L and Light: Help me.

Light was sitting there. His eyes glued to his hidden lover. No one could ever know about them. He wanted to be able to say that they were never together, not because he didn't like him, but quit the opposite.

One day L approached him and asked him out. He confessed that he had feeling for Light. Feelings that were just so power full that he even said, "I don't care if you are Kira, I just want to be with you."

Light saw what was happening then as a chance to win. If L wanted him, L could have him. If L loved him like he said, then he wouldn't mind giving his name to him, as a trust exercise. That never got too far. But hey, it was a good try.

Despite what his intentions were at the get-go, his mind changed drastically. In light's mind L went from trap to lover. He found that the death note want nearly as interesting as L. But, with the fear that, Light falling for him was all part of L's plan, he couldn't stay Kira for very long. Even now, he wonders how much of this "love" L speaks of is true. It pains him to think that all he is to L is a pawn, but that could just be the reality of the situation.

So Light just sat there staring blankly into space. Today's mood as been so weird, almost gloomy. For some reason, L was hanging out in the rain, and the silence almost killed Light. Light was curious as to why L was like this. When he asked him about it after the rain storm, L just shook his head, like that was the answer. At this moment he looked over just about every inch of L's body. There was some small things off, like his shirt had a jelly stain on it, and L had a small brush like a beard just growing on his chin. The hair was shaven and not plucked like normal. He shrugged it off. The differences weren't major, mainly invisible, but still there.

That's when everything happened. Watari shut down all the data. Everything was just in shambles! "Watari!! Watari!!" L cried, "Where is the shini-!" but he never got to finish his sentence. His spoon fell to the ground, and his body followed soon after. Light ran to him. He held his lover in his hand. He saw a small smile creep on L's face. His emotions took him over. "Ryuzaki!" He screamed as the final light left his eyes. He felt a wave of anger, and sadness. He never wanted this. He never wanted to lose his lover, but, he was Kira, and no one can go against him without dying.

After that, he never really used the death note. But because Misa was still there someone had to be Kira, and he just gave that power to her. The excuse was his father was going to trade the eyes. Which is true, he was going to trade it to catch Mello. But after his father came back, he was in critical condition. Light once again caused the pain of a loved one. He stayed with his father. His acting peeked, so now he can stay with him and not cry.

His father died eventually. Now he has killed two of the most loved people in his life and his sister was kidnapped because of him. He had to end this fast before his mother gets involved. He held the death note in his hand. He wanted to write his own name. He wanted to die like they did, as a result of Kira, as a result of him. But he just couldn't do it. That made him mad too. He thought about turning himself in, but he never had the guts. Everyone was looking up to him, how could he just let them down? And he couldn't even imagine Misa if he said that he doesn't want to be Kira any more so he has no need for her. She can leave now. He was in too deep to get out now.

One night he passed out at the computer. It was about 3:30 in the morning when He heard his phone ring. It was ring tone for L. His eyes lifted up. He was too afraid to delete L's number. He thought it was a disgrace to his memory. So he kept the number. And that ring tone only went off for him. He looked at the caller ID. It read L. He wiped his eyes and checked again. But that scraggly letter was still there. He pressed the talk button.

"Hello?" Light answered questionably.

"Phew! I didn't think you would be up," said the man on the other end of the receiver.

Light's jaw fell. It was L on the other end. He could hear him calling his name threw the phone, but light was too shocked to speak back. Light dropped the phone. It hung up on L, and Light flipped!

Light went outside and regained his composer before calling the number again. It rang once, and the small voice answered on the other end. "Why did you do that?" the man asked.

"L? Is that really you?" Light asked He was fighting the tears that cried out.

"I know it is kind of weird to get a call from a dead guy, huh?" L said Light could hear a small chuckle from the other side.

"Weird? L your dead, how could you be talking to me?" Light asked. He could hear a door close in the background.

"Sorry Light, but I have to go. If you want to see me I'll text you the location." L said.

Light didn't want him to go yet. He just longed to hear his voice for so long and now his wish came true, and it was cut short! After he heard the dial tone, he couldn't fight the tears any more. They just poured down. They wouldn't stop. It has been the first time he cried since L's funeral, but that wasn't even real apparently. He wondered when he would wake up. This was just too good to be real. But he never did, instead, he got a text message, sure enough it was from L. It read:

"Meet me by the abandoned old farms out west. Don't worry, I can send you a map to if you need it. Love you ~L"

He smiled and wiped the tears from his eye. After all these years, he finally gets to see L again. The sun was starting to rise, and he saw a new beginning on the horizon, a new beginning with L. He got in the car and drove off.

It only took him an hour to get there, but that hour was the longest hour he ever spent. He didn't care that Misa was, more than likely, looking for him. He didn't care that the task force was also concerned about his sudden disappearance. He just wanted to see L; he wanted to know that it was real.

Light entered the ware house. "He-hello?" He called into the open space.

"Oh! Light-kun it is just you," L said coming out from behind a closed door. Light's eyes were fixed on the older man. He looked the same as when he left. He had the long sleeved white shirt, and the baggy blue jeans, he had tennis shoes on too. His hair was a mess, then again it always was. He had a candy bar in his hand. Light tried fighting every emotion he had. He fought the urge to pounce on him and hug him and not let him go! He just wanted to feel his hair in his hands, touch his clean face, and kiss his soft lips. But all he could utter was "I- I thought you dead,"

"Well, when you are in love with a killer, you do some strange stuff," L said with a smile. Light's guilty side came back.

"I am sorry. I know you already know this, but I am Kira. I just don't want to be," Light said looking at the ground. He felt a small tear run down his face.

L looked at him confused. "Why?" L asked. "You got everything you wanted. The American government sees you as justice and the people of the world are looking to you as the god. Wasn't that your goal?"

"Yeah, but I found something better than being a god. I found out that I could love you. But then you died, and I was the cause. Then my sister was kidnapped, and then my dad died, and that was because me too," Light confessed, "I just want it to end! I don't want to cause that pain anymore!"

L looked at him, and walked closer. "Light-kun, do you mean that?" he asked. Light shook his head. He would do anything to get out of this. "Then trust me Light, this may hurt."

Light looked up to see a gun in L's hand. "I'm sorry," L said. Light's eyes grew big. L pulled the trigger three times. Light fell to the ground. His blood was everywhere. L was crying when Watari took the gun from his hands and took the death note from Light's waist. He smeared the blood all over it. He also took the vital sign sensors from Light's body. Now task force knew he was dead. Watari took him up and carried him to L's private hospital.

Light woke up Hours later. He felt a warm hand holding his own. Light winced at the pain from the gunshots. L jumped. "LIGHT-KUN!!!" He screamed. L hugged him. For that moment, he forgot about the attempt at his life just hours before. However, when he went to hug back, the pain came again, along with the vivid memory of the event.

"What just happened? Why did you shoot me? How are you alive? Where have you been all these years?" Light asked.

"I'm sorry, you said you wanted to get out, and the only way to that was to die. I am sorry" L said resting his head on Light's shoulder.

"I don't care about that, but how are you here? I watched you die that day, I held you in my arms, and so how are you alive?" Light asked stroking the other man's hair.

"It is quite easy really. You see there was this criminal that looked just like me, and he was just obsessed with me. His dream was to die like me. So I gave him his wish." L said. L didn't even move. But he grabbed Light's shirt and held it tightly. "I am sorry for the pain I caused you," He said in a low whisper.

Light chuckled, probably the first smile he had since L's "death"

"No need to apologize. And thank you, for saving me from that nightmare," He said. L looked at him. L didn't know what to say to that. He just felt Light's warm hand wrap around the back of his head and pull him into a deep passionate kiss. There were many kisses shared between them, but this one had to be the best. It was pure, and sensitive. Light just let all of his emotions go into that one kiss.

Light knew now, that he was safe, safe from the monster within, safe from Kira. He was truly free.