The lost weapons


The whole 'gang' had just saved the world from Sephiroth and had gone back to Tifa's bar to relax, what surprised Tifa the most was to see Sephiroth walking down the street when they had decided to take a walk.

"Sephiroth?" she said aloud, "I thought we killed you?" she points at him for everyone to see. He looks over their way, "yea well, there's a thing called a phoenix down, which has nothing to do with anything because Hojo just recreated me!" He lied.

Cloud pulled out his buster sword; Yuffie looks around for a weapon and takes a trashcan lid. Vincent points at him with a water gun, Barret aims his half arm at sephiroth, cid pulls out a flyswatter, Tifa puts on rubber gloves, red aims his hair scrunchie, Cait Sith starts yelling through a toilet paper roll, and Aeries breaks off a branch from a defenseless tree.

"What the hell!" Cloud said impatiently. Barret looked at his arm, half of it was missing, "we left our f#$ing weapons at the bar, foo'!"

Sephiroth too had lost his weapon and looks around concerned, after seeing the train tracks; he pulls out a 7 foot long piece, "Check me out now!" and swung it around viciously soon knocking himself out.

Cloud put down his weapon, he looked back at everyone. "Hey, why is Aeries alive? I thought he killed her?"

Cid was swatting a fly with his swatter, "I don' frickin' know! Maybe the fact that we're in a fic makes anything happen?" He swatted the fly finally and then another one appeared.

"Hey, you guys should be hugging me and stuff! I came back to life! It's a miracle!" Aeries waited for everyone to notice her existence.

"I don't know, Aeries, maybe we just never got around to that fact." Cloud said fixing his nails.

"You guys can figure this out! Since I have these rubber gloves on, I might as well do the dishes." Tifa heads for the bar.

"Hehehehehee!" Their attention was suddenly turned over to Vincent; he was happily spraying Yuffie with his water gun,

"I'ma kill you!" Yuffie threatened swinging at him with her trash can lid.

"This could be more fun if I had my real gun." Vincent stated dodging her swings. A tiny droplet of water the size of an atom hit Aeries, "HUH! She looked at where it hit her, impossible for the naked eye to see, "You are dead!" She shook her fist at Vincent as he started running away.

"I just can't help but wonder why Vincent is running." red stated curiously.

Cid killed another fly, "because he sprayed Aeries with his water gun."

"Why not fly?" Red defied gravity and began flying dreamily.

"A fly, where? I'll kill the b#$& for ya!" cid swung his swatter in the air accidentally killing another mysteriously appearing fly, and mysteriously, another one appeared.

"Look, this is going nowhere," Cloud stated dragging Red from the air by his tail and dragging Sephiroth by his hair, "let's go see Tifa at the bar and get our weapons." He said in command like, he is the leader anyway.

Aeries came back with a beat-up Vincent following her,

"Oh, leave it to cloud to know what to do in situations like this one!" She cheerily squeaked.

"Well, we have a mile ahead of us, the bar is a mile away, we walked a mile this way," Cloud continued repeating the same thing but in different words.

"Shut up, Cloud," Aeries crossed her arms.

After walking for miles they had obviously gotten lost, by this time sephiroth had gotten too heavy and they had to leave him behind. Float had finally worn off of Red and he asked to ride on someone's back for an hour. Unfortunately, no one volunteered.

"Where are we?" Aeries demanded to know.

"Stop actin' like you in charge, b$#$!" Cid swatted a fly on her head.

"OW! You want a piece o' me old man?" She eyed him evilly, "because I'll give you a piece of my mind, biatch!" She swung her branch fiercely toward him; he used his swatter to defend.

"Foo's, do you notice half my arm is missing! I need a doctor!" Barret started yelling countless swears and curses.

"Shut up you stupid cow!" Yuffie banged her trashcan lid on his head, to her dismay, it broke in half.

"Ahahahahaahahaah," Cait Sith laughed at Barret through his toilet paper roll.

"Hehe" Vincent sprayed him with his water gun, "looket who wet his pants." He spun his gun but it fell.

"Aw, I appreciate you defending my honor and all!" Barret hugs Vincent tightly stepping on his water gun and breaking his to a million pieces,

"You moron," Cait Sith started spinning around crazily, "I'm a robot! water will kill me!" He malfunctions and breaks to a million piece like Vincent's gun

"I didn't need to see that twice in one day," Vincent sighed and looked down at his gun, "No more bullying people around with my gun." He huddled himself into a ball.

The man stood up for my honor, Cat Sith laughed cause my head broke a trash can lid , and he (sheds tear) he blew cat Sith to a million pieces, the least I can do is give him a new weapon Barret thought wearily, no one had ever done anything nice for him for as long as he can remember. He then looked around and handed something to Vincent

"Here," he shoved it in Vincent's hand, "a new weapon." Vincent's eyes did not light up at the sight of this new weapon.

"You don't like it?" Barret looked like he would force him to like it.

"Why doesn't this surprise me Aeries said monotonously and cloud brought up, "Why are you giving him toilet paper?"

He shrugs

"I'll be sure to supply Tifa's bar with this" He said, throwing it over his shoulder when Barret wasn't looking. Yuffie sneaks up behind Barret as they began searching again and she thinks for a while trying to figure out how to get him back for breaking her trash can lid."

" Yuffie, I know your there, foo'" He said taking a wild a guess, Yuffie looks surprised and without a word, leaves thinking of something else, Barret hadn't noticed a thing

Thank god no one heard that, it would be embarrassing.

Cloud jumped for joy as he saw Tifa's bar, "See! I told you we could find it!"

He ran around in two circles, "aaaaah, no, I lost it!" He said with his back turned to the bar.

Red sighs and enters the bar followed by everyone else. Cloud follows them in after a while of thinking to himself

I wonder, I wonder . . . where could it be . . . could it possibly be behind me?

"Where were you guys! I did the dishes, slaved away in the kitchen, and heave-hoed some drunkards! Why were you so late?"

Cid made up an excuse, "Because Barret is black."

"Dat ain't no excuse niga! Dawg, every bit o' me is white!"

Everyone looked at him surprised, Cid looked closer, "you guys see it right, Barret is black right?"

Aeries nods.

"Good, cause I thought it could have been the nicotine getting to me." He pulls out a cigar and starts smoking it.

"What?" Barret questioned at the stares he got, "I'm White, niga!"

Tifa puts her arm on his shoulder, "you haven't gotten enough beer today,"

She takes him to the counter and forcefully chugs beer down his throat.

"I don't think that is necessary." Vincent brought up, "The man is in disbelief because everyone in here is white."

"You racist bitch!" Aeries slaps Vincent trying to defend Barret's honor, he reaches for his gun to find no gun.

" What about Kiros and Raijin, huh?" She takes another swing at him.

"Leave him alone," Cid stands up seeing how defenseless Vincent had been "I'll swat you off this planet before your next birthday, biaaaaatch!" He swings his swatter.

"Bring it, old geezer!" Aeries was not being fazed by Cid's swearing.

Vincent looks embarrassed "why is it that only men are attracted to me?"

Cid slaps his forehead, "I'm trying to help a brother out!"

Barret comes in drunk beyond belief

"We all brothers, right! Cause we all pink! 'xcept for dat basta'd Red, he think he bedda den us jus cuz he red!" He put his arm around Aeries to hold himself up for he was too drunk to keep a balance but his weight brought him and Aeries down toppling on the floor.

This catches Cid off guard and Aeries takes this chance to get up and slap him silly with her branch.

Cloud came to them in baggy shorts and long T-shirt with an afro and reading on his shirt was 'FUBU',

"s'up, niga." He held his hand out to them.

Aeries looked at him annoyed, "this not the time Cloud, not the time." By now, she was rubbing her temples, she truly didn't need Cloud doing weird stuff at a time like this. Cloud lowered his head and left.


a/n:I hope no one takes any of this too serioulsy, it's all in good fun, if you feel it is not right,I will get it changed or removed.

R&R please!