Formerly known as
By trivia_game
Summary:
Years of peace have been achieved, but Duo is still holding onto the past. Now, he's writing letters to the pilot formerly known as 01. Angsty, if I did my job right, dark, yaoi,1x2, a couple light mentions of lime (heavier in later chapters, probably).Disclaimer:
Not mine, and you better hope it never is, or else the little kiddies (think about the 10-year-old boys who are actually **supposed** to watch the show!) will be traumatized.Note-ness:
This fic was partially inspired by the heart-wrenching lesbian book "Annie on my mind." Forgot who it's by. Good book, I started crying ;_; Anyway, I plan to continue this! Not a one-shot for once! More letters from Duo, and maybe…well, we'll see.To the pilot formerly known as 01,
Don't crumple this. I know you would, Heero. I can see you now in my mind's eye. You're scanning the letter quickly, absorbing every word like a fucking mechanical sponge or something equally ridiculous. But I'm asking you, as a partner, a friend, a fuck-toy and an equal (though not necessarily in that order), please, don't crumple this.
It's Duo. But of course you already know this—every letter starts the same way, and they've all been sent, one after the other, to the aliases you try to keep hidden. It's always the same though, and you know it. You hide, I find. Gotcha. You're it. But you don't play right. You're supposed to come after me now, Heero, get it?
I'm laughing at myself now. You can see it, can't you? I know you could. Anyway, I'm chuckling to myself, wondering why the fuck I'm writing this by hand instead of e-mailing you. Post officials check all the mail now. They probably shouldn't let this through to you. After all, you're the infamous ex-Gundam pilot, Heero Yui. Oops, there goes your secret. Not that anyone couldn't see it in your eyes. No one untouched by war and blood is as cold as you are, Heero.
You know, I really shouldn't be writing this letter to you. Not that it's not going to get intercepted and scanned by somebody who wants us both dead. It's been like that forever. The thing is, I shouldn't be writing this because I know we'll both just wind up hurt. But here I am, chuckling and scribbling down words like a fucking maniac. Now why would we both be hurt? You're going to get hurt because you'll end up reading this out of that same curiosity that led you to me that night. I'll end up crying because writing this will just remind me of how fucking empty I am, and I'll just presume you crumpled this up, since I haven't gotten a reply in the past two years I've written you. That will hurt. It hurts to know you're not human, to know that you don't care. You probably don't smile anymore.
Come to think of it, in all the times I've known you, I've only seen you smile once, and that was when you didn't think anyone saw you. It wasn't a smirk, and it took me the longest time to realize that. Once, you smiled when you were dragged out of your Gundam, bloody. Not some kind of maniacal grin (something like mine, huh?), but an honest-to-whatever-god smile, when you saw the other pilots and I gathered down in the hangar below you. I guess you don't know I cherish that, do you?
Back in the wars, I held onto that smile. Late at night, when I was crying—oh, there's a secret, the God of Death cries like a little kid at night—it took one look at you across from me, rhythmic breathing motions the only indication you—Heero Yui, Perfect Soldier—were human, and I would remember that smile. Then there would be dried salty trails and a little smile on my face.
But after a while, that same smile made me hurt more, mainly because I knew I could never give it to you again. Hell, I remember one time when you fucked me, Heero, I had this stupid feeling somewhere between where your cock met something deep within me and the shoulders you were holding onto (do they call that place a heart?) and I opened my eyes for once to see your expression. You weren't smiling then, and I never saw you smile afterwards.
I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking moron. What brought on this epiphany? The bittersweet knowledge that I'm going to send this to you, no matter who it'll hurt, and no matter the likelihood of it getting us both killed by families of those we slaughtered who could easily trace us.
But you know, I think I'm going to ask a question. I usually ask questions in these stupid letters, don't I? Anyway. Do you smile now? Is there someone to make you smile? Wish it was me.
God, I'm such an idiot.
From the pilot formerly known as 02.
Soooo
…what did you think? Please leave a review, I love hearing someone is actually reading! Should I go on?