And we're back with a new story! It'll contain trauma and of course, lots of hurt/comfort. We hope you'll enjoy ;).
Temperance Brennan had closed the blinds of her office in a hurry, and she'd also locked the door, feeling as if she was about to explode. Chest heaving with emotion, a few tears pushed through her defenses and escaped her eyes. She plopped down on the couch and hid her face in her hands. She saw... she saw and she... felt her heart break. Booth. Her Booth. And Catherine. His Catherine. Kissing passionately in a corner of the lab before going their separate ways. They hadn't noticed her as she came towards them, absentmindedly flipping through a file, then looking up. She couldn't recall what it was that had made her look up, but she froze and she felt as though her heart-muscle was cramping. It was physically painful. Of course, she'd seen them together before. But the lab was her place, her home, and to be defied like that where she least expected it, where her guard was somewhat down, where she thought she could be herself... It hurt. So badly. And here she was, not knowing what to do with the intense emotional pain she was experiencing. Right now, she understood what people felt when they said their heart was breaking.
Booth stood huddled in a corner with Catherine. His arms were looped around her waist and her arms were wrapped around his neck. He had been hesitant when she leaned in, but when she stood on the tips of her toes, kissing him, all of his doubts were pushed to the back of his mind as he enjoyed the feeling of her soft lips against his. After their kiss, he heard her whisper a sweet goodbye in his ear, and felt her tongue flick against his ear. He flashed his charm smile at her, before he released her and they went their separate ways.
She told herself she was calming down many times, until she finally was. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and under her eyes and pushed herself to her feet, thinking, The man has effectively broken me. Immediately, she pushed the offensive and horrendous thought away, because nobody knew how to break Temperance Brennan. She just had an intense but temporary unpleasant emotional experience, and that was all there was to it. There wasn't a mirror in her office, but she felt the need to check her appearance, so she used one of the glass doors to her souvenir cabinets as one. It wasn't perfect, but it would do. She cleaned herself up as well as she could and straightened her clothes, sticking her nose in the air and taking a deep breath. You're okay, no one saw you.
Booth continued to watch Catherine leave, before he turned around and walked to his partner's office. He stopped in front of the closed door, wondering why the hell it was closed in the first place. A few weeks ago, he just would've opened the door, walked in and found out why her door was closed. But now? He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and knocked on the door. He had told her he would move on. And that's what he was doing. He wasn't sure what they were anymore. They used to be friends, with potential for more. Partners had seemed an inadequate description for years and yet, right now, it was the only one that didn't make him flinch.
Once she had herself in check again, she opened the blinds and unlocked the door to her office. When she looked up, her heart jumped in her chest, but she didn't show it. Booth was standing right in front of her, only the door between them. She quickly opened it. "What do you want?"
The words were spoken clearly, with an almost clinical tone to it. He decided to ignore it, and asked his question. "I was just coming to see what you had for me," he said, clapping his hands, trying to maintain a certain sense of normalcy.
She turned on her heel, not inviting him in or making small-talk. She took the file she'd completed from her desk, turned back to him and stuck out her arm, offering the file while keeping a nice distance between them. "It's complete," she notified him.
"Great!" he said with more enthusiasm than he felt. Her behavior was making him feel awkward but, acknowlodging that there was bound to be a certain amount of awkwardness, he turned around and was about to leave, before he decided to make an effort. He wanted them to be partners and friends. There was no reason why he would let the fact that she didn't want a real relationship with him end their friendship. Was there? "Uhm, Bones... Do you - do you want to go for a drink at the Founding Fathers? To celebrate the end of the case?" He flashed her his charm smile. "You know, another one bites the dust?"
"No," she dismissed his offer curtly and was ready to turn her back to him. But he had this look in his eyes, the one she could never resist. She bit her lip, then said, "And I would like you to understand that this is a high-tech facility where serious science is undertaken to participate in extremely useful and fascinating research, so if you want to french-kiss your girlfriend, this is not the place," she told him icily.
His entire posture changed as he straightened his shoulders and clenched the file in his hand. "Noted, Dr. Brennan. And I would like you to understand that whether or not I french-kiss my girlfriend, is none of your business." He turned around and strode out of the lab, his stride quick and purposeful.
She had plenty arguments to counter that, but he simply didn't leave her the chance. Anger boiled inside her as she watched him arrogantly walk away as if he owned the place. But then he was gone, and harsh reality faced her again: she was alone. Pressing a hand to her chest, she willed her heart to stop hurting as she went back to her desk and plopped down in her chair. She tried to focus on her work, but unwanted thoughts kept harassing her brain. It felt as if she was being punished for wanting to protect him, which was essentially a good thing, right? But then, maybe she should have tackled the situation differently. Maybe she should have called him, later, and explained what she'd meant by 'I can't change'. Why she couldn't give him what he wanted. But she shuddered at the mere thought of telling him. If nobody knew, it hadn't really happened. Or at least putting it away was a lot easier if no one could remind her of The Fact. And all she had to do, was forget about it. Admittedly, that hadn't worked out very well, but at least people didn't know she had a weakness. No, she couldn't tell him. Simply because, if she did, she would get hopeful, and The Fact would make it impossible to happen. He wouldn't view her as the person she was, he would identify her with The Fact. Something she'd worked all her life for not to be associated with. In conclusion, she would have to bite through this pain - surely, it was temporary - and her life would get back to normal.
He could feel the frustration and anger seeping back into his body. She had been acting distant, even cold, towards him ever since he had put his heart on the line and had asked her to take a risk with him. To trust him enough to take that plunge with him. But she hadn't. She had pulled back and told him no. Her rejection had hurt him deeply. He was still hurting and he knew that she was hurting as well, even though she hid it a lot better than he did. He pushed the door open and left the Jeffersonian. At least, I'm making a valid effort to get our partnership back to safe grounds. He sighed as he fished for his keys in his pocket, retrieving them and unlocking the doors of his SUV. "If only I knew what the hell she wants from me," he grumbled as he settled himself behind the wheel of his beloved car.
Finally, the day ended, but it was really no use going home. The truth was, it ate at her that she'd had a fight with Booth - a real one, this time, nothing playful. She sighed. Then she grabbed the phone and called his house.
He had just showered, trying to get rid of his frustration and guilt about how he had dealt with the situation with Bones earlier. He felt extremely bad about the way he had snapped at her. He knew he shouldn't have been kissing Catherine in the lab, but it annoyed and irked him that she had called him on it and had basically given him a slap on the wrist. His phone rang. He picked it up and pinned it to his shoulder by tilting his head as he fastened the towel around his waist.
"Booth, are you there?" she asked as soon as he picked up; her heavy, tired head leaning in her hand.
"Yeah, Bones. I'm here." He had no idea why she would be calling him. Besides, he needed to get ready, because he was already late and he was supposed to pick up Catherine in about 20 minutes, or they would be late for dinner.
His words, even though his voice sounded a little rushed, made her close her eyes to hold back the sentimental wetness. He said he was there, but he wasn't really. "I regret our fight from this afternoon," she said, becoming aware of a slight pulsating in the back of her skull. Sign of a head-ache in the making. She'd better get this conversation over and done with and go to bed. Or something.
He sighed as he stopped fussing, plopped down on the couch and transferred the phone to his hand. "Look, Bones, you don't need to apologize. I - We shouldn't have been... Well, the lab is definitely not the place for it and it won't happen again." He tried to reassure her as he stared at the ceiling, focusing his attention on the conversation with his partner.
"I wasn't apologizing. I meant what I said," she cut in. "I just - regret that you took it the wrong way, apparently." Or had she really been too harsh? She shook her head. She never second-guessed herself. "Consider your apology accepted. Are we - okay?"
"You just..." He sighed as his eyes quickly darted to the clock on the wall. "I - I really have to get going, Bones. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be picking Catherine up in a few minutes and I just came out of the shower, so I still have to get dressed." He silently cursed himself as he realized he was rambling and quickly got a grip. "We're okay, Bones," he tried to reassure her. "I'll see you on Monday?"
Another stab in her heart. God, this had to stop. Pull yourself together, Brennan! She sat up straighter, squaring her shoulders. "Yes," she said in a confident voice. "Monday. Bye, Booth." Quickly, she hung up. She should have wished him a good night. Well, a good weekend, probably. But she hadn't been able to say it, for it would be a lie and she didn't do that.
Her brisk, curt answer told him that things weren't okay between them. He tossed the phone down on the couch beside him and sighed loudly. He had known this would be hard, but this hard? He didn't know how he was supposed to get them passed this obstacle in one piece. He cursed again as he looked up at the clock and saw that he only had a few minutes left to get himself ready. He felt a painful twitch in his chest as he battled the desire to go to her appartment and try to figure their partnership out. Instead, he sighed again and continued to get ready for his date.
After her emotional breakdown that day, she decided she deserved a night for herself. To be nice to herself. She organised her files, collected her things and locked her office behind her. She walked out of the quiet, dimly lit Jeffersonian, pointedly avoiding looking at the corner where Booth and Catherine had stood, and left with her head held high. She drove through the darkness, the streets were quiet. Most people were having dinner with their families. She didn't linger on that thought. Instead, she parked her car under her apartment building, greeted the night guard and entered her safe apartment. She was surrounded with herself, with things from her life. Artefacts from her journeys, books and scientific magazines. Everything was linked together and linked to her, and the feeling of loneliness fell from her shoulders. She even subconsciously smiled. And went to make herself a wonderful pot of Indian herbal tea.
All throughout the evening, the nagging sensation of guilt continued to distract Booth, and what was worse, even Catherine had noticed the fact that something was bothering him. When she had cut the evening short - there wasn't a single doubt in Booth's mind that she had lied about having to get up early the next morning - he felt irritated about the fact that he wasn't as capable of moving on as he would've liked. Always the gentleman, he had asked her to meet again for dinner the next evening. She had agreed and he had driven her home. Now that he unlocked his own front door and was entering an empty apartment, a wave of loneliness and sadness welcomed him. He sighed, dropped his keys, wallet and cell phone on the little table in the hallway, took off his coat and walked straight into his bedroom. He didn't turn on any of the lights, quickly stripped down to his boxers and crawled between the cold sheets. As his body shivered once, produced by the feeling of the cold sheets against his warm skin, he realized that he hadn't even locked the door. He turned on his other side and decided that if someone would be stupid enough to break into his apartment in the middle of the night, they would deserve the beating they'd receive. Booth closed his eyes, trying to hide from the strong current of emotions, but a pain - so deep, he couldn't compare it to anything but heartbreak - ripped through him as his closed eyes supplied him with countless pictures of his beautiful partner.
Brennan had managed to calm herself down and comfort herself somewhat. The herbal tea actually came from India; she'd brought it home herself from one of her journeys. It had been a gift from a medicine man whose granddaughter she'd unearthed and identified. The find had been a coincidence, but the poor old man was convinced that she was some sort of angel and he'd insisted upon thanking her with gifts. Besides the tea, he'd given her a small statue. It was called the Weeping Yoga, and it would take upon it all of her sorrow so she could be in peace. It had a place on one of her shelves and her eyes had been drawn to it all evening, up until the point that she almost believed it was sucking in her pain. After a long time, when she felt better without really having solved anything, she blew out the small candle heating up the tea pot and got a novel from her bookcase. She dimmed the lights and lighted candles, and sat reading until after midnight. When she went to bed, she felt like herself again, but in the dark, she fell into an abyss of loneliness, and she closed her eyes against the hurt. See, she told herself, the statue didn't really work.
So how did you like this first chapter? Has it caught your interest? More will soon follow :).
