Cain – 5 years on earth
It's roughly two kilometres.
There are three sort of landmarks on the walk from our house to Abels tree down by the lake. The first is the fire hydrant Abel had a bad dizzy spell next to, fell and split his head open and I didn't know about it until the neighbour called and told me he was bleeding on their spot of pavement and could I please remove him. When I broke the fuckers arm, the police refused to let him press charges.
The second is a house that looks like it belongs to a witch. The woman inside has a temper just as bad as one, and used to always kept her gate bolted shut, scowled at people if they happened to pass by while she was in the garden, if you could even call it that. One day I found Abel sitting on her lawn, both of them laughing at something. It was the first time I'd ever seen her smile; she keeps her gate open now.
The third is the stop sign where I proposed. First time he laughed in my face, then got all serious when he saw that I meant it. Said no three times before he said yes. Little bitch.
Depending on how good he's feeling, Abel will stop at them to catch his breath, or at least that's what he says to strangers when they ask him why he's panting and squeezing his eyes shut because it's easier than telling them he got his fucking head shot up protecting their planet. Strangers get concerned when they see other strangers looking like they're about to throw up.
If there're no stops, it's pancakes for dinner. Those don't happen often. Two is standard, but I think sometimes he stops at the witches house under the pretence of visiting, but really needs to quit for a while. If he stops at all three, it's a bad day. Sometimes there's a fourth, and we call that one the crap bus stop, and those are the crap days. And very rarely, there are five. We don't talk about those days. Barely 35 and walks like a dead man. Don't talk to me about those days.
Tried to explain to me once what it was like, said it was like being in the Reliant except the harness isn't done up and the ships spinning out of control, and all you can do is try to find something to hold on to and hope you don't throw up before it rights itself. I don't like to think about it, because thinking about the Reliant still terrifies the hell out of me.
Walks every day down to that damned tree in the stupid fucking park next to the toilet of a lake, rain or shine, no matter what the weather is or how crap a day he's having. Drives me up the fucking wall. Says it gives him stability, and I'll never let him know how much it bloody hurts that I can't give him what a goddamn tree can.
Goes there to think, or to sit or just fuck knows what. Feeds the geese if there's stale bread in the house. This is his spot, just like I have my lighter, my knife, and sometimes I go to the bar with Deimos after work and don't tell him about it. Some things you don't question because you'll never hope to understand, and really they're not there for you to get. They just are, and that's the way it is, and you respect the other persons fucking privacy because there are some spaces in your head you just don't share because they're too dark, too weird, or not yours to give.
But it's getting late now, and the suns starting to set, and normally he's home now and I worry like a fucking grandmother these days.
Grab my jacket and start down the path, sneer at the fire hydrant. When I get to the old witch's place, she's puttering about the garden, pulling weeds and muttering about something but it doesn't look any better.
Looks up at my footsteps. Bad day, she mouths, and I pick up the pace.
One time he fell asleep there in the dark, and I nearly had a fucking heart attack when I got home after midnight and he was still gone.
Another time I couldn't find him at home or at the tree, wasn't answering his phone, wasn't at work, lost my shit until the witch came over and found him typing quietly in the attic with some earplugs in. Doing some major work on an engine design and was getting annoyed by the flickering and humming of the desk lamp. When I growled at him to next time just change the fucking globe, he laughed and pulled me down for a kiss, stopped me when I forgot where I was and started tugging at his jacket and invited the witch to stay for dinner. Too fucking hospitable.
But sometimes, sometimes he goes there so I can't see him crying.
Once he showed me some stupid fucking movie, snow white I think, where the girl had all the forest animals following her around like she was their drug dealer. Think Abel must be her reincarnate, because all the fucking geese waddle up to him when he visits, honking like hell. But they shut up and sit quiet when he's crying. So even from a distance, it's not hard to tell. If Abel's the drug dealer, I'm the old witch with the apple because they run away hissing when I come close. That movie never made any fucking sense.
So when they start making a fuss, Abel knows I'm approaching and turns his face away into his shoulder. Huddles into himself when I crouch down and I can hear the hitch in his breathing, see the tremors in his shoulders.
Fucking geese don't give anyone any fucking privacy.
"How many?"
He holds up his hand, and stretches out all five fingers. Then lifts the other hand and raises the index, slowly, like he doesn't want to do it but there are invisible strings pulling it up and they're too strong to fight. Keeps his head turned away.
Shit.
Grab his hair a little rougher than I mean to, and drag his face to mine. Kiss him, hard, because right now it doesn't matter that his face is wet or that I can't tell if he's whimpering because he likes it or he's just crying. Doesn't fucking matter just as long as he's here. Put my arm around his shoulder and lean against the tree trunk, and with the late sun hitting my face I think that I kinda get now what he means when he's says that the tree is stable. Still don't like it though. Not my fault I wasn't born a bloody tree. Maybe I should change my name to Cedar or something. Or Forest. Yeah. A whole fucking field of stability.
Stay like that until Abel moves to get up, eyes dry now, and it's down to four before we're back at the house. His parents drop by later, and neither of us mention it.
Some things, you just don't share with others, because they're too dark or they're not yours to give, just like we call each other Cain and Abel when no one else is around.
A/N –
And now, a snippet for next time on fanfiction with Laura!
"Oh Bering, I'm going to cook you up something special" the commander teased as his tongue snailed lazily down the other mans leg, leaving a wet trail that had Bering panting like a puppy.
Just kidding. Or am I? ;) No I'm kidding they're both so creepy D:
