Gale Comforts Annie after she finds out Finnick has died. (Annie's POV)
Somebody's knocking on my door, but I don't want to get up and open it. I hear another person walk up and they speak in muffled voices and a pair of footsteps walks away from my room as the door opens. "I didn't let you in" I say coldly as I look up to see who it is.
"I don't need your permission to come into here, I was sent here." Retorts Gale wrinkling his nose as there was quite a smell of vomit in my room.
"This is technically a break -" I get cut off as a gurgling sound comes from my throat and I start to throw up again. Luckily, Gale has a quick hand and he was soon sitting next to me by my bed with a bucket under my nose, nearly gagging himself. " I'm sorry, I think I have some sort of illness, I've been like this for a few days" I say awkwardly as Gale tries to clean up the mess. I was actually really thankful for him being there, but I was never going to admit that!
"A few days? Maybe you should be taken to the hospital? It could be something serious." Says Gale seriously, although I don't think he really cared, but was just trying to make me feel better after throwing up. "No, I think I'll be fine. But I need to change my clothes and clean up, I look a mess." Finnick's death has affected and even changed me a lot. I have become horrible to everyone, blaming everyone I see for his death. I haven't gotten out of bed for days, and I don't eat fir days straight sometimes. I don't let anyone help me, and don't get personal with anyone because I'm scared of loosing them too. I lost my family, friends, and my wonderful Finnick, I don't want to lose anyone else, I don't want to care about anyone. I get up and without thinking, open Finnick's clothes closet and quickly close it, hoping that Gale hadn't noticed, unfortunately he did. "Is that all of Finnick's old things?" He asks shyly. I feel a silent tear roll down my cheek as I nod slightly and answer
"Yes". I start moving to the bathroom to avoid anymore awkward conversation, however, gain, Gale wants to be nosy.
"Do you mind if I take a look?" He says with his stronger voice. I stand in place for a couple of seconds before I turn around and look him in the eye and snap
"Why? You were never close to him, you didn't feel any pain did you?" I glare at him and then realise what I've said, and I start crying and manage to croak "Go ahead" before running into the bathroom in tears. I don't know how long I stayed in the bathroom for, or if Gale did ever look in Finnick's things, but by the time I come out, the room is empty and there is a plate with a breakfast served on my bedside table. I dive for it straight away, as I had not eaten or gotten out of bed for days. It felt good to finally eat, and be clean and fresh (I had just had a shower) but it didn't make the pain go away. I still did everything miserable: walked slouched; didn't speak to people and I mostly spent my time in my room looking at photo albums of Finnick and I, occasionally getting up to throw up. It was one day, when I was lying in bed after about a week of throwing up, when I threw up again that it hit me. "I'm pregnant" I thought. Thats when I screamed, and I don't remember anything apart from Gale running in.
I wake up and smell coffee and turn to the side to throw up because the smell is revolting, but then it goes away. I look around the room, and see Gale and Haymitch sitting in a chair. By the looks of it, Haymitch had been holding coffee, and Gale had the sense to take it out of the room before I could gag. "How long have I been asleep for?" I ask quietly. The guys look at each other uncertainly and then Haymitch speaks up "Three days"
"We thought we lost you" Adds Gale quietly.
"Why would you care?" I say eyeing him suspiciously. I didn't understand why I was here, or Gale. Or Haymitch for that fact. Maybe they were here to tell me I had to leave? Or maybe Finnick was still alive! "You've been acting different lately, you used to be the sweetest, most innocent person anyone could find in here. But now you're cold to everyone, and you don't come out of your room or eat often. You needed help, so I thought I'd help you." Says Gale quietly. I noticed that he still hadn't answered my question, but he was being really nice, so I softened my tone.
"I still don't understand why you're here though, you haven't answered my question".
"He's here, because every since everything happened, he feels like every death is his fault, even though people have told him countless times he couldn't do anything about Finnick's, Johanna's, or Prims death. But he won't take no for an answer, he needs to make it up somehow, so the only way he can do so is to try and make you and all the other people feel better. However it is not his place, he doesn't need to if he doesn't want to but he is doing so wether you like it or not, so don't try saying no, because he'll just keep coming back." Says Haymitch, and Gale looks down and shuffles in his chair.
"But I don't need help! I'm fine! What are you on about?" I say quickly, although I've never been a good liar.
"Pfftt, please Annie, you're the worst one here, so Gale has come to you last. He's tried to make the others feel better and he has mildly succeeded. so don't think you can get out of this, because it's not your choice." I sigh and lie back on the bed in the hospital.
"So whats wrong with me? Am I crazy? Or, well crazier than I was before?"
"Well not exactly, if anything you're more sane than you were, Finnick's death brought you back to reality, but properly. There is only one way I can tell you this and it's just the truth through and through. You have a serious case of depression that you really need help with. You will be staying in the hospital for a couple of -" Gale says
"WHAT? No! Leave me alone!" I try to protest.
"It's not your choice, because thats not the only thing. You're also pregnant, which is why you have been throwing up so much, and the doctor has made some tests, and he says that it's Finnicks (not that anyone was doubting that!" Finishes Gale. I am seriously taken by surprise, before I would never have called myself depressed, but now I think about it, it all makes sense, especially the pregnancy. But as the news sink in, I realise this baby will not have a father, it will be raised by a single, hopeless mother, who is depressed.
"I want an abortion" I blurt out.
Haymitch and Gale were both taken by shock, but after a couple of minutes of silence I ask them to leave so that I could 'sleep' but obviously, that was not what I was going to do. After a couple of hours when I was sure everyone was asleep, I snuck out of my room and started walking into the direction of the exit door. However, as soon as I turned the first corner, I bumped into someone and he yelped and jumped back.
"Annie?" Says the voice. It was Gale.
"Shhh" I say instinctively, and I take him by the arm back into my room so that we could talk normally. It was so upsetting how I couldn't even get out of a building without having to bump into someone, and of all people it had to be Gale. We walk into my room and I get back into my bed and wait for the awkward conversation to come, but it never does. I look up at Gale and see him staring at me, and he blushes as we make eye contact.
"Why do you want an abortion?"
"Isn't it obvious? The baby will have no dad and a crazy mum, I don't want that." I say sadly.
"What if by then, you will already have gotten better, what if you will be happy, what if you find someone who helps you get over Finnick and you love him, and he loves you just as much?" Asks Gale, seemingly hopeful.
"Well that won't happen, because I've made a promise to myself; don't let anyone in. I can't let myself get hurt like that again, even if won't ever happen I'd rather not risk it at all." I say.
"why not? If you shut yourself out from everyone you won't want to live anymore. Whats the point of life, when life is created by the people in your life, the people who help you through your ups and downs. But an abortion is definitely not what you need! You're basically killing your own child, Put it that way. If you don't want a child, you can always give it up for abortion." Says Gale meaningfully. I sigh and keep silent, thinking that maybe this was a mistake, maybe I should keep the baby, maybe I will find another person who's not Finnick. Oh Finnick what have I done! This is not what you would have wanted for me, you would have wanted me to be happy wouldn't you? You would want me to keep the baby, not kill it! "I'm a horrible person! I just had the thought of killing my baby. Mine and Finnick's baby, what kind of mother will I be? Oh god, what have I done? Where's Finnick?" I start shouting "WHERE'S FINNICK? WHERE IS HE? SOMEBODY FIND HIM" This is when I start to jump out bed and pound on the walls. " I NEED HIM, WHERE IS HE, NOOO! FINNICK! I CAN HEAR HIM! HE'S CLOSE! WHERE IS HE! FINNICK I'M HE-" Somebody stabs an vaccine into me and I slump on the floor.
I wake up in a different room, and this time I'm alone. This is when I realise that I'm not passing out for days, the want me to pass out for days. There's something in those injections they give me. I don't do anything for hours, whenever someone comes in I pretend to be asleep. I don't want to speak to anyone, and I'm so confused. I want to speak to someone, but I won't. There is no way I can make myself vulnerable again, I knew I shouldn't have. I let someone in and I went crazy. In the end I didn't do anything until I fall asleep.
When I'm awake again, I am not so fortunate to be alone again, Gale is here, So is Haymitch and a couple of doctors. I try to move my arms but I am pinned down. "Let me go, you have no right to do this to me!" I say aggressively. But by the looks on their faces, I know theirs no way in hell, that they're going to let me go. I wonder why everyone has gathered here, and as if reading my mind, Haymitch says " Annie, we want to help you. But if we can't do that with you being calm, you're going to have to be kept down. I'm pretty sure Katniss told you how I threatened to insert food through a tube if she didn't eat, and the same thing will happen to you. There is nothing you can do, we are going to help you, let me tell you again, wether you like it or not."
"If this is your idea of help, you're a madman. Both of you. Everyone in this world. THIS is not help. THIS is abusing a person. If I wanted help, I would've asked. I don't NEED help, please. Let me go, I want to go back to my room. I don't want to be disturbed." Again, I didn't expect anything to happen, and nothing did. I glanced at Gale and noticed he had been staring at me, and he looks away guiltily. "If you don't do that, could you at least leave me in peace? I want to be alone" Although deep down, I knew that was not true. For some reason, I wanted Gale to stay, I liked the way he spoke to me, it reminded me of Finnick. However, I was too cowardly to say anything as everyone left the room, however I noticed Gale stare at me again, then look away.
A couple of days later, I wake up and I'm back in my room. I smile to myself because I was proud of myself for being demanding enough to get what I wanted! I look around the room, and notice Gale and Haymitch sitting in the armchairs. "When will I be left alone?" I think to myself. This was the second time that I had to wake up to see Haymitch and Gale, and if it happened a third time, I swear I would kill someone. They hadn't yet noticed that I was awake, so I decided to try and sleep for a bit more, or at least see if they would go away once they thought I wouldn't wake up. So I closed my eyes again, and shuffled in my bed a little.
"Thats not going to help darling, we've been here all night and we're not going to leave. You either speak to us or you make us sit here for a couple more hours." Said Haymitch through a mouthful of what I suspected to be my breakfast, however I didn't mind as I wasn't hungry. I wasn't hungry at all lately, actually. I lay quietly for a bit, then I said "Why am I here?", although glad I was that I was there, but I didn't understand why they obeyed me. Whenever I had asked them to do something before, they had ignored me completely.
"Because you asked to be" Shrugged Haymitch as if it was obvious.
"You've never done what I've asked before!" I point out, thinking I sound clever.
"That because the only other thing you've asked us to do is to leave you alone, and we can't do that. Not in the state you're in" Gale says calmly. I stay silent as I realise that that is true, and have nothing else to say. But there is no need for me to say anything, because Gale continues anyway. "From now on, a medic will be visiting you daily to check up on you and the baby. If you want an abortion, you have a week to say so because the doctor says it will be too late later. However you know the doctor is not only going to come to see you about the baby, and he's not the only person who's going to come, you will get a therapist as well, and you will speak to him about everything. How you've been feeling, what happened, etc." He stops to catch his breath and then continues "You will also be going outside every day for a walk with me for a couple of hours so that I could see if you have progressed or not, because after three months, if you have not, you are going back into hospital.|" He looks at me hard for a while to see what I would say but the only thing I do say is
"Where is my say in this?" And to that Haymitch and Gale just laughed, which I didn't understand why. Although it was probably because I didn't have a say in anything. So for the rest of the day I was introduced to the doctor (Hector Loncrow) and had my first session with my therapist (Darren Thomas, who was actually really nice). The session went a bit weird, because I don't usually speak my feelings. I used to, but only to Finnick, my Finnick. So I didn't really know what I would say, and I guess I was a bit cold to Darren. Here is something what the session went like. "So Annie, I'm here to try and help you, but I want you to remember one thing; not everybody can get help."
"I already know I can't be helped, why are you here?"
"Annie, you're going to have to trust me if you want me to help you, because I'm going to have to know everything, from the very beginning."
"From the very, very beginning? Like when I got selected to participate in the bloody games? Or was it when I went crazy afterwards? Oh wait no, it's going to be when I found out that the love of my life had to go back into the games isn't it? Wait I was wrong, you want me to tell you how 'hurt' I was when he got god damn eaten!" This is when he looked at me understandingly. It was such a look, that I thought he had been through exactly the same thing! But then, he was back to the therapist self, and said
"Annie, I'm going to need your cooperation if you want me to help you."
"I don't want your help" I say. But he's one of the people like Gale who won't take no for an answer.
"Imagine I'm Finnick-"
"BUT I CAN'T I MAGINE YOU'RE FINNICK BECAUSE HE'S DEAD ISN'T HE?" I shout from the top of my lungs. That doesn't break him though (obviously) he was trained to be patient, even with the craziest people.
"Okay, then imagine I'm someone you care about, someone you trust who you can tell anything to, someone who's not Finnick, because as you pointed out, he isn't with us anymore." I decided I would try, for the sake of it because I and remembered I would be back in hospital if I didn't get better. For some reason, when I tried, the only person I could think about was Gale, I tried for a couple of minutes to think of anyone else, my sister maybe, but no, Gale was the only person.
"Okay" I say calmly. "I'm ready."
"Now imagine I've just asked you how you've been feeling ever since Finnick died." This wasn't easy, because I hadn't told anyone, and I hadn't been expecting to for a good while, but I had to try.
" I-I" I tried to begin, but straight away Darren saw that was too much to ask for at the beginning.
"Okay, that was too much. Try and remember how you felt when you first got chosen for The Hunger Games and what you were feeling." This was a bit easier so I started quicker.
"I, I remember being shocked. Everyone was silent, and the world stopped moving for a minute. But then I heard my older brother gasp out 'no' and I was brought back to life. I started screaming and shouting, and not want to go, not caring that I was being disgraceful to my district. I was full of adrenaline and my heart was beating fast and I started running, thinking I might be able to escape it if I did run. But obviously, as soon as I started the guards caught me and carried me to the stage where I was to shake hands with the boy from my district; Connor Tuke. I didn't really know him, because he was three years older than me, and he looked so big and strong. He was always the popular guy at school, always the one who got the girls. I shook his hand even though i was shaking all over. T-The only person to come and see my was my brother, because my mother died when I was younger, and my father had no care in the world wether I lived or died. To him, I was just another person who he had to pay for, so he was probably pretty glad that I was leaving. Too soon, my brother had to go and I was on the train, where I ate nothing, and just lay on my bed for the whole journey, thinking about what had happened. Obviously when I got there I built myself up, because I told myself I was going to win, going to win for myself and my brother, because without me he would be lost. Even though he was older, I had always been older in the mind, he always seemed so lost." I stopped and realised that was the only person I had ever told about anything apart from Finnick and started crying. However Darren needed to hear more, so he asked "and what happened to your brother?"
"H-he died of starvation whilst I was in t-the games because he was p-positive I wasn't going to survive." Which was all I was able to croak out, and I think Darren understood that because he sighed, put a hand on my shoulder and muttered "Thats enough for today" and walked out.
