For some reason that likely has something to do with the angsty stuff I've been worshipping lately, I felt like writing something angsty like Beast Called Love only with blood and violence. My Muse is so spazzy.
So yeah. Consider yourselves warned: mature content! There probably won't be any lovely lemons between Roy and Ed, but there will be mentions of rape, abuse, and lots of blood. And if you're an Envy fan, don't read.
Also, this is AU enough to flip the bird at the plot while staying in Amestris and such. Just so you know. And it's first-person Ed's POV, since I managed not to make a complete mess of first-person with Deathnote.
"AL!" An inhuman howl rips from my throat as the hulking suit of armor hits the ground with a harsh clunk, enveloped by the shadowy, disfigured chimeras. I can hear their talons and fangs raking at the metal, the shrill sound sending stabbing waves of pain into my head. My body has already taken to much abuse; the blood-loss, exhaustion, and the relentless waves of rage, hatred, and terror have all taken their toll. So helpless am I that when an unforgiving hand grabs my formerly-neat plain of golden hair and tugs viciously, all I can do is stumble backward into my enemy's waiting grip.
"Well then, Fullmetal runt, do you give up yet?" Purrs the reason for my current deplorable state; the dark hair, equally dark eyes, handsomely-sculpted features and rich baritone voice belonging to one my faltering mind recognizes as my commanding officer, Roy Mustang. Damn that homunculus, I manage to think. Envy's disturbing ability to shape-shift is yet another reason I'm in such bad shape – that bastard adopted the form and voice that I had thought no one knew I inwardly worshipped.
"I'd never…" I have to pause as a pained cough forces its way past my lips, "never submit to scum like you." I rasp, my eyes glaring hotly at the homunculus; the spark of rebellion my gold eyes retain all that's left in me.
Envy smirks, his grip tightening on my shoulder. "So you still have some fight left in you. Such a pity I have to beat it out of you, you're one of our human sacrifices after all. Well, we can't have someone as important as you running around like a stray dog, I guess I have to teach you some respect."
My lip curls. "Respect? Even a speck of dirt deserves more to respect that you do, freak." I hiss, trying not to wince as one of Envy's hands slips to my throat and tightens. His thumb digs into my windpipe and my breath is cut off as I struggle feebly, despair welling up in me as things turn gray around the edges and my vision blurs. But before I completely black out, my limp body is whirled around roughly. Envy's hand releases my throat at the same moment my back connects hard with the wall, and a pained gurgle escapes my lips. I wheeze for a moment, my breath starting to come back until Envy descends upon me like a bird of ill-omen.
Still wearing Colonel Mustang's appearance, Envy takes a handful of my crimson jacket in his hand and hoists me up, keeping my back pressed into the wall. I am hauled until I am eye-to-eye with the shape-shifter, my eyes dulled with pain staring blankly and not quite making full contact with the murky dark eyes that smirk back at me. Envy's face suddenly fades from my field of vision, and my sluggish brain doesn't have enough time to wonder what happened before I feel Envy's hot breath on the side of my face, his borrowed voice purring sickeningly. "Now now Fullmetal, you don't mean that. Just settle down and this lesson will go so much quicker for both of us. We're busy men; places to go, people to be." His chuckle sends a shiver up my spine.
"…-ther? Brother! Edward, please wake up! ED!"
Al's voice, small and childish as the empty armor gives it a hollow undertone, penetrates the dark fog that had overtaken my brain. I groan softly, having retreated into unconsciousness' welcome murk gratefully as soon as Envy had allowed it. Why do I have to leave it?
"I heard something," a familiar voice mutters, though my brain is still struggling upward through the icy blackness, so I can't place the familiarity. "He's alive." The voice affirms as I felt gentle fingers press under the right side of my jaw, finding my pulse.
"Thank God!" Cries, of all the voices, Winry's. What is Winry doing here? She should be back in Resembool with Pinako, or in Rush Valley learning more trade secrets of the automail-maker's art.
"Edward?" Says the same familiar voice, a hand coming to rest on my shoulder and shaking it gently. "Are you conscious?"
"'d rather not be," My own voice sounds cracked and slurred, alien to my ears. I slit one eye open slightly, closing it again quickly with a pained hiss as bright sunlight stabs through, goading the throbbing ache in my head further. "Where'm I?"
"The military hospital in Central." Says the voice, which my mind now identifies as Lt. Colonel Hughes. "Are you gonna stay with us, or are you gonna make me get a bucket of water?"
"Now I'm awake I'm prob'ly gunna stay that way," I mutter in reply.
"Good." Hughes says, and I can hear the smile in his voice as he pats my shoulder gently, the creaking of floorboards accompanying him as he stands. "I'll see you later then, Ed. I just had to make sure you were okay." I hear his footsteps retreating, and the soft creak as the door shuts.
The raucous clank of Al's armor sends another stabbing pain trying to pry my eyeballs from my skull and I wince slightly, though a happy sigh escapes my cracked lips as cool leather touches my fevered brow. "Ed, big brother, I'm glad you're okay." Al's voice is so choked with emotion that I wonder how long I was out.
"You're all right too, Al?" I ask, remembering him being set upon.
"There isn't much those chimeras can do to my armor. Besides a few claw-marks I'm fine. But you aren't, brother. Envy dragged you away while the chimeras had me pinned down, what happened?"
I twitch slightly, my flesh hand clenching loosely. "He just beat up on me some more and let me go. I'm all right." I'm lying through my teeth, and I'm sure Al knows it, but I can't tell him what Envy really did.
"Considering that every square inch of your flesh has some sort of cut or bruise, I highly doubt that, Fullmetal." The voice that Envy had adopted sends an involuntary shudder up my spine, even though I know that it is the real Colonel Mustang speaking to me from the doorway. "Can't I leave you alone for five minutes without you getting thrashed?"
"Sorry to ruin your plans, Colonel Shit, but I can't help it that I've got these bastards out for my blood, can I?" I spit, my voice laden with more hatred than is usual even when addressing my commanding officer.
"I suppose not, though try not to let them victimize you, Fullmetal." I suppress another shudder at the smirk in his voice, relieved when I hear the sounds of his heavy boots walking away.
"…Ed?" Winry ventures diffidently, and I feel her hesitant touch on my flesh arm. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"
"My body'll heal fine. I dunno what Envy did to my automail, though." I mutter, assuming that my arm and/or leg much be tattered if Winry came. Honestly, I'd rather not try to remember if Envy did anything to either prosthetic limb.
"Your automail is in better shape than the rest of you." Winry states, and she sounds on the verge of tears.
"Then, why aren't you back in Rush Valley?" I ask curiously, trying to sit up and open my eyes to give my childhood friend a measured look, but Al's huge hand presses me back down.
"Why…? Because I was worried, Ed!" She squeaks. "Why shouldn't I come make sure you're okay?" Winry demands heatedly, and I can tell that she's struggling and failing to hold back tears.
Taken aback, I can't think of a good answer, so I simply remain silent.
"Look, I'm gonna go find a hotel to stay at. Whether you want me here or not, Ed, I'm going to hang around until you're better." I hear her swift footsteps, and wince as the door closes harder than was necessary.
I pull on a military-issue undershirt, disgruntled at how large it is on me. It makes me look even smaller and scrawnier, though that minor drawback is overridden by the fact that it hides the welts, bruises and lacerations all over my already-scarred torso.
"Ed, you should stay in the hospital longer," Al begins, clanking anxiously.
"Al, these are just little flesh-wounds and will heal plenty fast enough. I hate hospitals, and I'm not staying here any longer than I have to." I growl, though I immediately regret my overly sharp tone.
"I know, brother, but I just want to make sure you're okay…"Al's voice is meek and hurt.
I turn to him with a contrite expression. "Sorry, Al, but I just really want to get out of this hospital."
He seems to understand, so we check out and go back to the hotel. As soon as we get back to the room, I head for the shower. Besides having my wounds cleaned, I haven't bathed since before I got into that fight with Envy. It's been driving me insane since I was lucid enough to think; I could've asked to bathe at the hospital, but they'd ask why and I'd rather not explain my reasoning.
I turn the shower on and steam fills the room; the water is almost hot enough to scald. I step in and hiss as the water hits my skin, but I ignore the heat. I scrub myself not once but twice, getting every niche and cranny that I can access. I would have gone back over myself a third time, but the hot water had run out rather quickly, so now it's icy cold. By the time I emerge from the shower my skin is pink from the zealous scrubbing, and most of the cuts on my skin have reopened. Even after that absurdly long shower that would probably have Al wondering what my problem is, I still feel unclean. I don't think I'll ever shake that feeling that almost makes my skin crawl.
I ignore Al's concerned gaze and change into a clean set of my own clothes, suppressing the desire to burn the outfit I'd worn in the fight.
"Brother, are you sure you're okay?" Al ventures anxiously.
My hands clench loosely and I pause. "Yeah, Al. I'm fine." I can't even turn to look at him, because if I do he'll see through the lie.
"…all right. Should I go get food?" He stood, his hollow-sounding voice hopeful.
"Not hungry." I mutter, throwing myself face-down on the bed. I'd lost my appetite a long time ago.
Al's involuntary twitch of surprise rattles his armor, the cacophonous sound only making this stubborn headache worse. "Are you sure? You haven't eaten since you got to the hospital…"
"I'm not hungry, all right Al?" I snap, my face half-buried in my arms. I hate myself for being so brusque, since Al only wants to help, but right now I just need plenty of personal space. I'm afraid to tell Al this, because if I did he'd wonder what was wrong. These thoughts just cause another wave of shame: I can't bear to tell anyone, even my little brother, about what's wrong. I'm so pathetic.
Can't this bastard give me a break? I just got back from having the shit beat out of me and here Colonel Nag is summoning me for a meeting. I hope he doesn't expect to send me out on a mission or anything, 'cos there's just no damn way I'm running any errands for him for a while. I stomp into Mustang's office, standing with arms crossed and a scowl on my face in front of his desk. "What is it this time, Colonel Shit?"
He looks up at me with an expression that is both bored and frustrated. "Fullmetal, you seriously need to not go looking for beatings. You're giving me a bad name, coming back every time covered in bruises and gashes. Should I start giving you more tame assignments, ones that don't run the rick of you getting your ass handed to you?"
I bristle, my fists clenching. "I told you before that I can't help that these damn homunculi are hell-bent on making my life miserable! Do you think I enjoy running into them?!" I snarl.
"From the way your missions are turning out, it's starting to look like you do." Mustang remarks caustically, one eyebrow lifting.
"Well, I don't." I sit heavily in one of the chairs, glaring irritably at the surface of Mustang's desk since I don't care try to look at him.
"Fullmetal, look at me." Mustang says, his voice softer than usual but firm. His words, and the tone he used, sends an involuntary shudder up my spine. I hesitantly raise my eyes, despising the rather fearful gleam that must be in them.
"I may act like an insensitive prick, but I can tell that there's something bothering you, Fullmetal. Your body language and manner are different than usual today. Care to elaborate?" His dark eyes lock with mine and I stiffen, kicking myself for reacting so obviously.
"Why should you care?" I demand, my own voice sounding meek. Pathetic.
"When something's up with my subordinates that may affect their performance, it's part of my duty to find out what the problem is and deal with it." He replies coolly, keeping his gaze pinned on me. No matter how much I want to look away, my eyes are held.
"Nothing's 'up,' Mustang." I assert, though from the skeptical look that crosses his face, he knows it's a blatant lie. "You're just looking for a reason to be your usual nosy bastard."
"I won't deny that often times I am a nosy bastard, but you're a horrible liar, Fullmetal." He says scathingly. "I'm not trying to pry, I just want to know what's wrong. This'll go smoother for both of us if you'd cooperate."
I close my eyes, willing myself not to cringe back in the seat. "Well that's too bad, 'cos nothing is wrong."
He's silent for a few moments, and when he speaks again I can hardly hear him. I wish I hadn't heard him. "The homunculus didn't just beat you, did he?"
Pinned once more with his back against the wall, shirt torn open, belt in a shadowy corner and his pants unbuttoned and barely zipped, Ed writhed desperately to try and escape Envy's attentions, to no avail. The shape-shifter pinched one of the young alchemist's nipples, eliciting a sound that was halfway between a moan and a whimpering sob.
Along with the gashes and nicks that the fight had given him, the teen's upper body was covered in bruises and cuts inflicted from Envy's rough treatment. He'd bear the marks of this encounter for a satisfyingly long time. The thing that delighted Envy was that, in his borrowed form, the Fullmetal runt would act like a whipped cur around his beloved colonel.
"You see, Fullmetal, this would've gone so much faster if you hadn't been such an idiot back there. This is punishment for all the insults. Now hold still, I'm feeling merciful, so I'll just finish it up now and let you go." Envy purred to the bruised, slack-featured alchemist.
He turned the boy around so that he faced the wall, pressing the tortured skin of his chest and abdomen into the rough wall. Pulling down the young man's tight leather pants, he reached around and grabbed Ed's chin, viciously jerking his head around so that the pain-dulled gold eyes made contact with Envy's dark ones. "Look at me while I do this, Fullmetal." Envy says, adopting the stern tone Mustang is fond of using. "And let's hope you can retain the lesson."
How Alphonse didn't hear the screams of pain torn from Ed's throat as the homunculus plunged into him is a mystery. The teen struggled weakly before slumping into the wall, his face held in place by a wickedly-grinning Envy, tears beading in the corners of his eyes as he gazed helplessly into the eyes of his tormentor.
I cringe, then proceed to mentally kick myself all the way back to Resembool. Pathetic, pathetic coward. You sorry little runt. Can't protect yourself from that shape-shifting freak, and now you can't even suppress your own pathetic responses. Are you gonna go around cringing and shivering like a little kid now? I still have my eyes glued to the floor, after pinning them there once Mustang's stare was broken when I closed my eyes.
"Right the first time, it looks like." I can hear him mutter. "Dammit, Fullmetal, you're a magnet for abuse."
My head whips up and I glare hotly at him. "You think I can help it? You think I enjoy it?" I hiss.
"No, I don't. Relax, Fullmetal." He says, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. Warily, reluctantly, I sit back in the chair, my surly gaze drifting to the desk again. His next comment makes me stiffen again. "The question I have now is, if you're willing to elaborate, why do you react so much more to me than to anyone else?"
I look at the floor to one side of the chair, an embarrassed flush turning my cheeks red. I'm surprised that Mustang can't hear me mentally berating myself. "Envy, the homunculus, can shape-shift." I explain haltingly, disgusted at the frightened squeak that is my voice. The room is suddenly choked with a heavily textured silence, and when I glance hesitantly up at Mustang, his face is a mixture of disgust, anger, and pity. Seeing this made me twitch involuntarily, suppressing a cringe.
"Well, I asked for an explanation, didn't I? If you want you can take a few days off, Fullmetal. I'll hold off assigning you mission for a week unless you come in and ask for one. You are dismissed." As soon as I can get my body to react I lurch from the chair and leave the room, just short of outright running to the restroom.
Utterly pathetic. I stand over a sink, my automail fingers almost cracking the porcelain as I grip the rim, fighting down nausea at my own shame. Now not only are you cringing like a beaten puppy, he's going to tell his subordinates and I'll have all of them either giving me horrified looks or smothering me with pity.
I notice a lone razor blade on the corner of the sink, and my eyes are immediately glued to the little object. The notion slithers through my mind, but it quickly squashed by the cynical side of me. Face it, coward, you wouldn't have the balls to commit suicide. You probably couldn't even cut yourself. So pathetic. You're afraid of death, be it your own or someone else's. That's why you tried to resurrect your mother, why you stuck Al in that hulking tin can. You put Al through all that, not only having to make him put up with you getting automail, but with the pain of having that armor for a body. Neither of you know how long his soul will stay in it. It could give out any time and you'd have this jumble of inanimate armor. At least it would spare Al any more of this shit you've dragged him through. I wince, and stop myself from snatching up the razor. See? Pathetic.
Whew, nasty. Envy used to be my favorite homunculus until he killed Hughes. Now Greed is my favorite. But since Envy became the one I despised, and since he has the convenient ability to shape-shift, he became the bad guy. Boo hiss.
By the way, if you didn't notice, the few paragraphs in italics and third-person is Ed's flashback.
