A/N: Whoo! It has been forever since I've posted anything, close to nine months, to be exact. This is something I've been working on on-and-off for quite a while now. I don't even remember where or how I got the idea, but here it is, my second HP fic!
Severus stalked through the dark and empty corridors, on the lookout for any rule-breakers or miscreants. Even if the possibility of actually catching one at this time was quite slim, as it was already two in the morning. Severus couldn't sleep and hadn't been able to focus enough to brew, so he defaulted to taking a walk.
He heard it before he saw it.
Clink Clink Clink
He didn't break his stride as the noise got closer. He only glanced down to the floor as his occasional night-time companion joined him.
The light cast from the tip of his wand gleamed off its sleek black coat. Severus didn't know if it was someone's familiar or just a stray that took refuge within the castle walls from time-to-time, all he knew was that it liked to accompany him if it was nearby when he walked past.
Clink Clink Clink
It was a jet black cat with the most brilliant blue eyes he has ever seen. Its body could easily blend into the shadows but its eyes seemed to glow in the dark and watch your every move.
Clink Clink Clink
It had a thin black leather collar that was camouflaged in its shiny black coat, with a goblin-made silver bell attached to it. The bell had the lightest and most delicate of chimes, reminiscent of a wind chime. It gave off a calming sound as the cat walked next to him and sometimes ahead of him. And it was that, that he had named it after.
Ridiculous as it was to give his own name to someone else's cat, he had gotten tired of referring to it as "the cat" in his mind. Granted, he's never said the name aloud, he still used it in the privacy of his own head.
It was about half an hour later that the two silent companions encountered another living being. "Mraow," came the familiar grating sound of Mrs. Norris coming in their direction along with a hiss. Bell reared up on its two hind legs as Mrs. Norris did the same, returning a very high pitched hiss.
It seems like they've met before and it hadn't ended well. Because in the next moment, the two cats charged and started swiping at the other with their claws out.
Filch came running to Mrs. Norris's rescue when it became clear that she was losing the fight. He picked Bell up by the scruff of its neck and tossed it away from his precious familiar, who'd gotten a deep scratch on her underside in the scuffle.
Severus glared at the grumbling caretaker who walked away, cuddling his beloved to his chest, mumbling choice words under his breath. Severus looked to the direction Bell had been tossed in and found it licking a scratch it had gotten on its paw.
With a sigh and an uncharacteristic show of concern, he scooped Bell up to examine the scratch. It gave a surprised meow. Cradling Bell to his chest, he saw that the scratch wasn't too deep, not nearly as deep as the scratch it had given Mrs. Norris, and with a wave of his wand, it was gone.
Curious, as Bell has been joining him on his walks for two years now, going on three, he lifted it up and finally found out its gender. Bell was a girl. Who apparently got embarrassed easily. Because, as soon as she realized what he was doing, she started hissing and tried swiping at his face with her claws. Her cat fight with Mrs. Norris should've given it away but he had to make sure because, really, Mrs. Norris didn't like anyone.
He let Bell down when she managed to catch her claws on a lock of his hair and yanked on it. "Ungrateful," he called after her with no heat in his voice as Bell raced a few paces ahead of him to lick her wounds in peace.
She finished cleaning her newly healed paw and paused in cleaning the rest of herself when he caught up to her. She fell in step with him and followed him for maybe a half hour more before dashing off and leaving him alone. Severus rounded back to his chambers.
"What happened to your hand?"
Hermione looked up from her breakfast. "Hm?"
"Your hand, it looks like you were scratched by something," Ginny elaborated.
"Oh, this?" She looked down at the three pale pink lines that ran diagonally across the back of her hand. "Crookshanks was not too happy with me when I told him I was going to give him a bath when I got off class. He got fleas from somewhere and they've started biting me, too."
Ginny gave her a sympathetic look before her attention was redirected back to Dean.
It was Hermione's turn to be giving a sympathetic look when she caught Harry across from her looking longingly at the redhead next to her. Then she looked to Harry's right and her sympathetic look turned into one of disgust as she witnessed gag-worthy PDA from the world's most lovesick couple.
Her roommate Lavender was currently spoon-feeding her other best friend, while Ron was stuffing his mouth as fast as he could, as usual. He just occasionally stopped to take a bite of whatever Lavender was offering him on her fork or spoon or, even once, her hand. He'd almost bitten her finger off when she offered him a bite of her morning blueberry muffin. She'd learned quickly to keep all appendages a safe distance away from his mouth while he was eating and resorted to using only her utensils.
Hermione couldn't help but throw up a bit in her mouth. When she turned away to see Harry giving her a sympathetic look, she grimaced and looked away from him, too. She looked down at her hand and made a note to herself to put some murtlap essence on it as soon as she could.
Severus was taking another walk through the castle again. It's been over a month since he's last seen Bell, but that was nothing unusual.
Cats in general were transient creatures that came and went as they pleased. And it wasn't like Bell was his familiar or something, so there was no real reason for her to be constantly accompanying him. But if Severus was willing to admit it to himself, he actually did enjoy her company. Just having a quiet companion who didn't pass constant judgment on you was comforting. Especially this year, it was something he looked forward to.
He appreciated her company the past two years, but this year, when he's had responsibility after horrid responsibility piled onto him, one after another, he actively looked forward to it. What with the forced promise to Albus to complete Draco's task when he undoubtedly failed, the even more dangerous unbreakable vow he'd also been forced to make with Narcissa due to the unfortunate presence of Bellatrix, and the task set upon him to re-educate all the students in Defense Against the Dark Arts in his finite time as their professor in the subject. One, because they lacked proper, consistent teaching in the subject and, two, because there was a war coming right their way and they sorely needed all the help they could get. It didn't help that the little shits barely respected him and his methods in the first place.
So much stress has been heaped on him, dancing between two insane slave drivers that Severus barely had any time to slow down and take a breath. His only reprieves were his nightly walks, sweetened only whenever Bell decided to join him.
Clink Clink Clink
Ah, speak of the devil.
She appeared by his feet, and to his surprise, she weaved through his legs in greeting. Maybe she wasn't so ungrateful for his help the last time he'd seen her. Fine, she was forgiven even though he actually hadn't even been mad at her in the first place.
He knew how to hold grudges, but he would never be able to hold one against Bell. It was more likely that he'd be the one to piss her off and stop her from coming back to him.
They continued on their walk in comfortable silent companionship.
Hermione groaned as she hid away from Cormac and his grabby hands and slobbering mouth.
A disgusted shiver ran down her back just thinking of what had happened under the wretched mistletoe not even a minute ago. She detached herself from him as quick as she could and had mumbled something about being thirsty before fleeing.
Not her brightest idea, inviting Cormac as her date to Slughorn's Christmas party to make Ron jealous. Another disgusted shiver ran down her back at the very thought. She doesn't know what'd been going through her mind when she made that huge lapse of judgment! On all fronts! Why did she choose Cormac to make Ron jealous? Why was she even trying to make Ron jealous? Why did she even care?
She was feeling major regret now and it was completely justified as she watched Cormac's movement like a hawk to make sure he stayed as far away from her as possible. After ascertaining that she had well and truly lost Cormac, her eyes scanned the guests of the party. Students and alumni from all houses were in attendance, even a vampire was here! And a real one, not the one that students claimed to be masquerading as their Potions professor and now their DADA professor as well.
Hermione's eyes found the dour professor easily. It wasn't too hard since he hadn't even tried dressing up for the party and his silhouette was easily recognizable to any and all students who fled on sight of even a glimpse of it.
She watched him for a while, until Ginny found her and pulled her back into the fray of the party, assuring her that Cormac was nowhere to be found after his vomiting episode that had earned him a month's detention with the very subject of Hermione's scrutiny. Said subject also disappeared, himself, after Malfoy claimed he was gatecrashing.
Hermione could already feel the headache forming from Harry's predictable exclamation that Malfoy was up to something and that this only proved it. She rolled her eyes and tried to enjoy the rest of the party.
Severus rubbed his temples in agony.
It has barely been over a week since everyone came back from the holidays and he was already cursing the world again.
Why was everyone around him such a dunderhead?!
Not only had he not been able to enjoy his break in peaceful solitude, he also hasn't been able to sleep more than a few hours a night. Since the Dark Lord's return, he hasn't been able to get a full night's sleep, or any sleep he has gotten, hasn't been the least bit restful, but since the end of the summer, it's gotten worse and worse. He was slowly progressing towards insomnia with all the stresses in his life right now.
Letting out an uncharacteristic groan of distress, he dug his fingers in deeper. He stiffened when he felt something pass through his wards. Ejecting his wand from the sheath on his arm, he waited quietly for the intruder to make its presence known.
No one was more surprised than him when Bell suddenly leaped onto his desk.
Clink Clink Clink
Dark black eyes stared bewildered into piercing blue ones until Bell looked away, already bored with looking at him, and sat down before starting to clean her paw. Severus blinked once, then twice, and finally just accepted it for what it was. Cats were already mysterious creatures on they're own, but Bell was on her own level.
The headache momentarily subsided and he was able to get back to grading the papers he had started earlier. Comfortable silence stretched between wizard and cat, who had now moved onto cleaning the rest of her body, not unlike the quiet companionship they shared striding down the corridors.
He didn't notice how long it was until his headache came back but he did notice Bell sauntering between his forearms resting on the table and right over the student's homework he'd been grading. She came up to him and started rubbing herself against his chest, neck, and the side of his face, all the while purring. It was as if she had detected the throbbing pain in his temple and was now using the healing powers of her purrs to chase it away again.
Severus let out a breathy sigh when it did just that. It wasn't long after Bell started purring against him that it seemed like the headache had completely disappeared, but she didn't stop, she just continued. Severus reached up with a hand and ran it up and down her smooth back gently. This was the most contact he's ever had with her in the two and a half years he's known her and it was safe to say he has been missing out.
After a while, Bell finally stopped and Severus wasn't ashamed to admit that he wanted her to never stop. She unashamedly swatted the forgotten quill out of his relaxed grip, splattering ink everywhere, and nudged at his jaw with the top of her head. Amused, he let her turn his head as she pleased and ended up staring at his open bedroom door. She was telling him to go to sleep.
Checking the time, he saw that it was almost three in the morning. He had started grading papers at ten. When Bell started nudging him again, this time against his shoulder, he gave an indulgent sigh and scooted his chair back and got up after he waved his wand to clean up the ink splatter, capping the inkwell extra tight for good measure.
She gave him an unamused look and he swore she was promising to knock it over completely whenever she could next time she saw him. Severus chuckled softly under his breath, the first inkling of genuine positive emotion he's felt in what seemed like forever. Bell tilted her head at the sound of his breathy, deep chuckles. Then she rubbed herself against his chest in approval, purring all the while.
When he finally made it to bed, after changing out of his robes and brushing his teeth, and after Bell had slipped away, back to wherever she always disappeared to, Severus felt like he was actually going to be able to sleep restfully tonight because of the soothing, lingering effects of Bell's purrs. And he was right.
He fell asleep before his head hit the pillow and woke up feeling refreshed.
Hermione couldn't help but stare at Snape's hands even though he didn't use them the same way he did for the last five years she's known him. Now, his long, calloused fingers were elegantly wrapped around his wand to demonstrate a spell just once, expecting students to figure it out on their own after that.
Hermione has always been fascinated by Snape's hands, watching how paradoxically rough and graceful they were when preparing potion ingredients or when brewing. Now, she may never see that sight ever again.
It'd always been so calming for her to watch him brew. A few times, she'd been so enraptured that she'd almost botched up her potion. Luckily, it never got to that point and she was free to continue admiring Snape's natural affinity with the art of potion making and not experiencing his foul temper and equally foul ire. Hermione's been on the receiving end of both multiple times in the past and it was not anything she rushed to experience again if she could help it.
Looking down at her own hands, she couldn't help but compare them to Snape's. Smaller, smoother though still a little rough from writing callouses, slimmer, ink-stained, nails partially bitten when she was stressed and didn't have any sugar quills on hand, thinner, less-lined.
Examining the ink stains, she tried recalling when and where she'd gotten each of them. The small ones ever present on her fingertips from just holding a quill now always went by unnoticed, a slightly larger stain on the side of her middle finger when she'd accidentally load the quill with too much ink and it'd leak out onto her middle finger the most.
Her eyebrows furrowed in thought when she tried to recall when she'd gotten a rather large stain on the top corner of her palm. She hasn't knocked over her inkwell in a good while. She sighed. Well, it fit right in with the rest of the stains so she didn't worry too much about it.
Severus was seething. Absolutely seething mad.
He paced angrily in his office, thinking about Dumbledore's nerve to dump all theses half-truths on him today, but yet still not trusting him with the full story. Severus has always known that Dumbledore loved keeping secrets and knowledge all to himself so that he can decide just how much information to give someone to make sure they continued coming back for more, but this was something else entirely.
What an arrogant, selfish, self-important old man!
Severus may regret giving the half-prophecy to the Dark Lord, but he regretted signing his life over to Dumbledore even more! Especially after today, after he found that all his hard work in keeping the Potter brat alive was all a waste when the brat was actually supposed to get himself killed by the Dark Lord.
ARGH! He let out a frustrated yell of anguish.
He has never felt so used and abused in whole life and that was counting his terrible childhood at home and at Hogwarts as a student.
He paced the length of the rug in front of his fireplace, sure to wear a hole into it. He bared his teeth at nothing in frustration. He couldn't even go out for a walk because any dunderhead he might encounter would only surely raise his temper. He felt the need to curse or hex at everything and anything that moved.
Clink Clink Clink
His wand shot out into his hand and a curse was cast before he even registered what had happened.
A loud, angry yowl met his ears and his eyes focused on Bell with her back arched, claws out, and fur standing angrily on end, ready to lunge at him. She bared her fangs at him and hissed warningly. The spot on the floor next to her was black and smoking still.
Severus narrowed his eyes at her. Who gave her permission to trespass into his quarters and invade his personal space? How dare she impose on his privacy like that? Did he not already have enough people trying to intrude on his life?!
He raised his wand again and sent one curse after another at the black feline who dodged each one agilely. She weaved between each curse and when she finally reached him, she swiped at his pant leg and clawed right through it, slashing deep red marks into his calf in fierce retaliation.
Severus hissed and kicked at her, narrowly missing her as she feinted back before lunging at his thigh and managed to sink her sharp claws deep into the muscle there, latching on tightly even as he used his other hand to take her by the scruff of her neck and shake her violently.
When she finally let go, he brought her up to his face and sneered darkly at her before bringing his wand up and pointing it straight at her. She narrowed her striking blue eyes and clawed at his face. Severus dropped her when pain erupted in his cheek and he shot curses after her as she dashed out of his quarters to escape his wrath.
Clink Clink Clink
Swearing under his breath, he brought his hand up to his face and his fingers came away bloody. He limped over to his bathroom to tend to his leg and his face. Today was definitely not a good day to be Severus Snape.
Ron let out what must've been the millionth frustrated sigh as he tried to work through the mountain of homework that had been assigned in DADA. "I swear, Snape's trying to suffocate us in all the parchment he's making us use for homework."
Harry grunted in agreement as he worked on his homework, too. Silence followed. Both Ron and Harry paused to blink in surprise when the usual admonishment from their female counterpart, for being so informal and disrespectful with how they addressed their professors, didn't come.
They shared a bewildered look and turned to look at Hermione to see her writing furiously in stiff silence. They instinctively shuffled away from her before whispering conspiratorially to each other.
"What happened?"
"Is she mad at Snape?"
"What for though?"
"Or is it just a girl thing?"
An immature disgusted shiver went through the both of them, making them miss the eyeroll Hermione gave as she saw it. Boys.
"Yeah, probably just that."
They froze when they caught the unimpressed look she sent them. "If you two are finished gossiping like old ladies...," she trailed off and looked pointedly at their half-done homework, glaring at them sharply when they sputtered in indignant embarrassment before scrambling back to work.
"She's scary when she's on the rag," Ron mumbled, not realizing the dangerous mistake he was making. He swore up and down that she had hissed at him like an angry cat, making him nearly jump out of his skin. He gathered his stuff and ran away up to the boys' dormitory as fast as he could, lest she tried clawing at him like one. Harry smartly followed after him without another word.
It was the middle of the day on a Saturday that Severus came across Bell for the first time ever during daylight hours. And she wasn't alone.
She was with Granger's beast of a familiar, that half-kneazle whose eyes always looked too smart for its own good. Bell was meowing to it sullenly, as if whining to it.
Severus had been so shocked to see her during the day that he came to a complete stop in his tracks and just stared at the two conversing felines. It didn't help that it's been just over a month since he's last seen Bell, which hadn't even been a pleasant visit to begin with. He winced at the memory of his misplaced anger and horrible attitude towards her.
Focusing his attention back on the two cats in front of him, he saw their piercing gazes on him. It was slightly unnerving.
Clink Clink Clink
Then, without acknowledging him any further, Bell turned away from him and walked right past him, the orange monster following her obediently while continuing to stare him down until they both turned the corner and disappeared.
Severus felt a pang in his chest before he viciously pushed it down and continued on his way briskly, his robes billowing out behind him.
"Am I crazy, Crookshanks?"
All she got back was a blank look before he started cleaning his paw. "I know, right!" Hermione continued as if her cat really could speak back to her. "It makes no sense! Why am I feeling this way? There must be something wrong with me."
The half-kneazle meowed blandly, which his witch interpreted as his tacit agreement to her self-inflicted slight. Dropping her hands onto her face, she rolled onto her side and curled up into a ball on her bed. Her curtains were drawn and a silencing charm had been put up to keep her from disturbing her slumbering dormmates.
It was close to three in the morning and she should be sleeping, too, but she just couldn't. There just seemed to be too much on her mind for it to shut off. She flopped back onto her back and stared up listlessly at the roof of her poster bed.
What was her dilemma? Her jumbled up and confused feelings.
If you asked her at the beginning of the year, or even just a few months ago, if she liked anyone, she would've somehow given away that she had feelings for one of her best friends. But now, after some introspection, she found and realized that those feelings toward Ron were fabricated so well in her head that the idea had tricked her heart. They made no sense once she stepped back and examined them completely and thoroughly.
Everyone around them expected her and Ron to get together at some point in their school career, so, she had bought into that and psyched herself out. All the emotional turmoil she felt as she watched Ron with Lavender had been staged by her own mind.
Now, it was the other way around. Her heart was going crazy while her mind was still trying to catch up. Because logically, there couldn't have been anything to have caused these feelings to develop. Sure, she respected the male-in-question, but that was it. His attitude towards her and all the others around her left much to be desired.
So why did her heartbeat trip over itself whenever she looked at him? Or even thought of him? There was definitely something wrong with her. Rolling over onto her other side, Hermione closed her eyes and finally forced herself to try and get some sleep.
Severus was cursing under his breath and chastising himself as he took his nightly walk through the darkened corridors of the castle.
He was so low in spirit and morale lately that he was finally able to admit to himself something very depressing, exponentially so, once you find out why it was so depressing.
He was lonely.
Not because he desired human contact or conversation, he got way too much of that, and not of the good kind either. No, he was lonely because he had pissed off and offended his one faithful quiet companion that he could've always counted on for some company every now and then.
And who was this companion? A cat. Not even his cat. But a cat that belonged to someone else or was just a stray.
If she was a stray, that would be better than if she really was someone else's familiar. If she was a stray, then there was a chance that he could possibly gain ownership over her. Well, as much ownership as a cat would allow a human to have over them, but at least some semblance of it.
His mood dropped even more when he thought of how Bell would never let him claim ownership over her now if she ended up being a stray, not after that act he had pulled on her. He wanted to kick himself over his own stupidity!
It was never in his nature to apologize for anything he did but for once in his life, he was aching to do just that. But how could he if he didn't even know where to find the recipient? Cursing under his breath even more, his steps quickened in his self-directed anger and beratement, his words only got more and more bitter, viciously dragging his mood down with it.
How sad was this? He was lonely because of his own fault. Before, he could say that he was lonely, or at least alone, because of personal choice, but now, when he finally realized the joy of having a quiet, agreeable companion, he chased them away by his own hand.
It repeated in a loop over and over in his mind.
His mood was even worse by the time he gave up wandering the halls to chance an encounter with his wronged companion and returned to his quarters. There would be no sleep for him tonight.
Hermione watched almost dispassionately as Snape tore into yet another unlucky student who just couldn't get the spell right as fast as Snape would've liked. She idly noted that his sour mood's been going on for what seemed like forever. But really, it had only started getting this bad about a week ago.
No one was safe from his elevated temper and even shorter fuse. Not even his precious Slytherins.
Just a few days ago, Pansy Parkinson got detention for passing notes in class. The number of times Snape has ever willing assigned detention to one of his snakes, and not forced by any of the other professors, could be counted on two hands for the past six years Hermione's had him as a professor.
Time seemed to had stopped then, his Slytherins had all lost their indifferent, arrogant masks to stare at their Head of House in wide-eyed shock. Even the Gryffindors couldn't get over their shock enough to remark upon the truly strange incident. Snape had only snapped at them, "What are you all staring at? Get back to work!"
Since then, everyone knew to walk on eggshells around the dour professor, scared to lose points and get detention for even breathing too loud.
Luckily, somehow, someway, Hermione has so far remained a bystander and observer of Snape's increased sour mood. She didn't know how, but she wasn't going to jinx it by questioning it. Unluckily, Harry was still his favorite target and it was getting more and more exhausting for Hermione and Ron to hold him back in class from doing something stupid enough to get him detention for the rest of his life and into his afterlife.
He already had Voldemort to worry about trying to kill him, death by detention with Snape didn't sound any better.
Even just now, Hermione and Ron had to physically hold Harry back from speaking out against Snape for the unjust treatment of his fellow Gryffindor. Neville, another one of Snape's favorite targets, similarly did not make it out of The Great Snape Aggression unscathed.
Hermione was just about ready to immobilize and silence Harry when the bell mercifully cut Neville's verbal beating short. The poor boy just about ran out of the classroom, leaving his stuff behind for one of his housemates to hopefully help him collect and return back to him.
Giving Snape's stiff back, as he stalked back to his office at the back of the room, one more look, Hermione shook her head in disappointment and gave a sigh of defeat before she turned away and left.
Severus wanted to destroy something.
A month of detention? That's all?! That's all that Potter brat got for slicing a fellow classmate open with an unknown dark spell?!
That was like Black and that prank – he spat out viciously sarcastic in his mind – all over again! Another reason why he will forever regret signing his life away to the man who never even appreciated it when he was truly the victim. With the Dark Lord, he knew what he was getting, he knew he was cruel, being the sole representative of all things dark and evil. Dumbledore was supposed to be the symbol of the light. But no, he was nothing but a cruel, cold man, who could rival the Dark Lord in his apathetic, heartless nature and his propensity to objectify everyone around him!
He let out a scream of frustration before getting back to the matter at hand.
Dumbledore has done it once again.
He has written off the life of someone as expendable so easily just because they had dark ties. If Severus hadn't been alerted multiple ways of Draco's draining life force, by way of Myrtle's screeching and the very painful unbreakable vow burning on his wrist, in time, Dumbledore would've been fine with Draco not surviving. He would've just been an unfortunate casualty of the war.
You can't save everyone, Severus, is what that infuriating old man would've said with his false, two-faced sympathy.
Severus couldn't take it anymore and let out a roar of anguished rage for both past wrongs and new ones, too. He just couldn't take it anymore!
With his cry of fury, it felt like his strength of will had left him, too.
He dropped down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. It was gone. He couldn't do it anymore. This was just too much for one person to handle. Everything was becoming too much. And the end wasn't even in sight yet. It was nowhere in sight.
Although he had very low expectations of coming out of this war alive, he couldn't deny that there was this minuscule part of him that wanted to live. It was human nature to fight to survive as long as you can. But right now, in this very moment, he was losing the will to keep fighting.
Why shouldn't he, when it was apparent that no one was making the smallest effort to keep him alive?
He was not expected to last long.
The Dark Lord, Bellatrix, Dumbledore, the Order, even the Golden Trio of Brats looked at him as if he was living on borrowed time.
So what was he to do?
Clink Clink Clink
He froze but didn't lift his face out of his hands. Did he hear that wrong?
Clink Clink Clink
It's been almost two months since he lost his privilege of being able to enjoy her company, seeing her that one time with Granger's familiar didn't count.
He had gone longer without seeing her before, but this time, her absence had been so painful because he didn't know if he'll ever see her again.
Clink Clink Clink
It was closer now. Then he heard that heavenly purring and felt something gently nudging at his side. He finally chanced it, still fearing that it was all just his imagination and he was hallucinating everything, and lowered his hands.
She was really there by his side, climbing into his lap and purring against his chest. He could only wrap his arms around her and hide his face in her fur instead.
If he was a man that cried easily, he'd be bawling right now. Bloody hell, even as a man who didn't cry easily, he was sobbing like a baby right now. There was just something about Bell and her presence and her purrs that gave him the ultimate sense of safety and comfort. She was telling him that it was okay to let everything go, as she rubbed her cheek against his chest, she knew how hard and how impossible it was for him to keep everything in.
It was barely coherent, but he apologized over and over for all that he did wrong by her. Once he got started, he couldn't stop. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please don't leave me. I need you. I'm so sorry."
His usually eloquent diction failed him as he repeated the same thing in a loop like a broken muggle tape recorder. He just couldn't stop.
Bell must've been getting tired of his tears-drunken rambling because she pushed against his arms.
At first, he refused to let her go and only tightened his hold around her, but after she did it again, he loosened his arms enough to give her space to leave him if she was already tired of him again.
To his honest surprise, because he wouldn't have blamed her if she really did want to leave, she only propped her front paws on his chest and stretched her neck up to give him a gentle lick on the underside of his jaw. She rose up on her hind legs, climbed her front paws to his shoulders, and slowly cleaned the tears off his face.
Severus didn't move as she did her work but he finally stopped crying, well, he'd been shocked out of it, really. He could only stare at her in awe as she rhythmically licked away his tears. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been cared for so tenderly. In fact, he was sure that he never had!
His mother, who was supposed to love and nurture him, never did. She had always been a hard woman awkward with affection. And Lily, who had been his first and only best friend, never saw him like this as he had always refused to show any sort of weakness to her. Neither woman ever showed him this much compassion even when he wasn't broken and torn down.
When Bell was done and deemed him clean enough, she pressed her mouth, her whiskers tickling his cheeks, against his in a parody of a lovers' kiss. He felt another surge of tears coming on but was able to hold them back this time, lest he wanted to look like a sissy and, not to mention, ruin all of Bell's hard work.
Instead, he buried his face against the top of her head and pressed a kiss against the fur between her brilliant blue eyes and murmured, "Thank you."
For the first time in his life, he felt free and unconditionally loved. For everyone else, he had to be one thing or another to deserve their love, and ninety-nine percent of the time? He couldn't or wouldn't acquire that one condition. Yet, here was this unbiased, sincere animal who had every right to leave him to rot, cuddling up to him and showing him such pure and simple love and affection.
He finally understood the beauty of it and never wanted to be without it ever again.
Hermione watched Harry with Ginny. They were finally together. Rejoice. Something was going right.
But for how long, she wasn't sure.
Everyone could sense that danger coming and it was coming right at Harry and those around him. With those private lessons, Dumbledore was giving him the history that made Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort and bit and pieces about those vile horcruxes. While Hermione was glad for the information, she was a bit irritated and piqued at how Dumbledore was presenting it.
It was clear that the old wizard knew much more than he was letting on and that he was much surer about his little theories than he acted. But for some reason, he refused to give Harry, or anyone else a straight answer. And while Hermione loved figuring things out and piecing together the puzzle by herself, this wasn't something she wanted to draw out and dilly dally on with only a trickle of actually useful information.
It was just so frustrating!
Dumbledore barely gave Harry anything solid to go on, meaning he had nothing solid to give to Hermione to help figure everything out. All they really had was a number and information about the known and destroyed horcruxes. Everything else was on a "need to know" basis. Hermione couldn't help but spit that out sarcastically in her mind.
She had a very bad feeling that Dumbledore was going to leave them with practically nothing to go on. It made her sick to the stomach to think of, especially with the state his right hand was in right now.
She didn't want to think about it anymore and shook her head to clear her thoughts.
She brought her attention back on Gryffindor's newest couple and couldn't help the small smile that came to her face. Harry deserved to be happy, even for a short time, he truly deserved it and Hermione couldn't be more happy for him and Ginny.
Hermione might not get her own happy ending, but she would never begrudge someone else's.
Severus fidgeted with the object in his hand nervously.
It just came in the post this morning and he had a good feeling that Bell will be visiting tonight. He didn't know how he knew but it was just a gut feeling, right next to the other much less pleasant gut feeling that Draco was almost done with whatever task the Dark Lord had given him and soon Severus was going to have to kill Dumbledore.
He was not looking forward to that at all.
While he understood the need for it, it would solidify his position with the Dark lord, it would satisfy his unbreakable vow with Narcissa, it would save Draco's soul, and Dumbledore was already dying, he still couldn't help but feel extremely bitter over it.
Dumbledore was being extremely selfish. He wanted to control how he left this world. He didn't want to go out with a raspy breath, he wanted to go out with a flash and a bang. He wanted to leave a legacy as one of the strongest wizards known to wizardkind. He didn't want to be known as the foolish, arrogant wizard that was slowly dying from his own rookie mistake.
All at the price of Severus's sanity, because he'll surely go crazy once he's fully entrenched behind enemy lines, hands tied with no out but by Death's hand.
Dumbledore didn't care. He only wanted his perfect little ending that went with his perfect little plan that he had meticulously concocted.
Severus let out a frustrated huff and realized that he had started pacing during his mental rant.
Everything was getting to him. He couldn't remember a time when he was more impatient for Bell's arrival.
Clink Clink Clink
Ah, speak of the devil, and she shall appear.
He turned towards the door to his chambers and waited for her to slink out of the shadows.
Clink Clink Clink
As if made of the darkness, herself, Bell melted out of the black abyss, prowling about like the predator she was. Only her brilliant blue eyes gave her away, two shining beacons of light. She approached him with measured steps, taking only a second to judge the distance before jumping high up into the air, and landed gracefully on his shoulder. She walked along his shoulders, purring in greeting.
Severus couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his face as he turned his head and buried his face in her warm, sleek, black fur.
"Hello," he greeted softly with all the reverence of a lover into the side of her face. The frustration and anger he felt before her arrival disappeared without a trace as he basked in her calming purrs. He made his way to the couch, careful not to jostle Bell too much to dislodge her from her perch, and sat down.
Bell did one more circuit along his shoulders and nuzzled the side of his face, before she climbed down and settled herself in his lap. They remained in companionable silence, Severus running a hand along her back, staring blankly at the fire in front of them, and Bell idly cleaning her paws, her tail swishing back and forth in contentment.
Severus was the first to break the silence.
"I am leaving soon."
He felt Bell stiffen under his hand but he didn't stop petting her. "I don't know when, but I'll be leaving soon."
He saw from the bottom line of his vision, Bell turning her head slowly to look back up at him. He kept his eyes on the slowly dying fire. Even though it was the beginning of June, it'll always be cold and drafty in the dungeons.
"I won't be able to come back, after what I have to do."
Severus finally tore his eyes from the fire and looked down into Bell's penetrating gaze. She asked him silently, what this deplorable task was. His hold on her tightened and his hand stilled before he confessed, with the strain clear in his voice, "I have to kill the headmaster."
The silence that followed rang loudly in his ears.
A few moments passed before he realized that he'd closed in his eyes in shame but he was too afraid to open them. He didn't want to see the quiet judgment in the only pair of eyes he cared about. He wouldn't be able to stand it. He couldn't bare disappointing her again. He just couldn't.
Neither of them made a move for what felt like an eternity.
When Bell finally moved, he was afraid it was to leave him, but he stayed still and let her have the choice of leaving him forever. It was what she deserved after everything she had done for him.
He held his breath as he waited for her next move. Then when it happened, he didn't let himself believe it for a second. He nearly started crying like last time when he felt her wet, rough kisses against his cheek as she cleaned him as if he was her own. He let out a shuddering breath and gently tightened his hold around her.
"Thank you," he murmured reverently against her fur.
When she finished, she leaned back and looked into his eyes and somehow, someway, he knew she was asking why, why did he have to kill the headmaster?
"It is not by choice. It has been asked of me, and not by the master you would think," he started softly. Bell moved not a muscle as she waited for him to continue, keeping her sharp blue eyes on him. It was as if the flood gates were opened and he spilled everything out to her absolving gaze.
From the follies of his youth that led up to this day, to his darkest thoughts, he spewed everything out, unable to stop. When he was finally done, he never felt so light in his life. He's never told anyone everything, not even Lily, so this was an alien yet very welcome feeling for him.
He felt so free in this one moment.
Bell added to it as she purred up a storm to heal his broken heart and all the hurts he's ever felt. In this one moment, he could pretend to be carefree, not a spy caught up between two sides with Death's price on his head and a self-fashioned noose around his neck. He wanted to savor this moment in its entirety so he hurried to give Bell her present.
"I have something for you, something I wish you will give me the honor to have you wear." Bell cocked her head at him with open curiosity. He chuckled underneath his breath. "Yes, it would mean a lot to me if this was well-received."
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the small trinket and presented it to her. He hadn't bothered wrapping it as Bell wouldn't have been able to appreciate the gesture. He held it up in the dying firelight and let her scrutinize it.
It was a small metal plaque that had SS engraved on it; goblin-made silver to match her namesake.
If she was actually someone's familiar then she wouldn't accept the gift, but if she was a stray with no master and if she was willing to let him claim her as his, he would be extremely happy.
He waited with bated breath once again tonight.
Severus watched as Bell sniffed at it and even tried to bite it. He smiled and said, "Goblin-made silver, I would never give you anything less."
She turned her attention from the trinket to him and scrutinized him for a few seconds before presenting him with her neck.
Severus let out the breath he'd been holding and proceeded to carefully attach the plaque to her collar right alongside her bell. He held her head in his hands and placed a soft kiss between her eyes. He gave her one last, "Thank you," and held her for what seemed like the last time he'll ever see her.
"How could you say that, Hermione? After what he did?!" Harry shouted at her.
"I'm just saying there must've been a reason! You saw Professor Dumbledore's hand!" she shouted right back.
"Dumbledore said he had that under control!"
"But what if he didn't? What if he was already dying, and Snape was helping him?"
"He still murdered him!" Harry roared.
"But he's still on our side!"
"How would you know that, Hermione?! How would you know that?"
"I know it. I just know it, okay?" she pleaded, because honestly, she really had no way to explain it.
"No, not okay. You didn't see what I saw, you didn't see that traitor bastard raise his wand at a poor frail old man who called out for mercy, and murder him in cold blood!" Harry punched the tree he was standing next to in frustration
"Is that really what you saw, Harry? Or is that what Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape wanted you to see? Professor Dumbledore was the greatest wizard alive of all time! How could he not dispatch a batch of lowly Death Eaters and a student by himself if not because he simply just didn't want to?"
Hermione angrily wiped at the tears running down her face as she waited for Harry to process her words. This was not the first time they've had this argument and it would be far from the last time, too. With Ron gone, tensions were running high between the last two of the trio of friends. Her already broken heart was crumbling even further.
The first crack, the biggest one, happened after the Death Eaters invaded the castle this past spring and Snape was declared a traitor. The second crack happened when she saw how damaged Remus Lupin was, damaged by the the horrible view Wizarding Britain had on werewolves and other half-breeds and intelligent, non-human creatures, when he begged them to let him join the hunt after he announced his wife's pregnancy. The third crack happened most recently with Ron's heated departure after many choice words against both her and Harry.
"I don't know," Harry finally spoke through clenched teeth. "But you also don't know if that's true either." Then he stormed away into the tent, leaving Hermione alone within the wards that were supposed to make her feel safe, but she didn't feel safe at all.
"I just know," Hermione whispered to herself as she rubbed at her throat.
It hurt so much. Everything hurt so much. But he was done, he was finally done, and that was what mattered. He finished his assigned task and was able to look into Lily's eyes one more time before he took his last breath.
It was almost perfect.
All he needed to die happy and fulfilled was if he could see his most treasured companion one more time. He highly doubted it.
He hasn't seen her since the night before Draco successfully let Death Eaters into the castle.
He couldn't blame her.
He wheezed, his breath rattling through his damaged throat from his blood-filled lungs. He didn't know why he was still alive. He already gave Lily's son his memories, the so-called Golden Trio has already left him to his death to complete their mission, and he could feel his life force rapidly draining from him.
So why was he still holding on?
Clink Clink Clink
He gasped, leading to a coughing fit that he didn't even have the energy to follow through with. Do his ears deceive him? Has he finally lost it?
Clink Clink Clink
This was it. He was losing his mind, one of the few things he prided himself on. Life, even in its last moments, could be so cruel. Why did he have to live through losing his sanity? Why did he have to suffer so much? Wasn't everything enough already?
Then he felt it.
The lightest of pressures against his chest.
So familiar.
Wrenching his eyes open one last time, Severus came face to face with the last being he ever expected to see on his death bed.
Bell stared right into his slowing dulling eyes with her piercing blue gaze.
He tried to reach his hand up to hold her to him one last time but his body refused to cooperate with him. He gurgled his last words to his most faithful companion.
Thank you.
And finally, as he surrendered himself to Death's pull, he felt her soft kisses against his cheeks, his lips, and his forehead. He was absolved.
He could now rest in peace, and in peace he left.
Hermione stared at a photo in her hands, one of the few she allowed herself to keep close by. The rest, she put into her Gringotts's vault when she emptied it of all the gold she had leftover from previous school supplies trips. They might be completely lost at this point, with the stunt she and the boys had pulled when they broke in and out of the most secure bank in the world.
She ran a finger along the smiling faces in the photo. Her parents, when they were still her parents and remembered that they had a daughter who turned out to be a witch. Now, they were a happy, childless couple living in Australia, as Monica and Wendell Wilkins.
Hermione checked up on them as soon as she could after the end of the war. She had known there would be no chance to fix their memories when she cast the spell on them without their consent. She had known that going in, but it still hurt like no other.
The only thing stopping her from clinging on to these two strangers was how happy they looked when she saw them. Happy, alive, and completely unaware of the very real danger they could've been in if Hermione hadn't done what she did. It was so clear they had dodged a deadly bullet when Hermione returned to her childhood home only to see its burnt down remains.
A lone tear ran down her cheek as she stared longingly at the photo. Hemione had inherited her dad's coloring and hair, riotous brown curls and intelligent, warm brown eyes, while inheriting her mum's face. If not for their different coloring, her and her mum could've passed as twins. Her mum had luscious black locks and the most brilliant blue eyes.
Her lips quirked into a small smile when she thought of how she had inherently inherited her mother's coloring, too.
Reaching up to her neck, her fingers idly played with the small disillusioned bell her parents had gifted her for Christmas in her third year.
Clink Clink Clink
Next to it on the collar was a small plaque. She felt the smooth grooves of the gifter's signature.
She will forever treasure both gifts, the last pieces of loved ones forever lost to her. Forever they will be in her heart, forever reminded with every breath she took. And every breath she took was for them.
Years after his death, Severus Snape's final resting place will continue to have a faithful visitor, who continues to come and go as she pleases.
It was the Potter brat he had to thank for laying him to rest next to his beloved Lily in one of the oldest cemeteries in the wizarding world. But it was Bell he had to thank for staying true to her unspoken promise of friendship and unbidden loyalty.
Clink Clink Clink
And here she comes now.
Severus, in his ghostly apparitional form, stood by his headstone as Bell sauntered towards him, easily making eye contact with him even though he could not be seen to the naked eye. Cats and their peculiarities.
She greeted him, brushing her body against his ghostly legs, before greeting his resting place, brushing herself against his headstone in a few passes. Then she settled down in a comfortable position atop his grave and swished her tail contently, silently offering her quiet company.
The locals of Godric's Hollow would always comment on the black cat with brilliant blue eyes keeping vigil over one of Wizarding Britain's most unexpected heroes in the dead of night. Many of them could only wish for such devoted and genuine companionship in their afterlife.
A/N: How was it? I hope you liked it! I don't know if this means I'll get back into writing regularly but I do think it's certainly a step in the right direction, lol.
Thanks for reading and please review!
Published – 8/13/2017
Edited – 7/23/2018
