^*^ BLANK SCREEN ^*^ ^

^A tree appears wearing a giant sign that says Tristan in giant black letters. He opens his mouth and starts to sing ^

The tree (otherwise known as Tristan): Two servant girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. Two servant girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside. Guess who's back, back again. Tristan's back, to kill a friend. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back. Guess who's back. I've turned into a monster, cuz no one wants to see Tristan no more. They see a tree, I'm chopped liver. Well if you see a tree, this is what I'll give ya. A-

^ Suddenly, a black haired person appears and whacks the tree over and over. There is a muffled singing sound underneath the whacking sounds. Soon, the tree is seen to run off and the person appears in the center of the screen ^

Arialyn (the black haired girl): Hello everyone, welcome to today's episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

^ A blonde girl appears ^

The blonde girl: We're your hosts, Loriana and Arialyn ^points to the black haired girl^

Arialyn: Unfortunately, our theme song for today's episode was cut short due to the inadequateness of the singer who has been fired. *mutters* and who will have a fun time as the next candidate for my pyro experiments.

Loriana: ^gives her co-host a funny look^ Anyways, on our show today, we have guests Sir Raoul of Goldenlake and Sir Gareth the Younger of Naxen.

^ Raoul and Gary appear with a popping sound and loud thumps as they land on the ground ^

Raoul: ^looks appalled^ What in Mithros' name is going on?

Gary: Awww, fuck!

Arialyn: Hello, Raoul and Gary welcome to What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles?

Raoul: ^starts backing away^ Who in Mithros' name are you?

Gary: How do you know our names?

Loriana: ^grins^ Oh, we know, we know all.

Arialyn: ^now she gives her co-host a funny look^ Ok. Anyways, we are the hosts of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? And you two have been chosen to be our first contestants.

Gary: A million gold nobles? What do we have to do?

Raoul: In Mithros' name, what kind of a joke is this?

Loriana: ^glares at Raoul^ Shut the hell up or die. ^turns to Gary^ It's a simple game, we pick a thing for you two to do and if you do it, you have the chance to win a million gold nobles.

Raoul: And what if we don't agree to do the "thing"?

Arialyn: *mutters* thank god he stopped saying "in Mithros' name".

Loriana: ^smirks evilly at Raoul^ If you don't do what we say, we get to keep you. ^smirks more evilly, if possible^ And, believe me, we will have lots of fun.

^ Gary decides that he does not like the idea of being in the game show and reaches for his non-existent sword ^

Gary: ^looking where his sword should be^ Wha? Where's my sword?

Arialyn: Well, since this is our show, we can do what we want and we don't think that you need a sword. And no, ^glares at Loriana^, we will not keep you and play with you if you don't do what we say.

Loriana: Awww, pleeeeaaaase?

Arialyn: No! That's too boring. ^grins evilly^ If you don't do what we say, you'll get to be licked to death by stormwings.

Raoul: In Mithros' name, what kind of a punishment is that?

Arialyn: Shut up with the Mithros!

Loriana: ^in some sort of trance^ STORMWINGS!!!

Arialyn: Oh, great Mithros, no, not again.

Raoul: See? Mithros!

Gary: Shut up!

Arialyn: ^walks over to Loriana, whacks her on the head^ Hello? Loriana? Come back to wherever the hell we are, you can dream about stormwings later.

Loriana: ^pouts^ Awww. Fine. Oh yeah, we need to tell everyone what Raoul and Gary get to do.

Arialyn: Oh! Right.

^ Raoul and Gary have looks of horror as an envelope appears in front of Arialyn ^

Loriana: ^reaches for envelope^ I wanna open it!

Arialyn: ^grabs envelope^ No! Mine!

Loriana: Ne!

Arialyn: Nia!

Gary: *whispering* Maybe, if we're quiet we can sneak away.

^ Raoul and Gary creep towards one side of the room, then another, and then another ^

Loriana: ^turns^ You know, it's kinda hard to leave when there is no door.

Arialyn: Ha! I got the envelope!

Loriana: Damn it to hell! ^glowers^

Raoul: ^kneels on the floor, looking up^ Oh, great Mithros, please, I beg you h-

Arialyn: SHUT UP!!!

^ Gary and Raoul watch with fearful faces as she opens the envelope ^

Arialyn: ^reads the paper^ Oh, this is good.

Loriana: ^leans towards the paper^ What? I wanna see.

^ Arialyn stands up on a chair^

Arialyn: Raoul and Gary, you get play a fun game of Tragic Lovers in the Woods. Be-

^ Raoul faints away ^

Gary: Fuck! Now look what you did. ^scrambles around Raoul's pockets^ Where does he keep his smelling salts?

Arialyn: Smelling salts? Oh, ^laughs^ holy ^laughs^ Mithros. ^falls on floor laughing^

Loriana: ^turns to face the audience^ Anyways, while we take some time to recover Sir Raoul, here are some important messages.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Loriana: All readers must remember that all of these characters that you recognize belong to the Great Mother Goddess Tamora Pierce and Tamora Pierce only.

Arialyn: So don't sue us. Even if we offend anyone, that's your fucking problem. Ha ha.

Loriana: ^whaps her^ Shut up!

Arialyn: Oh yeah, we have been told to make it known that no contestants will or can be harmed in any way.

Loriana: ^grins^ Only physically of course. We cannot be responsible for the many mental and emotional wounds that will be inflicted.

Raoul (from the floor): Great, that's a relief.

Arialyn: I thought you fainted.

Raoul: ^gets up^ Not really, I was just pretending. Now, I shall FLY AWAY!!!

Loriana: ^looks at him funny^ Ok.

Arialyn: Well, since you're conscious, we should get back to the show.

Gary: NOOOOOOO!!!

Loriana: Oh yeah, and thanks to our sponsors and all the drunk rich people.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arialyn: As I was saying, Raoul and Gary, the lucky contestants, get to play a fun game of tragic lovers in the woods.

Loriana: ^grins^ Being chased by various immortals of course.

Gary: WHAT!?!

Arialyn: ^looks thoughtful^ Now comes the hard part, who gets to wear the dress?

Raoul: In Mithros' name, please not me!

Gary: ^points at Raoul^ Him! Him! Please let it be him.

Raoul: No! He's the one who actually looks good in a dress.

^ Everyone looks at Gary funny ^

Loriana: Okkkkkkkk. And what have you been up to lately Sir Gary?

Gary: ^backs away^ Nothing, I swear.

^ Everyone glares at him ^

Gary: Well, you can't say you haven't been curious too.

Arialyn: Ok, since Gary has already tried it, I guess Raoul needs a new experience too.

Raoul: No! HEEEELLLLLPPP!!!!!!!

^ Raoul runs around in circles with no place to go and then is suddenly dressed in a mahogany gown ^

Gary: ^whistles^ Gods, Raoul, red is really your color.

Arialyn: ^looks at both of them funny^ Ok. Now to the fun part.

^ There is a popping sound and everyone is in the woods ^

Loriana: Now play Tragic Lovers in the Woods.

Raoul: No!!

Gary: ^eyes Raoul with a weird look on his face^ Well, I guess we should begin.

Raoul: Great Mithros, shut up!

^ Gary grabs Raoul in a crushing embrace ^

Gary: Oh, my beloved Raoul, how I have missed you.

Raoul: ^tries to back away but can't^ Fine. Well, um, yeah, Gary I have missed you too. I think? ^turns to the hosts questioningly^

Arialyn: Good, now keep playing.

Gary: Oh, how beautiful you look tonight, my dear.

Raoul: ^suddenly decides he likes the game and gets a funny look in his eyes too^ Yes, why thank you. You look wonderful too, my lovely handsome, um, person.

Loriana: Oh, can I bring the immortals yet?

Arialyn: No! They have to get to know each other better.

Raoul: Oh, yes, my love, I do wish to get to know you better.

Gary: Well, let us go then.

^ Gary lifts Raoul into his arms, and they run away into a bush ^

^ A raccoon comes out and bites them, so they try another bush ^

^*^Loud manly moaning noises are heard ^*^

Gary: Oh, Raoul, lower, lower.

Raoul: OH! I FOUND SOMETHING SHINY!!!

Gary: Hey, we can put that to use.

^ Arialyn falls to the ground laughing and Loriana turns a funny shade of red, kind of like Raoul's dress that he does not have on ^

Loriana: And now.^a drum roll is heard^ The immortals!!!

^*^BOOM!^*^

^ Many various immortals appear ^

Loriana: OH! STORMWINGS!!! ^grabs a stormwing and runs off into a bush^

^ Many ^*^Ka-thunks^*^are heard ^

Arialyn: Ok, while the rest of the immortals can chase the, um, lovers.

Gary: What the hell?

Raoul: In Mithros' name, I didn't get to use the shiny thing!

Gary: SHUT UP, FUCKER! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

Raoul: B-but, my dress. Where is it?

^ Gary and Raoul leave the bush and run from the creatures butt naked ^

Gary: ^turns to Raoul^ My love? *pants* Have I ever told you how *pants* lovely you look with no clothes on?

Raoul: *pant* ^looks down^ I'm fat!

^ Gary stops as he notices that the immortals chasing them are gone ^

Gary: Hey! ^looks around^ They left!

Raoul: Who cares? I'm getting too fat to run anyways.

Gary: You're not fat, just well built. Anyways, I like my women, er, men, plump.

Raoul: No you don't!

Gary: True, but I like you, don't I?

Raoul: So I'm fat?

^ Suddenly, the immortals appear from in the trees and surround Gary and Raoul ^ Spidren: But where are their clothes? I only came to tear off their clothes and hear them scream.

Flesh-eating Unicorn: Speak for yourself. ^goes over to Gary and Raoul and starts to dance around them wiggling his ears^

Gary: Oh, Raoul! Save me!

Raoul: Shut up! You're supposed to be the man. Anyways, I'm too *sob* fat! ^bursts out in tears^

Darking: ^bounces^

Arialyn: Awwww, a darking! ^grabs darking and hugs it^ I love darkings!

Griffin: CAWWWWWW!!!!

Wyvern: Hey! I can do that too! CAWWWWW!!!

Basilisk: I see all! I know all!

Coldfang: Shut up before I freeze you all to death.

Raoul: *sob* Just because I'm fat doesn't mean you can tell me to shut up.

Coldfang: You're not fat, compared to others I've seen, you're a stick.

Raoul: ^raises his head^ Really?

Coldfang: No.

Gary: Wow, we're still alive. Thank holy Mithros!

Loriana: Shut up before I kill you!

Coldfang: If you want, I could freeze your fat off. Or bite it off. Can I bite you?

Raoul: What?

Gary: He's mine! All mine, you hear?

Coldfang: Fine. You don't have to be so touchy.

Raoul: So you do love me? Even thought I'm fat?

Gary: Yes, I will always love you, no matter how much you weigh. Gods, I'd even love you if you turned into a giraffe.

Raoul: What's a giraffe?

Gary: I dunno.

Coldfang: Can I bite a giraffe?

^ Raoul grabs Gary ^

Raoul: Oh, come here, you wonderful, wonderful person.

^ Gary and Raoul start to get it on ^

Wyvern: I'm out of here.

Spidren: ^walking away^ But where are all the pretty clothes?

^ All the immortals leave, disgusted by the two humans on the forest floor ^

Arialyn: Well, that's all folks.

Loriana: That's our first episode of What Would You Do For A Million Gold Nobles? Hope you liked it!

Raoul:*from on the floor* But what about out million gold nobles?

Arialyn: ^smiles nervously at audience^ That's all. Bye!

^*^Black screen^*^

Raoul: Can I at least keep the dress?



ARIALYN'S RANDOM MORAL OF THE DAY- "Don't talk to plants, it makes u feel stupid"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* K, that's the first chapter. *pokes Loriana* Your turn. Review peoples. Oh, yeah, thank you Robin for the shiny idea. I love reviews. I love darkings. May Joren rest in peace and burn in hell. BYE!!!!