Author's Note: You all are incredible. You've gotten a long lost fanfiction writer quite solidly out of retirement. After the amount of fun I had with Faith, I couldn't possibly stop there. Please enjoy my newest creation, All My Loving. Unlike Faith, this is a Harry/Hermione/Ron romance. Disclaimer is that I naturally do not own any of Harry Potter.
All My Loving
Chapter One
[[This chapter is designed to be a series of flashbacks, hence why they are all in italics. You should be able to glean from context where in the books/movies I am expounding these from.]]
Harry was not used to holding and comforting crying women… it was not something he was precisely good at… Yet there he was, his arms wrapped around his best friend as she sobbed into his shoulder while they sat on the stairs in the Astronomy Tower.
When it came to Hermione, Harry normally sided with Ron, but this time, he had to play Switzerland. On the one hand, Harry knew Ron couldn't deny the ridiculous hormones that had surely erupted when Lavender threw herself on him… but on another hand… Hermione was upset… she clearly fancied Ron…
Hermione sniffled and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve, looking up at Harry.
"Harry… Oh Harry… what would I ever do without you?"
Harry smiled. "You'd be fine, but I think I'd be dead by now without you."
Hermione smiled back in spite of her tears. "You're stronger than you think, Harry."
Harry was silent for a moment. "I don't know about that."
"You are," she insisted. "Most people couldn't make it through what you have even in their wildest dreams."
"Or nightmares," Harry added quietly, looking away. Hermione wiped away a final tear and touched a hand to Harry's shoulder.
"Harry…"
He looked over at her.
"I… I know it's hard. I know. I've been there… been here… with you… through everything."
"Yeah," he stated. "I know. It means more than I can say."
Their gazes locked.
"I'm never going to leave you, Harry," Hermione whispered. Harry swore she was getting closer to him.
"I know…" he whispered back. Was he getting closer to her? Was that just his imagination?
"Harry…"
"Hermione…"
He watched her eyes flutter closed and his followed suit as their lips touched hesitantly. It began sweetly, tenderly… innocently… he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer, while his other hand rested on her thigh. She leaned into him, draping her arms over his shoulders and playing with his hair. Experimenting, he deepened the kiss, playing at her lips with his tongue until she brought her own to join his. Their tongues danced together, slowly at first, but eventually faster and more desperate. Soon Harry was sitting with his back against the wall and Hermione in his lap. They were kissing fiercely, desperately, like tomorrow didn't exist and yesterday didn't matter.
It felt like it had been hours, ages, forever, when they finally broke apart, panting. Brown stared into green before either of them could manage words.
"Wow…"
"That was…"
Neither of them could finish. Hermione became aware that she was in Harry's lap and deftly slid off of his legs and onto the stairs beside him.
"Maybe…"
"I think…"
Hermione sighed deeply and Harry leaned over to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She sank her weight into him.
"Harry…"
"Hermione?"
"What was that…"
Harry smiled, though she couldn't see his face as her head was leaning on his chest and her gaze was staring at the wall across from them.
"I believe that's what's called a kiss."
He couldn't see her, but she smiled at the obvious and simple answer.
"It was a very good kiss."
"Was it?" he asked. She nodded into his chest.
They shared a silence before Harry dared to voice what was on his mind.
"Makes you a bit of a hypocrite, you know…" he said softly. Hermione sighed, knowing he was referring to her blatant affection for Ron. She sat up and looked at Harry.
"I know, I'm sorry, I just…" she trailed off.
"Wanted it?" Harry asked quietly.
He took her silence as admission.
"Me too," he whispered, looking down. Hermione bit her lip, then put her arms around Harry's neck and drew him close to her.
"We don't have to tell anyone," she whispered in his ear. "It'll be our secret."
"Right…" Harry whispered back, putting his arms around her waist to return the hug. She sniffled one last time and buried her head in Harry's shoulder a moment before kissing him on the cheek and slowly standing.
"It's late. We should get back to the common room…" she said quietly. Harry nodded.
"I'll be along. You go."
Hermione was almost relieved at this. She knew they both wanted to be alone with their thoughts.
"Don't wait too long," she warned, and quietly walked out of the Astronomy Tower. Harry stared after her, then buried his face in his hands.
What had he done?
Harry stirred awake and shivered. The covers had fallen off while he slept and the biting winter air was seeping into the tent. Instinctively he looked around the room for Ron before remembering that he had been gone for nearly a week, now.
He shivered again and remembered Hermione sitting outside, watching. Keeping guard.
Guarding from what?
He sighed and sat up, rolling his shoulders. They were totally alone, just he and Hermione, yet they were unable to spend any quality time together. One always had to be outside. Watching. Guarding.
Harry knew it was a necessary evil. He knew that it never hurt to be safe, to be extra careful, just in case someone broke through the charms. But they'd been lucky so far, hadn't they?
Harry had been alone all his life. The one person who knew him best, the one woman he'd always been closest to, was sitting just outside the tent. She wasn't used to being alone.
Despite Harry's familiarity with loneliness, he couldn't deny his need for company just then. To hold someone, to know someone was close.
Making up his mind, Harry stood from the cot and slowly made his way outside to Hermione. As soon as he stepped outside the tent and felt the steely cold air he immediately wished for the semi-warmth of the tent again.
Hermione was sitting with her knees held close to her chest.
She was shivering.
Harry knelt behind her and slowly began rubbing her shoulders. She jumped a little at the touch but relaxed when she realized it was Harry.
"Harry… you need to sleep… go back inside…"
"Only if you come with me," he whispered. Hermione shook her head.
"No. One of us always needs to be watching. Just in case."
Harry sighed.
"I miss you, Hermione."
Hermione turned her head to look at him.
"I'm right here, Harry."
"You're right here, but… we're never together. I miss being together. I miss Hogwarts. I miss sitting together in the Great Hall. I miss having late night talks with you in the common room. Hell, I even miss the crazy adventures – they seem like trivial playthings compared to this."
Hermione was silent but kept his gaze.
"I miss you," he said again.
She sighed.
"I miss you, too."
He gave her a small smile. "Won't you come inside with me? Just for a little while. You can even conjure up one of those portable fires of yours…"
She smiled.
"My logic says no but my heart says yes."
"It's no fair to your heart to always cater to logic."
He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. They felt like ice. She shivered again.
"You're cold. At least come inside with me to get warm."
She bit her lip. The offer was clearly tempting.
"Hermione…"
"Fine," she said finally. "But only for a little while."
Harry smiled and helped her to her feet, then led her by the hand back into the tent. She visibly relaxed when she was back in the warmth.
"So, about that fire?" Harry asked. Hermione smiled and conjured up a fire that would have looked very at home in a fireplace, except it was hovering in the middle of the tent about six inches off the floor.
"How's that?"
"Perfect," he replied. He sat down in front of the fire and patted the floor next to him. Hermione followed suit and joined him. She habitually leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her. They let the silence speak for them for a while, watching the flames and enjoying the feeling of each other being so close.
"Harry…" Hermione said softly. Harry looked down at her and she met his gaze.
"Yes, Hermione?"
"I'm scared…" she whispered. Harry was shocked. It was the first time he could ever remember Hermione admitting being frightened over anything, besides perhaps final exams…
"Me too…" he whispered back.
When neither of them looked away Harry was distinctly reminded of that day last year… of their stolen, passionate kiss in the Astronomy Tower… they'd never spoken of it but neither of them had forgotten. It would have been impossible to forget, Harry realized. He couldn't honestly say that he could look at her lips and not remember the time that they had been pressed desperately against his as she clung to him like he was her last string of life…
They had both felt hopelessly alone, then, and clutched to the only thing close that could give them comfort.
How much more alone, desolate, and deserted were they now?
No one would see, no one would know…
"Harry…" she said again. Her voice was so soft and delicate.
"Yes, Hermione?" he replied.
"I need you…"
Harry said nothing as he looked down into her eyes. They were deep, needy, desperate…
"Hermione, I…" he dared not continue for fear of what might come out of his mouth.
"You're all I have left," she said, and he saw her eyes glaze over with tears. "My parents are lost to me, our friends are all in danger, Ron has left…"
Harry hurt with her, felt her pain, saw her hopelessness…
"Harry… you're all I have… I don't want to die alone…"
As she said it, Harry felt his stomach disappear.
Cedric had died alone.
Sirius had died alone.
Dumbledore had died alone.
Mad-Eye had died alone.
He'd be damned if he was going to let his closest friend die alone.
And so, he did the only thing he could think of to do… the one thing that felt right… the one thing that would momentarily heal them both, that would make them forget their worries, trials, troubles, and fears…
He kissed her.
He was almost surprised when she readily responded, kissing him back slowly and tenderly. His tongue dipped lazily to meet hers as he gently laid her backwards onto the floor. The fire crackled warmly beside them as they kissed more passionately, Harry clutching at Hermione's hair while she ran her hands down his back, sides and chest. As they kissed, Hermione unzipped his sweatshirt and helped him shrug it off. He momentarily broke the kiss and helped her out of her own jacket – they were inside by the fire now, she didn't need it anymore… The two articles of clothing were tossed to the side, but before Harry could resume kissing Hermione, she had leaned up and placed her lips on his neck.
Harry groaned as her lips massaged his skin and he felt his jeans tighten. It had been so long since he'd felt sensations like that… so long since the days he and Ginny had spent stealing kisses in the castle…
He almost felt guilty when he roughly pushed the memory of Ginny out of his mind to focus on Hermione… who was now tugging at the hem of his shirt. It soon joined their jackets and he moaned as she began kissing her way down his chest.
"Hermione… what…"
"Shh…" she whispered, and she kissed him again, letting her fingers trace delicately along his chest and abs. He shivered at her touch despite the warmth of the fire.
"I want this…" she said quietly. "I want you. I need you, tonight." He looked down at her chocolate eyes and saw pure need. Desire.
Fuck it. Hadn't be been the one to think that they were totally alone, that no one would know?
"I want you, too…" he whispered, and bent down to kiss and nibble at her neck. She moaned quietly and he pulled away to help her lift her shirt over her head. It joined his and she was left in a baby blue bra, jeans, and…
"Shoes…" she gigged nervously, and kicked hers off. Harry smiled and did the same before capturing her lips in another kiss, letting his torso rub against hers and loving the feeling of skin on skin.
Despite her actions so far he was still slightly surprised when he felt her fingers fumbling with his belt. He helped her out a little and managed to get his jeans to his ankles, where he kicked them off on top of their shoes. Following her lead, he unfastened her jeans and slowly slid them down her legs to reveal a pair of blue panties that matched her bra.
Harry suddenly became very aware that he and his best friend were totally alone, by a warm and cozy fire, and clothed only in undergarments.
"Hermione…" he said, his voice hoarse and uncertain.
"Harry," she whispered. "Don't think… just do… just feel…"
And feel, he did, when he realized she was gripping his erection through his boxers and slowly stroking it. He moaned in response and leaned down and sucked on her neck, earning a responsive moan from her. He gently coaxed her back a few inches off the ground and reached behind her to unclasp her bra. He fumbled with it for a few moments before achieving success and when she felt it loosen she lowered herself to the floor again and looked up at him expectantly.
"It's okay, Harry…"
Harry sighed with desire and realized that they were about to cross a line. Neither of them had seen the other so exposed and vulnerable as this… He took hold of her bra straps and slowly, steadily, pulled it down her arms until she was free of it. He laid it on the growing pile of their clothes and looked down at her exposed chest.
For the first time she looked nervous. She bit her lip and wiggled a bit under his gaze. Her hair was splayed out behind her head, her chest raised up and down with her heavy breaths, and her eyes danced in the firelight.
"Hermione… you're so beautiful…" he murmured. She smiled.
"And you're so handsome," she replied softly. He met her eyes briefly before returning his gaze to her chest and carefully taking her breasts in his hands. Her eyes slowly closed as he fondled and massaged. He felt her nipples hard in his palms and felt himself get harder at the sensation. Slowly, he leaned down and replaced his right hand with his mouth. She gasped and opened her eyes and he glanced up and met them before she closed them again as he licked and sucked her nipple. After a few moments he felt her pulling at his boxers and he lifted himself a little and helped her slide them off of his legs. He kicked them on top of his jeans and then he realized that he was completely naked. When he looked up to meet Hermione's eyes he realized that she was grasping this fact, as well, because her eyes were focused between his legs.
Harry smiled nervously and leaned down to kiss her. She responded easily and as she was returning the kiss, he slid her panties off her waist and she helped them the rest of the way to her toes, where she kicked them off. Not breaking the kiss, Harry gently used his right hand to caress her thigh before sneaking his hand slowly between her legs. He dipped a finger into her crevice and she moaned into the kiss, gasping and pulling him closer to her. He played for a little, rubbing and teasing, before slowly sliding one finger inside her. She moaned into his mouth at the feeling and Harry continued in slow movements. She was warm, wet, and tight… if she felt that good around his finger, he couldn't imagine how wonderful…
"Take me, Harry…" she whispered, breaking the kiss. Harry gazed down at her, uncertain.
"Are you sure?" he asked, slowly removing his hand from between her legs and running it along her hair.
"Yes, I… I'm sure…" she panted. Harry bit his lip and stared into her eyes.
"Have you ever… done this… before?" he asked softly.
She took a small breath. "No…"
Harry swallowed.
"Neither have I…"
"First time for everything…" she whispered, and leaned up and touched her lips to his. He swirled his tongue with hers and broke the kiss to look down at her again.
"You're absolutely sure…"
"Only if you are," she replied.
Harry decided that he'd be deluding himself if he tried to convince himself that he was naked, on top of a beautiful naked woman, and didn't want to have sex with her…
"Yes…" he said, and kissed her again. He felt one of her hands on his erection and realized she was guiding him to her entrance. Once he was there he felt it… he had gone into her ever so slightly. She bit her lip and looked up at him.
"Please go slowly… it will hurt me…"
Harry's eyes immediately flooded with concern.
"I don't want to hurt you…" he said.
"It will only be a little, and only at first," she assured him quietly. "You'll know."
Harry bit his lip, then leaned down and kissed her deeply while he pushed himself into her. Centimeter by centimeter, he felt her warmth surrounding him and he realized there was no better feeling in the world…
Until, at the same time, he heard her wince and felt a slight resistance against the tip of his erection… a barrier…
She broke the kiss.
"Don't stop, Harry, please… you can't stop, you have to keep going…"
Harry didn't know what to do.
"I… Hermione, I don't…"
"Please, Harry, please…" she cried softly. Harry felt torn but knew that he had to keep going, despite how much it hurt her.
"Hermione…" he whispered, and leaned down and captured her lips in a deep and passionate kiss as he thrust further into her and felt the barrier break. Hermione let out a small yelp but he did not release her lips, just kept kissing her to distract her until he was all the way inside her. Once they were fully joined he broke the kiss and hovered a few inches above her, both of them panting.
"Are you all right?" he asked softly. She nodded. "Do you want to keep going?" he asked hesitantly. She paused, then nodded again.
"It will get better," she promised him. He took a deep breath and kissed her neck as he slowly pulled almost all the way out of her and then just as slowly thrust back in again. He couldn't help it, he moaned at the sensation. It felt so wonderful, so amazing… He almost didn't realize that she had moaned, too.
"Good?" he asked, worried.
"Yes… very good…" she said softly. "Keep going…"
He lifted his mouth away from her neck and hovered above her again, this time locking his gaze with hers as he pulled out and thrust in again. He couldn't get over how amazing she felt…
"You can go faster, Harry…" she said quietly. Harry bit his lip again and pulled out and thrust in a bit faster than before.
"Keep going, don't stop…" she said, and he heard her breath catch as he thrust in again. Watching her face the whole time, he dared to get steadier and faster, waiting for any sign that she was in pain or that he should stop…
Instead, her eyes closed in pleasure and her breathing was coming in steady gasps.
Once Harry was sure that he wouldn't hurt her again he allowed himself to get lost in the feelings and the pleasure. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before…
"Harry… Harry… Mmmm…" she moaned, and Harry couldn't believe how something so simple could turn him on so much. As he sped up, his breathing came in shallow gasps and his own moans of pleasure soon mingled with Hermione's.
"Ohhh, God… Hermione… Oh, Hermione…"
Suddenly he became aware that an orgasm was building inside him. He only had to go a little more, a little faster, a little harder… Hermione's moans got louder as he sped up even more and he knew as he looked down at her face, her eyes closed and her lips parted in ecstasy, that surely there was no better feeling in the world than this…
"Hermione… Oh my God, Hermione… oh fuck yes…" he said as he felt himself come. Hermione's hands tangled in his hair and pulled him into a kiss as he spilled inside of her, shaking and shuddering from the pleasure. When he was spent he lifted himself up, supporting his weight with his hands on either side of her head as he gazed down at her.
"That was… unbelievable…" he said, panting.
"I agree," she replied, also breathing heavily. He smiled and leaned down to place a tender kiss on her lips as he pulled out of her.
"Ugh…" she said, and closed her eyes, her face contorting in disgust.
"What?" asked Harry.
"Little Harrys are spilling out of me…" she groaned. Harry fought a laugh as he realized she meant that the force of gravity was acting on the semen he had spilled inside her… it was slowly dripping out of her entrance and onto the floor.
"Here, I'll get you a rag…" he said, and stood up, grabbing his boxers and putting them on as he walked to the kitchen. He located a small cloth and soaked it in warm water before walking back over to Hermione, still lying in the same spot on the floor by the fire. Her eyes were closed.
"This should help," he said quietly, and she opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him, seeing the cloth in his hand.
"Thank you, Harry," she replied. Harry, wanting to give her at least a sense of privacy, grabbed his jeans and walked over to his cot to put them back on.
Had he really just lost his virginity to his best friend?
Even worse… had he really just taken his best friend's virginity?
Yes, he had… and he guiltily admitted to himself that he'd loved every second of it… besides the part where he hurt her…
Had she loved it just as much? Or would she hate him forever?
"Harry…" he heard her call softly. He turned around to see her standing. She'd put back on her jeans and her bra.
"Hermione?"
She slowly walked over to him and slipped her arms around his waist, letting her head rest on his chest. He placed his arms around her shoulders and pulled her tightly to him.
"Thank you…" she whispered.
"For what?" he asked.
"Everything."
AN: I know there's not a lot to review since these are flashbacks, but reviews are appreciated anyway. Chapter two will pick up when Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all 21. It will be up shortly, I promise. :)
