Dragon Age Limericks


It was fun when each piece of loot came
with a fancy description or name.
Now we only find things
that are Boots, Belts or Rings –
in dungeons that all look the same.


Where Sundermount starts to get steeper,
I picked up a cute Dalish keeper.
Her accent's so dear,
I can't wait to hear
what things she might say when I [bleep] her.


A dragon, a witch, or a goddess?
Flemeth's story is surely the oddest.
But what's most out of place
is her old wrinkly face –
now attached to a young woman's bodice.


I once knew a wizard named Andy.
A charmer he was, and a dandy.
Many nights, while up late
at my Hightown estate,
his long mage's staff came in handy.


I once knew a bard from Orlais.
Her singing was mostly O.K. –
but more pleasing, I found,
was the sweet wordless sound
that she made when we rolled in the hay.


I once met a witch of the wild.
When I talked to her, she never smiled.
But her mother's removal
earned so much approval
that now she is having my child.


When Anora took over the crown,
she had Alistair sent out of town.
Now the poor bastard
is sitting here plastered –
his sorrows too many to drown.


To the Viscount of Kirkwall's chagrin,
the Arishok's forces stormed in
and cut short his rule
in a manner most cruel –
so quickly, it made his head spin.


A toast, to the thief they call Tallis:
Your face makes me firm in the phallus.
I pine, and I pray,
and I dream of the Day
when at last I'll be storming your palace.


Merrill's eyes are so big and so rounded,
it looks like she's always astounded.
They get even wider
when I am inside her –
her elven dale sundered and mounted.