**There's been a bit of a lull on this page so I took it upon myself to put something new out there. It was just sort of to pass the time, I don't really know if I'll continue to write for this or not I kind of have my hands full with my other stories, but we'll see I guess never say never right. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it please R&R**
Jackson Teller was like a hungry man too often fed the leftovers from someone else's plate. His choices had been made for him a long time ago by his mother, and the massive responsibilities that he now faced were brought to him knowingly by her and laid before him. And he the ever dutiful son not wanting to disappoint her, unwittingly stepped into the role she had been carefully crafting for him all his life.
That's not to say that Jax didn't enjoy parts of his life. There was the freedom he felt from the constraints of an ordinary existence. The mixture of fear and admiration from men he hardly knew. The lust he saw flash on women's faces when he walked into a room. Of course, the rush of adrenaline that usually followed a job well done in his line of work.
These were the high points for him, but sometimes they were hard to see when he would hit a low. In those moments these things barley registered amongst the pain, guilt, anger, and remorse he felt at the life that he led. In those moments all he could see is what could have been, who he would be now if his life had taken a different turn. He could pinpoint exactly where his life and taken that hard sharp turn from which there was no going back.
It was a day in late summer; he'd just graduated high school that spring. Standing there in the driveway he had to squint to block out the bright mid-day sun, but he was still able to make out the tears that were welling up at the edges of her eyes. He'd had girls before her and plenty after, but she was different. She'd tried to tell him he could be different too. And for a moment in that driveway with the sun in his eyes he thought maybe she was right. But he just stood there and watched her get into the car with her parents and drive out of Charming and his life.
Jax had loved her, and it broke his heart in pieces to be without her. But he couldn't show it, or say it, hell he felt like a pussy for even thinking about it as much as he did. So, he went on with his life as if nothing had changed, but the truth was that for him everything had changed. He couldn't stop thinking about what his life would have looked like away from Charming and the pressures and expectations of his family and the club. How he could have become a different man with her by his side.
But time rolls on and the wounds begin to heal and the time in between the lows seems to stretch out a little more. Pretty soon Jax started to feel almost comfortable in his life and in his skin. He began to realize what was expected of him and how to provide it. He had found his rhythm and it wasn't long before he'd settled into the role that had been bestowed upon him.
But he was always reserving some part of himself back. Making sure never to give too much of himself away again. Hell, even when he married Wendy he didn't think it would last. It was almost as if he'd done it to spite himself. To quiet the feeling that he'd never find anyone to replace her, and that he'd always feel this empty and alone inside.
Wendy had always known that he was living with one foot out the door, and she had enough of her own baggage to weigh down a freighter. So it came as no real shock to either of them that things fell apart quickly. The part that left Jax dumbfounded and frankly pissed off was that on the day he'd gone to tell Wendy he was filing for a divorce she'd dropped a bomb on him, she was pregnant.
During the following months Jax had been determined to stay mad, to prevent himself form really caring about his unborn child. It was mostly self-preservation, with the kid having to survive in Wendy's drug addled body for nine months Jax wasn't even sure if he'd ever see the thing alive let alone be a father to it. But beyond that he was hurt and disappointed in himself for being so careless and getting involved with Wendy when he was in love with someone else. He'd always held out hope that somehow they'd end up married and she'dbe the mother to his child. Now that was all slipping away, and he'd let it happen.
The news that Wendy had gone in to early labor because of drug abuse didn't really phase Jax as he drove to the hospital with his mother. He wasn't really listening to her rant about what a dumbass Wendy was to put the baby in such a dangerous situation and how she would kill her if anything happened. He was lost in a haze, he couldn't help letting his mind wander to how different this day would have been if things had turned out the way he'd always felt they should have. How fucked up he'd let his life become without her.
As Jax walked into the neonatal unit of the hospital he couldn't help but be drawn to her. There she was, standing over his son and he had to squint because of the bright fluorescent lights but he could see the tears welling up in the edges of her eyes as she met his stare from across the room. And just like that he was hers all over again, as if not one day had passed. The love of his life had come back to him and not a moment too soon.
