hello everyone and happy new year to all of you. I hope this year will be great and batter then the last one.

so I decided to publish a new fanfic for this new year, I didn't finish it and I know I need to finish my old one's, but I wanted to give something new at last for the new year that I write on Zosan. I don't know how often I updated this one with new chapters, but I had a really great fun with the first two chapters.

title: the hurting past
plot: it was one snowy night, much like the other nights for Sanji. but this night was different, it was special. in this night Sanji life would change by one hungry kid in the street. How does it effect Zoro that was the question.
warning: starving kid, neglected, homeless people, eventual romance.
Beta: didn't have one on this.
AN: the romance in this one will be very slow so don't expect any romance in the first few chapters at all. but it come eventually you can be sure of that.
As for the kid I still don't know what to make him be like, I still wondering if to make him be Chopper, Luffy or an OC. I don't really mind he turn out to be any of them, he is a very important character in this. I tend to think it would be batter to make an OC but well…still didn't decided. Sorry I'm such indecisive person.

the rating may change to fit for what will happen next. so I may change it in the future.

Chapter 1

It was one special night that Sanji would never forget. He never could have been ready for it and if he had been honest, he didn't need to be ready for this kind of 's the kind of thing that happened randomly when you weren't thinking about it.

It was snowing hard outside the Baratie, the small snowflakes falling from the sky like miniature stars. Sanji decided to take out the trash, since nobody else wanted to, and Zeff was also screaming at him do do it, stupid old man.

When Sanji finished with the foul smelling trash he couldn't help but watch the falling snow coloring the world in white. It was very cold outside, but for him it wasn't bad since he had just come out of the hot kitchen.

From the corner of his eye he noticed someone was looking at him from a nearby alley. They were a bit away from him and in the dark it was harder to see, but after a moment his eyes adjusted to the darkened alleyway. There, in the corner of the alley the snow was building around a small kid that sat and stared at him, hugging himself tight and trembling slightly.

Sanji examined him as he started to walk towards the boy, who immediately glared at him. That little punk had some nerve didn't he?

He could tell the boy had filth on his face, but Sanji was to far away to see what it was. His short hair was messy, dirty and sticking to his face. But his clothes were in worse shape, dirtied from the places the boy must have been. The short sleeved shirt he wore was thin, clinging to his skinny chest and stained, the color having faded long ago.

He wore khaki pants that Sanji noticed didn't fit him anymore and were covered in stains also. When he looked down farther he could see the kid's feet popping out from the snow. He was barefoot.

Sanji sighed and took out a cigarette to put in his mouth, lighting it in silence and taking in the toxic nicotine. The little punk kept shaking and glaring at him like a wild animal, waiting for him to go away.

In his lifetime, Sanji saw many people like him around the city, and each time he felt a stab in the chest.

Sometimes they begged, sometimes they sang to get some money or even just slept around in random places. He never judged them and always hurried to give them a good meal. Twice a week he gave his home made cooking to a shelter. It wasn't because he was a good person like some people thought he was, he just could not stand the sight or thought of people going hungry. It was a part of himself he could never get rid of. He could not ignore starvation, no matter what he did. He didn't even care much about who those people were.

But this kid was somehow a little different, Sanji could tell he was starving but at the same time he was glaring at him in aggression. For some reason, it felt like he was watching himself in a way. He did have some nerve back in the day when he was a kid, but he slowly learned to control himself. Well...to a certain level he did, not that he was good at it.

He finished his cigarette and threw it to the ground, crushing it under his shoe. Sighing deeply at the glare that was reserving his back, Sanji turned around and opened the back door. Without a word, he took one last look at him then closed the Baratie's door, going back into the chaos of the screaming and cursing cooks in the big kitchen. The kid didn't move from his spot even after Sanji closed the door.

After folding back the white sleeves of his dress shirt, he washed his hands and started to work on the meal occupying his mind. As soon as he started the other cooks began to yell at him to stop wasting the important ingredients, but he was used to it, and he put his full focus on making the dish. Unlike them, the owner was the only one not saying anything about Sanji's actions, instead staring at him in silence and letting him do as he pleased. For that Sanji was grateful in his heart. The owner only yelled at the other cooks to stop wasting their time and cook their own meals.

The cooks obeyed the owner against their will, cursing Sanji for being so close to him and getting special treatment. The violent atmosphere in the kitchen still didn't bother him, and neither did any of the cooks yelling and cursing at him.

He knew it wouldn't change anything, but he needed to do it. It wasn't for himself, but for his own piece of mind. He put everything he knew into this meal, and he did everything he could to make it tasty. It was a challenge, but Sanji loved challenges and creating something new and special for people.

He didn't know how long the kid sat there or how long he was starving for, but from his face and body size, he guessed he was like this for some time now. So he had to be very careful in what he put in the food.

The dish would be small and light, one that could be eaten quickly and easily. It also needed to contain all the necessary vitamins that a child needed. To many vitamins could make it too heavy to absorb, making him throw up instead and Sanji wanted to avoid that at all costs. So he tried to work on balancing and used all his knowledge to make these two things work together.
Those were the main purposes to achieve. As a chef, he knows everything he needs to know about food, though making it a certain way with the right balance still wasn't easy to achieve, he put all his heart into it.

When he was finally done, Sanji decorated the plate to look even more appetizing than what it was and took the meal with him back outside the Baratie's back door.

The little punk was still sitting there. He glared at Sanji again when he put down the dish in front of him.

The kid stared, first at him, then at the dish, great hunger in his eyes but also refusal. He moved the plate away from him. It seemed he was fighting many of his emotions and looked away, not touching any of it and staring angrily at the wall. Well, that was just about the nicest treat a chef could get, wasn't it?

Sanji sighed deeply again, putting a cigarette in his mouth and sat next to him, moving out the snow that was building out.

"You can't waste food like this, you know. If you won't eat it, I won't throw it away"

The kid growled and hid his face. "Shut up! I don't need anyone's pity! Go away!"

Sanji snorted at him and kept smoking, taking the nicotine deeply into his lungs and breathing it out again.

"I'm not pitying you, brat." He said calmly. He really wasn't.

The kid sneered at him and threw a rock at Sanji, who caught it easily in his hand.

"Liar!"

Sanji smiled in amusement and put the dish in front of him again.

"I'm not lying; you don't deserve any pity brat. Now eat already, I don't have all night for you."

At those words, the kid raised his face to him, glaring at him darkly. Sanji kept quiet and smiled. After some silence the kid broke the eye contact and looked away again.

"My mom said to never take food from strangers." He said, anger in his voice.

"And she's absolutely right, if you were at home. But you're not, and you want to survive and not die like this, right?" he said sarcastically as he smirked to himself.

It really felt like he was talking to himself here, and it was very weird to Sanji. This kid was different from him for sure, but his attitude felt familiar. Too familiar actually. It was a little scary.

The kid whined softly and put his hands on his knees, pulling his dirty hair from his head. "I don't want to! But I don't want to die!" he whined "I hate you!"

Sanji clicked his tongue and got up to stand on his feet. "Thanks annoying brat, now eat it before it gets cold."

The kid still didn't move and Sanji sighed again. This kid was such a nuisance. Maybe he should leave him alone for a while.

And as he turned back to the Baratie, that's what he decided to do. If he didn't eat it, he'd just make another meal even better than this one. This brat may be stubborn, but Sanji was even more stubborn than him. He was also stubborn as a kid but with much more pride than this brat. What his problem anyway?! He got a little scared there to Sanji's surprise, at least he wanted to live. That's good, that meant that there is still hope to feed him somehow.

After leaving the kid, Sanji went back to fully concentrate on his job in the kitchen, taking orders and cursing the annoying cooks that aggravated him along the way.

This was the place he belonged. The kitchen moved fast with insane speed and violence. Sanji argued with the cooks again, showing his presence and voice. Cooking the orders he needed again, he felt at his element and in his own world. The ready orders were run out to their hungry guests and the empty plates coming back like a clock. Sanji wasn't only a great cook in that kitchen, he also knew how to make the other cooks work faster.

The night went too fast for Sanji, his work day coming to an end to quickly. Finally finished with his shift, Sanji washed the left over dishes and closed up the Baratie. Though he was exhausted, he helped the staff clean up the tables and said goodnight to them.

After he finished everything he needed to do after closing, Sanji went back to the back door of the kitchen. Checking the alley to find the full plate still sitting untouched on the floor, Sanji took a deep, tired breath and scratched his head.

He felt a heavy and uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, but he didn't let it take over him. Instead he bent over and took the dish in his hands. It was still good to eat, And Sanji wouldn't let good food go to waste. He finished the dish in silence. The meal was cold but still good, if he could say so himself. Still, Sanji wasn't satisfied from the taste, actually he was disappointed with himself. He could have made it taste much better than how it turned out.

The shitty kid didn't pay any mind to his presence and had his back turned to him. Sanji wasn't sure what to do or to say to him. The only thing he could come up with is to try again tomorrow and see if he would eat the next meal he made him. It wasn't much, and if he was honest with himself he knew it was nothing for this young kid. He needed more than just food. But Sanji couldn't give him more than that, and he can't allow himself more than that so this is how it's going to be. With this in his mind he stood up and went back home for the night.

The next day, Sanji tried again, making the same dish. He worked more on the taste. This had never happened to him before, his cooking always turned out perfect from the amazing taste, to the way it looked. But this time, for some reason, he wasn't happy from the taste of his own meal and bothered him.

Finishing his new meal for the brat, he left it for him at the ally. Just like yesterday and went back into the Baratie. Everyone in the kitchen stared at him with judging eyes. Why the hell was he being the one been judged here?! He was the best cook around and the fastest one, god damn it! He snorted at them and walked back to the stove only to be stopped by the old geezer.

"Oi, eggplant! Don't bring more trouble to my restaurant! You are enough trouble as it is, you little shit!" The old man growled and Sanji glared back.

What an annoying fart! How he managed to be such a bastard, Sanji would never know. Why did he have to start fights with him over nothing?! And this time Sanji really didn't care about what his deal was.

"Shut up old geezer! I'll do what I fucking want! I'm just feeding someone okay?! That's all there is to it, no big deal! So give me a fucking break!" Sanji growled back then the fight started. They always fought, but it was mostly about little things they didn't agree on. Zeff sneered at him and leaned closer to his face in warning.

"It better be just that shitty eggplant! Don't get too attached to bothersome things." he said gruffly. Sanji wasn't sure if he been scolded here, or if he was being warned not to do something he'd regret later.

The old cook snorted at him with a sneer one last time then went back to his cooking, showing his talent by working faster from anger, and he was for sure. Sanji wasn't sure what to say to the stupid old man's words and he didn't care either, since it was fucking bullshit! He didn't have anything to be attached to anyway.

The other cooks copied the old man and ignored Sanji, starting to cook and working in silence. Sanji was the only one that still stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the back of the old geezer. After a while he went outside to smoke his cigarette, cause he sure as hell needed one right now.

Why does he even think he got attached?! It was so fucking stupid and would never happen. The only person he ever got attached to ended up as a disaster, so there is no need for the old man to remind him that. He already knew that shit from personal experience. Idiot shitty geezer!

He put another cigarette to his mouth and lit it, his gaze wandering to the alley. The food he had made him was still there, the shitty brat didn't touch it again. How much longer is he going to play this game with this brat?! He was already fed up from all this, but he could not back off or stop now.

He was stuck with this, no matter what he did since he's the one who started it so he's the one who needed to finish it off. This time he's not going to give in to him, that shitty brat is going to eat his cooking or his name is not Sanji Black.

As he sat down next to him, the kid looked up at him in surprise. It seemed he wasn't expecting him to come see him tonight. Well, he should guess again!

"What do you want idiot?" The kid asked in a defensive tone. Despite him not saying anything yet he could see what the kid thought, he was thinking Sanji was going to attack him again in some way. Sanji sighed heavily and smoked, it was pitiful really.

"If you have anything against me just bring it on me. Don't take it out on my food and yourself. It won't help you with revenge on me, it'll only hurt you instead."

"I'm not…that's not it! I still hate you, why should I eat your food?! I'm strong enough without food!" He ranted and folded his arms. He seemed to be shaking much more than yesterday. With a soft growl Sanji took in more nicotine and blew it out into the cold air. They both kept the silence until Sanji spoke again, this time he knew what to say to him.

"Listen brat survival in life is more important than anything. No matter how strong you are or how much pride you have, to live on is the most important thing."

He said it with a calm tone, and stood up to his feet. Cushing the used cigarette with the sole of his shoe. With his back turned to the boy he stared at the clouds in the sky, which seemed to be clearer tonight. He wondered why the sky seemed so clear but continued on what he started, if this didn't work then nothing will work on him.

"This is your opportunity to exploit me to survive; if you don't take it now then I can't help you."

The kid raised his eyes to him, shock and confusion written there. It seemed he was frozen for a second, and before long, large tears started to fall from his eyes.

'Why?!...Why are you saying all this…I don't understand you!"

Sanji sighed and started walk back to the back to the Baratie. Not looking away Sanji's last words were, "You don't need to understand life kid, you only need to survive and take care of yourself. That's all."

If someday, you met your younger self in front of your eyes, what would you say to them? Will you comfort them or warn them about what is going to happen in their lives? Will you protect them from the things to come in his life? In Sanji's case, he didn't have anything to say since he knew that nothing he said to him would change anything in his life, and frankly he didn't want to change anything in it. What he learned from his life was important for his young self to experience. But if he could say one thing to himself as a young child then this sentence is what he would say to him. To his own young and stubborn self, this was the only thing he ever wanted to say.

TBC