Human Target: Two and a Half Men
Chapter 1 - A Bomb
"Really Charlie?!" Alan said. "We were supposed to spend some time together, drinking beers and bonding. Instead you are now leaving with a blonde chick you just met?"
"A hot blonde chick," Charlie retorted. "And yes, I am doing just that. Don't whine. Here's ten bucks to buy something to drink. See ya tomorrow morning."
"I refuse to accept y- Know what? Scratch that. I will have the money. Have a nice night!"
Alan greedily grabbed the money as Charlie made his way out of the bar with the tall, hot blonde woman wearing a red revealing dress.
"Now, time to go to my Malibu beach house," Charlie said. "The view there is just fantastic. I am sure you will be thrilled about it."
"I'm already thrilled," the woman said as she kissed Charlie.
"Me too. Me too."
As they walked towards Charlie's car, a loud tick sound was heard. All of the sudden, an explosion blew up the car, sending parts all over the place. Charlie fell on the ground. He let out a deep breath and sighed. "I am either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky!"
"I am leaving!" the woman cried out.
"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere safe."
"Come on! Are you going to let a little explosion ruin our romantic night?"
"Little explosion?!" The woman slapped Charlie and then run away.
"Ouch. You could have just said no, you know..."
"What happened?" Alan asked. He was sweaty and breathing heavily as he had rushed out of the bar as fast as he could.
"My car blew up. And what's up with your pants? Did you wet them?"
Alan smiled awkwardly. "What? No... don't be silly. It is just water. I certainly did not wet my pants after I heard a loud, scary explosion. Not at all! So... where's your date?"
"She left."
Alan chuckled. 'Serves him right for leaving me alone...' he thought. "So.. I-" before he could complete his sentence, Charlie punched him in the face. "Ouch!"
"Shut up and let's get home."
"Why are you two here so early?" Jake asked when Charlie and Alan walked into the house.
"Why are you up so late?" Alan barked. "You have school tomorrow!"
"I thought you would still be out."
"It's not like he's learning anything at school," Charlie whispered.
Alan sighed. "Charlie, you are right but shut up. Jake, go to your room and sleep. Now!"
"Fine, fine..."
Alan and Charlie walked into the kitchen. Charlie grabbed a bottle of whiskey and began drinking.
"So... what exactly are you going to do?" Alan asked.
"Drink."
"Drink? Your car just exploded!"
"Yup. That's why I am drinking."
"Charlie, I do not believe that this explosion was some kind of accident. I am pretty sure someone planted a bomb."
"Wow!" Charlie remarked. "Did you figure it out all on your own Sherlock?"
"I am being serious Charlie. Do you know anyone that would want to kill you?"
"Eh... some of the women who may have slept with me and then did not take well the breaking up?"
"The dumping you mean?"
"I would not put it that way, but yes."
"Well, the list of suspects must be in the hundreds then."
"We've got you Sherlock here investigating the case, so there is nothing to worry about!"
"Ha ha... not funny!"
Ring!
"Ah!" Alan screamed.
"What?"
"The assassin!"
"Are you a moron?" Charlie asked. "Actually, no need to answer that. It was a rhetorical question. Why would the assassin be ringing the damn doorbell?"
"Because he wants to come inside and kill you?"
Charlie sighed and went to open the door.
"Who is it?" Alan asked, still waiting in the kitchen. "The assassin?"
"No. It's worse."
"How so?"
"It's our mother."
"Very funny..." Evelyn said as she walked inside the house.
"Hi mom," Alan said as he walked out of the kitchen.
"Hi Alan. Why are you holding a knife?"
"I thought you were the assassin."
Evelyn sighed.
"You see what I have to deal with every day?" Charlie asked. "And that's without accounting for Jake. So... what brings you here mom?"
"I learned that your car exploded and wanted to know if you are ok."
"I am fine. No need to worry."
"No need to worry? Someone wants to kill you and you tell me not worry? Look, we may not like each other but still, you are my son. I can't let you get killed."
"What exactly do you have in mind?"
"I know someone who can protect you while flushing out the threat and eliminating it."
"Who?"
"Christopher Chance"
