I'd Love
I'd love to tell you that after reading Fang's note, when everyone consoled me and told me that Fang was a jackass for leaving, that I believed them. But I'd be lying to you, because I didn't believe them.
While part of me scrambled to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart-no matter how cliche that sounds- another part told me that Fang made the right choice of leaving. He was distracting me from my mission. While I was supposed to be focusing on saving the world from whatever, I was thinking about the next time I'd get to see Fang. In battle, when I was supposed to be worrying over the whole flock, it took all of my willpower not to go rushing to Fang to see if he was okay, whereas I used to a check on the whole group at once. While I was supposed to be planning the flock's next move, all I could think about was Fang, Fang, Fang. I was too in love with him, and sometimes too much of a good thing is bad.
I'd love to tell you that Angel was wrong when she said that I constantly thought about getting away with Fang. But I'd be lying to you, because she was right.
Too many times I've just stopped, looked around me, and thought, Why not?
Why can't Fang and I just fly away one night to some secluded place and be by ourselves? And, bitterly, I would answer myself, Because the flock is there and the flock needs you. Everytime, I couldn't help but feel a little irritated. I loved the flock and all, but sometimes their burden was too heavy for me too carry. My shoulders were getting tired, and I wanted to have some time to enjoy myself with Fang, where no one could bother us.
You might think me selfish, but, then again, you're not a mutant hybrid with wings and with a mission to save the world, also with a group of people you have to look out for.
I'd love to tell you that I looked forward to the promise that Fang put in his letter, about us seeing each other again in twenty years. But I'd be lying to you, because I honestly dreaded that day.
I knew too well that what we were doing wasn't child's play. Things were going to change, people were going to change, I was going to change. And what if, in twenty years, I no longer loved him? What if he wouldn't love me anymore in twenty years? And, of course, the question that always hangs over me like the blade of a guillotine, what if, in twenty years, on of us is dead?
I'd love to tell you that after how much I've realized in the last few moments, I got over Fang. But I'd be lying, because even though he was a distraction to me, even though he led me on to thinking that everyone would finally be together, even though he'd upped and left me, I still love him.
Regardless of what everyone thinks, regardless of what you think, regardless of what life throws at us, regardless of the fact that I may not see him in twenty years...I love him. And while that may be the worst confession you've heard anybody say, I really do love him, and I hope he knows that.
So I'd love to tell you that I hate Fang because of what he did to me. And while that's the most untrue thing I've ever said, sometimes... Well, sometimes, a few lies can't hurt.
I don't know that this is. All I know it's been lingering at the back of my head for a while and I finally decided to write it.
I'm supposed to be working on other stories...but I needed to write this. Sorry. XD
