Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of its characters. This chapter is named after a song by the Backstreet Boys (don't judge) and the story is named after a song by The Early November.
Chapter One: Get Another Boyfriend
"You're not over Julia."
I wasn't hurt, or at least I tried not to be. I couldn't say I understood, but I knew from the minute I found out about his dead ex-girlfriend that it would take more than a year to recover.
Eli's mouth was open slightly, and he had one hand tangled in his jet-black hair. "Of course not. Clare, I like you. But I can't erase everything Julia and I had. It hurts too much right now." He had extended an arm toward me, but he let it drift slowly back to his side.
"I know. I know all that, I've known it all for a while, and I should've thought about this before we got too close, but..." I trailed off, feeling tears form behind my eyes.
His emotions visibly changed from pleading to denial as he realized what I was doing. "You can't break up with me, Clare." His hands clamped down on my shoulders violently, and although it didn't hurt, the desperation in his eyes scared me.
"It's not forever. I do want to be with you, Eli. But I can't, not until I'm sure you're ready." I pressed my lips lightly to his cheek and lifted my bag from his bed, resting it on my shoulder. "Goodbye." I could feel him watching me, but I didn't dare look back and risk him seeing the tears that had now spilled over.
-!-!-!-!-
"Hey, Little Edwards!" Peter threw the rag he'd been using over his shoulder and walked over to the table where I sat alone. "Can I get you anything?"
"Uh, just a Coke, thanks." I was too deep in thought to even look at Peter, let alone eat. I brushed a cinnamon curl from my eyes and chewed absentmindedly on my bottom lip.
"Are you okay?" He sank into the seat across from me, a worried look flashing on his face. Even after he and Darcy broke up, Peter had maintained a brotherly protectiveness over me. Sometimes it was a little weird – we were never really close – but it was sweet, and with Darcy in Kenya, it was nice to have someone older to look to for advice.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, plastering a smile on my face and forcing myself to make eye contact, "Why?" I looked down as he shot me a skeptical look.
"You just look... distracted." He studied me for a minute, and I cringed, knowing I was obviously avoiding his gaze. "Clare, you know you can talk to me, right?" I nodded, but stayed silent, my eyes never leaving the table. "Is this about your parents? Before she left, Darce said they uh... fought. A lot."
"It's not about my parents." Of course, the mentioning of my parents only made me feel worse, and giving up on the act, I placed my head on the table.
"So there is something wrong." I lifted my head reluctantly and nodded, still refusing to look at him.
"Yes. I... I broke up with my boyfriend. I'm just not sure it was the greatest idea." He seemed surprised – Eli and I had come to The Dot several times, always looking like a happy couple, I'm sure.
"You two broke up? Wow. Uh." He was at a loss for words, and there was a small silence as he thought about this. "If you're this unsure... why didn't you try to... I don't know, talk about the problem with him?" Peter was obviously uncomfortable with giving guy advice, but at least he was trying.
"I've tried. It's just a... touchy subject." I busied myself with watching the last customer leave, then turned back. "I mean, I want to be with him, but I don't know if he's... fully committed to me."
"He seemed pretty committed whenever I saw you two together... But I guess I don't really know what's going on." We heard the bell ringing as Holly J and Chantay walked in, and Peter gave me an apologetic look.
"Go. Thank you for talking to me, Peter, I really appreciate it." I faked another smile as I got up to leave.
-!-!-!-!-
"We have to lay down the law, Helen! This report card is unacceptable!" I quietly inched my way up to my room, leaving the door cracked so I could eavesdrop easily.
"She's been under a lot of stress! You can't expect her to do her best when her father is constantly sneaking off to sleep with his assistant!" I felt shock ripple through me at her last words. So that was why they were fighting. My dad was a whore.
"What I do with my spare time has nothing to do with her grades! Clare is the only thing keeping us together, and if she isn't going to be the best she can be, she isn't worth it!" His words were punctuated with the creaking and slamming of a door. I sat stiffly on the edge of my bed, speechless, for a moment before the sobs broke free.
I'm not worth it, Dad? I'll show you exactly how worthless I can be.
-!-!-!-!-
"Eli, it's been one day. I haven't even had time to think, and you certainly haven't either." I kept walking, ignoring him as he jogged to follow my long strides. I finally escaped into the girls' bathroom, catching a glimpse of his defeated look as I locked myself in a stall.
What I really needed was a way to prove to Eli that it was over, that I had moved on (for now at least) and he should too. But I was so innocent – hooking up with a random guy wouldn't work. Obviously, words wouldn't work. But as I walked out, knocking into someone, I realized exactly what would work.
"Oh, sorry, K.C." I kept my eyes locked on his as we both leaned down to pick up our things, looking up at him through my eyelashes as we stood up. "Are you okay?" I twirled a piece of hair around my finger, giving him an overly concerned glance.
"Um, yeah, I'm fine," he replied, shaking his head a little as I slowly ran my tongue along my bottom lip. "Uh, so, how are things? You still with emo boy?"
"He has a name." I realized quickly that I was being my normal self, and quickly remedied that, switching back to a flirty singsong voice. "But we broke up a few days ago. It just... wasn't working out. And how are you and Jenna?" I asked innocently, lightly running my fingers down his arm and smiling as he suppressed a shiver.
"I dumped her. A while ago, actually." I furrowed my brow, and inside I was wondering how he could possible be falling for this.
"Oh. Well then, do you maybe wanna... catch up?" I fluttered my eyelashes just a tiny bit, nibbling on my lip. "After school or something?"
"Yeah, sure, uh...The Dot?" I nodded, and we both smiled and turned to walk in separate directions to our next class.
Okay, I had to break up Eli and Clare. I'm getting so sick of them. And I miss Peter, so I wanted him in there. And I was watching the episode where KC asks Clare to go to the dance with them and realized they're ADORABLE together, so that was included.
