Summary: AU-ish: Snippets of memories about Ryoma and Fuji. Love, jealousy, hate, regret...a story of their life to death. Yaoi. Thrill pair, perfect pair, ponta pair, Tezuka x OC. Be warned, this is angst and a tragedy. Not exactly a full story with transitions. One-shot.
Author's Note: Characters may be out of character. This fanfiction is not related to the anime/manga. This is yaoi, which means male x male.
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis.
Warning: Rated M for safety. Mentions of sexual themes, but nothing explicit.
All Things Come to an End
It began long ago—his feelings for that man with the blue eyes. He always watched him from the corner of his eyes, but he never said a word. He remained silent and watched from afar. It was the only way because that man loved someone else. Someone who he also highly respected and saw as a rival in tennis. The two were always together. It was such an obvious sight, but despite their relationship being obvious, the rest of the tennis members never said a word. It was like a secret kept among them. So even when the two ended up breaking off with each other, the tennis members kept their silence still. But he couldn't. He couldn't stand to watch as the man he loved fell in despair. And so, regardless of the fact that the two had just broken off, he took his chances.
"Fuji-sempai," he called out quietly one day in the tennis club room.
His sempai turned around at his voice and smiled at him gently. It was his usual smile, but Ryoma could see pass it all. He knew Fuji was hurting behind that smile because Tezuka couldn't accept being in love with a man even though they had been going out for nearly a year. He wanted to do something...anything to dissolve that pain. He wanted the real smile back. Shifting on his feet, Ryoma lowered his head and tipped his cap down. "I like you," he said, almost too quickly. There was a long silence before he heard Fuji chuckle. He glanced up to look at Fuji. He had a look of contempt, which surprised him. But still, he waited for an answer. Fuji stopped laughing long enough to stare at him.
"You're not kidding," he said in awe.
"No," Ryoma answered with confidence, "I will try to make you happy...no, I think I can."
It may sounded a little arrogant, but he trusted himself that he could. Then Fuji laughed again. It was a stab to his pride, but he held his face blank and continued to stare. Finally, Fuji stopped and sighed.
"Don't be an idiot," Fuji muttered, "I don't love you."
"I know you love Tezuka-buchou," Ryoma stated, "But I think we can work something out."
Fuji seem to stiffen at Tezuka's name. A glare was directed at him moments later. However, it didn't scare him off. He'd seen worst glares on the tennis courts during competitions. He watched as a slow, cruel smile formed on Fuji's face. Fuji stood and took a step closer to him. He stopped when they were inches away from each other. Then he leaned over grabbed him by the chin, forcing his head to tilt up.
"So you're fine with being fuck buddies?" Fuji asked coldly.
"If that is what you want," Ryoma said.
It wasn't what he wanted, but if Fuji wanted that, then he would comply because he loved him. Maybe Fuji might start to love him. Suddenly, the smile on Fuji's face disappeared and he leaned down, sealing their fate with a hard, cold kiss.
Their relationship began like that with Fuji using Ryoma to his own convenience. However, Ryoma didn't give up. He continued to do as Fuji said, hoping that maybe one day he would begin to love him. But, ever was he such a fool. The evening of their sixth month anniversary, he caught Fuji and Tezuka in the club room after tennis practice. Everyone else had already left. Tezuka was kissing Fuji. Frozen on the spot, Ryoma watched on as the two made love in the very place he had confessed to Fuji. It was like a stain to his memory. Every bit of hope he had crumbled into the abyss. Something dark seeped into his heart. He turned away from it. He couldn't take it anymore. He went home that day without bothering to grab his things. The next morning, he came to school, but he never did confront Fuji about what he witnessed. After all, he should have known. Their relationship was nothing more, but fuck buddies. It was only his imagination, believing Fuji, hoping, that he would love him. Everything was one-sided. Yet, when tennis practice came around, Fuji hadn't said a word and the tension between Tezuka and Fuji had gotten worst. Ryoma assumed Tezuka still refused to accept Fuji even though he was happily using his body. It pissed him off and so, the whole time during practice he gave Tezuka the cold shoulder. That night, Fuji had told him to come over to his house. Ryoma accepted even knowing it would only hurt. When he went, Fuji immediately dragged him to his room and forced him on the bed. They had sex, but it was rough and painful with Fuji taking out his frustration on Ryoma. But he endured it for Fuji. He endure every scratch, every bite, and every painful thrust to make Fuji happy. It should have been his warning that such a relationship like that couldn't go on, but he wanted Fuji despite everything. And so, the relationship continued.
It didn't take long for Fuji to return to Tezuka once the captain came to terms with his feelings. It took about a week before Ryoma figured out their affair behind his back. He caught them in the club room again. Even though it was like a knife ripping into him, he stood outside the door and listened to their conversation.
"Everything is going to be okay," Fuji said, "I love you. I'll always love you. And I know you love me too. You can't deny that."
"No...I won't," Tezuka said, "I don't want you to leave me."
"I won't."
Ryoma felt the fragile ground beneath his feet shattered into millions of tiny pieces. Hate seethed inside him as he turned away from the club room. He could not believe how much he gave up for Fuji only to have him run back to his lover. But it was also partially his fault. He should have known their relationship couldn't continue like it was. Fuji never loved him. His eyes still wandered back to Tezuka. And him...he loved Fuji, believing it was okay as long as Fuji was beside him, but he was selfish. He wanted more. He wanted Fuji's love and he hated that he couldn't have it. He hated that Fuji couldn't love him like he loved Tezuka.
So when he returned home and his father told him he should go to America for the US Open, he willingly took the offer. He needed to get away from the painful memories. Even though it meant he was running, it was better than facing the confrontation of Fuji and Tezuka getting back to together.
"You're going to America?!" Momoshiro voice blasted through the club room, causing all the tennis members to look at him.
Ryoma sighed and cluck his tongue. He knew it wasn't a good idea to tell Momoshiro that he was leaving. He hadn't even inform the others yet, not even coach Ryuzaki. In a way, it was a revenge against Fuji who had in turn, ignored him while he turned all his attention to Tezuka once more.
"Why didn't you tell us, ochibi?" Eiji said with a pout.
"What about Nationals?" Momoshiro asked with a frown, "I thought you were going to come play with us. We're suppose to go as a team!"
"You'll be fine without me," Ryoma said with a shrug, lugging his bag over his shoulder.
There was more fusses, but Tezuka eventually put an end to it, wishing him luck in the US Open. He grunted in reply, noting the concerned look on Fuji's face. Inwardly he cringed at the sight of Fuji's face. He knew now, that the expression on his face meant nothing. As the rest of the members left one by one, saying their goodbyes to him, he realized Fuji hadn't moved. When it was just the two of them, Fuji approached him cautiously.
"You didn't say anything," Fuji whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why should I?" Ryoma asked.
"...Tezuka and I-"
"I know. Be happy."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize."
Fuji tried to reach out to him, but Ryoma flinched, quickly moving his body. He glanced over his shoulder and glared at Fuji. "Don't touch me," he growled.
"We were so intimate before," Fuji said.
"Not anymore."
"When are you leaving?"
Ryoma turned around and face Fuji. He was still the same as before. Beautiful, gentle...the sempai he loved, but hated. He didn't know anymore. He scoffed, a wan curve of his lips touching his face, "You don't need to know," he spat and walked passed Fuji.
He was nearly at the door when Fuji asked, "We're still friends...aren't we?"
He took a breath, staring out the open door. The words left his lips before he could even stop himself, "I don't want to see your face when I leave." And then he left the club room, never looking back once.
America wasn't so bad. He enjoyed not having to remember Fuji and all the pain that came with him. But he eventually returned to Japan because he missed his friends and the "fun" times he had with the club members. Aside from the miserable love life he had, he did want to be with his friends again. And so, he returned to Japan. Nothing seem to have change and everyone welcomed him back with open arms. But life was too similar and once again, he fell into the pattern of watching Fuji even though he tried not to. Every time he did, he scolded himself. He needed to looked elsewhere. He needed someone new to love. So his attention fell on Ryuzaki Sakuno. She was a sweet girl, patiently waiting for him even after all the ignoring. Without much thought, he chose to date her, wanting to start anew. However, it didn't take long for her to realize Ryoma did not love her. But instead of breaking up with him, she smiled and told him as long as he can give her one percent of his attention, she would gladly stay at his side. Upon her request, he did. There were times he saw her painful smile when he left with another lover, usually male, and it made him feel guilty. He was doing the same thing Fuji had done to him when he was still with Fuji. Sighing, he decided he needed to stop what he was doing. By the time high school was over, he devoted himself to her and tennis, pushing every memory of Fuji away. Or at least...he tried. Fuji and Tezuka were still together and they were going to the same college as him. Every minute of the day, he witness them together and every time he saw them, it broke his heart even more as if tiny pieces of glass shard were being impaled into him. But life goes on and college eventually ended. They all went their separate ways and life seem to settle into a slow pace.
He decided to marry Sakuno. She was completely devoted to him despite his flaws. He wanted her to be happy even if he could not truly love her. He owed her at least that much though. Their wedding was planned in a few months with the help of his mother and his cousin, Nanako. To his own surprise, Sakuno had invited all the members from the tennis club. He didn't want her to, but he knew she was only thinking what was best for him. So when the wedding happened, he saw them again, but Fuji and Tezuka came separately. What surprised him even more though, was that Tezuka brought a woman. She was introduced as Tezuka's fiancee. His head whipped around the room, looking for Fuji. His eyes fell on the older sempai standing far away, but looking on at them with envy. He knew with one look at Fuji that Tezuka and he had finally ended things. Tezuka chose to a normal life, leaving Fuji behind. He too, was going to the same.
While getting ready to walk to the altar, he was stopped by Fuji. He was congratulated, but then a silence fell around them. Ryoma waited, but when Fuji didn't say anything, he started to turn around.
"Tezuka left me," Fuji blurted quickly.
"I noticed," Ryoma said, his eyes on Fuji again.
"I realized...that after a while...I kept thinking about you, even when I was in a relationship with Tezuka. I...I really loved you."
Words he had wanted to hear for so long touched him. They grabbed him by the strings of his heart and pulled, squeezing him so tightly he could barely breathe. They were the words he longed to hear coming from Fuji's lips. The man he loved then...the man he still loved even now. But then he remembered. He remembered seeing Fuji looking at Tezuka earlier on at the wedding. It wasn't him. The memories of their middle school and high school years bombarded him in one impact and all the love he had for Fuji turned to hate. He glared at the man standing before him. "It's too late," he said, "Don't ruin my wedding." Hateful words he knew he would regret, but he felt a wave of satisfaction from the hurt on Fuji's face. He wanted him to feel the same pain he felt when Fuji chose Tezuka over him, when all the love he gave him was tossed aside like some old toy. He couldn't forget. He couldn't forgive. He turned away from Fuji and headed to the altar without another word. He knew he would regret it, but didn't dare to turn around and risk everything again for the same man.
About a year later, Sakuno gave birth to a boy. They became a family of three with Sakuno being a stay at home mom while Ryoma continued his tennis career. Things were quiet for a while. But a year later after his son had turned one, he received a message. He checked his cell phone and noticed the familiar number. Fuji was asking him to go drinking, but instead of accepting it, he declined. It would have been too awkward. Later that night, he received another phone call. He answered the phone and was informed Fuji had died in a car accident. He had been driving under the influence and crashed into tree. It was death on impact. A cold shiver ran down his spine. He shakily hung up the phone and stare at it. Fuji was dead? It could not be true.
"Dear, what's wrong?" Sakuno asked, "You look pale."
Ryoma turned to her and whispered under his breath, "Fuji-semapi...is dead."
The look on her face told him everything. She knew how he felt about Fuji and hearing the news had made her sad, but not because of Fuji's death, but for him. She wrapped her arms around and hushed him as he stood frozen with shock.
"When is the funeral?" she asked.
"A week from today," Ryoma replied quietly.
"Take a break from tennis...I think you need to go."
"I...can't."
"This is your last chance...go."
He yielded and nodded his head. A week passed painfully slow and then the funeral was upon them. Dressed in a black suit, he attended the funeral with Sakuno and their son. There he saw all the tennis members. Tezuka was also there and he sitting on his knees stiffly. His wife was sitting beside him with her arms on his. A tinge of hate formed in Ryoma. If only Tezuka had loved Fuji more, then he would be happy. He wouldn't have died so young. But then, he was also at fault. Guilt consumed him as he sat expressionless. The funeral was filled with silence and remorse ending a few hours later. As they left, Ryoma was stopped by Tezuka.
"It's good to see you again," Tezuka said.
"You too," Ryoma nodded his head.
"How's your wife?"
"Good."
"I see you have a son."
"Yeah." Ryoma looked over to Sakuno who waiting for him. She was holding their son in her arms. He sighed and glanced back to Tezuka. "Let's stop this formality. Just get straight to the point. You wanted to talk about Fuji, didn't you?"
"...you loved him," Tezuka stated.
"I did...so did you."
"We wronged him. We should have...loved him more."
"No...you should have loved him more. He loved you more than anything...was willing to give up the one person who would have done anything for him just to be with you."
Tezuka flinched from his harsh words. "I know," he mumbled.
"But he said he loved me..." Ryoma whispered. The words were spoken so quietly as if it was spoken too loud, the world would end.
"He did."
"Did he ever...talk about me when you two were together?"
"All the time. I had a feeling that he had already fallen in love with you, but was too stubborn to accept it. But I was selfish. I didn't want him to leave me."
"...but you left him."
"So did you."
"We can't change it. We have to keep living knowing...we could have done something. That it was..."
"Our fault. We drove him onto the edge. Continued on living normals lives, leaving him behind to desire for something we didn't want to give him. Our selves...our trust...our love."
Ryoma took a deep breath and exhale. He bid farewell to Tezuka and returned to Sakuno's side. When they arrived home, he locked himself in his room. He took out his cell and stared at the message Fuji had sent him which he never deleted. Although he had declined the offer, he couldn't erase the message. It was his last connection—the last connection that drove Fuji away, the one that killed him. Ryoma clenched his hand around the cell phone. A sob broke through his lips. He didn't want to cry at the funeral because he didn't want others to see. His feelings for Fuji were private. They were his alone. He wanted no one to see his tears, not even Sakuno. And so, he cried silently, his body shaking while clutching the phone close to himself, wishing that maybe, if only he had accepted, Fuji would still be here. All the hate and resentment toward his sempai vanished. All that was left was a lingering love, a longing for a time when things could have been better. If only he had accepted Fuji's confession at his wedding, he could have been happily living with the one and only man he ever loved. The one person he truly loved. If only he had been like how Sakuno had been to him, waiting patiently for him, always staying by his side and loving him even though he could not love her. If only he had not been selfish, wanting Fuji only for himself. But those were "if's" only and it could not change what was already done. Fuji was gone from the world. He had left behind a grieving family and two men who would forever remember him as a love gone wrong.
That night he had dreamed of the first time he slept with Fuji. He had woken up from their love making to find Fuji genuinely smiling at him. It was the sweetest moment in his life, but when he woke up to reality, it only brought him more pain. Fuji had a place in his heart no one could ever replace. He was a memory etched into his very mind...into his very flesh.
His son was gay. Sakuno didn't seem surprise, but Ryoma stared at his son blankly. Hearing those words made him remember Fuji. He stood and walked away from the room with his son yelling after him. He ignored it and locked himself in his room. He didn't want his son to go through the same hardship he did, but he also wanted his son to be happy. He just needed time to himself.
His son left home after believing he had not accepted him for he was. Sakuno had tried to stop him, but in the end, she failed. For the next thirty years, he lost contact with his own son, unable to patch things up between them. Then, as he lay on the hospital bed, ill and weak from old age, his felt a large hand wrap around his thin and frail one. His eyes flutter open and he saw his son sitting beside him. Next to his son was a young man, a few years younger than his son. "Is this him?" Ryoma asked.
"...my partner...my lover," his son replied, "I hope you don't mind."
"...I'm glad," Ryoma replied, "I'm happy you found someone to love...if only I had been strong like you."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to tell you a story."
"...okay."
"It's the story of a young boy who fell in love with his upperclassman. He loved the man so much he thought he would do anything for him. But the man he loved was in love with another man and they were together. The young boy yearned for him, but he did not want to make the man he loved sad, so he kept his love to himself. Then one day, the man he loved and his lover broke up. Seeing it as his chance, the young boy went to the man he loved and told him he liked him. The man he loved laughed at him, but the young boy was serious and they started a relationship. But it wasn't a healthy relationship. The man he loved was still in love with his ex lover and felt no love for the young boy. He was just using him. Yet, the young boy continued to pine for the man he loved. He thought, believed, that the man he loved would come to love him instead...but it was not true. The man he loved and his ex lover got back together and the young boy's love turned into hate. He left home because he didn't want to see them together, but he missed his friends and came back. It still hurt to see the man he loved with his ex lover together because even though the young boy hated him, he still loved him. But then...the man he loved was left behind again by his ex lover who had propose to a woman. The young boy, as well, had gone and found a woman to propose to. And so, the man he loved was left behind, watching the two men he once had an intimate relationship with walk into different paths. On the day of the young boy's wedding, the man he loved confessed to him. There was a glimmer of hope for him. If he risked it all, ran away with him, he could be with the one person he loved. But the young boy was afraid. He was afraid to get hurt again, afraid that the man he loved did not truly love him. He couldn't trust him and so he said hateful words to him and turned away. It drove the man he loved onto the edge. Yet, the young boy did not think about it. So, he began a family. He had a son. And then a year passed and the man he loved reached out to him again. But the young boy still could not trust him and turned him down. It pushed the man he loved over the cliff and the man he loved died...never to be seen...never to hear the words that the young boy still loved him..."
"...dad...that story..."
"It's an old story...I wanted to get it off my chest for some time now...I never hated you because you were gay. I was afraid for you. Afraid you may suffer the same fate as the young boy. But I see now that you have found happiness because you were strong."
"But you're strong too, dad!"
"No...I was not strong enough. My love...my love which I thought was so strong was not..."
"Mom...does she know?"
"She knows. She knew even before we got married."
"...dad, I-"
"I'm tired, son. I think I'm going to sleep."
"Okay...okay...I'll see you when you wake up. Okay? And...don't feel guilty. I'm sure he knew you loved him. Even before he died...I'm sure he knew."
Ryoma nodded and closed his eyes. He felt lighter than before, as if the heaviness, the guilt he carried for so long was disappearing. He took a breath and never woke up again.
A/N: I was...in the mood for writing a sad story (._.) I will now return to updating my other fanfic for PoT, Love Bot. At least that one is a happier story. :)
