Ianto was sat underneath his desk, knees curled up underneath his chin. Tears were falling steadily down his face. "I wish he knew..." He whispered. "I wish he knew..." Ianto had stayed behind when Jack, Tosh and Owen had gone for a drink. Gwen had left with Rhys, after refusing to Retcon him. Ianto knew that if it had been anyone else, including him, then they'd never have gotten away with it. What made Gwen Cooper so fucking special? He whimpered as realisation hit him. It was Gwen. It'd always been Gwen. Gwen was the one Jack was in love with. He should have seen it before, but Ianto had managed to delude himself into thinking he actually meant something into Jack. Ianto was normally smarter than that. He guessed Jack was an exception. Ianto's whole body shook as another sob rocked its way through him. He couldn't stop shaking. He clung to himself, scared that he wasn't in control of his body anymore. Ianto ran a hand through his hair, tugging slightly at the roots. It hurt, but at the moment his heart was giving out enough pain to make his body numb, so he barely felt it.
Ianto had been so contained for the past few weeks. He'd been scared to show any emotion. He jumped when he heard footsteps. Ianto wiped his face quickly, praying silently that it wasn't Jack. He was surprised to see Owen bending down, looking at Ianto with wide eyes full of concern. "Ianto?" Owen's voice was soft and gentle, and welcoming in a weird kind of way. "What's the matter?" Owen took Ianto by the hand, hauling him out from under the desk.
"I can't...I don't...I can't do this anymore...Jack...I can't be second best anymore, Owen."
"I know, mate." Owen said, looking Ianto straight in the eyes. Ianto had never noticed how soft and warm Owen's brown eyes were before.
"But...Owen, I can't leave...But I can't be around him. I...I know he's in love with Gwen." Ianto flinched as he said it, like saying the words out loud made them final.
"Ianto, he cares about you..."
"Not enough." Ianto said, dully. "I've known it for weeks, months, I've just overlooked it. But I can't anymore. I just...can't."
Owen sighed. "Ianto, you must have known it was never going to last...I mean, you were never gunna live forever. It was always gunna end; Jack was always gunna move on..."
"I guess I just wanted more time." Ianto said, sadly.
Owen reached out and put a hand on Ianto's shoulder. "You have to let him go."
"I know...I just...Just..."
"Just what?"
"I love him. And that's not gunna go away."
Owen looked shocked, but then controlled himself. "But, Ianto, how are you gunna ever get over him by staying here?"
"I can't leave."
"No, but...You can't just hang around on the sidelines, waiting for him to change."
"He never will."
Owen nodded. "Have you never talked to him about any of this?"
Ianto looked crestfallen. "Some things are better left unsaid."
Owen smiled, softly. "I guess."
"But," Ianto started. "I feel better, talking to you, I mean." Ianto smiled back at Owen. "Thanks."
"Anytime." Owen said. Ianto nodded, and made to leave. "I mean it, Yan. Anytime, really." Ianto flinched. Jack used to call him Yan. Ianto looked back over his shoulder. "Anytime you need to talk, you know I'm here."
"Yeah." Ianto sighed. "I know."
"Hey, do you wanna stay over at mine tonight?" Ianto hesitated. "I just...thought you wouldn't want to be alone."
Ianto shrugged. "Used to it. But...Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you."
"Sure." Owen said, pulling on his coat. "Let's go."
"Wait, don't you have Jack and Tosh to go back to?" Ianto reminded him.
Owen looked indifferent. "Meh, they'll survive without me."
"Sure?"
"Well," Owen paused, smiling. "They'll have to." Ianto grinned, grabbed his coat, and then left with Owen. In the car, on the way back to Owen's, they made easy conversation, as if they'd been friends for years. Owen tactfully avoided the subject of work. Ianto was grateful for this. He knew he had to get over Jack Harkness, and Ianto was hoping that Owen would help him through this, because he was sure he couldn't do this on his own.
