go ahead but she thought better of it. He was helping her. Finally she stopped pacing and looked at him as if to say "yes?" He just turned to go make his calls. She wondered why he was calling everyone but Andy. That was the least of her worries at the moment. She hated to bring her squad in after they had gone home for the day, but this was different. They would want to know. Finally, she heard the wheel chair coming down the hallway and she hurried back to his room.
After the doctor had reassured her that Rusty was going to be fine for the hundredth time, she watched the nurse wrap up Rusty's ribs and then leave to go get some paperwork.
"Sharon all of this wasn't necessary…really." He was still wincing when he moved to put on his shirt.
"It is a big deal. You have four broken ribs. I had to be sure there wasn't anything else injured." It was true she had to be sure that a rib wasn't going to puncture a lung or something. Far stranger things had happened.
"I'm really sorry to keep being a problem."
"You are not a problem. The men who did this to you are a problem. Where is that nurse?"
After the doctor's office they headed to county lock up to get the car. Rusty was crouched down in the back seat looking like he could fall asleep. She smiled to herself; even if she had to tell him everyday for the rest of his life, she would make him understand that he was worth it. He was so unsure of why she wanted to adopt him, and yet she couldn't think of one reason she wouldn't. She knew the two men would be long gone by now, but she secretly wished she would stumble upon them. "Rusty, why don't you ride with Lieutenant Provenza. I will meet you there."
"Uh…yeah sure." She figured that he would agree to just about anything in the state that he was in. She wanted to stop in and have a little chat with the other mother. She was just going to set the record straight, or that is what she told herself.
He knew exactly what she was going to do, but he didn't think it was a smart thing given the events from earlier. "Captain, you sure you don't want the kid to ride with you?"
"I'm sure, I won't be long Lieutenant," she stated. She gave him a look that he took, as 'I know what I am doing.' He knew Sharon Raydor better than he cared to admit. There were a lot of things that she could let slide of her shoulders, but you mess with one of her kids and you better prepare for a killer storm. Besides, Darth Raydor had been in the closet way too long for his liking anyway. At least this time it would be aimed in a direction other than his own.
As they drove towards the office he thought about making small talk, but that really wasn't his forte. When they were just a few minutes away Rusty said, "She went to see my mom didn't she?"
He figured the kid had been lied to enough in his life, "Yeah she did."
"Sometimes I wish she would've never come back."
He made a grunting sound. Provenza didn't really like talking about emotions and what not, but he could understand not wanting to see someone. After all he had been married five times. They rode in silence the rest of the way, and when they made it upstairs most of the team were already waiting. Except for Flynn. That moron was off at some weird cleansing seminar. He thought they were past all of that cleansing crap when he went on the medication, but if that is how he wanted to spend a personal day…have at it.
The only question that remained was to wait on the Captain to get back, or start without her. He knew the answer to that too.
Driving to the station after talking the Sharon Beck she felt a sense of relief to have it over with. The other Sharon had been just as bitchy and manipulative as had been expected, but she came around to the idea after some persuasion. Darth Raydor was in full force today, and it was a good thing Sharon Beck had come to her senses when she had. Because she was getting ready to spend the rest of her sentence upstate far, far away from Rusty if she didn't.
Now all Sharon could focus on was getting back to Rusty, and catching these two horrible men. The fact that they thought they could beat and try to kidnap her son made her furious. She would have the full force of her division at her back when she went after them. As she pulled into her parking place she took a breath to calm down and headed inside. As she walked into the murder room she saw everyone gathered around Tao's desk. She figured that they were watching the tape from county. She heard Julio say, "The kid did good." That made her smirk. Julio was their own little bulldog and for him to say that meant something. Provenza noticed her standing near his desk and he walked over to her.
"We wanted to wait to do the interview until you got here," he paused and nodded to her office before continuing, "you know you can't be the one to do it."
She knew that, and since he was 18 now she also knew until the adoption was final she didn't have any legal standing, but that wouldn't make a difference to Rusty. She would be there if he wanted her there...though she figured he wouldn't want her next to him. "I know that. I want to look at the tape first though."
"Tao back it up and show the Captain," Provenza said.
She moved over to Tao's desk. He rose from his chair to allow her to sit, and she nodded a thank you. As the video started to play she felt sick to her stomach. Rusty had fought back, and he fought hard. She was thankful for that because if they had gotten him into that van God only knows what would have happened. It lasted about thirty-five seconds, but it felt like an eternity. She watched as Rusty disappeared from the screen and then her focus went back to the two men. Both were getting off the ground, and one was limping. She hoped that at least one of them had sought medical attention.
"Mike, can you find out if they went into visit someone in county, if they did we should have their names."
"Buzz is already searching the footage from the inside for them right now," Tao said.
"Good, and someone should see if these men sought medical attention," she spun around in the chair to look at her team. They all looked upset, she said, "Let me get him."
She stood, looked around at her team once more, and then headed into her office. Rusty was laying on the ground behind her desk. She shook her head, 'what in the world?'
"Rusty, are you ok? Why are you laying there?" she asked.
"It hurt when I was sitting, and then I felt a little dizzy. I didn't want to lay in the middle of the floor."
Dizzy wasn't good, but she looked at her watch and figured he needed to eat and drink something. "Let's get you a drink, and then as soon as you are done giving your statement I will get you some dinner."
"Sharon do I really have to give a statement, and like be a witness again?"
"You aren't a witness this time, you are the…" she was going to say victim but she didn't think he would like that, "…party pressing charges. There is a difference."
"Fine, but are you like going to be in the room?" he asked.
"Only if you want me to." She said this with her head tilted wondering if he wanted her there.
"Are they going to ask me questions about…like how I know them?" She knew where this was going, and she needed to head it off.
"Only a few and nothing in detail I promise. Amy and Julio are the ones taking your statement, but I will make sure they don't push it. Plus, we have the tape, so really they just need your statement to match up the tape to and then you are all set. It will be quick Rusty."
"Can you just wait for me outside the door or something. I know…you like already know they story, but…" His words broke off and when she looked down at him he looked teary eyed again. "I just…can you just wait for me outside?" She knew exactly what he was thinking. They had played this game before, and she wasn't going to push him any further. To be honest, she didn't want to hear about what these men did to Rusty from his point of view right now. She was too upset and angry. She did think she might even have Dr. Joe call him later.
"Of course, whatever you need me to do," she said.
He started to get up and his face showed all the pain again. She went to help him get up, and once he was standing he hugged her. She hadn't expected it, but she was glad. Immediately she returned the hug. Her mind flashed back to the first time she had hugged him. It was the night he went to stay the weekend with Daniel Dunn. Her instincts had been right about Daniel, and she was glad she hugged him that day too. The fact that he came home instead of running meant something to her then, and it meant something to her now. Their relationship had come so far, and for that matter Rusty had come so far. He wasn't a teenager fighting her every step of the way anymore, he was a young man turning to his mom because he knew she would be there. As he pulled away she moved a hand to wipe the tiny tear in the corner of her eye.
She walked him to the interview room, and Julio had a soda in his hand. She was grateful that her team watched after Rusty; they were his family too. "I'll be right here," she said as he walked into the room. She didn't need to watch the interview right now, but she knew she would probably watch it later. Everyone else was filing into electronics to watch Amy and Julio interview Rusty. Now all she could do was wait. It wouldn't take long she knew that, but she just wanted to take Rusty home. After a few minutes Provenza came out of electronics to join her. They stood together in a comfortable silence for a little while before he broke it.
"How was Sharon Beck?"
This made her smile, "Still wearing a blue jumpsuit, and still as callous as ever."
"We could just send her upstate, you know." he said it with a smirk.
"Don't think I didn't think about it. He wants her here, even if he doesn't think he does right now," she said.
The silence fell between them again, and a few minutes later Julio stepped out of the interview room. "Ma'am, I'm going to get the warrants. You should take the kid home, he doesn't look too good."
She wanted to go on the arrests, but she didn't trust her actions in the moment. Rusty needed her more than her team did. Still she wanted to say something, but before she could Julio said, "I've got this ma'am."
She nodded and said, "Just don't shoot them unless you have to. I don't want my old division investigating you this time." Now Julio was smiling, and he went off to call for the warrants. Tao had the license plate, they knew their names, and Rusty's statement was made; the arrest was all that was left. She opened the door to see Amy sitting across from Rusty. She was telling him something very quietly but stopped when she saw the Captain. Sharon didn't need to know she figured. Rusty stood up, looked at Amy, and said, "Thanks."
With that they headed to her office to get their things. On the way to the elevator, Provenza said, "I'll let you know." That was all she needed to know. In the elevator she asked Rusty what he wanted to eat, and to no surprise he wanted hamburgers. She decided to take him to the diner that was a little out of the way, but he raved that it was the best burger in LA. Who was she to argue with the expert? Once they were in the car she looked to make sure his seatbelt was on, and she noticed some bruising showing up on his arms and neck. She looked away quickly, but he had been watching her.
"Sharon, its not that bad. I'll be fine, you heard the doctor. Bumps and bruises."
She started the car and turned her attention to the mirrors and getting them out of the garage. She drove looking straight ahead. She wasn't sure why she didn't want to look at him. She was still furious someone would attack him, but she was also heartbroken at how he was emotionally. A few hours ago he had been on her floor crying and wanting to know why she wanted to adopt him. One of her children was hurting, and that meant she was hurting too.
As they came to a red light he said barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry Sharon." He had been saying that all day, but there was nothing for him to be sorry for.
"I am so thankful to have you in my life Rusty. You don't need to apologize. You just need to understand that no matter what happens, I will be here." She pulled away from the red light and a minute later turned into the parking lot of the diner. His face lit up, "I didn't expect us to come here."
"You love this place though." That just got him grinning even more.
After taking their favorite booth in the corner, the waitress took their order and brought their drinks. Sharon had decided she too would have a shake, and Rusty just couldn't get over "Miss Health Food Nut" getting a shake. She laughed with him as they drank their shakes. Her phone buzzed in her pocket.
"Captain Raydor."
"We picked up the two assholes. One gave Sanchez a hard time, and if you ask me Sanchez enjoyed it," Provenza said. A faint smile dashed across her face.
"Thank you Lieutenant, we will see you tomorrow. Good night."
"Night Captain," he said.
Rusty gave her an expectant look. "They arrested the men, and apparently one of them gave Sanchez a hard time." That got him giggling and holding his ribs. Laughing would hurt she knew.
Rusty said, "I bet Julio's foot will be hurting again tomorrow." They both laughed and then finished up dessert.
Now riding home in the car, he was lost in thought. He didn't think that he would ever understand how Sharon loved him so much after all that he did; and he didn't just mean what he did on the streets. He meant all he had put her through, and she still opened her arms to pull him in when he came running. The day had been horrible all around. Except for Sharon. She was the rock of a mother he had always wanted. Today she had literally picked him up off the ground, and she had taken care of him. She knew when to let him work through his thoughts, and she knew when he was ready he would tell her everything. She never pushed, and all she wanted was for him to 'be kind and be safe…and to go to school'. He hadn't been safe today, but that wasn't his fault. He didn't go looking for trouble like he used to. He knew that she wasn't mad at him, if anything she seemed upset and at one point terrified. His biological mother would have never reacted the way Sharon did today.
The funny thing was that he was beginning to think that the love he felt for Sharon was a stronger, better love than the love he had for his mom. He would always love his mom, but truth be told, it was like loving a favorite Aunt now. For so long he had held onto the belief that now that she was back she would get better. She ended up in jail though, and she kept lying to him. He thought jail would change her, but today proved that she would probably never change. He knew he had to learn to accept that as hard as it might be. He looked over at Sharon. She had her eyes on the road, and she was clenching the steering wheel…still. He thought that once the guys were arrested that she would relax. She hadn't really though.
Her face had the look on it that he remembered from the day she saved him from Wade Weller. It was a look of heartache and relief all at the same time. He just hoped she didn't stick him with another security detail…that wouldn't happen now, but he wouldn't put it past her honestly. She must have felt him looking at her because she turned her head slightly, and smiled. It was the smile she gave him that said I love you without actually saying the words. He felt like she reserved that smile just for him. He loved thinking that. She turned back to focus on the road.
"Hey Sharon," he said not knowing what was going to follow, but just feeling the need to say something about what she said earlier. She said that she was grateful for him, but he hadn't had a chance to say anything back because they got to the restaurant.
She hummed in response. She did that a lot too, she always acknowledged him. When he was younger he would have to basically shake him mom to get her to focus on him.
"I know that I said I was sorry for causing you trouble today," she looked like she was going to interrupt but he sped up, "but what I really want you to know is…how grateful I am to have you too."
He wasn't always an eloquent speaker, but he thought that he managed to get that out pretty well. They were just pulling into the parking garage, and she parked then turned to face him. Her eyes looked a little misty to him, but her voice came out low and steady.
"You never have to apologize for coming to me with a problem, and I am so thankful you came home to me today…I can't imagine…you not being here."
He thought about her words and they seemed to be much deeper than coming to her with a problem. As she unbuckled he did too, and they got out to head inside. He thought that what she was hinting at was if things had gone any differently today, and if he hadn't come home….no… he didn't even want to finish that thought.
It hurt to walk, but he was going to try to mask the pain for Sharon because he knew she would just worry more. He was walking too slowly though, and she had almost made it to the entrance when she realized how far behind he was. She walked back to him, and put an arm around him to help. She whispered, "You don't have to pretend with me." He just smiled. She was the only one who really understood him.
He wasn't sure how he had gotten so lucky, but he would never regret coming home with Sharon. It hadn't been easy in the beginning, but she had turned out to be the one person he could rely on time and time again. She was his mom, even if it wasn't by blood. One day he would tell her that. He didn't need the other one like he needed this one.
Sharon had gotten Rusty home and now he was in bed. It had been a fight to get him to his room. It seemed like he wanted to do anything, but go to sleep. She hoped he was finally sleeping. She turned out the light in the living room, and made sure the door was locked before she headed to her room. Looking at the clock she realized it was after midnight. She needed to be up in five hours, but if they didn't catch a case she might go in late. She wanted to spend some time with Rusty. She thought she might convince him to come to the office with her. The doctor had told him no work for a week, and Tao had taken care of everything with Badge of Justice in making sure that he wouldn't lose his job. She was so proud and thankful that her squad took care of Rusty like they were each one of his parents. In a way they all were.
She closed her bedroom door behind her, and went to take a shower. This day had been so hard for her. It was like a flashback, only worse, to the night she came home to find Daniel Dunn had beat Rusty. Her heart had sunk into her stomach when she saw him sitting on the floor.
She shook her head as she turned on the shower and tested the water. It had taken her weeks to get the images out of her head last time. At least now he wouldn't have it literally written on his face. She thought about the pain of broken ribs. She had a similar injury years and years ago. She shook her head again. That wasn't a good place for her to go now. She stepped into the shower and tried to wash the day, the thoughts, and the memories away.
Showered and ready for bed she decided to go to check on Rusty before getting in bed. There was light shining out from under the door. 'This boy and bedtime,' she thought. She listened through the door, but she didn't hear anything. She lightly tapped on the door and pushed it open. He was asleep, but the lamp next to his bed was on and his notebook was lying on his chest. He was always writing in that notebook, but tonight it looked like he had been reading it. She had never dared to invade his privacy by reading it. That was his personal space and thoughts. She walked over to the bed, and picked it up closing it without looking at the pages. A picture was poking out of it though about to fall out.
She thought about it for a minute, was she really going to be one of those parents? She had never read Emily's diary, and Ricky had never kept anything like it that she knew of. She slowly opened it. The tape was loose on the picture. The picture was of the two of them at his graduation party. She had never seen the picture before. She had an arm around him, and they were smiling, no more like laughing. He was so happy that day, and that had made her happy. It was candid and she figured that he didn't know someone was taking the picture either. Next to the picture he had written a date and "Graduation party #2 best moment ever". Below it was today's date and "my mom?"
Her heart started fluttering and she smiled wide. This boy would always be so special in her heart. She closed the notebook quickly, and set it down. She sat on the edge of his bed very carefully, so as to not wake him. He was peaceful, and when he was sleeping he looked so much younger. She pulled his covers up, and whispered, "I love you." Then, she switched off the lamp and headed back to her room.
As she crawled into bed she was so happy that she took a peek at the picture, but it made her wonder who had taken it. Buzz maybe, but that wasn't important, what was important was that it was ranked very highly on his best moments list. Who knew he had such a list. The longer she laid there though, the more her emotions washed over her, and the more control she lost of them. She let them go. She had been holding in the crying and wanting to scream all day, it was time she let it out. She thanked God that Rusty was alive and home…home with her tonight. He would be ok physically, and she would make sure he was ok emotionally too. That is what a real mom does. She cried tears of happiness, anger, frustration, and sorrow until she fell asleep finally.
