It's been over a month since everything happened and even though Amaya and I still spoke and hung out sometimes, it was absolutely nothing like it used to be. There were no more weekly sleepovers, only weekly talks. To be frank, I actually missed her, but if we ever wanted to get back to how it used to be, we had to get through this first.
In class, the only person I even talked to a little was Tamaki, Kyoya and I could barely even look at each other. Not that I blamed him for that. Mostly, I would just sit in my classes, with my earbuds in my ears and writing down whatever the teacher put on the board. Honey would try and get me to go to the club to eat cake with him, but there was no way I could look at that room the same way.
Somehow though, I've been passing my classes and Mom has been getting off my back about everything in my life. She's still not great, but it's nice that she's not acting like a complete bitch to me right now. And not a single day goes by where I don't think about Hikaru and Kaoru. Seeing them in the halls or at lunch are the worst parts of my days because I know I wouldn't be able to ever fix anything. Maybe for the best, but for now, it didn't feel that way.
Gabriel and Mei decided on a date for their wedding, finally. In only two months, Mei will officially be part of the family. I think she'll be a good addition to the Funaki's. She is definitely out-going enough for us and recently she's been talking to me about school and other things. She reminds me so much of my brother, I'm glad they found each other.
Amaya sighed softly as she sat in the classroom she had managed to stop crying, and she still missed Kiyomi dearly. She talked rarely to any of the club members, speaking to Honey every once and a while, and Tamaki when he came to grab Haruhi for lunch. She talked to Haruhi more regularly than the others, and she even spoke with Hikaru and Kaoru.
But she had withdrawn more into herself than she had ever done. At first she refused to even look at Kyoya, let alone answer his phone calls. But today she had promised herself she'd talk to him and get everything in her life straightened out and taken care of. She was done sulking, and now it was time to fix things. And that was exactly what she was going to do. She was going to pick up the pieces of her life little by little. Starting with this.
She took a breath as she figured out what she would say to him. There was still no way she'd ever be the same about love but the first step to healing was forgetting. And the only way she could forget was if she confronted him about it. But she'd do it at the school, with the other host members around. And she planned on asking Kiyomi for support, if her friend would lend it to her.
As the last bell of the day rang she stood up and walked to her friend's class room pulling Kiyomi aside. "I need to ask you for a favor" Amaya murmured looking down sheepishly, ignoring Kyoya as he walked out, feeling his eyes on her before she glanced up and he was walking away. "I need to start putting my life together, before I can feel confident enough that I'm not going to ruin our friendship. But I need your help. I've been avoiding Kyoya and it needs to stop. But I can't do it without you. Will you help me?" She asked pleadingly.
"I know that you're still upset you slept with him, but having you there will make things easier for me. Please? For old times' sake?" Amaya begged.
I gave her a small smile and placed my hand on her shoulder. "Let's just not break anything of value, alright?" Amaya laughed even though this was something serious. I switched the song on the iPod that rarely ever left my ears anymore and turned the volume down as we made our way to the top floor of the south building all the way the north hallway to music room three otherwise known as the Host Club.
Amaya stopped a few feet before the door and simply stared at it. "Are you sure you're ready for this? I'll be right behind you whether you are or not." She looked away from the door and into my eyes. She nodded and took a step forward, placing her hand on the door handle. Amaya looked up at me, I placed my hand over hers and it suddenly felt like it was a month ago before everything went to Hell.
Amaya took a deep shaky breath opening the door. She saw the host look up a look ready to yell at them but they stopped. As she opened her mouth to speak to Kyoya, grasping Kiyomi's hand tightly she saw the other hosts make as if to leave. "No. You guys should stay and here this too. I want everyone to know what's going on so that I can move on in my life, and Kiyomi in hers" Amaya told them.
She closed her eyes for a moment before looking over at Kyoya, who had stood up and made to move toward her, but froze as he realized Kiyomi was there. Amaya knew that this was secretly one of the reasons she had asked for her friend to come with her. She knew that Kyoya would stay to himself if she had Kiyomi there.
"First things first. I honestly am glad that I came to the host club, despite how things turned out. My experiences here have helped to grow up. I realize now that depending solely on someone else isn't good, that I need to branch out, and so does Kiyomi. Second, you boys have all showed me that true friendship isn't pretty, but that it's like a family. And Daddy has proven this the hard way" She teased Tamaki slightly. "Third, Kyoya taught me and important life lesson. It doesn't matter how much you love someone they can still hurt you. I know now not to trust people so quickly" She shook her head as everyone tried to speak. "Let me finish pleas" She told them. "I'll still trust people, but I'm not about to go handing out my heart like a love-struck eight year old. It's a lesson I'll have had to learn eventually, and I 'm glad it was you who taught it to me Kyoya. But as I stand here and look at all of you, I've learned something else…" Amaya trailed off for a second.
"It's going to take time for all of us to heal. Hikaru, Kaoru, Kyoya, Kiyomi and myself if we are anything a like, and I know we are. It's not going to be something we can easily forget. And It's not going to be something that we can have your help with. But we'll get through it, and each of us will be stronger because of it. But until then faking a smile and trying to all get along isn't going to happen. Even Kiyomi and I keep our distance. And thought I realize that you have all probably figured it out when we stopped showing up, I wanted all of you to know why I stopped coming. I wanted to start healing, to clean the wounds so they could heal. Of course there's going to be a scar, but no one can go through life without them.
What's important is the lesson you learned, and I hope that we can all take away a lesson from this, and grow as people. And I hope that eventually we can all be friends again. But until that time comes, I wanted you all to know how much you meant to me. And how much I still care about every single one of you" Amaya murmured as she let her eyes fall down, not looking at anyone, and avoiding Kyoya's eyes. Because she was being completely honest. She still loved Kyoya, and it hurt. It was something she needed to overcome though, and the first step had been admitting it out loud.
I knew I needed to add something in there, though I had simply come for support, it didn't feel right just standing there stupidly trying to avoid looking at Hikaru and Kaoru. I lifted my eyes from where they had stayed glued to the floor through everything Amaya had said. I guess Amaya could tell I was thinking something because she gave me a small smile and squeezed my hand reassuringly.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I-I know nothing I say can beat what Amaya just said, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I also know that a little less than half of you want nothing to do with me at all." I looked at the twins then and saw something in their eyes that I couldn't even name anymore. "Basically, I'm just trying to say that my words won't change anything, but I am sorry about everything that happened." That was when I looked at Kyoya. No matter what Amaya told me, I would always believe that it was my fault.
"You all really are amazing people, and I mean that. There's not a thing I would change about any of you, ever." I had been trying my hardest not to cry, but I felt a tear run down my cheek to my jaw as I took in a shaky breath. I accidentally laughed as I wiped away the tears. "I swear I didn't come here to just start crying."
Amaya gave me another smile. "It's okay," she said softly.
"There are really only two more things that I have to say to the three people that I hurt the most. Um, Kyoya, I shouldn't have done what I did. I wish I could tell you what I had been thinking, but in all honesty, I'm not really sure." He seemed to understand and gave me a slight nod. The others in the room simply looked confused and Amaya looked as if she was trying not to think about it. I took another deep breath as I started the apology I should have given a long time ago.
"Then, as bad as that was, it wasn't the worst in my opinion. Well okay, it was bad, but I mean, with what I think is the worst I was actually aware of what was going on and I only did it because I was being selfish and-"
"Kiyomi, you're rambling," Amaya said.
"Right. I was being selfish because as nice as it felt to know people cared, I didn't stop to think about them. Hikaru, Kaoru," they both looked at me and my heart skipped a beat. I wished they didn't still do that to me. "I was stupid and still scared that you guys were getting too close. So I pushed the only way I knew how. I really am sorry and I shouldn't have said things that were untrue just because I was scared."
Kyoya closed his eyes slightly as he listened to Amaya shaking his head slightly. He had screwed up, had been waiting for her to come yelling at him for being awful, and planned on begging forgiveness. But after what she said he couldn't do that to her. She was still so fragile, and he couldn't believe that it was his fault. It had all been one horrible mistake, one that he wasn't able to cope with.
He missed Amaya and the regret was killing him, and now here she was telling him that she had learned something from him. That she still cared about him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go. But there was no way he could do that. Instead he let out a faint sigh and closed his eyes, adjusting his glasses as he looked at her sadly. He nodded slightly as he acknowledged Kiyomi's apology, still never taking his eyes off of Amaya. He wanted to hold her more than he had ever wanted anything. Actually he wanted to rid her of the pain he had caused her more than anything.
Kyoya continued to look at her, forcing himself to remain still, though his eyes showed how much it hurt him to do so. He knew that he had screwed up, but what stung was that he had hurt her. He hadn't been thinking, and it wasn't right. His thoughts kept going in these same circles over and over again. He could barely fall asleep at night anymore.
Kiyomi was right in front of us and she was apologizing to Kyoya for something, in all honesty I was curious as to what had happened, but I was more transfixed on the fact that she was here. She looked uncomfortable and different than she had before. Something about her was off and I don't think it was her appearance per say. Then she said her apology to us and as soon as she said the word untrue, I wanted to just hug her and say that I understood. It was after all something Hikaru and I knew a lot about.
I couldn't though. Mostly because I didn't think she would exactly like it, she had kind of withdrawn from people over the past month more and more every day it seemed, but also because it had taken her a month to say anything about it. I do understand that she was scared, she said that before.
"So, that was all we had to say," Amaya said. Kiyomi nodded, her eyes diverted to the floor once again.
"We'll just be going now," she nearly whispered. She had once said that it was obvious when she was upset because she was quiet. This whole thing, everything must be harder on her than she lets on.
Well, here is the sequel we promise you all xD Yes, we worked on it that fast because we were excited and we already missed you guys!
So, I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you all contine to enjoy the rest of this story ^^
Megan
