Broken

Summary: That night, on October 31st 1981, Severus Snape lost everything that mattered to him. But most of all, he lost part of himself. Contains some spoilers. One-shot. Rated T for safety.

Author's note: Hi everyone! This is my first HP fanfic, hope you'll like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

He felt numb. He simply couldn't breathe. Years of being a Death Eater, spying for the Dark Lord, witnessing people getting killed and tortured in the most horrible ways couldn't have prepared him for what he saw before his eyes. Lily- his Lily- was lying on the floor, as perfect as a porcelain doll. But the doll was now broken beyond repair and the only thing that was left from her was her son, her little Harry. Severus didn't even notice the toddler crying loudly, trying to reach for his mother from behind the crib's rails; he was too blinded by his own pain and guilt. The room started spinning violently, bile rose up to his throat and he had to lean against the door (or what was left from it) to prevent himself from falling. Still shaking, Severus managed to come closer to Lily's dead body and that was when reality truly hit him. He found himself sobbing, gasping for breath, holding the dead woman close to him while tears dampened her fiery red hair. He inhaled her sweet perfume for the last time; that particular smell he had grown fond of during all of those years and that always brought a sense of safety and comfort to him.

Guilt was eating him alive. He could never forgive himself for what he had said and done. Lily was dead, entirely because of him. He was the one who overheard the prophecy, if he hadn't, Lily would still be alive and well. Memories came rushing to his mind: Lily and him as children playing all day long on the playground during the summer holidays. Lily staying with him and comforting him when he'd avoid going home because he was sick of his parents' fighting and of his abusive father. And lastly, Lily trying to protect him whenever the Marauders bullied him. He found himself thinking that even back then, everything had been his fault. Their friendship had ended because of one foolish thing he had said without meaning it, and she hadn't forgiven him, no matter how hard he had tried. Knowing that Lily had died without forgiving him was shattering his already broken heart. He had dreams that, one day, she would forgive him and they could start anew. This dream was his ray of sunshine during a thunderstorm, but now the sky was all dark and foggy, and he was completely blinded.

That night, Severus lost his best friend; but he also lost his hope. He didn't know who he was anymore. A Death Eater? A spy? A grieving friend? Or was he simply a lost and lonely boy who had nowhere to go and no one to comfort him? He allowed another tear to roll down his cheek before he let go of Lily's body and stood up silently, finally meeting little Harry's eyes. He froze. Lily's eyes. But those eyes lacked their usual cheerfulness; they wore the frightened look of a child who didn't understand why his mother was lying so still, and they brimmed with tears. The toddler let out another wail. And at that moment, Severus Snape knew that no matter what, he would protect this child, the only thing that was left from the person he loved the most.