So this is my idea of a Holly x Gail fix because the fact that there has yet to be one is a little frustrating, but we have 16 episodes left this season so i have no given up. :)
Let me know what you think, i love hearing from everyone
Disclaimer: I wish i owned the show...but my bank account sadly proves that i do not.
Over the last three weeks or so Gail had spent her down time trying to pin point the exact moment she realized she could no longer shut off her emotions and disconnect from a situation. Every case seemed to weigh her down, to haunt her dreams. When did this become Gail Peck, this was very uncharacteristic for a Peck let alone Gail. She was usually able to shut off and file the issues away, to deflect any residual lingering feelings.
After talking with Oliver, Gail had made a plan to confront her wall-less-ness head on. Gail quickly changed into her jeans, combat boots, and one of three new cable knit sweaters she had seen online a few days ago. Her new hobby, shopping online was mindless enough to keep the ghosts of the last few weeks away, that and the whiskey.
It was 7 AM the night shift she had been working was thankfully over, during her conversation with Oliver it hit her, Holly, every part of her emotional awareness started with Holly. The realization made her angry, the tall brunet with chocolate brown eyes and lopsided smile had broken her. Holly had bulldozed her walls down and Gail was left figuring out how to rebuild them.
By 7:29 AM Gail had made her way to her destination, the place she figured would cause new walls to slam back into place and let her get back to being Gail Peck, the non-emotionally exposed person she had unknowingly become. The solid door quizzed under Gail's relentless pounding; she didn't care what time it was on a Saturday, she needed her walls back. The air outside was thick and cold leaving Gail to wonder if her lungs were hurting because of the air or because of the minor panic attack simmering under her normally calm composer.
"What!?" the door was yanked open by the mostly asleep brunet. "This is all your fault" Gail stormed past her into the apartment not really caring for an invitation; she had to get this out of her system before it completely consumed her. "Yeah sure you can come in." Holly muttered to herself, closing the door and following Gail to the kitchen.
"What are you blaming me for?" Holly asked tying her sleep messed hair into a less than neat knot on her head. "This, it's all you fault" Gail repeated taking off her jacket and pacing on top of Holly's counter. Holly started rummaging through a drawer breaking Gail's determined and pointed anger. "What are you looking for?!" Gail stopped pacing to stare at Holly; she was upset that Holly wasn't exactly paying attention to the conversation, or lack of a conversation. "My spare Taser in case you want to taze yourself in the eye" Holly rolled her eyes pulling coffee filters out of the drawer.
"If you are so insesent on having a conversation right now Gail I'm going to need coffee, especially if you are going to start blaming me for things." Holly turned her back to Gail and busied herself with making a pot of coffee. In the three weeks following the whole, meet the friends situations at the Penny, Holly had not attempted to contact Gail and Gail had made no effort to contact Holly. Not because neither one missed the other but because neither one was ready to take the blame. Gail waited patiently as Holly prepared her coffee, knowing that this was going to either be a knock out drag out fight or she was going to lose her edge and walk out in the next 5 minutes.
"You were saying it's all my fault" Holly sat at the counter rubbing her eyes. "Everything." Gail wanted to yell at her. "You know you came waltzing into my fucking crime scene, and somehow we became friends" Gail raked her fingers threw her hair causing it to go in every direction. "But also, I don't think we were every friends" Gail glared at Holly and started pacing again. "You kissed me in the fucking coat closet and things never went back to normal." Gail stopped abruptly and grabbed her jacket grasping desperately at her dissipating anger. "Nice chat" Holly muttered into her coffee anticipating what was promised to be a door-slamming exit from Gail.
"Why didn't you follow me?" Gail asked putting her jacket back on the table almost defeated. That was a move Holly hadn't been anticipating, Gail putting her jacket down, demanding more of this conversation. "What are you talking about?" Holly asked setting her cup on the counter. She had been asleep for all of 3 hours when Gail came pounding on the door and she hadn't really been awake enough to follow Gail's blame filled rant. "When I walked out of the penny why didn't you follow me?" Gail was upset but needed to know, on the list of things she had been beating herself up about the last few weeks, walking out of the penny had been second, the first was not trying to call Holly the next day.
"Something about tasing yourself in the eye instead of being around me. Thought I'd save myself the pain Gail" Holly huffed trying desperately to not yell at Gail. "Did you ever thing that what you said actually hurt?" Holly's was losing her internal battle, her voiced raising, she didn't want to be having this conversation let alone being blamed for Gail's actions. "As opposed to being a blue collar, beat cop, who is out of your league that your just having fun with?" Gail spat back her hand keeping a white knuckle grip on the counter in front of her. "Weird thing about this whole issue Gail is you said everything, I said none of that." Holly stood up and started pacing, at this point she didn't know if she wanted to run upstairs or out of her own apartment.
"You walked into a conversation at the end of it, that I was trying to end because Lisa was drunk and being stupid. I blew her off, and you fucking took her words as my own." Holly braced herself against the counter matching Gail's posture. "I never said any of those things, you however told me you would rather taze yourself in the eye than spend another moment with me. So excuse me for not following you out of the damn bar Gail." Holly has pissed, this conversation had been bubbling under her skin for weeks. She had been having this fight in her head for weeks, every time she thought about it she just go more upset.
They stared at each other for a while neither one of them moving or speaking, Holly was trying to control her anger before her neighbors called the cops for a domestic disturbance, at 8 in the morning on a Saturday. "So if someone's to blame Gail, it's the one of us that actually said those words" Holly sat down refusing to look at Gail, knowing her anger would just come boiling back. "I know you have only dated cops, but when you introduce someone to your friends it's not because you are just having fun, it's because you see it going somewhere." Holly let out getting up to refill her coffee cup trying to stop herself from simply throwing the mug across the room.
"I wasn't blaming you for the penny." Gail huffed, she was not about to lose this argument. "I was blaming you because since you came into my life I haven't been able to just let things go. I'm feeling things and that's never happened before. And every time I try to figure out where the hell it all started it starts with you, and your fucking smile, and kissing me." Gail grabbed her jacket this time making it to the foyer. "You broke me." Gail let out; the tears she has been trying to keep from falling for week overflowed and started streaming down her face. "Gail I think you've always been broken." Holly had her back to Gail fidgeting with the coffee maker the words were out before could stop them. "I'm sorry I didn't mean that" Holly turned around to find Gail walking out the door.
"Gail" Holly sighed going after her "Gail!" Holly yelled grabbing her by the arm and pulling her back into the apartment. "I didn't mean that, I'm sorry." Holly forced Gail to turn around; the breath caught in her throat when she noticed Gail was crying, tears streaming down her face. "Hey, I'm sorry." Holly tried to pull Gail into her arm but Gail took a few quick steps back leaving a few feet between them. "No you're right I've always been broken, and I always break the things I touch" Gail quickly wiped her tears. "I'm sorry for waking you up" Gail sighed trying to get past Holly who had stepped in front of the door. "Gail." Holly's voice was soft "please?" Holly pleaded trying to get Gail to look up at her.
Seeing Gail like this broke her heart, the same was it did when Gail walked out of the penny. How they had both found themselves so emotionally invested in their quick relationship was beyond them. "Why even bother Holly, I'm broken" Gail huffed trying to put on her ice queen stare but failing miserably. "No you're not" Holly took Gail's hands feeling them tremble in her own. "What is this really about?" Holly asked gripping Gail's hands tight; knowing there had to be some underlying reason for all of this. She couldn't keep hold of her anger when Gail looked so small. "Nothing Holly, I won't bother you anymore." Gail tried to free her hand for Holly's grip, but Holly wouldn't let go.
"Gail." Holly reached forward and hugged Gail to her, fighting to hold Gail as she tried to break free. "Baby" Holly breathed and Gail collapsed into her sobbing, Holly braced herself to hold Gail up, knowing that the blonde never let herself be this vulnerable. "it's not fair Holly, why do we get to keep going about things day to day like nothing happened and some people just don't make it?" Gail sobbed into Holly's shoulder her hands grasping desperately at her shirt. Holly hesitantly urged Gail back still holding her until Gail's calves hit the back of the couch. She fell back pulling Holly with her, Holly tried to brace herself as Gail's back hit the cushion, she didn't want to crush Gail.
They laid there for a while, for what seemed like hours as Gail started to calm down, her breathing evening out, the tears drying. It took every ounce of energy Holly had not to fall asleep. Laying at Gail's side trying to comfort Gail the best she could without really knowing the whole story, any anger from before had completely dissipated. "She's just a kid, and now she doesn't have a mom." Gail breathed her fingers interlocking with Holly's. "It's not fair you know" her warm breath falling on Holly's neck, they were facing each other, Gail's forehead resting against Holly's chin.
"She was fine, and then she wasn't you know. Her mom was doing laundry a typical day, mundane chores while her daughter went to play with a friend and then she doesn't have a mom anymore because some guy wanted to take over his gang. She was hit by a bullet that went through the air vent and now she doesn't get to see her kid grow up, and her kid no longer has a mom." Holly could hear the tears in Gail's voice as she spoke. "her mom will never see her graduate high school, college, get married, have babies." Gail continued her thumb running in lazy circles over the back of Holly's hand. Talking about Sophie hurt, somehow Gail related to it. She knew what it was like when Jerry died, when Chris almost died, no one knows there time "and I can't seem to move past that, knowing that doing a mundane chore could be the way I die, and dying not know where we standing Holly." Gail let out as Holly pulled her closer.
"Can we get back together?" Gail asked curing into Holly, her head moving to rest on my shoulders. "I didn't know we had broken up." Holly breathed settling in their new position. "Gail, if this is going to be a thing, you and me." Holly let her fingers find the patch of smooth skin at the base of Gail's shirt. "We have to talk, we are going to fight, but we can't twist each other's words" Holly felt her heart start to beat faster as Gail hugged her. "I've never cared what people think about me" Gail's lips ghosted along Holly's neck. "I wanted to make a good impression on your friends because I care what you think about me. I want them to like me because I like you, and when Dr. Boobs said those things it hurt because I didn't want you to see me like that." Gail hugged Holly tighter trying to eliminate any reaming space between them. "I don't think those things Gail" Holly shifted so she could see Gail's eyes.
Gail's eyes were the tell all, no matter how much she was able to put on a show of being a bad ass cop, Gail's eyes always gave her away. Every emotion played there and Holly knew how to read her. She could see the hurt, the worry, and the fear as Gail tried to look away. "I like you Gail, and dr. boobs sucks. I should have warned you to take what she said with a grain of salt but I had hoped she was going to be on her best behavior." Holly smiled before turning her head to let out a yawn. "We can start over with a clean slate, of you can walk out the door Gail, but you can't aim your daggers at me when you feel threatened." Holly smiled seeing the sleepy stare Gail was giving her, her blue eyes darkening with the need for sleep.
"Can I stay here with you today, I don't want to see the ass hats I live with" Gail laughed giving Holly a genuine smile. "God can we please go back to bed?" Holly laughed pushing Gail off the couch and leading them up to her bedroom; sleep had been threatening to overtake her strength as they laid on the couch. "I'm sorry for waking you up." Gail laughed while getting under to the covers after changing into the pajamas Gail had laid ownership on the first night she had stayed with Holly.
This felt normal, like the last three weeks hadn't happened, like no time had been spent apart from Holly. "Thank you for opening the door" Gail breathed tracing the lines on Holly's palm. "Will you shut up women" Holly pulled Gail to her and kissed her, her lips needing to feel Gail in that moment, proving to herself this whole conversation hadn't been a dream, that Gail was really in her arms, in her bed that they had really just talked things threw.
