I'll Always Be Chasing That Red String of Fate
Steve knew exactly how long it had been since Bucky left. Knew it in the feeling of the sun on his back as he sat at the window trying for the fifth time to draw a picture before cursing lightly and erasing it, knew from the pain shooting up his spine telling him it would rain tonight, and knew it from the weight in his chest that could not be attributed to any kind of ailment for once. Grunting, he placed his pad of paper down carefully, reverently, knowing that throwing a tantrum was not going to get him anywhere, and Bucky would kill him if he found out that he had ruined a gift given to him right before he left.
"Six hours and thirty two minutes." Huffing, Steve ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes counting slowly. He did not want to think about it, did not want to constantly be reminded, but how could he not be? Bucky had boarded the train at nine in the morning sharp, not wanting to be there a moment earlier than he had to be, and it had been a solemn ordeal. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes were proud of their son, but worry seeped out of Mrs. Barnes as she tugged at her son's collar telling him to, 'be safe', and, 'make sure to write whenever you can'. Next, Bucky's sisters had hugged him telling him not to spend too much time with the dames and to keep himself out of trouble knowing fully well that the one who got him into trouble would not be joining him anyways. Steve, god he hated to remember, why was he thinking about this, he had smiled as if nothing was wrong, as if he was not terrified for his friend, and clapped him on the shoulder before bringing him into a rough hug. "Don't do anything stupid you hear punk?" Bucky whispered into his ear, and Steve went against his protesting back and hugged Bucky tighter. "How could I, you're taking all the stupid with you jerk."
Steve never wanted to say that line again, it tasted foul in his mouth. Now those simple words would forever be remembered in his mind as the phrase that meant he was afraid, meant that he might not see James Buchanan Barnes again, and there was nothing he could do to help. "I'm with you 'till the end of the line Buck." Standing from his seat Steve walked across the small apartment and stretched going through his usual routine when his pain started to flare up. "I can't do anything from here, but I'll figure out something, I promise." No, he would not give up, there had to be a way. For now though, he had to get out of the apartment, had to do something other than sit and try to unsuccessfully draw something. He was off of work for the day, his boss had told him that there was no point dragging himself in if he was going to be miserable and inattentive anyways, and he wished momentarily that he had gone in anyways.
Steve's little journey took him all around Brooklyn, but he still felt antsy. Mrs. Leibowitz, a kindly older woman whom Bucky and Steve often visited or ran errands for, stopped him as he passed her house and gave him a piece of candy before patting him fondly on the head. "It's okay boychik, he'll be back soon." He smiled in return, thanked her for the treat, and waved goodbye to her as he walked away, but as soon as he rounded the corner the frown was right back on his face. Everyone seemed to know, everyone was sorry for him, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes had even practically begged him to come home with them, but he could make it on his own, he could deal with this on his own.
"Whad'ya say then? You a Chink or a Jap?" "You even speak English old man? Government should put you out west in one of them camps where you belong." "Answer us old man, you wanna get roughed up?" Steve felt a rush of adrenaline hearing the two bullies words. He was not one to usually get himself into fights just to be in them, but he had to admit the idea somehow had a calming effect on him. With no chance of getting his mind off of Buck, why not force his mind off of him? He knew exactly who these guys were, Fred Jackson and James Saunders were notorious racists and bullies, and he had run across them numerous times before.
"How 'bout you pick on someone your own size huh?" Entering the relatively narrow alleyway, Steve caught the bullies attention as he spoke making sure to inch his way in front of the man that was being accosted. A single glance and he knew who it was and why it was they were not talking. Mr. Shu Jiang, an elderly Chinese man who lived on the third floor of their apartment building and who was always nice to Steve when they crossed paths, was just as stubborn as he was, and was just as likely to say absolutely nothing and let people think he did not understand them so he would not have to deal with them as he was to tell someone off in perfectly clear and precise English. He had been a teacher in China before he moved to New York with his family to get a new start, and they had been lucky to find work relatively quickly. Mr. Jiang's children were grown now, and Mrs. Jiang had made her way to heaven only three or so years previously, but Mr. Jiang was still very sturdy and spry in his old age, unwilling to let others intimidate him.
"Well if it ain't Rogers. Lookie here Jim. We got us a shrimp tryin' to be a wise guy." Fred laughed heartily as he looked at Steve and quickly jabbed James in the side. "You think he'd'a learned from last time. Guess we gotta give him another lesson." Fred smirked cracking his knuckles and stepped forward squaring up to fight. "I could do this all day." Putting his fists up and squaring his shoulders like Bucky taught him to do, Steve got ready. He knew how James and Fred fought, knew that Fred was not as good with a right hook, and that James favored his left leg. The problem though was they knew how Steve fought too. They knew that he was partially deaf in his left ear making it easier for them to sneak up on him from that side. They knew that no matter how he denied it, if they hit him enough in the back he would be down for the count. It would definitely take all his concentration not to end up mashed to a pulp. In truth, he kind of hoped they would get bored of it soon and go off on their way.
After the first few punches were thrown, Steve being successful in landing one straight to Fred's face and a kick to James' right leg, the three boys got into a rhythm of blocking and attacking. Steve thought that he might actually have it, might actually be able to keep up for once, when someone suddenly approached from the left side and he found himself sprawled on the pavement. The two boys kicked him mercilessly, laughing and spitting as they did, but after a few minutes they lost all interest and congratulated each other before going on their way Mr. Jiang completely forgotten about.
Taking in a ragged breath Steve tried to relax, tried to ignore the pain his whole body was experiencing. His lungs were tight, like he was having an asthma attack, and his back was throbbing in pain. He would have quite the shiner tomorrow, he could just tell, but he refused to cry, refused to do anything but focus on breathing. He was so preoccupied with not passing out, with thinking about the fact that if Bucky had of been there the two of them could have taken those brutes on easily, that when he felt a soothing hand on his side he flinched unable to stop himself from doing so.
"Steven, if your upset you shouldn't throw yourself into a fight. It doesn't do anything for you." Turning Steve sucked in a breath before leaning up against the alley wall. "Sorry Mr. Jiang I don't think I get what ya mean. Freddy and Jim were messing with you, I couldn't just pass on by." Mr. Jiang chuckled a little shaking his head before he came over and sat next to Steve offering his handkerchief. "Come on Steven, there's no reason to lie to me." Steve suddenly felt exposed, felt like he was under a microscope, and so he shook his head 'no' to the offered handkerchief and blurted out what he usually said. "I'm just frustrated is all. I should be in Europe right now fighting, I have no right being-." "Another lie Steven? That's very unlike you. I know that James, Bucky, shipped out today. It's okay to be upset."
Lips going tightly shut and mouth going dry Steve looked at his hands letting his fingers go over the bruise forming on his knuckles. He should have known better than to lie, Steve and Buck were inseparable, of course everyone around the neighborhood had heard that the duo were finally being split up. Steve did not want to talk about it though, did not want to say it out loud. If he said what he was feeling and thinking out loud then it would come true. Mr. Jiang offered the handkerchief once more and this time Steve took it wiping his hands and running it over his brow. The more he thought about it and sat on it the more he squirmed and wrung the handkerchief between his hands. He was practically bursting with feelings, he felt so torn.
"He wasn't supposed to go alone. We're supposed to be there for each other, until the end of the line, we always said that. Buck's off to Europe all alone and I'm here doing what? Nothing! I can't help him from here, I have to be with him if I'm gonna help him out. What if…" The words caught in his throat choking him, making him shake. "What if…" He could not help it, Steve sniffed hard coughing a little to cover it and then wrung the handkerchief between his hands tighter wrapping it around his hands and unwrapping it. Talking a little more softly he clenched his jaw. "There's a chance that Buck might go somewhere where I can't follow, and that terrifies me."
Nodding his head Mr. Jiang sighed and put his hand on Steve's shoulder in a comforting manner. After a moment of silence between the two of them where Steve tried to steady his erratic breathing, why his chest was constricting so much was a mystery considering there was no way it was his asthma, Mr. Jiang put his hand into his pocket and looked for something. When he made a noise of triumph Steve looked at him curiously as he pulled out a red string. "Let me see your hand, hmm, your left I think." Offering his hand without question Steve watched as the string was tied snugly around his pinky finger and finished with a bow.
"In my culture there's a story about a god called Yue Xia Lao, also known simply as Yue Lao, and he can be found in many forms, but often the one constant theme is he talks to people while under the moonlight." Nodding his head silently Steve listened enraptured to the tale. "Well, Yue Lao is well known for tying a bit of red string around someone's finger, and telling them that this red string is the red string of fate, and that whomever the red string attaches to on the other end, you are destined to be connected to for the rest of your life. The string can not be broken, it can be tangled, can be pulled taught or go slack, but it is never broken." Tugging at the little piece of string Mr. Jiang smiled. "You and Bucky are connected by a red string of fate Steven, I just know it. I don't think your friend will ever go anywhere where you can't follow him. No matter what, you'll end up back together."
Steve had to look back at his finger to keep himself from crying, had to turn his head away as he stood and helped Mr. Jiang back to his feet. Even when they walked back to the apartment building together and took the stairs to Mr. Jiang's floor, he could barely wheeze out a thank you and a promise to return the handkerchief cleaned in the next day or two before he felt his throat squeeze and his lungs catch fire. Mr. Jiang told him to keep the handkerchief, said he had plenty, and put his hand on Steve's shoulder one last time before turning into his apartment for the night.
Hearing the latch on Mr. Jiang's apartment catch Steve took the stairs as quickly as his body would allow feeling winded and shaky as he fumbled with his keys and stumbled into his apartment. Nearly slamming the door behind himself, he slammed the bolt on the lock home and sagged against the door tears flowing freely. "He won't go anywhere I can't follow, he can't." Sniffing and clearing his throat he took off his jacket and shoes carefully before crawling into his bed. Every pain made itself known, and as if things were not already bad enough, the heavens opened up and it began to rain making his back twinge in even more pain.
"Red string of fate huh? If that'll keep 'im safe, if it'll keep us together, then I can believe in it." Touching the little string tied around his pinky finger, Steve cried himself to sleep that night out of frustration and desperation. He would have been embarrassed, but who was there to hear him wail anyways? It was just him and an empty apartment, he did not have to be strong all the time.
