A/N Bored and wrote this somewhat, okay were I being compelled by the lasso of truth, very, drunk. Grammar may not be great. Story might not be great. Read at your own risk. Anyhow, take this New 52! You and you're silly pairings. Superman and Wonder Woman? Really? That's like making a peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich. It makes no sense. Then again, neither might the following.
Diana, Wonder Woman, Princess of the Amazons, Themyscira's ambassador to Man's World, and founding member of the Justice League... had absolutely no idea what she was doing.
She had been on her knees beside Wally's vehicle for what felt like an hour, trying to prove that she could gain entrance by picking the lock. At this juncture, it seemed more likely that she would tear the offending door from its hinges than successfully gain entrance with this, "auto jiggler," a flimsy piece of irregularly shaped metal, the use of which had been demonstrated to her by a particular, pointy eared teammate. Said teammate had not only opened numerous car doors with the aforementioned implement, but had opened them so quickly and with so little effort that casual observers would have thought he had simply been using a worn key. Utterly frustrated, she threw tool to the ground and berated her compatriot.
"Wally, how does the fastest man alive not have time to look for his keys?"
Wally was standing next to her, leaning up against his van. His bright red suit nearly blended in with the van's own coloring. The expanse of red was broken only by yellow thunder bolts on either side and the words, "Wild Thing" emblazoned on the spare tire.
"How does someone who spends so much time with Bats not know how to pick locks?" He countered.
The glare Flash received in response might have melted lesser men, or at least men who were aware enough to realize they were being glared at by someone who could break them with a flick of the wrist should the fancy strike.
"I give up," she finally said in disgust. She stood and brushed the dirt from her legs.
"That's okay," Wally said as he grabbed the tool from where the Amazonian Princess had dropped it. He proceeded to insert it into the key way as he vibrated his hand. The plug spun and the door popped open with a satisfying click. He smiled at Diana. "I'm my own pick gun."
"Wally," she snarled. "Why. Didn't. You. Do that an HOUR ago?" She ground each word out slowly in a low, dangerous voice vaguely reminiscent of the teammate who's skill she was trying to emulate.
Wally shrugged, "Figured you needed the practice. Why would you bet Batman that you could learn any of his skills? Especially one that requires patience and finesse."
"What in the name of Hades?" She encroached into Wally's personal space and towered over the young man. "Wally, I'm a diplomat. I have plenty of patience and finesse," she growled.
"I see that," He said looking her up and down. "Well, good luck in the," Wally glanced down at where he would have worn a watch, "two hours you have left," then sped away forgoing the use of his garish van.
Hera, she thought to herself, dropping her head to her hands. How did this get from friendly banter in the mess hall to ridiculous bets? She knew the answer. It was all the scarlet speedster's fault. It was all his fault and somehow he was dealing with none of the fallout, as always.
6 Days, 22 Hours ago
"I'm just saying, Bats, you could teach your skills to all of the super powered members, and then it would be like having six super Batmen and you would have more time to go hang out with more super models and maybe... introduce a couple of them to me?"
The crushed coffee cup wasn't Batman losing control to anger. It was his version of a polite warning to the younger man that he should shut up. Now.
"Seriously, Bats," he continued blithely as if nothing had happened. "What can you do that you couldn't teach say, Diana here?" He said indicating the Amazon princess who had been minding her own business, reading a book while she enjoyed her lunch in the cafeteria. She looked up at the mention of her name.
"Wally..." Diana started to interject and attempt to steer the conversation away from the direction it was headed. The direction it was headed was the police scientist finding himself alone in an air lock with Bruce at the controls. Or so she thought before the slighted party interjected with a surprising answer.
"Nothing," Batman said non-nonchalantly.
"Say what?" The Flash did a double take.
"I said, 'nothing,'" Batman continued. "I am a capable teacher. There are none of my skills that I could not pass on to a capable student."
"So you're saying Diana isn't capable?" Flash continued to poke the bear.
Diana ignored the jibe until she heard the Dark Knight's response, "There are probably certain skills I possess which would run contrary to her natural proclivities."
"What?" She raided an eyebrow incredulously.
"I'm simply stating that we have different styles and methods. I doubt you would be comfortable with numerous skills I use on a regular basis."
"Name one," Diana leaned forward and placed her book on the table. She crossed her arms and awaited his response. She was fully engaged in the conversation now.
"What about lock picking?" Flash offered helpfully.
"How hard could that be?" Diana asked, now looking questioningly at Bruce.
"I don't find it difficult at all," he supplied a non-committal response.
"Lock picking it is. Do I have a deadline to learn this arduous technique?"
"I'll allow you week. It is quite the difficult task," Batman said, his blasé tone making it all the more baiting.
"Agreed," Wonder Woman said with false civility so thin it was obviously meant to be seen through. "Why don't we begin immediately?"
Both heroes had completely forgotten Wally's presence by the time Diana stormed out forgetting her book and half eaten lunch and Batman stalked after her smirking.
Wally chuckled and rushed over to Diana's left overs which he began to eat with much fervor. J'onn floated over to where the youngest founder was finishing someone else's lunch with much gusto.
"That was adroitly done, Flash," the soft spoken Martian complemented.
"Yeah, it helps to be under estimated sometimes," Wally managed to respond not so much between bites, but at times when the food level in his mouth was low enough to allow sounds to escape.
"I imagine if this endeavor is successful, neither will mistake you for a callow youth again."
"Sure they will," Flash said while licking his fingers, having already finished off the entire tray.
"I will not. It is apparent to me that you think as fast as you run."
"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome," Flash said leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head, "Put me down for the end of the week, will ya?"
"Are you sure? I personally would lay my bet further out."
"Yeah, I'm sure." And with that, Wally sped out of the cafeteria as well.
Present
Well, there's no delaying the inevitable, Diana thought to herself as she activated her comlink. Perhaps she would get lucky and all her training and effort would coalesce into the skill she had been attempting to hone when she finally broached Batman's test. Without enthusiasm, she transported to the Watchtower, and then down to the cave.
It was dark and dank, as always. To her complete lack of surprise, Batman was out prowling the city and his faithful servant Alfred had been left to administer the test in his master's absence.
"Good evening, Princess Diana. I believe Master Bruce left your challenge and the appropriate tools on the work bench over there." The distinguished, elder man indicated a steel table which held a single pin tumbler lock held in a vice, a variety of implements for her to choose from, and, Diana noted, a large faced digital clock which was busily counting down the minutes to her failure. How helpful of him, she thought.
"I don't know if I should bother."
"Take heart, your highness," the butler encouraged. "There was a time when the great and powerful Batman became so frustrated with certain locks, he took his anger out on them with a plasma cutter." Alfred said in a completely dry manner but with an arched eyebrow that indicated the story was intended for her amusement.
The anecdote served it's purpose. Diana snickered and turned to work. Alfred smiled approvingly and walked upstairs, not wanting to disturb her or make her nervous. She continued diligently in silence until her timer indicated that there were only 10 minutes remaining. She let out a growl of frustration, then a expletive after she realized that she had crushed one of the flimsy tools in her ire. She released her grip and saw the imprints of her finger tips along the edges of the thin slip of metal.
"Too much tension, princess."
The sudden voice from behind caused her to leap into the air. Although, unlike most individuals, she did not immediately come back down to earth. She had spun to face an attacker who wasn't there. Upon recognizing the owner of the voice, she remained floating in the air, dragging her fingers through her long dark hair.
"HERA! I swear, Bruce, you could sneak up on Clark." She floated back down to earth and returned to the task at hand. "I still have ten more minutes," she called over her shoulder.
The Dark Knight ignored the comment as long strides carried him across the cave and directly behind her. She stiffened when she felt his body pressed to hers, but then relaxed as he slid his arms along hers and guided her hands back to the lock as he continued his instruction. He smelled of concrete dust, blood, sweat, and cordite. It was a heady concoction that had her mind anywhere but the mechanics of modern locks.
"It takes less than an ounce of pressure," he whispered across her cheek and Diana suppressed a shiver, "the same force required to depress a button on a keyboard. You're trying to force it and actually preventing the pins from being able to lock into place. Here."
He had his pupil release her death grip on the tension wrench and traced the underside of her index finger with his own until she was pointing at the lock. He set the extended finger to rest on the edge of the deformed tension wrench. "Just rest your finger on it," his breath warmed her cheek.
As she was paying attention to the inundation of sensation vice the lock in front of her, when the plug finally spun it caught her by surprise and she let out a very unwarrior like yip of excitement. Bruce smirked and walked away, but not before calling back to her, "Some things take finesse and patience. You can't force them. You have to feel them out and let everything fall into place." And with that he disappeared into the showers to remove the city's grim from his uniform and person. The princess stared after, speechless.
Alfred appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, startling her from her reverie. For a moment Diana wondered if Bruce had learned his stealth techniques from one of his martial arts masters or from his surrogate father.
"Would you like some refreshments before returning to the Watch Tower, your highness? There is a fresh pot of tea," the Englishman offered.
Diana did not hear a word the polite gentleman had just said. Instead she turned and stared at him quizzically.
"Did he just politely tell me that we're a very real possibility but I need to back off and give him time?
"You don't do subtlety very well do you, princess?" Alfred asked in a kind yet knowing manner.
"I grew up on an island of Amazon warriors. What do you think?" She asked, eyes alight with humor.
"Noted," Alfred acknowledged with a tilt of the head. "Well, in that case I will confirm you translation of Master Bruce's words... and also advise you to ignore them. Tea?"
