Chp. 1 What Am I Doing?
A/N: So this is my first brittana fan fic. Lemme know how i did. Ive alredy have the second chapter written, ill post it tomorow depending on reviews. All creative critisizm is welcome C:
Enjoy!
BPOV
The images flashed through my head. With each step, with each movement, the yelling, the tears, the broken glass. They were all visible, right in front of me. The scene played out, again and again.
The song came to its peak as my movements became more fluid.
…Is it over yet?… can I open my eyes?... is this as hard as it gets?… is this what it feels like to really cry?…
I leaped across the floor and managed to land on one foot through my blurry vision. My arms made long circles as my feet twisted around each other and forced my body to spin more than once.
I'm talking in circles I'm lying, they know it Why won't this just all go away?… Is it over yet? can I open my eyes?...
The tempo sped up once again. I balled up my fist and pointed my arms towards the ground while snapping my head up. I fell to my knees and span back up trilling on one foot. More tears pooled around my eyes.
…is this as hard as it gets?… is this what it feels like to really cry?…
I caught a glance on my self in the mirrors. I pointed my arms in front of me. Finally letting the tear that was begging to come out fall.
…Cry… Cry... Cry…
I jumped and turned to face away from the mirrors as I landed on one foot and crouched. Just when the song ended. I let go, and all of the tears fell.
SPOV
"Mr. know it all well ya, ya think you know it all but ya, don't know a thing at all ain't it, ain't it something y'all. When somebody tells you something 'bout you, think that they know you more than you do, so you, take it down another pill to swallow." The words left my mouth leaving a bitter taste behind.
"…nobody gonna make a fool outta me, baby you should know that I lead not follow."
I let the lyrics sink in. My anger was flowing as I held back the tears that were threatening to come out. Why was I feeling bad about this? It was his fault. We aren't even… a thing.
You are such a slut! What were you doing with him? This is just like high school for you isn't it? Grow up Santana!
The sudden change in the rhythm sapped me out of my flashback. "So what, you've got the world at your feet and, you know everything about everything, but you don't. You still think I'm coming back, but baby you'll see… Yeah.
This wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything, and I wasn't gonna let that loser get to me. I was strong and needed no one in my life to help me do anything. He didn't know anything.
…Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me...
I sang the last verse with my head held high, knowing that I was done with this, with him. The tears once around my eyes disappeared "… You don't know a thing about me…"
BPOV
I didn't hold back any more. Violent sobs took over my body as tears rolled down my flushed cheeks. I'm sure he meant everything he said. He had every reason to say it. I was so stupid… I didn't mean to make him upset. I was just trying to get my head straight so I wasn't confused. I'm sorry, I'm just confused so confused. My head started to spin as more images filled my brain.
I'm done with this Brittany! If you don't want to be around me fine, go off with your friends. See if I care. But don't come back here, forget about everything, forget about moving in together, forget about us! You are so stupid! You just lost me. You lost everything.
Each one of his words hit me like a knife to the stomach. He was right, I was stupid. I screwed up everything like I always do.
A soft hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. I looked up only to find Sara staring down at me. The sad look on her face made her usual blue eyes seem dark and lifeless. She kneeled down beside me and scooped me up in her arms. I threw my hands around her neck and buried my face in her chest. She was making small circles on my back, and whispering to me. "It's gonna be ok hun, you'll get through it" We sat there and she let me cry in her arms.
XxxxXXxxXx
We were back in the apartment now. Sara had talked me into going to a bar tonight. She had begged and begged. Her eyes sparkly as ever as she let her bottom lip hang out and scooted closer to me. She was nearly in my lap when I gave up and threw my hands up in defeat. "Fine!" I laughed. The corner of her lips started to curve upwards like it always did when she got her way. I knew she cared and wanted to help me relax and clear my head.
I looked down at my outfit. My blue button up was open at the top clearly exposing my chest with only a white tank top underneath. The shirt stopped at my belly button and was tied into a bow in the front. Sara had picked my shorts. Ripped and insanely short. I rolled my eyes when she had tossed them over to me saying that if she had my legs she would reveal them more often.
I was slipping on my brown knee high boots when she walked through my door. "Ready?" She had the hugest grin spread on her lips. I rolled my eyes grabbed my purse as I walked out of my room and towards the front door.
SPOV
The city lights were already flashing through my window. Not only for school, but one of the reasons I moved here was for the love of the city. Its so much different than Lima, New York is where I know I belong. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.
"You ready?" Quinn was standing in my doorway, one hand rested on her hip while the other one held her purse. Her hair was styled in a tight bun in the back of her head that was surrounded by many braids. Her yellow dressed hugged around her waist.
"Sort of, I'm still not sure what to do with my hair though." I said while I poked at my hair with a couple of bobby pins. Quinn walked towards me and set her purse down. She pulled out each one of the pins in my hair letting it fall loose. She caught my gaze on the mirror and rolled her eyes when she noticed my pout.
She picked up a clip with a black flower in it that went along with the design of my dress. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she fought back a smile. When she was done adding the clip to my hair she spun on her heals smacked my butt and walked towards the door.
I hissed and waited till she looked over her shoulder to stick my tongue out at her. She held her smirk and walked away. I gave myself a last check in the mirror before heading to the living room.
I could hear Rachel and Tina talking in the kitchen. I walked across the room to get my purse. "Lets go!" Quinn called from beside me. Tina smiled when she saw me and I moved closer to her putting one arm around her shoulders and the other to hang loosely around Quinn's.
"You hot bitches ready to party?" I pushed them towards the door, Tina busted into giggles and Quinn shook her head mirroring the smile Rachel had on her face.
Tonight all my worries were gonna go away. I was going to have fun with my best friends and forget everything that had happened in the last 24 hrs.
BPOV
The bar was packed. Many different colored lights flashed back and forth in the dance floor. The music filled the room in an almost intoxicating way. We squeezed through the crowd and made it to the bar. We found a couple of stools and sat down as we waited.
"Hey there, what will you be having?" I looked up from the dance floor to the smiling blond behind the bar. I returned the smile. His eyes were blue and delicate. "Uhh.. something fruity, but strong, surprise me." I said the last part with a certain spark in my voice. He winked "Coming right up."
I looked over at Sara. She was facing away from me, talking to someone. I looked around her. The tight black shirt wrapped around his toned forearms. His voice was husky and low. His muscles flexed as he ran his hand through his mow hack. I wondered what it felt like. Was is pokey like my dads cheeks after he shaved, or was it soft like Lord Tubbingtons fur?
A drink was placed in front of me. He was back, with a toothy grin he pointed toward the drink gesturing me to drink it. I cocked and eyebrow and picked it up bringing it to my lips and taking a sip.
What was that? Coconut and… pineapple? The fruity taste was mixed with strong vodka, something I definitely recognized. "How's that?" I simply winked and continued sipping on my drink.
XxxXxxXxxX
I waved bye, as I laughed and turned in my seat to face the bar again. I cough a glimpse of the empty drinks in front of me and the one that I was holding. I frowned. Had I drank that much, it didn't feel like it.
One… two… three… four…five…I pointed at each glass as I counted. …six… "That's quiet the pile up you got there" He nodded towards the papers next to my purse. I directed my interest to the blond bartender again. He was still smiling, his eyes flickered back and forth between me and the stack of phone numbers.
I shrugged "I like talking to strangers, its fun" His expression changed, as if he was trying to see if I was drunk or like he was just trying not to laugh. "Sam!" He directed his attention to the voice that came from the other end of the bar, lifted his finger to say he'd be right back and scooted to the other end.
I brought my lips to my cup and took another gulp lazily letting my eyes dart around the club. People dancing, others talking, Sara was still talking to the mow hack guy right next to me, and then I saw them.
Big brown eyes that seemed to suck me in. Protected by long thick lashes. They stared back into mine as if they could see my soul. My heart pounded hard against my chest.
Thud Thud Thud.
I finally tore my eyes away from the magical spheres. My eyes wondered lower to examine the face of the owner to the beautiful pools of brown. Flawless caramel skin, then I felt my heart skip a beat.
Full round soft lips. They fit perfectly around each other. All I could think of was how soft they would feel against my own…
I blinked… She was gone. I shot straight up my eyes moved so quickly scanning every inch of the crowded bar.
Right… nothing
Left… nothing
I met her impulsive gaze again. But this time there was something different in the way she looked at me. I let my eyes drift off of hers and to register the rest of her. A black skin-tight dress that outlined every single curve of her body. Long tanned legs that were held higher by black heels.
Her long black curly hair fell perfectly over her exposed shoulders. Her bangs covered the right side of her face leaving half of her pink lips and her other eye for me to see the lust in her eyes.
I gulped a couple of times trying to steady my breathing. Shit Shit Shit. The knot in my throat remained the same. Her eyes studied every part of my body as I had done to her. I felt naked, completely exposed under her possessive gaze.
The song changed… The whistling filled the bar as the crowd cheered. With her lips pulled up to the side, she curled her finger in her direction never dropping my eyes. She spun in the most glorious of ways, and I knew she wanted me to follow. I would follow. The bass kicked in and my blood pumped faster. I knew what I was doing. Wait. No I didn't. What am I doing?
My body seemed to ignore my mind because I got up and followed.
So how was that? Review please C:
