It wasn't supposed to happen this way.
Everyone knew the risks, no one expected them.
Except for him. He expected everything. "Anticipate, McGee!" he'd said. There are no coincidences, there are no surprises, not when your plan splits into a thousand possible terminations at its end with every possible conclusion imaginable. Yet this one had remained unimagined.
Tony had her blood on his face. He was so absorbed in searching the neighboring rooftops that he hardly seemed to notice, flinched when a droplet slid into his eye. Gibbs had never seen DiNozzo shaken up, but the field agent's face locked into a mask of horror, he nearly dropped his weapon, blinking rapidly, gun shaking.
"DiNozzo!" he barked, voice declining into a snarl. Kate was dead, damn it, and it was because of him. It wasn't Tony's fault, but he could see the self-accusations start, why hadn't he seen it coming, why hadn't he been just a few inches over, why hadn't he told her to go back downstairs?
"Boss?" Tony choked. He couldn't seem to bring himself to look down, not past the edge of the rooftop.
"Get the hell off of the roof."
"Yes, boss." He knew his agents. If he wanted Tony to move after a blow like that, he was going to have to beat him into shape. Orders. Insults. Get the boy moving. Keep his mind working, so that Gibbs could keep his own running straight, for just another minute, another half a second at least. DiNozzo stumbled on his way to the door. "Tony."
Not even a "boss?" The younger man just looked at him through his mask of blood, another order like a lifeline in the impending madness.
"Get Ducky. Get Ducky now."
"On it," Tony rasped. The door closed.
Silence reigned, but for the sound of the wind.
He killed me, Gibbs, Kate said, staring glassily up at him from the rooftop. How could you let him kill me, like this? I didn't even have a chance. How could you?
"Kate," he said, helplessly. "Kate."
Don't make excuses, Gibbs. This is on you.
"I couldn't - I. God damn it." Gibbs raked a hand through his hair, feeling the edges and claws of the madness he had seen in Tony. His snipers eyes had found the nest on the other building. The only place he could have been. The madness snarled and scratched at his throat, boiling into a scream. "Ari!" he bellowed. "ARI!"
His own echo roared back at him, and the madness sucked his strength like a parasite. He sank beside Kate. Her blood stained the knee of his slacks.
"God damn it, Kate. I'll kill him. I swear to God, I'll kill the bastard."
You will. She mocked him with her unresponsive eyes. And that'll bring me back to life, won't it?
"Kate," he said again, and he heard his own voice crack into weakness, unable to bear the weight of his own guilt, and he found that was all he could say, the only word he could carry was, "Kate."
But Kate had fallen silent.
