Ortensia was in love with Oswald.
At least, she thought she was in love with Oswald. And that's what she'd always told everyone. But for the past few months, she hadn't been so sure. As a matter of fact, she was downright sure she wasn't.
She knew for a fact that didn't excuse what she did. Oswald was always busy, but he also always made time for her if she needed to talk to him, and she did need to talk to him, she just never actually went and did it.
Maybe she was just spooked off by exactly how busy he was. After all, with 420 children all clamoring for his attention on top of an entire kingdom to rule, he didn't get any time alone with himself, let alone other people. She'd like to think that was the case, since it made her feel a little better. Really, she knew it was part of the reason. Just not all of it.
She wasn't ready or willing to accept the full reason. She wasn't ready for the idea of not feeling that same burning passion she'd felt towards him when they got married.
She knew he was still in love with her. His throne room was full of paintings dedicated to that feeling. When she'd returned, he threw all his affections on her, and for a little while, she'd gone back to feigning that passion, to thinking she really felt it. But it didn't last. And she knew where she'd go. Where she always went.
Just down the street, to the house of a friend. Of a female friend; Oswald never minded her keeping male company, but it always worried him, and ironically, when she was with Fanny, he didn't even think such things. The fact that he'd worked so hard to put his jealousy aside for her just made it all the worse.
Worse that she'd go to that house and that Fanny would let her in, never question it, take her by the hands, pin her to the wall, trailing kisses and nuzzling that spot under her neck that just drove her crazy. And every little thing about Fanny- oh, her touch, her voice- there was something about her that gave Ortensia a spark she'd never felt with Oswald, not even at his most romantic moments.
And sometimes they just sat and talked or cuddled or ate candy- little romantic things like the things Oswald hadn't had time for almost since they came to Wasteland.
She wished she could just tell him. She knew she should. It just wasn't working any more; this relationship was stale and dying, if not already dead, and that's just not how you should feel when you're with the person you're married to.
She knew she should, and she tried, but when he turned around and smiled at her and embraced her, telling her how glad he was to have her back, she couldn't wrap her lips around the words. He'd asked her what was on her mind, and she'd said nothing, and later she'd wish she had, but when she went back again to try once more, she found again she couldn't.
She wasn't in love with him any more. But even if she wasn't in love, she'd always love him, and she just couldn't stand to see the way his heart would break. Sooner or later he'd find out, but for now, she just went back to Fanny, hating herself every step of the way.
