Hey everyone. This story has something I've been thinking about for this past couple weeks and Sam's talk with Kensi in Fighting Shadows sealed it for me, I had to write it. Bookdiva, thank you so, so much for your help! Through countless messages you helped me turn some random thoughts swirling around in my mind into a real concrete fic, no way I could have ever done it without you. Thank you!

Anyway this fic is special to me, it's the first pregnancy fic I've written and it's basically all I've done the past few days.

I really hope you like it, and I really hope you review.


It was the same no matter what way she looked at it: a pink plus sign, two blue lines, a huge screaming sign that said 'Face the facts, Kensi Marie Blye! You're knocked up!'

How the hell did this happen? They were so careful. So, so careful. Always using protection, things like this weren't supposed to happen! This was supposed to be easy, not so real, so quickly.

Sam's words from six months ago ran through Kensi's mind.

"Things happen. Kids happen."

But not to them. Not to Kensi and Deeks, not this quickly.

The girl at the grocery store must have thought she was insane, running up to the counter with five different types of pregnancy tests, talking hyper speed to herself that everything was bound to be fine, she was only a few days late, that could be anything.

But it wasn't anything, five different tests lined up on her bathroom sink confirmed that. It was something very real, something inside her, something growing, something that was half her, half Marty Deeks.

They really weren't ready for this. On any level. Deeks had only just given up on LAPD. Sure they'd apologized profusely for launching a huge internal affairs investigation on him, but enough had been enough. After talking things through with her, he'd finally signed those damn papers. He was Special Agent Marty Deeks now, but she wasn't sure that after just getting that title he was ready for another.

What choice did they have really? The idea of having it taken care of briefly flitted across her mind, but was quickly tossed out. This was her baby; Deeks's baby. That just wasn't something she could do now. With a different man, maybe, but after seeing the wistful look in Deeks' eye as he watched parents chasing their giggling children down the beach she couldn't do that.

But could they keep it? Both of them were so career driven, so work oriented, every spare minute they had was spent eating junk food or in bed, which was how they got into this mess in the first place really.

They loved each other, she knew that. He told her everyday now, and she told him the same. At some point during the LAPD debacle it had slipped out of his mouth. He'd turned away embarrassed, only to have the sentiment repeated by her and a deep kiss placed to his lips.

Love wasn't the issue. Her sanity, their lives, their relationship, this unborn child's life, those were the issues.

How would Deeks even respond to the news? How did she want him too?

For just a moment Kensi allowed herself the fantasy of her running to him with the news, him sweeping her up in his arms, holding to him with a never-ending kiss, leaning down to whisper nonsensical phases to her flat belly, tickling the flesh with his scruff.

A chill from the porcelain toilet lid sunk through her jeans bringing her back to reality. This couldn't happen. No way could they raise a kid, save the world everyday, and continue a happy relationship. No way. It wasn't possible.

"Kensi?" The front door creaked open and his drawl echoed throughout her apartment. "Kensi, sweetheart you around?"

"Shit!" She stood from the toilet and a carelessly thrown out arm knocked the pregnancy tests from their perch on the sink, sending them clattering to the tiled floor.

"Shit, shit, shit." Her knees hit the floor and her fingers scuffed along the tiles, desperately trying to stuff the positive tests in her pocket before he appeared.

"Kensi?" He was just outside the door now

A swift kick sent the last test behind the counter and she opened the door to find a surprised and worried Deeks waiting on the other side.

"There you are." A smile started on the edge of his face, only to disappear when he apparently saw something on hers disagreeable. "Are you good?"

"I'm fine."

His eyebrows went up and she defensively crossed her arms.

"Deeks, sometimes when people say they are fine, they really are fine."

He crossed his arms, mirroring her position, and that little furrow appeared between his eyes.

"Why all defensive then?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're saying you're fine which by the way you never say when you're fine, arms are crossed, obviously a defensive stance, you're biting the inside of your bottom lip, and your eyes are narrowed. All these things, although extremely hot are also classic Kensi signs of freaking out. So, short answer is-"

"Please."

"-You're stressed about something and you don't want to tell me, even though you think I should know."

"Stop it!" She snapped, throwing her arms out. "Just stop it, Deeks! I don't need your psychoanalysis of me!"

"Then what do you need?" His tone has a touch of sharpness to it, his eyes are probing. "Kensi?"

Slumping against the wall she paused, lifting both hands to her face, fingers trembling uncontrollably. "I just, I just need some time to myself." Her eyes lifted pleading to his. "Just a little time."

Deeks stepped back and the single hallway between them suddenly felt unbreachable.

"Okay," he shrugged. "A little time. Okay. I promised I'd be patient."

Kensi pushed off the wall and walked past him, never pausing to glance in his direction.

She did need space. She also need to to tell him, but the thought of actually saying the words "I'm pregnant" were more crushing then the space between them. She just needed a little time… just a little time… just to feel safe. So Kensi walked on, pushing the fact that the only place where she really felt safe anymore was Deeks arms, the very place she couldn't go right now. He pushed her and she pushed him away, the thing she was best at apparently.

The keys, Deeks' hoodie from the hook by the door, a thousand regrets Kensi took with her as she walked out the front door and got into her SRX.

Her hands latched onto the steering wheel, head coming down to rest on them. She felt the moisture on her fingers before Kensi realized she was crying. Shoulders shaking, she tilted her head back against the headrest, carelessly wiping tears from her eyes.

The door to the apartment opened and Deeks stepped out, bottom lip caught between his teeth. His expression was intense, clearly conflicted as he glanced from her tear stained face to the open front door. He apparently made the decision to go to her, ignoring the earlier request for space and Kensi gasped, her breath panicky and shoved the key into the ignition, pulling out the parking lot speedily, still roughly rubbing beads of moisture from beneath her eyes.

Deeks disappeared from the rear view mirror slowly and instantaneously a feeling of emptiness settled on her, replacing her prior need for space and nearly crushing her with its sudden weight.
Where the hell was she going anyway? Peeling out the parking lot rather than face her concerned boyfriend was a great act of maturity for sure, but she had to have a destination in mind, she refused to be an old man from the fifties going out a on a drive to clear his mind. Kensi Marie Blye didn't do things without a purpose, a direct goal planned out as the finishing result.

Except for right now she couldn't think of anywhere to go, her usual place of safety and security had long since disappeared from behind her, she doubted he would even welcome her back with open arms after her recent display.

A slight pain in her thigh reminded her of the four pregnancy tests stuffed her jeans pocket, digging into her through the denim, the fifth still lodged behind her bathroom sink.

"Sometimes things happen."

The words went through her mind once again and Kensi turned the car around, instinctively knowing where she must go.

Michelle was the one to answer the door, dark eyes taking in Kensi's frazzled appearance, red eyes, and mussed clothing.

"Oh my God, sweetie! Come inside, c'mon. Are you okay? Did something happen to Marty?" The woman's mothering institutions took over and she wrapped an arm around Kensi's shoulders leading her too the overstuffed couch and settling her down.

"No, I'm - we're fine, fine, everything is fine."

"Kensi, you don't look fine." Michelle said worryingly, pressing a warm palm to Kensi's cheek. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

Lifting one hand Kensi dug the tests out her back pocket and offered them to the woman, Michelle gave her a scared whew of breath and glanced from her to the tests lying in her palm over and over.

"Oh my God. Oh my God, sweetie. Sam! You need to get in here!" Michelle called over her shoulder. "Does Marty know yet?" Her voice was soft, eyes insistent. "Kensi?"

"No, no he doesn't, he doesn't know anything. I haven't-" She paused, gulping in deep breaths in a desperate attempt to stop the sobs raking her body. "You're the only one and I just, I just-"

"Shh, shh." Michelle slid in, tightly hugging her from the side. "You don't need to explain your actions, it's okay, you'll figure this out."

Sam's large frame became visible in the doorway and Michelle jumped up, going to him and showing him the pregnancy tests in her hand. They spoke in low hushed tones for a moment before walking towards the couch.

"Kensi?" Michelle knelt in front of her, placing her palms delicately on Kensi's knees. "I'm going to make you some tea. Talk to Sam, you need it."

"Tea or the talk?" Kensi whimpered, still struggling for breath amidst the sobs.

"Both," Michelle smiled softly. "But mostly the talk." Patting her knees the woman rose and disappeared into the kitchen.

Letting out a small grunt Sam eased himself down the on the coffee table in front of her.

After a few moments ofsilence Kensi spoke. "Aren't you going to say something?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Something! Anything! Tell I'm stupid, tell this is wrong, tell me I shouldn't be here!"

Shaking his head Sam pursed his lips and stared thoughtfully at her. "I'm not going to do any of those things, Kensi and I don't think you want me too either."

"Oh really?" Kensi spat. "And what do I want, Sam?"

"You want to know that what you've done today is okay. You want me to make you feel safe, but I can't make you feel safe, Kens."

"I don't understand. What I'm supposed to do?" Kensi whispered.

"Kensi, you have to tell him."

"I don't think you understand how-"

"Kensi." Michelle's soothing tone interrupted her and the woman came back to her side, sliding a mug into her hands, which Kensi took gratefully, the warm china taking some of the chill from her fingers.

"It's just," she started again, her voice shaky. "We're not ready."

"We weren't either, when we had Aiden." Sam reminded.

"But you are not us! We can't be parents, not yet, maybe not ever! We are not prepared for this. And Deeks, Deeks as a father?! No. No, hell no."

"Kensi." Sam's voice was suddenly sharp. "Marty Deeks is going to be a lot of things during the course of his life, but a bad father isn't one of them. You've seen the man with kids during cases, he's better with them then I am, and for God's sake I am a father! I wouldn't trust him with my kids if I didn't believe he was capable."

"But what if he can't handle-"

Michelle squeezed her hand gently. "Marty will handle it just fine, this I believe. He withstood things for me that no human being should ever have too, I don't doubt his strength."

Setting the mug down beside Sam on the coffee table, Kensi gathered her knees up to her chest, breathing deeply through her nose.

"You're right, aren't you? He's the one who's ready for this, I'm the one who's not. I've never been ready for this too. Jack used talk about kids and I always put it off, said we'd try another time, but then he got sick and we never did. Deeks mentioned it so casually, but I always play it off like it's nothing, like I don't know what he's trying to say. I'm married to my job, I'm not mother material."

"And I was?" Michelle pulled back and both eyebrows went up. "Being a mother is a hard job for anyone. I wasn't ready either when my turn rolled around, and it meant making some tough choices, for both of us. But we did it and I've never been so happy and proud of the way something turned out before. I have zero regrets regarding my children."

"Kensi." The sound of her name brought her attention back to Sam. "I don't know how you want to handle this. I won't try to tell you, but you do have to tell him. This is his baby too. It's both of your decision."

"Okay, okay." Kensi stood up quickly and would have toppled over if not for Sam's strong arms catching her.

"You good?" The man stared down at her.

"Yeah, I'm good." Grabbing her keys, Kensi paused briefly in the doorway. "I'm going tell Deeks what you said about him."

"I think I'm okay with that." Sam grinned

"Thank you for the tea and for everything."

"It's okay, Kens." Sam smiled back at her. "Sometimes things happen."

Somehow the car ride back to her apartment managed to be both the longest and the shortest of her life. All those times she wised for things to just go faster, now she simply wanted them to slow down.

Other woman could have it so easy, a stupid tee shirt with the words I'm pregnant! written in over-the-top font, a huge smile with the actual spoken words. Wasn't so simple for her, for them.

How was she even supposed to explain this to him? That his entire life was about to change forever, their relationship was about to change forever. Thousands of cliché ideas passed through her mind and were immediately tossed. This wasn't a silly sweet romantic comedy she forced Deeks into watching with her, this was them they weren't normal in any way, shape or form. She absolutely refused to use the words "we're pregnant" and she wasn't about to use some metaphor to explain, they were finally communicating, she couldn't do that to him.

She was running out of time, her apartment complex coming into sight. Deeks' truck was still in the parking lot, but she never expected it to be gone anyway, that wasn't who he was. Deeks would run from a lot of things, but he never ran from her, not anymore at least, that was what she did, run, hide, force him to keep his promise of patience on a nearly daily basis.

The distance between the car and her front door never seemed shorter and every cell in her body screamed at her to run. Run like she always has from situations such as this, but she can't. Can't run from the fetus growing inside her, can't run from the love she feels for the man she knows will be waiting inside for her.

"Kensi." Of course he was waiting for her just inside the door. Of course he immediately wrapped his arms around her, keeping her in a warm embrace. Of course when he pulled back, hands on either side of her face she could see the fear, the worry for her well-being radiating from him.

"I'm okay, Deeks." Placing her hands on his chest, Kensi dipped her head down to rest it against the crook of his neck.

"You were gone for a while."

"Ninety minutes."

"You were crying when you left."

"Deeks." She murmured, pleading with him to just stop.

"Tell me what's going on, Kens. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

"Deeks, please don't." She tried again.

"No, Kensi! Partners don't keep secrets, so don't lie to me."

"This isn't about partnerships, Deeks! This isn't even about you and I anymore!" She tugged out of his arms and paced the floor, pulling desperately at her hair.

"Kensi, talk to me. What are you saying?" Deeks placed a hand on her bicep, stilling her frantic movements. "Please."

Several deep breaths, plus Sam and Michelle's words ringing through her mind, convinced her to grab Deeks' chin, pulling him down for a brief kiss before asking him to please sit on the couch.

He complied, and Kensi sat beside him, snatching up his hand and holding in it her lap.

"Kensi, what's-"

"Shh, let me speak. I need too."

"Okay." Deeks shrugged, squeezing her hand carefully in his.

"Last, uh, last night, I, I uh. I decided that, umm." God, Kensi, just get the words out! "I was late, Deeks."

"Late?" He lifted his free hand, scratching at the back of his neck. "Oh, late as in, late."

"Yeah." She chuckled at his ignorance. "I went today, I got some, uhh, tests." Kensi paused scrunching up her face.

"And they came out positive. Didn't they?" His body, face, even his voice was so still, calm.

"Yes." The single word was nearly silent. "Listen, Deeks. I don't..."

"You're pregnant?" He still hasn't looked at her.

"Yes, I guess, Deeks. Sometimes things happen."

"Those things aren't always bad though." He looks at her, and there was fear in his face, definitely. Shock too. But there was something else. A flicker of happiness, of joy in his blue eyes.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Kensi." He stopped, breathing deeply, holding onto her hand like a lifeline. "This can be a good thing, we just have to let it be one. You're already Wonder Woman, you can do anything."

"Deeks, I don't-"

"Trust me, Kensi." He turned to her, picking up her other hand and holding them between their bodies. "We've got this."

"I don't understand how you can be so calm!"

Deeks smiled, leaning in to softly kiss her cheek. "Because I believe in us, I trust you, and I love you. Besides, that's my job right? To be the one who's calm, steady, ruggedly handsome, brav-"

"Obnoxious, talkative, annoying." She finished, a smile stretching across her face for the first time since she saw the tests.

A laugh burst out of his mouth and he grinned at her warmly. "I love you." He said suddenly.

Smiling Kensi loosely looped her arms around his waist. "I love you too."

"We've got this, Kens. Okay?" He whispered against her cheek

"I know." She replied, relaxing into his grip.

"We'll be fine, I promise. All of us."

"I know. I love you, Marty."

Smiling Deeks turned his head to press his mouth to hers, they were soon lost in the passion of the kiss, yet Kensi was still aware of his hand drifting between them and settling on her nonexistent baby bump.

They would be fine, together. All of them.