I swear I don't even know where this came from. I wrote it ages ago and forgot about it. It is multi-chap. I do have three chapters written. No I will not update regularly, because exams suck. I have still been writing, but it's been more personal and fiction rather than fanfiction if you get my drift. If this makes sense. I hope it does.

Disclaimer: Not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

We keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
hearts are never broken
And time's forever frozen still

~Photograph, Ed Sheeran

Perhaps it's the way that the light filters through his blinds this morning, or the way that he was first in the coffee line and got the good beans, but he feels that today will be different. Today something will happen, bad or good, and this is either the premise or the universe softening the blow.

He's not wrong. He turns up to work to find that McGee has been in since seven and completed not only his own paperwork but Tony's as well. Ellie has rearranged his desk and tidied up, labelling the box with the things she doesn't know what to do with as 'Tony's crap'. Gibbs comes in and hands him a coffee and that definitely makes him think something is up. Either he has been presumed dead again without knowing or he has been transported to another dimension – one where Gibbs brings him coffee.

It's three o'clock when Gibbs tells him that an MTAC call has come through for him. It's threatening to rain outside and he needs to requisition a new desk chair because one of the wheels has fallen off but these are things he will not remember later. He will only remember Bishop and McGee's faces as he walked upstairs and how Gibbs' eyes had shone with sympathy in a way he had never seen before.

The room is dark and the Director is already standing near the screen. Tony wants to make a crack about how he'll go square-eyed if he stays there too long but he has enough sense to note that this may not be the best idea. He walks up to Vance and puts on his best 'respectful-senior-agent-that-you-want-to-trust-with-sensitive-information' voice and says, "Good afternoon, sir."

Vance nods but doesn't say anything. He motions to the AV technician who brings up a dark square on the screen that is likely to play a video soon. "This has just been sent to us from an encrypted email. Nothing in it apart from this and a message that says, 'For Tony'. We haven't been able to trace it but it's fairly obvious once you watch the video."

Tony nods like he understands what the heck is going on. Why would an encrypted email send a video for him but not to him? Why send it to MTAC? Why encrypt it? Why the hell has Vance already seen it and most likely Gibbs too? He doesn't understand any of this at all. The last time he checked, 'For Tony' doesn't secretly mean, 'and Gibbs and Vance too'.

Vance nods once and then leaves, his steps equal and measured like a march. The technician also leaves, obviously assuming that Tony knows how to play videos by now. In Tony's opinion, that's a rather optimistic assumption but now is not the time to make anything of it. The room is dark, save for the brightness of the screen and that makes the whole situation seem somehow more sinister.

Taking a deep breath, he crosses the room to the computer and hits play. There is a few seconds of nothing before a blurry form appears on the screen. It stays that way for a few seconds before the fuzz clears and it's easy to tell who it is.

Ziva.

Dammit.

He'd though he'd gotten over her. He really had. Well, not over her but he thought he'd put her in a drawer and locked it. He has finally gotten to a peace, where sometimes he remembers the happy times and sometimes it's far too painful. He almost doesn't watch the video, but he does. He has to because it's important enough to break the silence she's assumed for a year.

Ziva takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

'This is not what you may think it is going to be about Tony. This shall not be an attempt to redeem myself in your eyes and I suppose it is equally for me as it is for you. It is an attempt to explain, and an attempt to clear my conscience before I do what I am going to.

'I am going on a mission for Mossad. And before you think it, no I did not leave your life to crawl back to my old one. This is for a very old friend, who has lost more than I ever have. She deserves this, and I will do it no matter what. The reason for me telling you is that this has the possibility to go very south, as you say. As south as 2009 went. And I do not want you to spend the rest of your life wondering why I have never come back when I promised you I would. I do not want you to hate me, even though I gave the appearance of otherwise. I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you, Tony. And everybody else. Mossad tells me that the agent that is my replacement is former NSA analyst Ellie Bishop. They tell me she is good. I am glad; you deserve someone good to be your partner. This is not easy.'

He pauses it. Just for a second he pauses it. Questions are forming in his mind, in the back of his throat, ready to leap out given the chance. However he is also stunned into silence. Summer 2009 was among the worst of his life. Right now, right now she could be dead, dying, tortured, just like all those years ago. Her tears that are flowing down her face on the screen mirror those that burn in the back of his eyes. Oh God, it cannot be happening again.

He presses play.

'I am sorry, Tony, so very sorry. This was never my plan. This was never supposed to happen. Except it has and I suppose I must embrace it. I apologise for all of the lost chances, but perhaps it is better this way, yes? Perhaps this way there shall be no more pain for either of us. Perhaps we shall finally be free.

'Give my love to all of the others and to yourself as well. Shalom, Tony.'

The screen goes dark and the noise stops. Tears flow down his face and dammit, this shouldn't be happening.

Shalom, she said. Shalom.

Hello.

Peace.

Goodbye.