Author's note: This idea came to me after a re-viewing of the season 5 episode. Obviously, it's a slight touch off the beaten path that is the "canon universe". In my version, Kanaan isn't with Teyla. I am strictly a Teyla/Ronon fan, so that's the way it's gonna be. I couldn't decide where and when would be a good place to bring up his...untimed death, so just know that he isn't around. I'll leave it up to you if you imagine him dead or just off living on another planet. Also, this picks up after the end of the episode.
Music suggestions: 'Song of exile' by The Blessed Blend, 'Night ride across the Caucasus' by Loreena McKennitt. (I prefer the former, but I was envisioning the version sung in the movie King Arthur, the movie with Clive Owen, when I wrote this).
Disclaimer: Don't own Stargate: Atlantis.
1-The Prodigal Extension
Rather put out that he'd been forced into staying overnight in the infirmary for two days in a row, Ronon laid on the slightly inclined bed with his eyes closed, a frown marring his forehead. He'd never liked infirmaries, for many reasons. The sterilization, the beeping, the uncomfortable beds...and for some unknown reason, they were always about ten degrees colder than any other room. Mostly, it was because whenever he was in the infirmary on Atlantis, something bad had happened.
The silence really got to him, too.
Laying with his arms crossed over his chest, Ronon continued to keep his eyes closed, if for no other reason than to imagine being somewhere else.
Until an unfamiliar gurgling sound penetrated the silence.
"Ronon?" Teyla's voice queried in a hesitant tone a second later.
Cracking his eyes open, the frown smoothed its way from his features as he confirmed that Teyla was, in fact, standing about five feet away from his bed with Torren in her arms.
"Hey." Ronon greeted in a gravelly voice, not having spoken since Dr. Keller had dropped an extra blanket on his bed and left for the night.
"I suspected that you would still be awake." Teyla said casually, balancing Torren on her hip. A moment later, she pulled a chair closer to his bed and sat down, with Torren on her lap. "We have just returned from the east pier, where we literally ran into Col. Sheppard and McKay racing those miniature remote control cars again."
"They wouldn't bring me one of those to keep me occupied while I'm stuck in here." Ronon informed her, the frown returning.
"Maybe it's because the last time they gave you control of one, you ran it into three people. Zalenka was sent to the infirmary with a mild concussion." Teyla stated in a disapproving tone, shifting Torren to her other arm.
A wicked, reminiscent smile pulled at Ronon's lips. "Yeah...that was fun."
"Anyway," Teyla said, interrupting Ronon's remembrance. "I figured that Torren and I could stop by and check in on you, while no one else is around."
"I could use the company." Ronon acquiesced happily, sitting up and turning to face Teyla, folding his long legs underneath him in a crossed-leg position, an eagerness entering his eyes. An expression that was only known to appear when Teyla was around. He then pointed to Torren. "Trouble sleeping?"
A long-suffering sigh escaped her lips as she wilted back, settling firmly into the chair beside Ronon's bed. "Yes." Teyla answered after a moment. "It has been very difficult lately. It is not easy, raising a child alone."
"Here, let me have him." Ronon commanded a few moments after Teyla fell silent, gesturing with his hands.
Teyla hesitated, staring up at him as if he'd spoken in a foreign language. Considering how little she actually knew about him, despite their knowing each other close to four years, he could understand her reluctance.
"Come on, now. He's not asleep anyway. It won't disturb him anymore than he already is." Ronon coaxed in a rumbling tone, holding his arms out towards her.
"Very well." Teyla finally agreed. Glancing down at Torren, she realized that her son's gaze had already shifted towards Ronon's deep, grumbling voice and was staring quite avidly. He'd also gone uncharacteristically silent.
She then realized, for the first time, that Ronon had never actually asked to hold Torren before. Torren was six months old.
Her hesitance was unfounded, for the moment she held Torren out to exchange, Torren smiled and stretched his arms out towards Ronon.
Ronon reached out with a warm smile of his own, one large hand gently cupping Torren's head as his other supported the baby's other half, pulling him in close.
"You are very good with him." Teyla commented after a minute, observing Ronon with a mixture of amusement as he made a number of exaggerated facial expressions at Torren.
"Yeah." Ronon agreed in a distracted tone, twitching his eyebrows as he continued speaking. "For some reason, kids are never afraid of me. "
"I can see why." Teyla said with a smile in her voice, slightly bemused by the transformation that had taken place. "They can sense something in you that many cannot."
"Melena used to say the same thing." Ronon supplied absentmindedly, reaching up to detract one of Torren's chubby hands from Ronon's eyebrow.
A few moments later, his words seemed to register in his mind, and his cheerful demeanor melted away. Torren reached out and tugged on one of Ronon's many dreadlocks curiously, a slight frown forming. The baby's gentle, but insistent, tugging pulled Ronon back to the present.
Focusing on a point on the opposite wall, Ronon let Torren continue with his tugging as he started to open up. The child's action kept him grounded as he revisited memories he'd rather keep locked away for the rest of his life. "On Sateda, she was a nurse. She worked with kids, that had long-term illnesses. Sometimes, I'd go and visit her at work. You'd think I was made of that chocolate McKay likes so much, I had so many of them trailing after me." He paused to rotate around on the bed, reclining back. Settling himself with a focus that Teyla recognized as avoidance to the subject, she seized the opportunity to interject her thoughts. Ronon brought Torren down to his chest as she began to speak.
"You are big and strong. A soldier. And yet, one that showed affection to one of their primary caregivers. They knew you could protect, without harming them. That you would show them a similar affection. Children can be very astute about a person's true character, whether or not that person wishes it to be so visible." Teyla supplied observationally, leaning forward in her seat.
"Melena wanted to have children." Ronon stated out of the blue, staring up at the ceiling. The "so did I" remained silent, but not unobserved by Teyla.
Teyla said nothing, knowing that more was forthcoming.
"We'd just started trying, a few weeks before the Wraith came." Ronon imparted in a flat tone, smoothing his hand up and down Torren's back reassuringly as he spoke.
"Ronon...I-" Teyla began sympathetically, needing to say something, anything, to take away the look of utter anguish that had suffused Ronon's features.
"What if she was pregnant?" Ronon asked in a pained tone, his voice thick with emotion. "She could have been carrying my child. Yet, she still refused to leave. Why would she do that?" He finished fiercely, his hold on Torren turning protective, as if shielding the child he might have one day held if Melena had lived.
"Ronon." Teyla commanded firmly, reaching out and tugging one of Ronon's hands free from Torren. His gaze focused sharply on hers, anger and regret raging behind his eyes. "It is...difficult to deter a woman's will once she has made up her mind, regardless of her own well being. There is no way of ever knowing if she was with child at the time, but I am certain that if she had known, she would have taken more precautions to ensure that child's survival." Seeing that Ronon remained unconvinced, Teyla tried another approach. "In that regard, in a delicate matter such as conception, it can take...a great deal of time. Kanaan and I were...together many times, over the course of months, before Torren was conceived. It is more than likely that Melena was not pregnant when she died. And...if she was...it may not offer any solace whatsoever, but that child will never have to suffer."
Ronon ducked his head down, nodding his acknowledgment. Hitching Torren up, Ronon tucked Torren's much smaller head against his neck, underneath his chin.
The wounded, glassy sheen she'd glimpsed before his eyes were cast downward revealed another layer of Ronon's closely guarded past. Another revelation locked into place in her mind.
For Ronon, it had not been the loss of his entire race – his entire world – that fueled such anger...such hatred for the Wraith, but rather the destruction of the life that he could have had. Should have had.
She could not possibly fathom the challenges he'd not only endured and survived, but the mistakes and the corresponding consequences that he'd had to live with. Many had suffered in some form or another from a Wraith culling, herself included. She'd lost family, cherished friends, and each loss had hurt her deeply. It could not compare, could not hold even the weakest of a candle's flickering flame, to Ronon's.
Her throat closed tight with suppressed emotion as she squeezed his hand supportively.
The heavy silence was broken when Torren made a curious sound. Teyla glanced up to see her son staring at her as he continued the word in a chant as toddler's first words tended to be uttered.
"La, la. La." Torren cried expressively, reaching out to her.
"What is it?" Ronon asked, his gaze finally flicking upward to meet hers.
"I did not think..." Teyla mused aloud, her gaze affixed to her son's as he looked at her, then up to Ronon, and repeated the litany. Ronon continued to stare at her expectantly. "He couldn't possibly..."
"Couldn't what?" Ronon prompted, a hint impatiently, sitting up and placing Torren on his lap in a seated position.
"I think he wants me to sing." Teyla supplied in a perplexed manner. Ronon started at her blankly, as if seeing her for the first time. "When he is upset, sometimes I sing to him. Songs of comfort, and melodies that I make up to soothe. I do not always use the words, but rather, the sound he keeps making."
She was uncomfortable with singing in front of people and didn't practice the act often. Many of those outside of her own people did not even know that she could sing. She personally loved the catharsis and peace it gave her, but did not wish to draw such attention to herself from her Atlantis coworkers and friends. It was something personal, and private, and revealing the talent always brought hesitation to bear.
"You don't have to." Ronon stated, sensing her discomfort.
"It would seem that my son believes otherwise." Teyla replied ruefully with a hesitant smile as Torren became more insistent.
Aside from that, a song had already presented itself in her mind. Hopefully, it would present the same sense of comfort that it had presented Torren, as well as herself. A song that Charin had sung to her as a child. A song that might soothe the savaged remnants of Ronon's strong, Satedan spirit. If only briefly.
And so, she shed the reluctance and began to sing.
As the tension began to melt away from Ronon's countenance, his eyes closing and a gentle, peaceful smile pulling at his lips, she knew that, in some small way, she had succeeded.
Regardless, she sucked in a relieved breath when she sung the closing words.
"Thank you." Ronon intoned, his usually deep, gruff voice choked with unexpressed emotion.
Teyla bowed her head in acknowledgment. Torren sat up on his own, clapping his hands enthusiastically, clearly happy that he'd gotten his way.
She could now see why Ronon had trouble sitting still, why he stubbornly refused to stand down and rest. Part of it was his restless spirit, something quintessentially Ronon. However, another darker sequence of events had instigated an uncontrolled evolution and spread. Something that had kept him alive for over seven years when so many others had perished in only a fraction of that time. As much as he was running from the Wraith, he was running from his own memories.
"Stand up." Teyla commanded softly, making a decision.
"Um...I'm not supposed to." Ronon supplied wryly in response. A hint of wariness entered his tone. "Keller kind of threatened me with this really big needle if I even thought of getting out of bed while no one was around..."
"I will not tell anyone if you do not." Teyla said, her lips quirking up in amusement. "And neither will Torren."
Shrugging carelessly with his uninjured shoulder, Ronon shifted and swung his legs over the side of the bed, holding Torren out at arm's length.
"Here, you take him back." Ronon said.
Stepping forward into the vee Ronon's legs made, Teyla held her hands out coaxingly. Torren glanced up at Ronon in askance, clearly displeased, but went towards his mother's familiar embrace.
Ronon winced minutely as pain sliced down his arm, supporting Torren until Teyla held him securely in her arms.
Teyla caught the expression as it flashed quickly across his features and began to doubt her decision.
"Are you alright? Perhaps it is too soon...I just thought..." Teyla prompted, trailing off when his eyes locked onto hers and his jaw set stubbornly.
"It's just the shoulder I landed on. My head's fine." Ronon stated firmly.
"Very well." Teyla conceded with a demure smile, rocking Torren back and forth gently as his head nestled in against her chest, fretful cries beginning to issue past his lips. "I will blame you if faint, and leave you where you lie, and let you deal with Dr. Keller's needles."
Reaching out as Teyla spoke, Ronon's hand hesitated for a moment over Torren's downy head before he followed through with the action, the weight of his hand quelling the disgruntled sounds Torren had began emitting. Teyla immediately stopped her rocking motion, captivated by the moment the three of them had just been ensnared in.
"I'm glad that you and Torren are here, and Michael's gone." Ronon said after a few moments of silence, his eyes once again meeting hers.
"As am I." Teyla replied in the same hushed tone, leaning forward.
Tilting his head down, Ronon leaned forward as well, their foreheads meeting in the space between them.
Torren yawned widely and tucked in closer to Teyla, one fist clenching around a strap of her top.
Breaking the connection first, Teyla stepped back and gestured to the floor next to her. "I was considering a circuit around the infirmary before I put Torren to bed. Would you care to join me?" Teyla asked, her mouth curving up into a smile as she spoke.
Ronon shifted off the bed until he was standing, one hand on it for support. "Sure." Ronon replied, mirroring her smile.
"Do you have to do this often?" Ronon asked after a minute.
"More often than I would like." Teyla replied with a deep sigh. She then began to elaborate. "It is not that I do not enjoy walking around with him, exploring the city, but I need to sleep as well. I find myself more exhausted than not. It is a part of the reason why I was so reluctant to return to active duty. I jeopardize the entire team every time I step through the gate in such a state."
"Hell, Teyla. Why didn't you say something earlier?" Ronon prompted in a reprimanding tone, plucking Torren from her arms unbidden. Teyla frowned up at him at the sudden action, until she realized that Torren had been silently reaching out to Ronon as they circled the infirmary. "You know that we'd be willing to help out for a few hours if you needed the rest."
"I did not want to impose. Especially while he is so small." Teyla said in defensive reply, rubbing at her aching arms gratefully.
"From now on, if you have any trouble at all with him and you're too tired, you come and get me, alright?" Ronon instructed, stopping and gently tugging her to a stop as well. "I don't care what time."
"Very well." Teyla said with an expression full of suppressed consternation.
"I don't mind. Really." Ronon added reassuringly, reading her response as something she would never actually do, but agree to do just to end the subject.
"Thank you, Ronon." Teyla acquiesced with a tilt of her head, her response more genuine than the first. After a moment, Teyla asked a question as they reached the end of the infirmary. "If I may ask, how much sleep do you get per night?"
"Don't know. Four, maybe five hours." Ronon responded casually as they turned and headed back the opposite direction. He elaborated when Teyla drew a breath to comment. "Always been like that. Always figured there's too much to do in a day, shouldn't waste it all sleeping."
"That sounds like you." Teyla remarked with a rueful grin.
Minutes passed in silence as they finished their circuit in the other direction, until they reached Ronon's assigned bed. Ronon gently passed a heavy-lidded Torren back to Teyla.
"So like I said, If you ever want some company on one of your and Torren's late night walks, or just some time alone and you don't wanna bother anybody else..." Ronon said, trailing off.
"I know where your quarters are." Teyla completed with a grateful smile, fully accepting the offer. Glancing down, Teyla studied the sleeping form of her son in her arms with a hint of caution. "It would appear that Torren is finally asleep. I should put him to bed and perhaps get some sleep myself."
Ronon climbed back into his hospital bed and laid back, a mild grimace crossing his features as he reached towards the end of the bed and pulled the blankets up over his body. "Not going anywhere." Ronon replied with a long-suffering smile. Reaching out, he gingerly smoothed his hand over the back of Torren's head. "Goodnight, Torren. Teyla."
"Goodnight, Ronon." Teyla imparted quietly with a small dip of her head.
ooooooxooo*ooouoooooo*
I think it could be worked into the end of the episode relatively seamlessly. I hope you enjoyed reading!
