The first time you see him, you're taken aback by the striking handsomeness of his face, just as many girls before you.
You're focused on hating yet another one of Amara's doppelgangers, bitter about the fact that her and Silas' shadow self found each other a millionth time in a small southern town. And then he's there, his eyes brilliant icy blue and his posture rebelious, the older brother - and previous shadow selves didn't have any siblings before. And you look on from the other side, watching as he forces himself between two starcrossed lovers, and you can't believe your dead eyes as Katherine Pierce truly falls for someone who isn't your ex-fiance's doppelganger.
He's an obstacle, you tell yourself, and you're proven right as one hundred and fifty years later he is rejected by both Petrovas. You practically hear his heart shatter in pieces, and for the first time in nearly two thousand years you feel something other than hate and vegneance. You feel for him, sympathy in your chest as you watch him drown. You two would bond if you had a chance - both of you nothing more but a slight hitch on the road to true love.
And yet you can't shake off the feeling that this bad brother, the reckless one, is something special.
The opportunity to bond presents itself as the Bennet witch turns out to be stupid enough to play with the natural order of things, and as she falls to the ground, you break free, giving her lifeless form one last look filled with a distant emotion.
She is your direct descendant, after all.
But there is nothing left to bond over as Damon got the girl against every star that told him otherwise. And as you finally stand before him in the flesh, you are furious. How dare he get one thing you desired the most. How dare he get the doppelganger to fall so deeply in love with him. How dare he prove fate wrong, and how dare he point out one thing you feared the most by simply existing.
Because the thing is, maybe, just maybe there is no fate, and you just wasn't good enough for Silas those 2000 years ago.
But you push back those thoughts to the back of your mind, and you hurt him with your words, opening his eyes at what he really is. An obstacle. A bump in the road. A barrier that soon will be overcome by Elena's fated love for his younger brother.
And you can see that you got to him, that he believes every single word you say, because his demons inside his head have been telling him that from the day one. And yet, he does not falter in rejecting your offer, because the only thing that matters to him is keeping the girl he loves happy and safe. Whether he gets to be with her through her happiness is not that much of a deal to him anyway.
Later, Stefan betrays you, and you can see the love for him seep back to Elena's heart. And you don't know what to feel, because you want to be gleeful at watching Damon's face crumble, but the tightness in your chest doesn't allow you to enjoy it.
You wonder sometimes what would have happened if Damon was the one you fell for all those years ago. You wonder, sometimes, as you watch him be the hero he claims not to be, what it would have been like to be loved by Damon Salvatore.
Passionate. Fierce. Gentle. Real.
He pours everything he is into one single feeling, and that's why he's hurt so much by so many, you muse.
You listen to Elena complain about you ordering him to kill Silas, and you're surprised at the level of disdain you hear when she mentions that he always chose her. You would give anything for someone to choose you once in your life.
You have a feeling Damon thinks the exact same thing before you realise that he has been picked, and the familiar rage returns to your veins.
And then, Amara shows up, cured and - surprise surprise - turning out to be quite the betrayer. Your heart soars in your chest as you finally get your revenge in the best way possible by having the only thing Silas desired the most run away from him, stabbing him in the back. The irony of it all is not lost on you.
Later, the children come up with a rather brilliant plan of getting you and Silas out of their lives for good, and you can't find it in you to be mad as you think, smirking, that Damon was the only one capabale of thinking everything through. As you finally stand on the other side, once again, watching them celebrate getting their little witch back and beating the bad guys, you are surprised to realize that you are not mad at Damon anymore. You don't mind him getting what he wants, because if you couldn't get the original doppelganger, it doesn't mean he shouldn't get the last one.
For now, it's quiet, calm before storm, and you're back at one thing you grew particularly fond of - watching Damon amaze you with him beating the odds again and again.
You're at the boarding house, invisible to Salvatore brothers and three doppelgangers, and you can't believe what you're seeing, but at the same time, it's a nice change of scenery after all the girls chasing Stefan. You find it rather amusing that there are three women who were destined to be with one of the men on the room, and yet, all of them have their eyes only for the other one.
You have to admit, it's surreal to see three girls wearing the face you hate (hated?) be in Salvatores' living room. And judging by the way Damon looks, he's also a bit overwhelmed by the situation. And considering the tension between him and the women surrounding him, you can't blame him.
You watch as Katherine glances at him every so often, and you notice regret pass in her eyes each time she does. You think back to the time when Damon was young and carefree, and you're suddenly hit with the realization that with him, Katherine allowed herself to be carefree, too. Out of all the men including her supposed soulmate Stefan, he was the only one that truly accepted her for what she really was, for who she really was.
And as Katherine sits on the couch now, hiding behind a carefully constructed facade of flirting and sarcasm, you see her shattering inside as she looks at the older Salvatore and all she sees is summer, 1864, her long dress and his innocent gaze, him chasing her. It's funny that now that he's got her, he doesn't need her anymore.
You watch as Amara openly stares at him, curiousity and shyness all over her face. You roll her eyes, completely unsurprised, since the girl really had a nasty habit of stealing other people's boyfriends. As Damon gets fed up with the staring and cracks one of his crude remarks, she blushes heavily, sinking into the couch and mumbling something about him having the most unbelievable eyes. Damon clearly doesn't know how to react,but Elena does, glaring at Amara and silently warning her that the original doppelganger should keep her eyes to herself.
And finally, the last known shadow self. You watch as Elena glances at Stefan, giving him a friendly smile, before placing her hand on Damon's arm gently, silently reminding him of the choice she's finally made. Chasing away his demons and insecurities, leaving only calmness and peace as he finally realises that she's not going anywhere. She's there as long as he'll have her, and knowing Damon, you place your bet on eternity.
Maybe, there is more to life than fate. Maybe, sometimes destiny could go fuck itself.
