Like I said, this was inspired by a Tumblr post :) For the first few chapters, it'll be almost identical to the movie. However, after Chandler's death, it'll separate from the script quite largely. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading!

Warnings: There's going to be a lot of swearing and other not-so-nice stuff (Homophobia, racism, self harm, suicide, abuse in relationships, little to no sexual content...Typical Heathers terribleness). I'll change it to M if it gets too bad.

Disclaimer: Brands, music, and other things like that featured in this fanfiction don't belong to me.


Sherwood, Ohio.

My dad blabbered away again about a building he blew to pieces, before mentioning that we were moving away. Of course, I was happy to leave Albany, it wasn't that memorable. I assumed Sherwood would be the same. The town seemed like another bump in a road - three pointless months and back to moving.

The first few days? They seemed to correlate with my theory. I picked out the popular crowd pretty quickly, a bunch of assholes who would rather play third base all day then do something productive with their lives. I've noticed that everyone seemed to be based around a clique, each member called Heather.

And the trio - or rather the quartet of Heathers paraded around, talking aimlessly to the other popular shitheads. All I got from it was that the fourth addition, surprisingly enough, was named Veronica.

The non-Heather, and who I assumed to be Chandler, asked everyone from joanies to jocks and wrote down their answers. Very productive. And Veronica? She listened lightly, dwelling more on the fact that I was staring her down.

"I was a bit surprised when she walked right over.

"She was hugging a clipboard to her chest, smiling faintly. "Hello, Jason Dean."

"Greetings and salutations," I began, my voice a little bit more airless than I expected. She didn't look too stereotypical, but I wasn't faithful on my assumption. I continued, jaded, "Are you a Heather?"

"She seemed more interested than I did. "No," she answered. "I'm a Veronica - Sawyer."

"I nodded, eyeing her up. She shifted, her gaze still seeping in mine. "This may seem like a really stupid question."

"There are no stupid questions."

"Veronica smirked wider this time, chuckling silently. "You inherit five million dollars the same say aliens land on the earth and say they're gonna blow it up in two days. What do you do?"

I broke the eye contact for a second, glancing down at the floor. "That's," I continued fluttering my gaze everywhere but her perplexing demeanor, "The stupidest question I've ever heard."

"I paused, taking into consideration that I could throw in a half-assed answer, and pull it off as sarcastic or cynical. However, this girl could be different. Might as well try to be interested.

"Ah, I don't know. Probably row out to the middle of a lake somewhere, bring along a bottle of tequila, my sax, and some bac'."

"How very."

I found myself grinning, before Chandler swept in. She stood next to Veronica, nudging. "Come on, Veronica."

"Later," she sighed, her dark brown eyes lingering on my face. She smiled disjointedly, needing Chandler to drag her away.

Definitely not a Heather.

I looked at the wall, regaining my apathetic composure. It seemed useful as two jocks trudged over, one of them sticking their hands in my bowl of god knows what, or to some, a lunch.

"You gonna eat this?" he sneered, trying to replicate Veronica's haunting stare. He failed.

"What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?" the other added.

I raised a brow, silent. What were these idiots trying to accomplish? In what world would that lame ass attempt at an insult scare anybody?

"The first one leaned closer. "Answer him, dick."

"Hey, Ram," the other glanced at the now named senior, "Doesn't this cafeteria have a 'no fags allowed' rule?'"

"Well they," I began, with a scornful tone, "Seem to have an open-door policy for assholes, though, don't they?"

;"They shared a futile mental exchange, before glaring at me. "What'd you say, dickhead?" the unnamed jock snarled.

"Ah, I'll repeat myself." I sighed nonchalantly, standing up. I swiftly pulled out a gun and shot two blanks.

"Assholes.

Thanks for reading! If you'd like, I really appreciate reviews, follows and favorites! C: Have a wonderful night!