Notes: Much as I love Illyana, I have the worst luck finishing stories featuring her. I am extremely determined with this one, though. Mostly because it will only be two chapters long, and the second chapter is mostly done already. This is set after the Fear Itself arc, in which Colossus becomes the Juggernaut.

Disclaimer: All characters belongs to Marvel Comics. Well, except the nameless, unimportant ones. You'll know them when you see them, for as long as they last.

Summary: Seeking redemption, Colossus and Magik accept a black op to eliminate enemies of the X-Men, both actual and imagined. He searches for a way to accept the detached young woman his sister has become, while she tries to help him embrace the monsters they can no longer help being.


Monsters Like Us

An X-Men Fanfic by

Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)

Chapter 1: Greater Evil for the Lesser Good


There was complete silence for a long moment.

The prisoner, a teenaged girl with piercing blue eyes and long, golden hair, simply stared at her two visitors, considering the offer.

"So what you're saying," Illyana Rasputin said slowly, "is that if we do this, several things will happen. First, I will no longer be in any way confined. Second, you will never question our loyalty again. Third, we will be free to leave Utopia if we so desire."

In the visiting area outside of the cell, Scott Summers nodded. "Yes. All of the above. A clean slate." After a pause, he added, "I'll understand if you need some time to think about it."

Illyana said nothing right away. This was rather unlike her. Since Scott had confined her to a high security prison cell in X-Brig 2, 500 feet below the X-Men's island haven of Utopia, she had rarely failed to talk excessively to any of her frequent visitors. She never said anything they wanted to hear, but that was hardly her problem. This was different, however.

She already knew she was going to accept the offer that had been extended to her. There was only one thing bothering her.

"Brother," she said softly. "What are you thinking?"

"I am thinking you have already decided to do this, Snowflake." At Scott's side, Piotr Rasputin was staring at her, as he had been for the past few minutes. Though Illyana had betrayed the X-Men and put all of their lives on the line for the sake of her revenge, he was the only one that had forgiven her immediately and completely. He, better than anyone else, knew the horrors she had survived through, how hard she'd fought to regain every current piece of her tattered soul, and that she would never again be the innocent little girl that she once had been.

Illyana gave her brother a small smile. His insistence on using his childhood nickname for her was only one of the reasons she would always love him. "You know me so well. But I also know you." The smile faded quickly as she turned to Scott. "Is there any chance this offer might be altered to only apply to me?"

"Yes," Scott replied, surprisingly agreeable for once. As the uncontested leader of Utopia, his word was law. He didn't have to compromise, not when he could summon most of the island's population to his side at a moment's notice. "But realize if that were to happen, the results would only apply to you."

"I do not recall asking to be excluded," Piotr growled, his jaw tight.

"You didn't have to," Scott and Illyana said at the same time. Both blinked and looked at each other, startled.

"It's something to consider," Scott went on quickly. "And of course, you can both say no. There's that as well."

"But we've already established that I'm saying yes," Illyana reminded him. Her gaze went back to Piotr. "Brother. You don't have to come with me. I'll understand, and I won't love you any less. I never could, and you should know that by now. Whatever you do, don't say yes solely because you want to protect me, or because you don't want me to suffer. I don't think I could bear that."

"I'm saying yes," Piotr replied. "Not for you, or for us, but for me."

It wasn't an answer that the other two had expected.

"Why?" Illyana asked.

Piotr lifted a hand and flexed his fingers. "Honestly, Snowflake? As bloody as this mission will be, I feel I must accept it. Because if I don't, I fear I will soon do something far, far worse, and I will enjoy it immensely."

Scott nodded slowly. "Then let's talk specifics."


In the following week, the world arguably became an infinitely better place to live.

Several people, both human and mutant, simply vanished. In some cases there were suicide notes, or established travel plans to places abroad, but in many others, they had disappeared without a trace.

Reporters. Lawmakers. Lobbyists. Killers. Writers. Protestors.

They all had only one thing in common: they had, in some way, shape, or form, posed a threat to the X-Men on at least one occasion.

Even when this was noticed, there was still no proof. Anyone associated with the X-Men who potentially could have been involved were all present and accounted for during the disappearances, or so it appeared. Some people found this fact to be highly suspicious, but proof was proof. Even if it was expertly manufactured.


The demons of Limbo really were quite thorough. It was one of the reasons that Illyana still associated with them (other than the fact that many still considered her their absolute ruler, anyway). They could be depended upon to get things done.

It had not even been necessary for her to actually kill any of her victims personally. She still had, but it hadn't been necessary.

By the time her minions were done, there was no trace of the massacre that had just occurred on the killing ground. Several industrious demons had even licked up the blood.

Illyana was covered in the blood of the few that she had killed. She had known far cleaner ways to dispatch them, but hadn't preferred those methods, for some reason. Part of her felt that Cyclops either expected this, or wanted it. He had demanded proof of her actions, after all. He would be foolish not to.

It would be hard to argue with so much blood soaked into her clothing. He would have to accept that she'd certainly killed someone.

The killing hadn't really bothered her so much. She had only known a few of her victims personally, and she had despised them. Their families had been included, and she suspected some of those may have even been innocent. But it hadn't mattered. The innocents had died just as quickly as the guilty, so she saw no reason to dwell on that.

Instead, her thoughts were with her brother. Piotr had agreed readily enough, but she wondered if he could really do what he'd agreed to. The old Piotr would never have had the stomach for it. Then again, the old Piotr had not been the Juggernaut, the avatar of Cyttorak. While Illyana was not clear on the details, having never possessed the power herself, she was aware that her brother was now prone to unstoppable rages and a growing lust for violence. He found this somewhat distasteful, but he was unable to avoid it. The power simply overwhelmed his former reasoning in combat, and if an outlet was not provided soon enough, then Piotr would simply make one, as brutally as he possibly could. Really, it was not a question of if he could kill anymore, but if he could manage to stop himself once he began.

Illyana knew that feeling all too well. She always told Piotr that he was unlike her, but now, that was no longer true. He was exactly as she had been: in the sway of a demon, and unable to help himself. And he had taken on this burden to protect others, especially her. She owed it to him to see him through this time of torment. Already she had considered many solutions, but the methods she ultimately used would depend on Piotr, and if he wanted to be rid of Cyttorak's power, or if he wanted to be master of it.


The Crimson Cosmos had always been a breeding ground for destruction. Cyttorak was its god. Piotr was its newest prophet, and his offerings were the ruined lives all around him.

There had been women and children. Wives who knew nothing of the evil their husbands had committed. Children whose only sin was being born to the wrong set of parents.

None of that had made a difference.

In the end, Piotr found himself sitting among piles and piles of thoroughly smashed corpses, painted in their blood. It should have turned his stomach. A year ago, it would have.

But a year ago, he hadn't been the Juggernaut.

Even now, staring out at the bodies, he found himself appreciating the violence that had created such a gruesome canvas. The urge to destroy, for the moment, was satisfied. He felt this was due largely to presence of the demonic god Cyttorak. The giant, crimson, lizard-faced deity had not reacted at all as he watched the slaughter unfold. Despite this, Piotr sensed that Cyttorak had enjoyed the annihilation just as much, if not more, than he had. Near the deity he felt some semblance of control, if only for the moment.

Moments later, Illyana appeared from one of her portals. She barely even gave the dead bodies a first glance as she walked calmly to his side. Piotr wasn't sure if this was because the red, rocky landscape reminded her of Limbo, or if the bodies truly didn't bother her. But the next thing he knew, she was addressing Cyttorak.

"Great Cyttorak, has our offering been acceptable to you?" she asked.

"It has, mortal," Cyttorak replied in a pleased rumble. "Your sibling slaughters were magnificent. Return to your mortal realm with my favor firmly in hand."

Illyana bowed. "Great Cyttorak, we humbly accept your praise."

Piotr stared at her, amazed again by how calmly she could address such a being. She wasn't afraid. She almost seemed bored, really. As if this was nothing to her. That worried him more than he cared to admit.

Her hand came to rest on his arm abruptly. "Brother, what's wrong?"

He honestly could not remember the last time they'd touched. Illyana had been allowed no physical contact while imprisoned, and even before then, she had not really welcomed physical affection. He felt certain there was a time when she had, but that seemed a lifetime ago, and more importantly, another Illyana ago. She was so different now. Her voice was so often laced with superiority, or contempt, or boredom. It was difficult even for him to imagine her as the sweet little girl from his memories. But he had to. It was the only way he could continue to recognize her as his beloved sister and stand by her, no matter what.

"Brother?" she said again.

He wanted to tell her what he was thinking. But then his gaze landed on his arm, and on the bloody hand-print she'd left there. It broke something deep inside of him, and the sweet little girl he used to carry in his powerful arms slipped a little further away. "It's nothing, Snowflake," he whispered at last.

He could tell that she didn't believe him, but she apparently decided this wasn't the time to discuss it. Illyana created the portal without a word, and they stepped through together.


Cyclops had given them an entire week to complete the mission. It only took three days.

Neither Illyana nor Piotr had thought that far ahead. They could not simply return early: while Illyana's restraints had been deactivated entirely for the mission, the same wards that had kept her from simply leaving Utopia would likely fry her brain if she tried to return too soon or too late. Cyclops had given them a specific window of ten hours in which to return on the last day, and it was still a long way off.

Though they had no extra clothing with them, Illyana refused to sit in bloodstained prison clothes for an additional four days. What she did have, apparently, was access to a pocket dimension where she stored a few extra outfits. Oddly enough, she also had some clothing for Piotr. He did not feel comfortable questioning why that was, but his curiosity was obvious, and she indulged him.

"I thought about escaping a few times," she admitted. "Even planned for it. Of course, you would have come with me."

She said nothing more on the matter, and she didn't need to.

There was still another problem: Cyclops had stressed that they not be seen. At first, Illyana took them to one abandoned warehouse after another every couple of hours, but this quickly became boring to her. They ended up in the Canadian Yukon, surround by nothing but snow.

They passed the time by talking about their lives, what little they could remember before having joined the X-Men. For a little while, at least, it was nice to pretend that things hadn't changed so drastically. Illyana eventually feel asleep with her head on her brother's arm, and Piotr, ever viligant, watched over her as she slept. He thought it odd that there was no trace of the need to destroy that was so often present in his mind now. Whether it was due to Illyana's presence, or there being very little present to destroy, he couldn't say for certain. She was beautiful still. Tormented, and often heartless, to be certain, but still beautiful. Although considering the recent changes in what he considered beautiful, he was most probably only appreciating her ability to destroy.

It terrified him, to think like that. But he could live with it. He would live with it, so long as she needed him to.


"What if they don't come back?" Danger asked for the third time as they stood before Illyana's former cell. She did not sound worried, exactly, but as the former Danger Room given life, and the current warden of Utopia, she would have been well within her rights.

"They will," Cyclops said simply. "They're smart."

It had been terribly simple to keep people from visiting Illyana's cell for a week. Even the few that did visit her consistently found the task draining, so being told that she and Piotr would be enduring a week of interrogation was almost a welcome excuse. Some had wanted more details, but Cyclops denied them, only saying that Illyana could talk to them after he was done with her. Which at least implied that she would still be alive. Which was enough, in most cases.

He had kept the mission on a need-to-know basis. Currently, there were only three people in all of Utopia who knew of it, including himself and Danger. It would never go any farther than that if he could help it.

Roughly three hours after he had Danger relax the wards around the cell, Illyana and Piotr returned in a portal of light.

"I told you they were smart," Cyclops said. It was then that he got a good look at them. Their clothes were covered in blood, and while the siblings looked more than a little weary, neither one seemed too disturbed. He momentarily wondered if this had all been a huge mistake. Then he reminded himself what they had done to warrant him putting them in that position, and any personal guilt was quickly pushed aside. "I take it the mission was a success."

Illyana nodded. "We have proof, as you requested. Are the wards still active? Only I didn't want to be carrying it around the whole time."

He nodded. "I had Danger deactivate all the wards. Go ahead."

Illyana vanished into a portal, returning a moment later with a heavy duty trash bag. All things considered, it was rather symbolic. She handed over the bag.

Cyclops reached in and pulled out the first thing he touched. It was a human head. One of many, if he was correct. He held it for a moment, testing the weight in his hand, and then returned the head to the bag. "I'll have Danger test these against the DNA samples we have on file, but pending that, I think I can tentatively consider this a job well done. Thank you."

"It was my pleasure," Illyana replied, though it was hard to tell if she was joking or being perfectly serious.

Cyclops handed the trash bag to Danger. "With that out of the way, I wonder if you'd consent to an optional debriefing. It will have no bearing on the successful completion of your mission. You are free to refuse."

"You want the details?" Illyana asked, a little surprised.

"Not me," Cyclops replied as Danger left with the trash bag, only for Hope Summers to enter the room. "Her."

Illyana and Piotr traded confused looks. Cyclops knew what they were thinking. This was Hope, the golden girl, the guiding light for the next generation. She had killed, of course, but not in the manner that they just had. She wasn't tainted like they were. It made no sense that Cyclops would allow her to have anything to do with them. They couldn't see the big picture. That was why Cyclops was in charge, and why they were following his orders.

"It's pretty simple," Cyclops explained. "Between the two of you, you just killed a number of people that have threatened the X-Men in the past, and could have threatened them again. You really only need to answer one question."

"I want to know," Hope said. "No, I need to know, how you can do that and still be you. How you can do it and still plan to live out the rest of your lives without falling apart every time you think about it." She paused. "I need to know because one day, I may have to do the same thing, and I want to know how you handle it."

Illyana stared at Hope in disbelief, but said nothing.

"You don't have to do this, Snowflake," Piotr whispered. "I can-"

"No. I'll do it." She offered him a smile that chilled him to his very soul, and then turned back to their visitor. "Let's talk, Hope."

Cyclops stepped out into the corridor, and though he had no idea how long the debriefing would take, chose to wait there.

Seven minutes later, Illyana and Piotr emerged, each giving him a respectful nod before walking past him. Hope stepped out a moment later, her eyes lingering on the retreating siblings.

"So? How was it?" Cyclops asked.

"They definitely answered my question," Hope replied. "And I'm positive the DNA samples will match up."

"You trust them, then?"

Hope hesitated, realizing she was being tested. "Not exactly. But I trust that Illyana wouldn't go out and decapitate an entirely different group of people, just to trick us and avoid killing enemies that were a threat to her, too. She doesn't resent us that much, or she doesn't seem to. And even if she did, Peter wouldn't have helped her do it."

"But he would help her lie about it. Or she might not have told him the truth."

"It sounds like you want to believe the worst of them," Hope observed.

"Part of me does," Cyclops admitted. "We actually do need people like that. The trouble is getting them and everyone else to accept that inconvenient little truth."

Hope nodded, though she was really thinking about Illyana's final words to her.

"It's really very simple, Hope. There are billions of people in the world at any one time. Odds are, you'll never even see a third of them. When you think about it, killing several, a dozen, or even a hundred, is hardly a drop in the bucket. I'm sure you've gotten the same speech I have a hundred times, about how the X-Men are here to be bridge between humans and mutants. There's nothing wrong with that dream. But it is a dream, and the reality is that the only people you'll ever have to deal with are the few that will enter the little sphere that is your part of the world. So in the end, you must ask yourself, what's more important? Protecting the lives of people you'll never even know for sure that you saved, or protecting those few precious friends and relatives within your little sphere? That's how I can kill people who may or may not have been innocent. Their existence threatened my people, and their hatred dirtied my sphere. And I've had enough impurities in my sphere to last me three lifetimes."


Samuel Guthrie was used to getting visitors. Though he had asked to be kept in the secure ward of Utopia's infirmary, between his time as an X-Man, as well as field leader of both the New Mutants and X-Force, he made many friends, and a great deal of them now lived on the island. But when he woke up early one morning to find himself with two visitors, one of whom was supposed to be locked in a cell, he was shocked.

"Illyana? Peter? What are you two doing here?" he asked, more surprised than concerned.

"Don't worry, Sam," Illyana replied as she sat down in the chair next to his bed. "Cyclops gave us a chance to make things right, and we decided to make the most of it. We just stopped by to say goodbye, at least for the time being."

"You're leaving Utopia?" Sam asked sharply, instantly sitting up and swinging his legs out of the bed.

Illyana smirked. "Did you imagine I wanted to stay, the way most of our friends have been reacting to me lately? I may want to make amends, but I can think of plenty of places where I can at least stretch my legs while I get spit on."

Sam winced. "Listen, Illyana. I know I said I didn't appreciate what you did, and I still don't. I can even understand why your revenge was so important to you. I just wish you had trusted us to help you with it, rather than using us like pawns. But if you took that to mean that we weren't friends anymore, I didn't mean it that way, and I'm sorry. I know I failed you so many times in the past, and if that's why you couldn't believe in us, I'm sorry for that, too."

Illyana smiled sadly and reached out to gently pat his cheek. "Oh, Sam. Are you really trying to blame yourself for the terrible things that happened to me? I'd laugh in your face if I didn't think you'd take it the wrong way."

He stared at her, not understanding. "What do you mean, girl?"

"I mean that if I actually blamed you for even one of the terrible things that happened to me, I would hate you, kill you in the most painful way possible, and never forgive you. So why don't we just agree to be happy that I don't blame you for any of it? I accept that you're still my friend, and I agree to continue treating you as such. I came to visit you, didn't I?"

"I'm guessing you won't be visiting any of the others, then?"

"Most of them have made their feelings clear. You're the only one I felt compelled to notify personally. If Cyclops wishes to inform everyone that we've left, that's his call. Besides, anyone who tries to visit me once I'm gone should find out rather quickly that I'm no longer here, and I expect the word will spread from that."

After a brief pause, Sam murmured, "Are you ever coming back?"

"I honestly don't know," Illyana admitted. "If I can arrange to work from anywhere but Utopia, I probably will. But I'll be sure to call either you or Dani every few months, just so you know I'm still getting into trouble somewhere."

Sam bit his lip and looked away. "You probably don't want to hear this, but I feel like I need to say it."

"Go ahead, Sam."

"I miss the old you. The one who used to laugh and smile and hurt with the rest of us. I miss you being one of us, and I hate the way everyone around here looks at you now. Mostly, I wish you'd been allowed to grow up the normal way, with a big family and plenty of love. Maybe it wouldn't have changed much of anything, but I still wish you had it to look back on."

"Sometimes, I think you could never possibly relate to me. Then there are times like this, when I think you could teach even Peter a thing or two about being a devoted big brother." Illyana gently grasped his face and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Thank you, Sam. If I had been allowed to grow up that way, I'd want to have done so in your family."

Sam looked at Piotr. "If you were anyone else, I'd make you promise to take care of her. But since it's you, I know I don't have to. Instead, I'll just say this: let her take care of you sometimes. I think it might be good for you both."

Piotr simply nodded and briefly shook Sam's hand. Though Sam could sense no malice in the gesture, Piotr's grip was one of the strongest he'd ever encountered, and it immediately reminded Sam that Illyana wasn't the only one who had been through some major changes. The two Russian siblings left without another word. Sam wondered how long he should wait to inform Dani, who was technically his girlfriend and would be extremely annoyed if she found out from anyone else, especially if she discovered he'd known and hadn't said anything. Still, he felt he owed Illyana at least a little time to put some distance between herself and the island. An hour then, perhaps an hour and a half. That would be plenty of time if they were traveling by portal, and at least a decent headstart if they were not.


Kitty Pryde had not been in a good mood lately. Her life just seemed to be one disaster after another.

First, her former best friend Illyana had endangered the lives of the X-Men, all for her own selfish revenge. Then, despite agreeing to be confined, Illyana had refused to apologize for it, alienating pretty much everyone in the process. Kitty had repeatedly tried to talk some sense into her, but Illyana resented the implication that she wasn't acting or thinking sensibly, and had more or less told Kitty that they were no longer friends until she apologized for the slight.

That had been the last straw. If Illyana didn't feel the need to apologize for nearly killing their friends and endangering all of reality needlessly, Kitty refused to apologize for calling her a nutcase. Really, she wasn't the only one who felt that way, but was perhaps the only one brave enough to say so to Illyana's face.

The tension between them had only gotten worse when Kitty chose to end her relationship with Piotr. That, too, was simply beyond her power to tolerate: Piotr had become the Juggernaut. Yes, he'd done it to save Illyana and countless others, but Kitty could not have a boyfriend that was the Juggernaut. It had never really been a rule of hers, but it was certainly one now. Piotr claimed he understood. He wasn't happy, but he understood.

Illyana, predictably, had not.

In the past few weeks, Kitty had been finding... things in her bedroom. Often they smelled horrible, had no obvious earthly origin, and permanently stained any inorganic material they came into contact with. And since the X-Men did not have access to a Limbo dry cleaner, and Doctor Strange had stopped taking her calls out of frustration (as he had reasonably pointed out, he was not a Limbo dry cleaner, either), Kitty had been forced to part with some of her favorite outfits. She hadn't visited Illyana's cell since.

On this day, Kitty found an envelope taped to her bedroom door. She recognized the handwriting at once, and immediately tore it open, only to be extremely disappointed (not to mention furious).

It read, quite simply: "Dear Katya, if you ever manage to grow up, give me a call. Love, Illyana."

Below that, in smaller script: "Please note that I have failed to include any contact information. I don't expect it would ever be necessary."

"That little...!" Kitty spat, scowling darkly as she stomped off to find Scott Summers. She couldn't say why, exactly, but somehow she felt this was at least partially his fault.


Concluded in Chapter 2: Dark Comfort

Alone and without direction, Piotr and Illyana slowly get to know each other again. An unexpected visit from Wolverine and a greatly changed Jubilee puts things in perspective, and not in a way that either of the siblings expected.